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Parents will not reveal childs gender
By DancingDiva736member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 08:48 AM

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this article.
news.aol.com . . .

Basically, the parents refuse to state whether their child is a boy or a girl because they do not want them to fall victim to gender related stereotypes. While I see their point, I'm not sure I agree.

What are your thoughts?

30 Replies to Parents will not reveal childs gender

re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 09:48 AM
Edited by Snuffy (189942) on 2009-06-30 09:50:34
Great. So instead of being judged on account of his/her gender (and is it gender that he/she will be judged on, or is it sex? I hear that these aren't considered the same thing - which one are they really hiding?), this kid is going to be judged and no doubt often ridiculed for being the genderless child with the weird parents! :P

How long are they planning to keep it a secret? Sooner or later, physical attributes of one sex or another are going to show...

I agree with the psychologist, Susan Prinker, who says in the article "Ignoring children's natures simply doesn't work," she said. "Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child's needs as an individual".

Making a point is one thing, and I guess it's a fair point, but the parents need to consider the effect that this could have on the kid, especially if they keep this game up until he/she is going to attend school. Children can be very judgemental, and I would be wary about sending a "genderless" child into a normal school. (Which toilet will he/she use?)

I don't think the parents are really thinking about their child's feelings here. I think they're more interested in challenging society - a noble idea in theory, but a bad idea in practice. I mean, if one wants to make a point *oneself* as an individual, that's fine, but I don't think a child should be used like this.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By MaxwellPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:08 AM
I think it is a wonderful idea. They're not hiding the child's gender, only biological sex. Gender really is a social construct. Little boys commonly like blue, Transformers, and short hair, and girls pink, Barbie, and long hair, not because of biology, but because it is the gender role forced on them from a young age, and that isn't right. I disagree that Pop will end up the gender that aligns with biological sex-without the social construct typically imposed on a child, Pop could end up identifying as male, female, or third-gender/genderqueer. Unlike with other children, the parents are giving Pop an open opportunity of starting from scratch, instead of letting their child hide who they truly believe they are. A child doesn't get the opportunity to make themself an individual, gender-wise, because they were ingrained with one thing from a young age.

As for kids making fun of him, don't blame the victim. Teasing and harassment should be discouraged and punished, as always. Besides, I believe that the kids are so young that this will fascinate them and be a good way to teach that gender roles are not okay in the classroom.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:58 AM
How is that even legal? I can't imagine that working in the USA. What do you put on the birth certificate, or the Social Security card, or the passport? Sex is the basic, primary part of how you identify a person. So "Pop" wanders off in a store one day, and they call the police to file a missing persons report. "Our kid is missing!" "Okay, well, is it a boy or a girl?" "We can't tell you." Yeah, have fun with that one, champs.

This kid is going to have freaking Michael-Jackson-sized issues.

And what point are they proving, anyway? You can challenge "gender roles" and STILL HAVE A GENDER. That's the real way to do it. Girls play sports, like cars, like blue (it's my favorite color, along with pink). As a kid I took ballet and played soccer, I loved Barbie dolls and Hot Wheels cars, I wore cutesy dresses and jeans.

You don't have to screw with a child's head to keep them away from stereotypes. A much better lesson would be to let them do and dress however they want, whatever their sex is, and teach them to ignore people who don't like it.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:45 PM
I can't say I'd do it, but I think it's fine. This kid isn't being neglected or anything. If anything, it sounds like Pop is the OPPOSITE of neglected. For some people, gender is the be all, end all. My parents were really good at letting us like whatever we wanted, and I plan to be the same when I have kids. These parents just have their own way of raising their child to be free from society's gender rules, and I think that's great.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By MaxwellPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 04:23 PM
Heart wrote:


And what point are they proving, anyway? You can challenge "gender roles" and STILL HAVE A GENDER. That's the real way to do it. Girls play sports, like cars, like blue (it's my favorite color, along with pink). As a kid I took ballet and played soccer, I loved Barbie dolls and Hot Wheels cars, I wore cutesy dresses and jeans.


Your ignoring greater gender roles-the idea that the gender you identify as should match up with biological sex. It is a social construct that penis = boy and vagina = girl. Why not let the kid choose instead of brainwashing them one way or another?

