Forum: Arts / Debates

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re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Wicked_Elphabamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Mar 03, 2010 06:02 PM
pondfly wrote:

Sorry, I was raised to do all the above. Actually I'm not sorry, it's called being polite.


As was my boyfriend. He always opens the door for me, usually opens the car door for me (sometimes he forgets ;) ), when we're at his parents house, he gets my drinks and stuff for me, it's the way he was raised. I actually enjoy it. I'm not weak by any stretch of the imagination. In a way, I do think chivalry is dead because people aren't being raised to do that. I dated an older man about 5 years ago and it was the same. He'd open the door for me, pull my chair out, etc. It's the way men were raised "back then". My father would open the door for my mother, pull her chair, etc. I grew up seeing that, so as a result, I figured it was normal, so I grew to expect it. :)
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By webstArmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Mar 03, 2010 06:06 PM
^Luckily, from what I've seen, it isn't even just "back then." My 14 year old half-brother will get drinks for me when I visit, set the table for dinner, and clear all of our plates at the end - all without ever being asked.

While he's a little too young to really be "chivalrous" per se, he's incredibly polite and courteous and it makes me such a proud sister :)
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Piano_on_Pointemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Mar 03, 2010 07:58 PM
See, so far, all the women on here like it when a guy is naturally polite and courteous to a lady.

This one girl in my class blew up saying that she could do everything herself. And just argued and complained and went on and on. She's one of those loud, rude people that have a problem with everything and everyone.
I think her boyfriends (if she has one, which I doubt, or not for much longer) are scared to NOT go out of his way AND TO go out of his way to be courteous towards her. Heck, I'm scared to even glance in her direction.


Anywho, I love it when guys will go and open a door for you, even when they're behind you as well! It's polite and sweet, whether they're boyfriends, husbands, friends, acquaintances, or strangers.

It's just *stunning* how some guys are chivalrous nowadays.
;)
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By shannon13
On Wed Mar 03, 2010 08:44 PM
I hope chivalry isn't dead. I am very independent but still appreciate when a door is opened for me, when my chair is pulled out, etc. I grew up with men doing that and I appreciate it when it is done for me. I think it is being polite. I don't expect to be treated a certain way because I am female, we should all expect to be treated certain ways as human beings.

As a teacher I have always made a point to pass manners on to my students. When a gentleman holds a door open for the ladies I try to make a big deal about how much we appreciate it. I have found many of my boys that don't do these things in the beginning of the semester start because they see it is appreciated. I also make it an issue to point out when anyone (boy or girl) don't hold the door for the person behind them and tell them it is rude. It seems like common sense to me but a lot of these kids have not been raised this way.

I had a 7th grade boy today who is often quite rude hold my classroom door open and say ladies first today on the way to lunch. I was so proud of him. He is always in a hurry to be the first to lunch and he was so SINCERE today! I had a smile ear to ear after seeing that.
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Mar 03, 2010 08:52 PM
Holding the door - everyone does this, guys and girls, at all of the colleges I've attended. So yes, among college-age youth, you just hold the door open for whoever's behind you, regardless of gender.

Pulling out a chair - only one person has ever done this for me. It was at some fancy-pants restaurant, and I had already gone and pulled out a chair to seat myself. Awkward.

Overall? I'll like it if a guy is a little chivalrous towards me. I probably won't even notice if he's not. It's not a big deal for me.


Now that I think of it, a big thing for me is guys helping me lift heavy objects. This is really just a practical thing, because I am a weakling with no upper arm strength. I also do a lot of traveling. For the life of me, I could not get my suitcase into overhead bins. I would enter a train, look at the overhead rack and back at my suitcase and take a deep breath, and suddenly a guy would stand up and say, "Can I get that for you?" Best. Ever. Now that I think about it, I do remember a few times when someone helped me get my suitcase on or off the train, or up a big flight of stairs.

I just thought of that as general politeness, though. I'm sure no one would have offered if it looked like I could handle it myself. And I certainly never would have expected someone else to do any of that for me.


I think this chivalry nonsense is A LOT more prevalent in the south.
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By AinetheDragonPremium member
On Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:53 AM
I think that chivalrous behavior is not dead, but definately changing, and for good reason.

Why should a man walk on the street side of a the sidewalk? initially this was so that slop and filth thrown into the street from an upper window would splash on him, not his companion, or mud from a passing carriage, again splash on his trousers, not his companions skirts. Thats a very nice thought, but does it matter now while walking down a clean sidewalk near a dry road?

Of course, the advent of feminist philosophies and gender equality are also changing how we see chivalry. Many chivalrous actions are in fact based on the idea of helping a woman to do something, or protecting her from some potential harm or discomfort. If women are in fact equal to men, then those actions are not necessary. When it comes to holding a door, or letting someone go first, that may be slightly rooted in the "women are weaker" philosophy, but I feel has become more of a manner of respect. Not so much "let me do for you because I am bigger and stronger" but "let me do for you to show how much I respect and admire you". I think most men who hold a door for a woman are not at all thinking she cant do it herself (unless she's juggling a great many heavy objects or something).

