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Diaries
All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:24 AM
Edited by Kekoa (69553) on 2009-11-10 00:28:06
Edited by Kekoa (69553) on 2009-11-10 00:56:47
Locked by Kekoa (69553) on 2010-02-08 22:43:34 Time for a fresh start :)

Well, I just can't not have a diary on here. Call it an obsession.

So, I'm currently in love with Gavin DeGraw's music. Plus, dude is HOT. I'm so boy crazy, it's out of control. I wrote in my journal in real life that I feel like a 14 year old boy I'm so hormonal and crazy.

Image hotlink - 'http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/500/168653/Gavin+DeGraw.jpg'

He has long hair, and is a little quirky looking. Plus, his voice is so beautiful.

I also have a huge celeb crush on James Franco. Especially in Tristan and Isolde, because of his hair. I have such a crazy love for wild curly hair on guys.

Image hotlink - 'http://www.qwipster.net/tristanisolde.jpg'

Just a warning, I'm a Whiny McCrazypants or whatever we crazy hot messes are called here in DDN diary land.

My sleep has been scaring me the last few days. I went to bed at 4:30 am yesterday. I woke up at 7:30 am, totally ready to go to work, not the least bit tired. My mom, who is my boss, told me to go back to bed so I wouldn't get sick, I could just work late. I then slept from 8:30 to 11, and was still not remotely tired. Now, here it is, 1 am and I'm still wide awake.

On the relationship front, I find myself hating the single life so badly. I'm a closet romantic...I believe in soulmates, poetry, roses, violins, the whole deal. My last relationship certainly didn't have any of that, and I feel like I've reached the point where I'm ready to be with someone else. I feel like I'm healed, but scarred. I've accepted that what I felt for Nate was not love, not at all. It's so strange, because a year ago, I would have told you I was madly in love, and I believed it completely. Sometimes I can't believe it's been ten months since we broke up. I feel like he left me damaged...like I said, I'm a total romantic. I was such a good girlfriend. I feel like I wasted my first relationship on someone who didn't deserve it. I wish I didn't feel like damaged goods, emotionally speaking.

I'm lonely, plain and simple. I sacrificed so much of what I wanted to date him. I need someone calm, loving, stable, romantic, respectful, and he was none of that. I want someone to hug, to kiss, to talk to, to cuddle with, to watch movies with. I want to meet my soulmate. I warned you...Crazy McWhinypants.

On a brighter note, I currently have an A in all of my classes. 4.0 baby! I'm being bad though, I have to write my final draft of my English paper that's due at 5:45 pm. I'll just have to do it between classed. I have gotten an A and a B on my first two papers, and our final is to re-write our lowest grade, so I'm not too worried. Oh, and anyone who is going to use that acne medicine differin, be careful! My skin has been breaking out more lately, so I stole my sister's extra tubes and used it for like a week. All at once, my skin got super sore and peely. Last night my chin and cheeks started burning and itching terribly, and I have like...a chemical burn. It's a huge scab. The rest of my skin is so sore and peely. I am NEVER using anything harsh again on my skin. I look like such a freak.

Ok, back to good news...I'm sure many of you know I want to be a midwife, it's my dream job. It's a very difficult career to get into, and expensive. You can't keep another job when you're apprenticing, because you never know when/how long a client will be in labor. Well, I emailed a local midwife to see if I could shadow her for a few appointments and births, and she emailed me back, saying she'd love to get together to figure it all out! I can't wait!

I need to try and get some sleep. And I need to go medicate my face. I look like such a weirdo, and everything from my eyelids to my lips are cracked and painful. I did not put the cream on either my eyelids or my lips, so I have no idea why they're included in the reaction.

Dude, the official Gavin DeGraw is following me on Twitter. He follows most of his followers it looks like, but still...so awesome. On a random note, Lady GaGa also follows me.

I hopefully will have some new diary stalkers. So, here are some lovely photos of myself.

Current Facebook/Twitter profile pic: twitter.com . . .

Here are all my twitpics. I like to think I'm mildly amusing.

twitpic.com . . .

Ok, to bed for REAL this time!