This kid is going to have freaking Michael-Jackson-sized issues.

How do you know that? Why is it that if someone decideds to do away with traditional gender and parenting, they automatically end up screwed up? If the parents can pull this off, I think the kid will have much less hang-ups about gender and sex that most people in our society have.

You don't have to screw with a child's head to keep them away from stereotypes.

This is the opposite of screwing with a child's head. It is allowing the child to make a personal choice. Forcing a gender onto a child is screwing with its head.

"So "Pop" wanders off in a store one day, and they call the police to file a missing persons report. "Our kid is missing!" "Okay, well, is it a boy or a girl?" "We can't tell you." Yeah, have fun with that one, champs."

I don't see how knowing the gender and/or biological sex of the child would be more effective than a description and a recent photo.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Jadamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 06:00 PM
Curse you DancingDiva! My mother showed me this earlier and I was going to post about it.

www.thelocal.se . . . is the link to the whole article.

I just think this is insanity at it's best. I look at my upbringing. My parents gave my sister and I toy trucks to play with, a huge sand pile to dig in, and often put us in overalls and boots. I even remember when I was 6 or 7 getting a plasitc mountain with a car track around it and playing with it for days on end. We were also given Barbies and toy houses and put in dresses. They never once said that one was a girl toy and one was a boy toy. I went to school and didn't have a problem playing house with the girls or going and playing blocks with the boys. What was the result? We grew up and became girly girls. I feel that no matter what is given to you, what is said to you, what clothes you wear, you're going to identify with your gender. Yes you're going to have the tomboys and and whatever the word is for the male equivalent, but most (my mother, for example) still will identify with their natural side.

Like I said above, I didn't have an issue playing with the girls or with the boys. I never felt that I had to go with the girls because I knew I was one. I never felt pressured to not conform to gender roles, I just naturally went to where I was more comfortable, yes even knowing that I was a girl. Pop is going to feel more comfortable in one area or another, regardless of whether his/her parent's have sheltered Pop from gender stereotypes.



"So "Pop" wanders off in a store one day, and they call the police to file a missing persons report. "Our kid is missing!" "Okay, well, is it a boy or a girl?" "We can't tell you." Yeah, have fun with that one, champs."

I don't see how knowing the gender and/or biological sex of the child would be more effective than a description and a recent photo.


I agree with you, to a point. Say Pop runs off with a blue and pink (see, gender nonspecific!) top and a pair of jeans. Over the speakers they announce a kid with longish blonde hair, jeans, and a blue/pink shirt. Maybe it's a large area. Maybe there are twenty kids around with that and aren't being watched directly by their parents. If a gender was given they could narrow it down to, say, 10 kids.

Your ignoring greater gender roles-the idea that the gender you identify as should match up with biological sex. It is a social construct that penis = boy and vagina = girl. Why not let the kid choose instead of brainwashing them one way or another?

Woah woah woah! Am I reading this wrong? If you have a penis you ARE a male, no matter if you wear dresses. If you have a vagina you ARE a female. To me that isn't a social construct, it's pure science. You can't have one and say your the other just because you feel like it.


This kid is going to have freaking Michael-Jackson-sized issues.

Heh heh. Agreed.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By KayEllePremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 06:05 PM
Jada wrote:


Woah woah woah! Am I reading this wrong? If you have a penis you ARE a male, no matter if you wear dresses. If you have a vagina you ARE a female. To me that isn't a social construct, it's pure science. You can't have one and say your the other just because you feel like it.


Well that's not quite how it works. Gender is a social construct. That's why I can get my gender legally changed before (or without) surgery. I'll never really understand why people think they can determine things about another person's body. I identify as a girl, and I look like it too, but if I identified as a boy, who are you to tell me otherwise? This isn't YOUR body or YOUR brain, it's MINE and I get to choose what to call it.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:07 PM
Gender is the social construct. This has a lot to do with how a person views themself and how they align themselves, if that makes sense.

Sex is the biological one. This means particular anatomical attributes due to particular chromosomes.

Gender has traditionally been based on the biological construct, but there is now a greater distinction between the two.