When it comes to something like a man offering to help a woman with a heavy suitcase, or to do something physically the perceived weakness might not always be entirely because of gender. Women are physically smaller then men, and in many cases less strong and muscular (particularly in the upper body). If I know I am capable of lifting/carrying something, I will often decline help (by saying no thank you, or thanks, I've got it). If I know I cant, or will struggle, I will gladly allow someone to help. Male or female. I do know of many women as well as men who are much better equipped to put a heavy suitcase in the overhead bin then me. The mere fact that they can reach that high being a significant advantage even if they aren't stronger. On the other hand, being small, if the seat on the aisle is empty, I can hop up onto it and put things up (or get them down) far easier then a man who has to lift it above his head. In which case, it makes sense to let me.

In the case of a man paying for dates, this is a separate case. I think if the man asks the woman out, he should pay. If the woman asks the man out, she should pay. The invitation being an offer to be the host of the excursion. If they are an established couple, they may pay jointly, or take turns, or divide the cost based on available funds (my husband often pays for our meals out, because he makes more then 3 times what I do. I often pay when we eat meals that fit my income level, rather then his). I feel like the division of cost in dating is not so much a matter of chivalry, as a matter of wooing. If you are tring to convince a girl that you would make a good boyfriend/husband/companion, taking her out to eat and treating her special is a good way to do that. It is not the only way (so guys, dont think you have to spend a fortune on fancy meals etc). Paying for dinner is a way to demonstrate that financially you can take care of her, and to indicate that you would like to provide for her. I think in today's world, that works both ways, since it is common for both husband and wife to contribute to the household income. It is no longer necessary for a man to prove he is a financially appealing match by paying for dinners and buying gifts, because the woman is likely to be perfectly capable of providing for herself. But, yeah, if you ask a girl to go to dinner or the movies with you, you have to pay. Not because you are the man, but because you invited her.
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Rosiemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Mar 04, 2010 02:34 PM
Random side note/question for people...

The other day my friend was talking about some guy who did some really rude thing to offend him, I don't even remember what, and he punched him. And I randomly asked him if he'd have done the same thing if it'd been me. And he said no, because it's wrong to hit a girl..

Now I'm not talking about like randomly beating on someone for no reason but why is it wrong for a guy to slap a girl in an argument but not for a girl to slap a guy? I'm not saying it's like okay just wondering why it seems like this is the norm...

(or maybe I'm imagining things..)

Gender roles and such are so very interesting...
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By webstArmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Mar 04, 2010 03:07 PM
Why should a man walk on the street side of a the sidewalk? initially this was so that slop and filth thrown into the street from an upper window would splash on him, not his companion, or mud from a passing carriage, again splash on his trousers, not his companions skirts. Thats a very nice thought, but does it matter now while walking down a clean sidewalk near a dry road?


My ex explained that he did it because he felt at ease being between me and the cars driving on the street. While he was aware of the past reasons for men to do this, he also had current reasons. I thought it was a nice gesture and I'm not about to pitch a fit because my guy likes the idea of me being safe.

Now I'm not talking about like randomly beating on someone for no reason but why is it wrong for a guy to slap a girl in an argument but not for a girl to slap a guy?


Neither is ok, in my opinion.
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By nattymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Mar 27, 2010 09:11 PM
I'm with Britt--I think it's a lot more prevalent in the South. Here, all the boys RUN to hold open your door, pull out your chair, etc. But when I moved elsewhere, I actually had guys who would practically DRAG the door behind them, closing it! Who does that?! It was like a miracle to find any guy who held the door open. I felt so out of place. :P

But to answer the side question, it's never right to hit, for either sex. Same with domestic abuse of any kind. It doesn't matter if it's a man or woman, domestic abuse is wrong.
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Wicked_Elphabamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Mar 28, 2010 06:29 PM
Gender roles and such are so very interesting...


You bring up a very interesting point, I actually do not believe in "traditional" gender roles and nor does my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I both share the cooking and what not. We both believe a woman is more than a baby factory/homemaker. He swells with pride when someone asks about me, about how i'm doing in school, stuff like that.

On the flip side, I've met some people who believe very much in traditional gender roles. My boyfriend and I simply don't. :) When people ask who wears the pants in the relationship, we simply reply that we both do and we are equals in our relationship. :) He is however my "protector" when we are out because he has better aim with a firearm than I do. :P
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By balletsfriendmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Apr 07, 2010 04:19 PM
I think chivalry is so sexy!
re: Is Chivalry Dead?
By Cadbury_Eatermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Apr 09, 2010 09:55 PM
I don't think it should matter what age you are or what gender-people should just be polite to each other. So is chivalry dead? Maybe. But I'd rather everyone jut do those simple everyday polite things (like holding the door) no matter who the other person is.
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