87 Replies to All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe

re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 10, 2009 01:48 PM
I'll fully admit that I'm only posting on here because I'm putting off my paper. I have to retype out my english paper with the citations in it before 5:15 when I leave for school. So, that means I have three hours left. I only have four weeks of school left, and I'm SO FREAKING SICK of my classes. Math is tolerable because it's easy, Philosophy is wonderful, but English sucks. I love to write, but I hate learning about how to do it. I hate research papers. Literally, I sit in the class and write in my journal. I don't do the reading. Yet the lowest grade I've gotten on anything in there is an 89%, my class total is like 95%. It surprises me, because college so far is really freaking easy. My one rule is that I cannot miss a single class, which I've stuck to religiously. Tonight I get my most recent philosophy test back. I'm nervous! Our first test, I was just sure I'd failed, I felt like there wasn't a single answer I was sure of. I got a 90%. My second test, I felt like I must have done great, because I thought I knew every answer. I got an 88%, a lower grade.

Now, I'm not going to complain about an 88%. However, I fully realize that college just gets progressively harder, so I want to get every A I possibly can. Meaning I need some higher 90's to ensure that.

Ok, so I already announced my horrible reaction to that face cream. Well, my skin is shedding so bad, I look diseased or something. Plus, the little burn/scab area is flaking a ton too. So, I thought it would make sense to get some St. Ives gentle exfoliating face stuff. Ouch. It seems to have taken some of the skin off, but my face is sore.

So, I have my ticket to Minnesota. I leave December 14th, get in at 11 pm (hell yes, late flights!) after going through Colorado, which is kind of a weird flight plan...Kansas City to Denver to Minneapolis? Oh well, I love Denver. Then, I'm staying for two weeks! I'm sooooo freaking happy. I miss my friends so much. My two best friends and I are going clubbing. Jenna is 6'1, so I can wear heels and STILL be shorter than her, so I think I'm going to. For those of you not keeping score, I'm 5'9 or a little teeny bit over, so I never wear heels. I shouldn't care, but all my friends except Jen are teeny people.

What is everyone asking for for Christmas? My mom is forcing me to list ten things I want. It's driving me crazy...I don't need anything. I have dumb things like fuzzy socks and owl things on my list. My parents already spend too much money on me. Aww, my puppy just came downstairs to snuggle with me. She's such a sweetie.

Gahh, I really need to get my butt in gear and finish this paper. My week is sooo boring. Tonight I have classes from 5:45-8:25, tomorrow I work 9-4, Thursday I have school 11-12:15 and then again from 5:45-8:25. Friday I work 9-4, have yoga from 5:45 to 6:45, and I'm hoping I can bribe my sis to take me to see 2012.

Has anyone else seen Lady Gaga's new music video? I love Lady Gaga, she's one of the very few mainstream artists I like. It's funny, because my best friend Alisha and I are so much alike...our beliefs, our interests, so on and so forth. However, we HATE each other's music. She lives on rap, country and the occasional song in spanish. I love anything indie, some punk, and I'm getting into music that's a little more bluesy. I HATE country and rap...seriously, hate it. I like Taylor Swift, a few Dierks Bentley songs, and maybe the occasional hip-hop song if I'm at a party or something. So, the conclusion is that we just can't listen to music together.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 25878, member since Tue Jul 16, 2002
On Tue Nov 10, 2009 02:39 PM
^That's like me and my BFF. I'm into all the indie, punk, & folk and she's into country and more mainstream stuff. I think the only artist we agree on is Sinatra. Lady Ga is hilarious, though.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 10, 2009 03:02 PM
Lish and I both like Owl City. That's it. Ha.

Em, have fun at Eisley tonight if you brave the rain to go. Hopefully SA plays "Admit it!!!" I agree on Gaga...she is absolutely crazy, and doesn't care, which makes me love her.

Finished my english paper. It probably sucks. Oh well, this can always be the one I re-write. Now I have an hour and fifteen minutes to be lazy.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 10, 2009 10:58 PM
I did well on my philosophy test...like a 98% good! I'm pretty happy. It's strange...having failed two semesters due to anxiety/relationship problems in the past, I don't have the joy in good grades I thought I would. Recap for those of you not keeping score...
Semester One: average grades, nothing spectacular.
Semester Two: drama with my boyfriend, escalating anxiety, failed flat out.
Semester Three: new school, same town, only went so I could be with boyfriend. Anxiety/depression spiraled, pulled out of school after a horrible semester to move home, broke up with boyfriend.

