Forum: Arts / Debates

The dynamics of cheating
By GypsieFreemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:04 PM

Do you think that cheating can be looked at from an entirely black/white point of view? Are some instances more "frowned upon" than others? Ss emotional cheating the same thing as physical cheating? Which is worse?

Discuss

5 Replies to The dynamics of cheating

re: The dynamics of cheating
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:21 PM
Edited by Snuffy (189942) on 2010-01-04 00:03:24 Former partner, I mean! Good gosh, he is not still my partner, no! LOL!
I think there are different levels of cheating, with different levels of betrayal. Emotional cheating, for example, could range between a bit of flirting, and having an all out emotional affair with another person. Or physical cheating could range between kissing someone else (or even something more innocent) to arranging to hook up over and over again. To me, it has a lot to do with how far someone goes, and how they act as a result of this (whether they're honest, or whether they lie and continue to do it).

Whilst I don't believe that any kind of cheating is accidental (when you make plans to hook up with someone behind your partner's back, it's your choice, your responsibility, etc), I could imagine that in some instances the cheater might make a mistake, and realise this before it's too late. If this were the case and they were honest and open about their actions, and remorseful and were prepared to undertake to never make the same mistake again... then that definitely wouldn't be as low as, say, cheating on someone, never owning up to it, etc.

It's certainly never okay, but I definitely think that there's more to it than black and white. I'm not sure whether I'd say that one type of cheating is worse than another, because a great deal of the time, the cheating is a combination of emotional and physical.

I don't know how rational my point of view is right now... because I've recently been cheated on by my former partner of seven years. Not only that, but he had no intention of ever telling me the truth after he dumped me for her. Not only that, but he later gave me the baffling offer of becoming his 'secondary' girlfriend afterwards. And not only all of that, but once the truth got out (much to his horror, LOL!), he blamed me, and tried to convince me that cheating is good for a relationship. Yeah. Cheating is a bit of a sore point with me right now!
re: The dynamics of cheating
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:57 PM
I think that anytime one partner feels the need to cover up their behaviour, that constitutes cheating.

I, for instance, am in an open relationship with my boyfriend, Scarlet. I live with him, and love him very much, and am faithful to him. However, I also engage in casual sex from time to time, with other men. I always tell my boyfriend where I am going, who I will be with, when I'll be back, and what I did, and he smiles, kisses me good bye and amuses himself while I am gone. If I go out with my girlfriends and kiss a guy in a nightclub, I tell him about that too.

This works for us because we know where we stand, and are honest with each other. But if one day, I started keeping secrets, telling him I was "out with the girls" when in fact I was picking up guys at a bar, that would be cheating. If he started telling me he was "working late" when in fact he was banging his secretary, that would also be cheating. If I was seeing someone repeatedly on a casual basis, that would be OK. But if I found myself falling in love with that person, and didn't discuss these concerns with Scarlet, and instead tried to have two boyfriends, that would be cheating too.

Physicality, to me, is just physicality. Sex is just sex. But honesty is king. Betrayal, and cheating happens when honesty falls by the wayside.

Of course, this is not common, and it's up to both partners to describe what constitutes cheating for them. In Snuffy's case, the open relationship was never going to be right for her - especially in light of the way her scumbag ex-boyfriend proposed the idea. But in my case, where we laid it out from the very beginning of our relationship, it separates sex from love and kissing from betrayal, instead putting the importance more on communication and discussion, and less on physical indiscretions.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: The dynamics of cheating
By Snuffymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Mon Jan 04, 2010 02:49 AM
^Erin, you always have a good point to make! :) I agree that if both parties are aware of what the other is up to and that they're cool with it, then it isn't cheating.
re: The dynamics of cheating
By Soleil2213member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Jan 04, 2010 05:52 AM
I think Erin really hit the nail on the head about honesty. Any action that makes you think "hmm, my partner really wouldn't like this if they found out" and then you take steps to cover it up, is cheating. It definitely varies from person to person, and couple to couple and is definitely NOT a black and white issue.
re: The dynamics of cheating
By Lauretta
On Mon Jan 04, 2010 10:10 AM
I agree that each person has to decide what it means to them and to see if their definition matches up with that of their partner. And that definition might not always stay the same. Right now I think I have a fairly set definition of cheating, and if I found out my boyfriend had been making out with a girl in a club he'd be gone in an instant, but if we get a few years down the line and there are children involved I obviously can't afford to be so heavy handed. So it depends on the individuals AND the situation they're in together really.

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