You could probably say that gender means terms like 'man' and 'woman' (maybe neither, maybe something else?) whereas sex refers to 'male' and 'female'.

I wonder if the child's sex is noted on official records; since this isn't the same as gender, there's no reason why it shouldn't be able to be noted. It's a physical attribute like any other.

Katydid13 wrote:

As for kids making fun of him, don't blame the victim. Teasing and harassment should be discouraged and punished, as always. Besides, I believe that the kids are so young that this will fascinate them and be a good way to teach that gender roles are not okay in the classroom.


I disagree. The other children will blame the victim. Socialisation begins at home, so by the time they reach the classroom at 5 years old, they've already started to build their own notions of what is 'normal' and what is not. One child should not be the sociological experiment/lesson for another.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By MaxwellPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:03 PM
^That isn't what I meant. What I meant is that you shouldn't blame the victim. The kid and the parents would be the victims here, they shouldn't have to change because of a few dumb kids.

Woah woah woah! Am I reading this wrong? If you have a penis you ARE a male, no matter if you wear dresses. If you have a vagina you ARE a female. To me that isn't a social construct, it's pure science. You can't have one and say your the other just because you feel like it.

False. Gender and biological sex are not the same thing. You have the privilege of being cisgendered, thus biological sex and gender lines up for you and you can insist it is "pure science" and no one should be any other way. However, for example, some people don't see things as black and white as you are so lucky too. Basically, if you don't feel like clicking the link, a transgendered woman can have a penis and her penis is female, and a transgendered man can have a vagina and his vagina is male.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:33 PM
Edited by Snuffy (189942) on 2009-06-30 23:49:12
Katydid13 wrote:

^That isn't what I meant. What I meant is that you shouldn't blame the victim. The kid and the parents would be the victims here, they shouldn't have to change because of a few dumb kids.


LOL! So now I'm blaming the victim? I don't think so. I'm stating that I don't think that what the parents are doing is in the child's best interests. Why? Because I believe that the child will be the victim of prejudice by other people.

This isn't about blaming victims, this is about protecting children. I can't stop the parents from doing this, but I can say that I don't agree with it. Disagreeing doesn't mean blaming victims - that's absurd. The parents are not victims. They are choosing to do this to their kid. Nowhere in any of my responses, have I blamed any victims. We're all allowed to express our views here, but if you're going to accuse me of something, please be a little more sensical.

Edit: Just thought I'd post an example of "blaming the victim" to put things into some perspective for you, Katydid13:
Blaming the victim: "It's his/her fault that he/she is being picked on for being genderless!"
My argument: "The kid is likely to be picked on for being genderless, and the parents need to consider how this will impact in him/her".
That's actually the opposite to blaming the victim. The parents are not victims. They are putting their child in a position where he/she may be the victim of prejudice.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:11 AM
I straight-up just don't buy that sex and gender hooey. I just don't buy it. I know that's "wrong," and it's certainly not PC, but that's the way I feel about it and to hell with it. We've got to draw a line somewhere and sorry, but I'm drawing it at "sex and gender are the same damn thing." If you've got a penis, you're a guy. If you've got a vagina, you're a girl. There is no grey area there. You can't choose your sex OR your gender, it's chosen for you. If you don't like it, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what you ARE. If you're a guy that doesn't like the fact you're a guy, that doesn't make you a girl. No amount of wishing or surgery is going to do that. You're a guy with issues.

As for gender roles, again, sorry if it's not kosher but I don't care - boys and girls are different. From the very first homo sapiens who sat up and went "hey, I can bang on things with a stick!" men and women have been designed to have different strengths and do different things. Let's face it, women are designed to raise babies. That's just how we're wired, that's our purpose in life. Do we have to do it? No, hell no, I'm definitely not, but it's downright stupid to claim that the sexes don't have certain characteristics specific to them. After all society isn't just happenstance; it's evolved the way it has for a reason - just like humans have. I don't think that's bad. We're supposed to be that way.