I took what would have been semester four off to work and recover. Now, here we are, in semester five. It's a fresh slate...in order to get my so-so first semester grades, I would have had to transfer everything, so in the long run it wasn't worth it. So, you'd think that I'd be thrilled to be enjoying school, to be maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I just feel like at any second, I'll somehow freak out and ruin it all. I know realistically that won't happen, but still...it doesn't seem real. I have a hard time feeling proud of my grades. I get myself sick before I get each test, paper or quiz back, convinced I've failed it. I think I'm neurotic.

Continuing my one woman pity party, I'm so lonely relationship-wise. I finally feel ready to date again, and there's nobody to date. I hate sleeping alone, I hate not having someone to cuddle with, I hate not having someone who knows me truly, who loves me. Blah. I get why people like being single. I've enjoyed being single. But...it's been almost a year since Nate and I broke up. It's been about a year since our relationship completely fell apart. By a few days after last Thanksgiving, the fighting started and we both knew it wouldn't last much longer. I mourned the relationship, I realized it was a toxic relationship for the both of us, we didn't love each other, blah blah blah. I feel like I won't be completely over it until I manage to find someone else and prove to myself I'm not destined to a lifetime of dysfunctional relationships.

I've actually pinpointed my problem. I have a very definite type, as far as men are concerned. I know that men who are not my type will probably end in disaster. Call it closeminded, but I'm not an "opposites attract" person at all. The problem is that 9 out of 10 guys who are attracted to me are my anti-type...as in, bad news. Sure, they're decent enough looking, nice enough...but in the end, that's not enough. If you're not attracted to someone's personality, it's doomed. I won't let myself fall into the trap!

Blah, what a downer I am. I need to hit the hay. I work tomorrow, 9-4ish. I'm doing inventory forms, so I'm really, really hoping I can go in, organize my stuff, then come home and work from here. The office is okay, but it gets boring since I have to keep my music so low. At home, I can blare it as loud as I want, eat what I want, sit outside, whatever. I'm not an office person I decided. The 9-5 grind kills me.

I need to end on a positive note...how about this? For the first time in a long time, I'm not putting off an impending paper or test. I can just relax! Glee is on tomorrow! I love me some Glee. I'm making this killer vegetarian stew for the family for dinner tomorrow. Speaking of vegetarianism, it's going fabulously. I don't miss meat at all. The only "wait...what?" moment I've had is when I had to correct my order at California Pizza Kitchen. I've been going there for years, and I always get the pepperoni pizza on honeywheat dough. I had to catch myself, and just get cheese. Oh, and has anyone here had Roxberry Juice? They're the best smoothies, and one opened up not too terribly far away. I'm in love!
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Thu Nov 12, 2009 09:38 PM
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the whole world who hates Fridays. Well, I hate them until 5, when I get home from work. I sleep pretty terribly...Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I sleep from like 2 am or so until 7:30 am, when I have to get up for work. Mondays and Wednesdays, I get to "sleep in", and I sleep from 3 am or so until 10, when I roll out of bed for math class. By Thursday nights, I'm dead, and my body wants ten hours of sleep. It never happens, I just can't quiet my mind. I really, really need to look into taking some melatonin or something. That's why I love my grandparents' house so much...they stay up half the night, we make coffee at 4 am, we nap all the time...it's great. There's always someone up, cooking and drinking coffee, no matter the time.

So yes...I hate Fridays. I'm so friggen exhausted when I wake up. I'll just have to load up on caffeine and remember that tiredness doesn't kill you.

Did anyone see former Miss Cali on Larry King? Beeyotch totally flipped on him and made herself look like an idiot. I watched it about three times, and almost died laughing.

I'm listening to Muse...their latest album is pretty good. I like the original version of "I Belong to You," not the version from the new Twilight movie. Speaking of, in a week, practically to the minute, my little sis and I will be leaving for the midnight premiere of New Moon! I know how anti-feminist and crap the books are...I still love them. I feel like a thirteen year old girl, that's how excited I am. I'm regressing with age...when I was 13 and 14, I was seeing the LOTR movies, which are now timeless classics...now I'm seeing teenybopper crap. Oh well, I can just claim I'm being a good big sister, right? ;)
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Fri Nov 13, 2009 09:53 PM
Surprise, surprise. I spend all day dreaming of my bed. Now, 10:30 rolls around and I'm wide awake. Grrrrr.

