So, long story short:
A mom came today and asked me if they could take a break from paying for November and December because the student is in too many outside plays and they wont' be able to come very often. It's my own fault that she asked because last December we had worked out a deal when the kid was in these plays PURELY with the thought that this was a "super nice favor" because we had posted the audition in the first place and we were trying to support the student. I should have NEVER done that, but regardless, here I am. I am certainly not willing to do it again. Fool me once, shame on me...fool me twice, etc.
So, I am trying to figure out how to handle it now. I can't continue to do these nice favors (trust me, I am soooooo learning that), and she is going to be mad when I put my foot down. I can't expect to hold a spot for 2 months with no payment, AND put them into choreograpy, AND order costumes for someone who hasn't been in class for 2 months. It's a crappy situation and I just wanted some feedback!

P.S. Our policy is no refunds for missed lessons, and you are expected to pay for classes until a drop form is recieved. She doesn't want to drop him totally though...just essentially wants me to hold the place. Make sense???

Makes sense for the mom but not for you. Your policies are your policies. You made a one-time allowance but no more. Period.

If she leaves and doesn't come back, what have you really lost?

Your way or the highway.

Yes, you knew what would be said but it's okay to have the backup support.

Take care of you.

CherryBee pretty much said it all. We are not in business to do people favors and they will certainly take advantage of you if you allow it. Hang in there and do what you know is the right thing. Good Luck!

Make a bridge (no, that is not a compromis) to Mom. Explain that what you did in the past, hasn't worked out so well for you
(giving an example of someone who REALLY misused your goodness, does help Mom to understand you, exagerate, make something up, it doesn't matter),
and that you can't continue with that.

Say you're sorry for the inconvenience, and say that you are sure she will understand
(even if you think she won't)
why you have to do things differently from now on, because you know she supports you and the goals you have for your studio
(and that will make it hard for her to say she doesn't understand and doesn't support you).

As you know...we are not a charity rather a business.
I have done "favors" for people at times, when I was able and if I really thought I could with out it blowing up in my face.

NO MORE. Stick to your policies...I come here often to get back up from my fellow SO's.

I know it sucks to tick people off, but just remember she's the one being inconsiderate.

A new student called last night to ask to do something which I was not about to do. My response was, "I'm sorry, but I'm not able to make concessions at this time." She was a little ticked, but I repeated myself when she pushed it and then she backed down and all was fine. It sounded good and rolled off the tongue so easily... I'm going to keep that line! lol

Thank you! That is just the kick I needed to be able to deal with her today! Love the people on this board;)

I know how hard this is for you. I'm finally starting to realize that I too have gone from being a "doormat" to "wall to wall carpeting". Last night I finally figured out a phrase I'm going to repeat over and over when people ask me for unreasonable favors.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could. It just isn't fair to everyone else"

I hope this works for you.
It seems like being nice is something that comes back to bite you in the butt, isn't it?

Keep On Dancing!

xoxo

topphilly-I think that all the time! I do nice things for people and it only ends with junk like this:)

ninaballerina6 wrote:

I should have NEVER done that, but regardless, here I am. I am certainly not willing to do it again. Fool me once, shame on me...fool me twice, etc.

I know I've told plenty of my "in-my-last-dance-business-on-the-other-coast" stories, but this is where I made a good deal of my mistakes.

I did kind favors, made exceptions, deferred Company's payments, waived tuition for families that had dire circumstances, didn't charge Company for ANY rehearsal times, paid young assistants WAY too much money for their help and the list went on and on.

Not smart. I will never do those things again. It left so many parents with a sense of "entitlement" regarding what I offered and a general lack of appreciation for the value of the gifts given.

My father once said "It's seems like you are throwing pearls to swine" and I never forgot that quote.

When you over give to persons that do not value the gifts, you just become another person/situation that they will play to their advantage and attempt to take advantage of.

My advice is to lay down some strong policy. Hold on to your boundaries tightly and be absolutely consistent in maintaining the rules.

It may help to suddenly implement a new policy like the one I have: Any student who does not wish pay tuition for a period of time becomes inactive--they are not charged tuition, but neither is their place in the class reserved for them. Part of what tuition pays for is their place in the class--money talks loudly! If they would like to re-enroll later in the same year, then they're welcome to, but there is a $10 charge for the reactivation of their account. I explain that this is for all of the paperwork it takes to put them back on all of our lists, etc, which we'd already done once for them when they signed up the first time--that was covered by their registration fee. You definitely need to stand your ground--people can/will only push you as far as you are willing to allow them to. It's OK to admit to mistakes (the favor you did for them last year) and to show that you've learned from it & become a smarter business person (i.e. not doing it again this year). Go for it!

[q=i_am_me
My father once said "It's seems like you are throwing pearls to swine" and I never forgot that quote.

I love it!! My first ballet company director used to say that to us when we weren't paying attention. I didn't appreciate it then as much as I do now.

After explaining to my family some of the goings on, he threw that phrase out there.

It just encapsulated the "taking for granted" or not understanding somethings true worth so clearly to me.

Took me a bit longer to understand who to give pearls to and who will always be swine.

So True!!

I never charged a monthly rate. I used to charge season rate for the year and they could pay all at one, in two, three or ten installments but no matter what time they took off, they had to pay.

Not only that, if they missed more than six weeks without making up the missed work, they could not perform in recital.

Just because a parent overbooks their child does not mean that we have to cater to them. I, too, made that mistake once and when it came back to bite me, I learned a hard lesson.