So sorry, but I'm not playing the little "there is no gender!" game on this thread. I retain my right to say those parents are whacky in the head and they're going to make their kid whacky in the head. I do not support a boundary-less society.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:51 AM
Heart, some would say that you're un-PC, others would say that you call a spade a spade. I say both, and I respect what you're saying. I think a lot of people go along with the sex/gender thing because it's politically correct, but frankly I can see that a lot of people who are vehemently supporting it don't quite understand it anyway. Me? I believe that I understand it (I've had to study it to some extent, too), but I don't know how much I agree with it either.

The way I see it is that it's a construct of some parts of Western society, this whole sex/gender debate. It isn't a concept that they have in all cultures - probably most cultures would find it quite alien, and it isn't something that exists in the animal world either. I think it's kind of the result of Westerners who are pushing to allow individuality, even within gender - because there are plenty of people who don't feel that they fit the stereotypes, and a lot of people who take issue with the fact that there are stereotypes at all. However, once people are saying that penis doesn't equal male... then I have to laugh. If you have XY chromosomes, you will have a penis. If you have XY chromosomes, you are biologically male. So, penis = male. That's sex. Gender is how individuals choose to define themselves. I won't argue with what someone says they are; it's not in my place. BUT, I totally get your point too, Heart.

Anyway, this is such a huge tangent, but I agree that this may make the kid "whacky in the head". The idea that the parents can create a genderless child is, like I say, interesting in theory, but not sensible in practise. I feel that the child's needs as an individual should come before the parents' political/ideological statements.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 01:01 AM
^Whose to say this child's needs AREN'T being met as an individual? It sounds to me like these parents are creating even extra work for themselves...they're essentially combining gender stereotypes and letting Pop pick and choose what they want to do. Does the ability to be a good and loving parent depend on the gender of you child? I know I'd love my kid whether it was male, female or intersex...how I plan to raise them has nothing to do with what genitalia they have. These parents are just doing that on an even more heightened level.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 08:46 AM
Snuffy, I don't know where you studied this subject, but you definitely do not understand it.

Yes, plenty of animals have been observed displaying behaviors typically reserved for the opposite sex. So it's not a huge leap to make a connection to human gender identity.

This has nothing to do with Western culture. You pulled that right out of your butt. Every society has the same gender issues. Thai kathoey and Indian hijra are two glaring examples of historically significant transgender communities in Asia. If you've studied this topic, you should be aware of them.

And your overly simplistic definition of sex being tied to physical morphology and/or genetics is outdated. On this board we've discussed countless examples where someone's gender, genetics, and sex organs did not correspond. I recently posted a story about a child with functioning female reproductive organs and male genes.

For someone who understands this issue, you certainly don't sound like it.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 02:04 PM
Edited by d4j (104724) on 2009-07-01 14:51:01 spelling...
What's the first thing everyone wants to know when a baby is born, including the mother and father: Is it a girl or a boy? I don't know if that is societal expectation, cultural standard, or just plain ole natural curiosity. Thing is, the parents know what sex the child is, at least physically on the outside. They know, but they are keeping the information from their own kid. I'll bet that just the knowing has colored their perception of their kid on some level. If their child has a wienie I'm certain that somewhere in their little brains they are thinking "boy", even if they understand that it is possible to have a child with different dna, or internal female organs. If "boy" is somewhere in their subconscious then I don't know how they can completely raise their child genderless. And if said kid with wienie sees dad with his wienie, then that kid is going to think he is a male. So do these people NEVER let their child see his/her parents' bodies? And what do you say to a two year old - can he understand when he sees dad's male organ that daddy chose to be a male but hey little one, we don't know about you yet, so don't say you are like daddy because you might change your mind some day? Wouldn't it be better to let the child naturally identify him/herself now the way a child would do, and then raise that child in the safety and security of knowing that it can change his/her mind later?
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender (karma: 1)
By MaxwellPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 02:29 PM
Edited by Katydid13 (187431) on 2009-07-01 14:30:18 Quotation fail.
Heart wrote:

I straight-up just don't buy that sex and gender hooey. I just don't buy it. I know that's "wrong," and it's certainly not PC, but that's the way I feel about it and to hell with it. We've got to draw a line somewhere and sorry, but I'm drawing it at "sex and gender are the same damn thing." If you've got a penis, you're a guy. If you've got a vagina, you're a girl. There is no grey area there. You can't choose your sex OR your gender, it's chosen for you. If you don't like it, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what you ARE. If you're a guy that doesn't like the fact you're a guy, that doesn't make you a girl. No amount of wishing or surgery is going to do that. You're a guy with issues.