I'm such a cool person on Friday nights. Like I've always said, I'm exhausted on Fridays. Going out to do anything exciting is just too much. Our family orders pizza, and I watch my two shows online that I miss when I'm in class Thursday nights. Those two shows are Vampire Diaries and Flashforward. It makes me so mad, because I've completely abandoned all my old shows, except Gossip Girl, because of school. Night classes are great, but I hate missing shows. That new alien show V is incredible, but it's also on when I'm at school, so I have to watch it Wednesdays. Anyhow, I seriously love Vampire Diaries. The books are much more clever than Twilight, and darker. Not to mention, the guys are so effing gorgeous.

Image hotlink - 'http://www.cosmomovieawards.com/actors/images/ian_somerhalder5.jpg'

Image hotlink - 'http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0buR8jI8h667l/340x.jpg'

Mmmmm. I saw the previews for next week's episode, and Stefan(second pic), is going to be shirtless. Holy hell that guy has a great body. And a pretty sweet tattoo. I'm such a sucker for guys with tattoos, as long as they're not dumb tribal designs. Did I mention I'm suffering terrible man withdrawl, hence my love of anything with gorgeous men? Since I have no time for dating, or any prospects, a little daydreaming never hurt anyone.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:48 AM
So, I went to bed at like 12:30 last night, and slept until 12:30 today...a whole twelve hours. Of course now, I'm wide awake. I've been so tired all week, I needed that sleep!

Uneventful day though. My sister and I went to see 2012 at 3:30, but they were sold out so we bought tickets for the 4:40 show and chilled at the bookstore next door. 2012 was soooo long. It was pretty good. Not necessarily something I want to see again, but it was entertaining. The effects were mind-blowing.

I made a veggie sauce to cook some cheese tortellini in, and it was pretty good. Then my sis and I watched the first four episodes of Vampire Diaries. She saw the previews, saw the hot shirtless guys, and decided we needed to do a crash marathon so she'd be ready for Thursday's episode.

So...life is boring. Surprise surprise. I filled my ipod up with new music, now I'm off to journal and read cosmo, then try and get some sleep.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3386, member since Wed Jan 02, 2008
On Sun Nov 15, 2009 03:36 AM
I'll be your new DDN diary stalker! :)

I don't normally read that many diaries but I decided to click on your new one and have a bit of a snoop. I can relate to EVERYTHING that you're saying about relationships and being single, and *especially* the bit about feeling like damaged goods! It has only been 2.5 weeks for me... but I'm right with you on not enjoying the single life, on missing many of the things that come with having a partner. The freedom of being single is overrated; I don't know about you, but I had plenty of freedom whilst in a relationship anyway - any more than that is just lonely! I'm glad to hear that you've healed. I'm a looong way off that, but I suspect that your experience is a lot like what mine is going to be. Reading what you've written, I'm sitting here going "yes! That's exactly it!". I have a very specific type of guy that I like too. *sighs* If you're a Whiny McCrazypants, I'm Mega Whiny McCrazypants! :P

Oh, and yay for the success so far on the vegetarian front! Being able to cook nice vegetarian food makes all the difference. Some people think it's just about cutting out the meat and carrying on as normal, but it's all about being just a little bit creative. Vegetarian stew sounds really good! :)
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:05 PM
Aww thanks Snuffy! I totally agree about being veggie...if you just cut out the meat and keep eating everything else, all you do is overload on carbs. I hate fruit and I hate vegetables, so I have to be creative. I feel you 100% about single life being overrated. Sometimes I think that people who absolutely scream from the mountain tops that they LOVE being single and couldn't be paid to date anyone are just secretly lonely. It gets old fast. I think the reason I liked being single so long was because I wasn't free in my relationship at all, and I thought that's how it always was.

Now that I've grown up and wised up, I hate it. The worst is at night...I hate sleeping alone so badly. Not in a sexual way, I just get cold and lonely. I seriously don't think people are meant to sleep alone...look at other animals. They sleep with their siblings, their mates, their children...they never sleep alone. I described it in my diary...you know when you get several inches cut off your hair? The first several times you brush/wash it, it feels so unnatural that the hair isn't there, so you keep brushing/washing empty air. That's how it feels at night...like there's some phantom guy that should be there, but isn't.

Wow, that's depressing. Ha. I am so upset that it's Sunday. However, thanks to my dad being out of town and my little sister, I have an easy week! Tomorrow I work 9-2:30. It should have been until five, but my sister has an ortho appointment so lucky me, I get to take her. Tuesday I have school, Wednesday I work 9-5, Thursday I have school and then the New Moon midnight premiere with my sis! Friday I'm off work and my sis is calling in sick to school. So, lucky me, I have a short week.