Wow, that might be the most ignorant, close-minded thing I've ever read on DDN.

Once again, this is cisgender privilege at its absolute finest. "My biological sex and gender match up, and I'm happy that way, and most people are that way, and I've only been taught that way, so it must be true for everyone." FALSE. Just because you decide to say something doesn't mean it is true. And, besides, a transwoman doesn't decide to become a woman after a while. She is a woman, from birth-she was just born with the wrong biological sex. Your theories do not contradict someone's actual experiences. This is like telling a gay man that no, he likes woman, he's just decided to like men because of issues. When, in reality, the gay man is most certainly attracted to men because he was born that way.

You have NOTHING to back your arguement hate speech up, except that it is what you've always been told is normal. In the past, kids were told that people of color were inferior to white people, and that was normal. We know that's not true, of course. How is this different than the hateful attitude you're perpetuating?
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By GypsieFreemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 02:42 PM
I think a person should know. They're trying to avoid gender identity problems but they're very likely creating them. Most transgender people will tell you, they knew from the time they were young but they just didn't understand it until they got a little older.

Imagine being raised as both, imagine how weird it would be when puberty hit.. Suddenly a certain part of you will be taking over.. That would just be the most confusing and conflicting situation
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender (karma: 2)
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 03:55 PM
How is it hate speech? I don't hate anyone, I'm not saying to go out and lynch anybody, and I never said that people should stop doing whatever it is they do if it makes them happy. I just don't buy the argument and I'm not going to pretend like I do because that's what's acceptable. That'd be lying, after all. I never said I'm right and everybody else is wrong, that's just my personal opinion of the matter. Go out and dress like the opposite gender for days, whatever, but I don't have to agree with it or like it or even think it's acceptable. Life would be freaking boring if everyone agreed with each other, and the way society functions is by people challenging what they find unacceptable.

The comparison to the whole gay issue is totally valid. But it's sort of arguing in a circle. There's no "evidence" either way apart from personal anecdotes, and you can't really trust those as far as you can throw them. It's either believe it or don't believe it, and I've thought about it and simply can't buy into it. All you have is someone's word for it. If that's all you've got, why do I have to believe it?

I've had people tell me I'm not bisexual because they don't believe bisexuality exists. I don't call that hate speech and I don't call them biphobic, I say okay, I totally understand that because it is hard to believe if you haven't lived it yourself. I wouldn't expect anyone to take my stories over their own experiences.

I do not, by the way, have any problems with people who have actual chromosomal issues. Medical problems are fine by me, it's the purely psychological stuff I find ridiculous.

So if disagreeing is hate speech, fine. I couldn't possibly have a valid opinion if I don't buy into the whole shindig hook, line, and sinker, so go ahead and label me off as a transphobic hater if it makes you feel any better. Doesn't really put a whole lot of validity in your argument if you can't respectfully disagree, though.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By MaxwellPremium member
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 04:40 PM
^I can't "respectfully disagree" with anyone who shows so little respect to transgendered people that they refuse to accept that a transgendered person is the gender they say they are, thus basically claiming transsexuality does not exist. I don't respect those who won't show respect. It is as simple as that.

I would say refusing to acknowledge an innocent group of people's gender just because they treat gender differently than you, despite having no justification for it, is pretty hate-filled. So, I believe it is hate speech. This is personal, the definition varies from person to person.

By the way, once again, you failed to justify your arguement, besides, "I find it ridiculous." Not a justification. I would like to see an actual, valid reason to be so rude to transmen and transwomen
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Iamalittlefishie
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 06:21 PM
I think the kid will figure it out soon enough. Lets say the kid walks in on a parent in the shower, getting dressed, etc, whatever. If they see naked people, they'll know if they have the same, or different parts. Lets say that pop get a little brother or sister. Pop will notice that "down there", he/she is different, or the same. He/she will ask questions. It happens.

And when that kid is enrolled in school, he/she will find out what gender is. Kids ask questions, kids tell each other things.

Keeping it's sex a secret so it doesn't affect the kid's feelings about it's gender isn't going to last. It'll just be confusing, if you ask me.


Also... I think pop is a girl. Haha, idk why, but I have a feeling. ;)
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By dancinqt5013member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jul 01, 2009 09:40 PM
I'm all for breaking gender stereotypes. Heck, I was the kid who wanted a new hot wheels track instead of a new Barbie. But I'm not really in support of this. I think it's putting too much emphasis on the gender side of things. Until the child says otherwise, "gender" means the sex of the child, as in penis=boy and vagina=girl. It does not mean that if the child is a boy he has to play with trucks and not dolls and if it's a girl she has to wear a pretty dress every day. I think that by keeping the child's sex a secret, the parents are just calling attention to the fact that girls are expected to do certain things and boys are expected to do different things. You can reveal the child's sex and still break the stereotypes and then the child will grow up normally. Just give it the freedom to do what it wants regardless of gender, not in spite of it. I mean, I personally think it's more degrading to call a child "it" instead of him or her.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender (karma: 1)
By dangslowmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jul 02, 2009 06:26 PM
Sounds like a noble cause until you realize how stupid it actually is. I think that there are enough people who dont adhere to gener-specific specific behaviours to make the entire excersize a moot point. My girl helps he in the garage more than my boy, and my boy likes to dance. I think these things are MORE influeced by the Parents. My son is more likely to dance because he sees me doing it, and my daughter just likes to spend time with me and be helpful.

This kid will grow up to be whatever it is, and it will probably learn to be an annoying prick just like it's parents.
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By lux
On Thu Jul 02, 2009 09:13 PM
The fact that the article refers to the whole saga as an "experiment" sickens me. I am sorry, but that is a CHILD, not a project.

Sounds to me like these parents are trying to be all academic and high-minded without really thinking about the implications of the theory that they're mangling here. They can raise poor little "Pop" however they like, but what they're really doing is trying to create their ideal society with one kid. At the end of the day, everyone else is going to keep on raising their kids as a male or female, meaning that "Pop" will effectively be a separate gender altogether.

Sooner or later, Pop's going to cotton on to the fact that they are different from every other kid they know, and NO-ONE else is going to be able to relate to that. (Yeah, I know individuals who are transgender usually feel this from an early age, but there is a big difference between feeling that your sex organs don't match your gender, and having your parents refuse to tell you/anyone else what your gender is!)

That's going to be one lonely, confused kid :(
re: Parents will not reveal childs gender
By Sumayah
On Thu Jul 02, 2009 09:40 PM
Since the parents are making such a big deal about Pop not being identified as a boy or girl, aren't they effectively setting Pop up to be extremely modest in a bad way? No one can know about my nethers because then they'll treat me differently. I'm thinking like full on gymnophobia (think of Tobias from Arrested Development). Won't being so careful to not let Pop have a gender possibly make them ashamed to identify with one for fear of being a disappointment for identifying at all? Right now Pop is so little that s/he probably doesn't recognize it, but because the parents are so careful as to who changes the diaper and who knows what's going on down there, I think that Pop may later have psychological issues stemming from it being kept so secretive.

I dunno, that was where my mind went. Kids can be identified as a boy or girl and not be interested in the things their sex is supposed to. A little 3 year old boy sobbed because he didn't get to wear the fluffy pink costume the girls did and didn't want to wear his boy costume. He wouldn't wear black ballet slippers and wanted to wear the girls Mary-Jane style tap shoes. His mom was cool and she let him wear pink ballet shoes and Mary-Jane tap shoes and he at home danced around in a tutu. It was what he identified with. Whether he continues to will be interesting to see, maybe it's a phase or maybe he naturally has more of a feminine demeanor - but the mom isn't telling him, no little boys don't wear pink ballet shoes, the mom is letting him be who he is. I don't see why the parents don't get that the kid will identify with what they identify with regardless, they'd be better off supporting Pop thru the development than by making Pop's gender off limits.
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