It's so hard to believe that the semester is almost over. As of now, I only have three weeks left. It's so weird, I can't believe I'm doing so well. I am just beyond ready for winter break to start. I'm done the 3rd, have both my finals on the 10th, and then I'm done for a whole freaking month. Then, I start classes I'm actually excited about.

So, one of my friends is driving me nuts. You know how some people, when faced with impending bad things, totally shut down and "just don't wanna think about it?" I was that girl. You know what that got me? Two failed semesters, an unhealthy relationship, and a nervous breakdown. This girl Lisha is my best friend. She has the epitome of an unhealthy relationship. Back in the spring, she and this guy decided to become friends with benefits.

This led to drama because they liked each other too. They decided to be exclusive, but not "boyfriend/girlfriend." She cheated like whoa, he withdrew because of his trust issues, and now they're in this big drama mess. She's doing poorly in school because of all the distractions. Her dad won't co-sign her loan for her to study abroad in the spring, totally screwing up her academic plan she and her advisor set up forever ago. What's she doing? Not thinking about it. It drives me CRAZY when people don't listen to me. I'm not some talented person. In fact, I'm moderate to untalented in pretty much every arena in life. Advice and intuition are two things I am wonderful at, especially in real life. I feel like I understand my friends extremely well, and I hate watching them self-destruct.

The weather here is so vile. I'm dreaming of the day I can move out west. I adore Arizona, and I can't wait to see New Mexico, Colorado, Washington and Oregon.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Mon Nov 16, 2009 09:26 PM
Gahhhh eff I'm sick! My throat felt a little clogged all day, and by tonight I felt hideous. I made my wonderful lasagna and only managed to eat one small piece :( I'm starting to feel hungry though, so I think I'll make some sweet potato fries in the oven. Not the healthiest, but I've hardly eaten today, so the calories will hardly kill me. Even worse, I have a math quiz in the morning. She drops our lowest score in case someone missed one due to illness, but I have made it all semester without missing a class...I have five left, I'm not about to miss one now. I'll probably have to go get a throat culture after class. My mom shoved a spoon down my throat to look, and didn't see any strep/white stuff, but it's all red and inflamed. It hurts so bad that I actually took painkillers...I NEVER take medicine. Ever. At this point, I'd welcome friggen liquid oxycontin or whatever is strong enough. Sorry for the pity party, I'm lame.

Work today went pretty fast. Life is boring. Same old same old, you know?
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By ConUnaSonrisamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2520, member since Mon May 21, 2007
On Mon Nov 16, 2009 09:45 PM
Hey girly, I read your diary (including the past ones) but I don't think I've ever dropped in and said hi. You're so sweet on my diary, I figured I should show you some love in return! I'm sorry you're feeling crummy :( On a different note, my sis and I printed out a picture of Taylor Lautner tonight and stuck in on her mirror *drool* I'm not sure if you even like Taylor Lautner or not, but for some reason you crossed my mind, I guess because I had just read about you and your sis going to see New Moon soon. Lol.

Anyways... I'm done being weird now haha. Hope you feel better!
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:30 PM
I love Taylor Lautner, though I keep it on the DL since he's underage still ;)

I'm actually totally watching some Twilight Love Bites thing on MTV...I'm such a loser.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By ConUnaSonrisamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2520, member since Mon May 21, 2007
On Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:33 PM
Haha I don't keep it on the DL at all! I would be *ALL* over that boy if he happened to cross my path ;)
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By GypsieFreemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 1467, member since Wed Mar 01, 2006
On Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:24 AM
I've been nerding out over new moon lately too... its been awful.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 17, 2009 07:37 AM
I'm such a nerd that I'm sitting here with a fever of 102, what is probably strep and ear infections, and I promised my sister that I didn't care if I had to wear my pajamas and bring a blanket, I am GOING to the midnight premiere on Thursday!

So, I didn't sleep last night. The food was a bust, I ate maybe 9 or 10 sweet potato fries, then realized I was too sick to eat more. I managed to go to sleep around 12:30, and I was up at 2:30, just dozed until about 6:30 when I came upstairs. Now I'm laid out on my couch upstairs, watching The Ugly Truth on the big screen. I'm eating tons of apple sauce and drinking literally a gallon of ice water through a straw. My throat is beyond painful, you have no idea. I am far from a pain wimp, and this is by far the worst pain I've ever felt. I seriously want them to like, freeze my throat for the next two days.

I go in to the doctor in about 3 hours, so I'll find out then. Chances are it's either strep or the swine. I don't really care what it is or what they do as long as I feel better. I'm so hungry, seriously...and there's nothing I can eat! Apple sauce only does so much.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 17, 2009 09:59 PM
Strep! Woohoo. I got into the doctor, and felt terrible the whole time I was there. Of course I had to wait forever, despite me having an appointment. The doctor was a nice old man, and he looked in my ears/nose/throat, and then said "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm not you, because the bad news is that you're really sick." I asked if it could be swine, and he says "Oh no, you're far too sick for it to be H1N1." He said it was either mono or strep. I seriously would have LOST it if I had mono...I only have a few classes left, and I can't blow my semester. Thankfully, it was strep.

Now, to recover. I slept on and off all day. Of course, now I'll be up all night. I'm actually not feeling too terribly anymore. I think eating and sitting up has helped a lot.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By RingingPhonePremium member Comments: 3509, member since Thu Nov 10, 2005
On Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:37 PM
Oh, good ol' strep. Did you get antibiotics? Last time I had strep, I had to get on a plane and fly to Europe the next day. It was a horrible experience.

Get some rest!
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:43 PM
Oh gosh, it almost killed me just going to the doctor...I'd probably cry the whole flight. I got those three day extra strong antibiotics and some of that spray you shoot down your throat to numb it. I'm not sure the spray does much, but it doesn't taste too bad so even a minor improvement is worth it.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3386, member since Wed Jan 02, 2008
On Wed Nov 18, 2009 04:19 AM
Ohhh, you poor thing! Being sick is so horrible. :( I'm glad to hear that it's not mono, though! I hope you make a speedy recovery!
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Emmamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6898, member since Mon Nov 29, 2004
On Wed Nov 18, 2009 09:23 AM
Kayla's back!!! woohoo... well, you've got a stalker back, anyway...

My Christmas list will be wholly stuff I need for travelling. Nothing else. I hope that I don't get duplicate gifts, but I think I will be sooo easy to buy for this year!

Why can't you tell your mom that you don't want or need ten whole things, and can't she just buy you what's on the smaller list and a small surprise? (like an orange)

Be proud of yourself for what you've got so far!!! You've managed to pull your GPA up to a 4.0 without any toxic influences. But you're unhappy because you're single, and you don't want to be. Have you ever heard all those stories about the people who were looking for someone, then got fed up, and stopped looking, and someone came along? Because they accepted that they weren't going to get anyone, and were happy with that, and because they were happy, they attracted people...

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I need to keep telling myself that too.

I hate Fridays too, and Saturdays, but most of all Sundays. Fridays and Sundays are the two worst days of the week. Mondays are pretty sexy.

You know you mentioned the phantom guy? I keep a space in my single bed for a guy. Sometimes I put someone I know in that space, sometimes I put an imaginary in there. Sometimes doing that makes it all the more lonely.

I had to google strep, I think it's the same as tonsillitis. You poor thing!!! Hope it clears up before you finish the antibiotics. I hate taking antibiotics, and the thing only clearing on the last day. Makes me worry that it's going to come back!
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:55 PM
Aww thanks Snuffy. And Emma, so happy to have my stalker back :D As usual, you took every thought right out of my head.

I feel like a human being today! After sleeping the better part of 24 hours and showering and medicating, the headache is gone, the ears are better and even though my throat is still all raw, the swelling is way down which makes it better. The biggest thing is that my fever is gone...there's nothing that makes you feel worse than a fever, that combination of sweating and chills. I'm in new pajamas and watching Maury now. I've watched the weirdest freaking TV, since there's nothing good on in the middle of the night. Last night, I watched this show called "The Secret Lives of Women." I watched one of Quiverfull families, those ones like the Duggars who have as many kids as they can. The most interesting part was a woman who divorced her husband and renounced the Quiverfull religion.

Then, I watched one on mail order brides, and I must admit I find that I've changed my mind about it. I used to think it was all creepy and only losers who couldn't find anyone here in the U.S. to marry. The best example was a couple who had been married over ten years and they were both happy, normal, successful, well-adjusted people. The other couple was a little creepier, the guy was 45 and the woman was 20. However, they knew each other for over a year before they married, and he quite clearly adores her. I think the problem is that society in general is so judgmental of any alternative marriage, when really, why should they be? The next one was about women who work in erotica, but I've seen a few shows like that before. The last was about shopaholics. I feel bad for all those women, because most people wouldn't view it as a real mental health issue.

It sucks that we now have all these things people can get addicted to, like shopping, video games, porn, junk food, etc. when all of it is fine in moderation. Sometimes I really, really dislike American culture. I daydream about moving away, to Norway maybe. I don't think America is the greatest country in the world. Look at the UK, France, Germany, Norway, Sweden, Australia, etc and they live lives pretty similar to us Americans, minus the self-righteous attitudes and general ignorance about the rest of the world. I suppose that makes me a terrible American. Oh well. I come by it honestly...my retired military parents would love nothing more than to buy a place in Costa Rica and live there like 8 months a year.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Emmamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 6898, member since Mon Nov 29, 2004
On Wed Nov 18, 2009 03:34 PM
I know a half norwegian half english guy. I've just went through every single photo that he's tagged in, and then decided to stop thinking about him, while pink comes on my itunes singing the one that got away, and I check my emails and there's a reply to a watched thread that I click on, and read about norway.

Oh he's so hot. And ginger, but I kind of have a thing for ginger boys.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Wed Nov 18, 2009 04:09 PM
I like gingers too. Rupert Grint? Totally gorgeous.
re: All this independent strength, still we've got our hearts on safe
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 8949, member since Sat Jul 19, 2003
On Thu Nov 19, 2009 01:14 AM
I'm watching Dr. 90210, and plastic surgery just baffles me. I don't understand why on earth someone would spend the money to put their bodies, their health and their lives at risk, just for something that probably won't make them look any better. They do breast implants through your bellybutton now. The whole thing is making me want to vomit, I can't imagine how sore the poor girl will be when she wakes up. Oh jesus, they just showed a clip from the upcoming face lift. It baffles me, because surgery shows in general don't bother me, but plastic surgery just freaks me out.

You know, I constantly complain about my guy situation, but in reality, I do not want a boyfriend right now. I just need a friend with benefits. Not to mention, I have nowhere to meet said men at this point. I work in a small office with all women, and there are no interesting guys in my classes. Next semester, I need to get more involved with my school. Then again, it's not like I can go out and be wild, since I live at home with very involved parents. Oh well, I can't really complain. Oh, well I had a guy who was either being nice because he found me attractive or because he found me pathetic yesterday at the doctor's office. He was a valet. I can assure you that with my messy ponytail, no makeup, yoga pants and huge sweatshirt, it was the latter. However, he was pretty cute and told me he liked my sweatshirt on my way in and held my car door open for me on the way out. It was nice and gentlemanly.

I cannot WAIT for next semester. I'm taking such fun classes. To refresh those who don't follow my every post, I'm taking English 102, Cultural Anthropology, World Philosophy and Intermediate Algebra. English will suck, because this isn't reading english, it's writing english. I HATE writing. The teacher is supposed to be a good one though, so that's good. I like the english teacher I have now, but I wouldn't take him again...he's unorganized, but then it's only his second year teaching. I'm really excited for anthro. My teacher has amazing ratings on Rate my Prof, and I love anything about other cultures. I really just like anything that's not science or math-minded. Math will be tolerable because it's the same teacher I have now, and she's fabulous. I'm most excited for World Philosophy. It's the same teacher I have now, and he's incredible. Most philosophy stems from ancient Greece, and this examines ancient philosophy from South America, Native Americans and Asian countries.

I have to wake up in less than 8 hours, but I slept a lot earlier. I think I have a math test, but I'm not sure since I missed Tuesday's class. I'm sure I'll do fine if I do. I have a paper due Tuesday in english that I haven't even started. I can't even use being sick as an excuse for the paper, since we've known about it for weeks. I'm such a slacker. I'm good in philosophy, since he puts the notes online, I've done my five reflection papers and we have no more tests until the final. I'm so mad that I missed a day of classes, after a semester of perfect attendance. I only have four classes left, that's so surreal!

I cannot wait to go to Minnesota next month. I miss home so much. I'd love to go out to Arizona soon as well. Tomorrow night is the New Moon midnight premiere! My sister and I are so excited. I'll definitely have to nap between classes or I'll be dead tired tomorrow.
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