Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

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re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Cassielovesyou
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:55 PM
Wow. Two years. Hopefully I'll get there too. For now, I feel as if I would rather be like you and attempt it on my own. But I think that if I start to relapse back into it, that i will take the above suggestions and get some help. Thank you.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 01:08 PM
What about a rash guard? They're trendy, cute, meant to be worn over swimwear, and they cover your stomach. I ofter wear one at the beach because I sunburn easily:

www.tactics.com . . .
www.tactics.com . . .
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter? (karma: 1)
By Brittanymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 01:13 PM
I attempted to deal with my cutting on my own for 6 or 7 years. Once I finally broke down and talked to my mom about it I was able to find the strength to stop cutting. It was extremely hard to stop and was even hard to resist after a year of not cutting. 3 years later I have not cut and although I still sometimes have the urge to, I've found ways to ignore the urges.

When you feel the need to cut, call someone. You don't have to tell them you wanted to cut yourself but just have a friend come hang out with you. Every time I felt the urge to cut I'd call up my best friend and we'd get in her car and go for a drive with our favorite songs turned up way loud. You can't cut if you take yourself away from what you cut with.

Aside from that, I also strongly recommend you talk to an adult. There is no need to go down this road alone and it's so much easier to deal with when you have someone right beside you. Believe me, I spent all of those years thinking I could deal with this by myself...it's just not usually something that you should or need to handle by yourself.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Bridgetbeemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 03:58 PM
Hi Cassie,

I wanted to chime in with a slightly different view. When I was young (I can't remember exactly but I think it was 12) I started to cut. I cut regularly, maybe not quite every day but definitely more days than not, for a long time. Then one day when I was 16 I decided, like you, that this wasn't how I wanted to play it anymore. Something just clicked in my brain, and I realised this wasn't helping me, not really, and that I simply did not want to cut anymore. Since that day I have not cut myself or injured myself in any way once, and I am soon going to be celebrating my 21st birthday. I won't say stopping cutting solved all my problems, as obviously I had issues that I needed to deal with, but I CAN genuinely say that since that day I have not had one single urge to cut. Once I decided I didn't want to do it anymore the whole idea just seemed so unattractive and I had absolutely no desire to continue.

I never told anyone I was cutting, let alone my parents, and they never found out: I am a good liar, they are not the most observent. If I had an adult in my life who I thought would have been able to help me I definitely would have told them, and I would encourage you to seek support from an adult if there is a suitable one around. But for many reasons I felt (and years later I think I made the right choice) that telling my parents would have created far far more drama than it would be worth.

I know most of you will disagree and insist that the OP tells an adult regardless of the further issues it might bring up. I think it would be brilliant if there is a supportive adult you could tell Cassie, I want to emphasise that. However, I do NOT wnat you to think your choices are limited to A) tell an adult and stop cutting, or B) don't stop cutting. You can do it.

With regards to the swimwear thing, why would your mother not believe that you would wear a one piece? You can get really stylish 'beachy' ones these days, they aren't just for serious swimmers. Or you could cover up with a kaftan/sarong and say it was because you read in a magazine about how the sun can cause premature aging so you want to protect your skin. Would she believe that? (I mean, it is true!). You could make a point of wearing high factor suncream and a wide hat.

Good luck with everything.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Brittanymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 04:14 PM
^I don't think any of us are really saying she has to tell an adult to stop cutting, just that it is so much easier when you have the support of an adult and that it often does a lot of good for the person who needs help to not have to go through the process of healing alone.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Cassielovesyou
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 04:35 PM
Wow, Bridget. I just want to say that that's amazing. That's a really long time, and like I said above, I'm determined to get there as well. Congratulations on getting so far, and happy birthday as well! I do appreciate hearing stories like that, because it encourages me that I could be one of those success stories. And I will be.

I still haven't decided whether or not to tell an adult yet, but I have someone in mind for if I do.

And my mom would definitely believe the sarong, considering she's a nurse, she'll be all for me doing something that will benefit my skin.

The reason she wouldn't believe a one piece is because I was on a swim team for six years and I grew to detest it so much because of some experiences I had. Wearing a one piece always makes me feel like I'm going to go to practice. Not to mention that I'd hated them for quite a while. So for a long time I literally felt like wripping the one piece in half to make it a two piece. I just really didn't like them. I don't mind them know, but i definitely hated them for awhile. So there you go. She'd be questioning my sanity.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By SaraTheGrouchmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 05:03 PM
As an ex-cutter who stopped (6ish years ago already) virtually on my own, I will say that it IS possible, however it isn't easy. But hey, what in life is really easy, anyway? It seems like the wisest choices we make for ourselves are the hardest to make. As you get older, you'll come to realize that more and more.

Cutting can be extremely noticeable, depending on what you cut with, your skin tone, etc. I was in traffic court yesterday and sat behind a girl who was ALL cut up. Literally, both of her arms entirely. And she was wearing a t-shirt, I guess, as if to flaunt them or something. Maybe not, but she clearly wasn't making any effort to hide them. Nevertheless, assuming you are like her and your cuts are extremely noticeable, you only have a few options, especially if you want to go swimming.

You can use makeup (coverup, foundation) to cover up some of the scars, but that all usually comes off in the water, so it won't work when you swim.
You can use jewelry if they cover the spots that you need to stay covered.
Get a rashguard, as previously stated. I have one and wear it fairly often due to my chlorine allergy and because I tend to get pretty scraped up when I swim in the ocean.
Get a pair of board shorts. PacSun/Billabong has a few cute pairs that won't announce to the world that you're trying to hide something.
Make up an excuse to use if you're questioned by your parents. Excuses can only go so far, though.

Coming clean to your parents would probably be your best bet. It doesn't have to be a drawn out production. Calmly just explain to them that you were going through a rough time and found an outlet that you understand isn't beneficial and you've already put an end to. If you can approach it in the right light, your parents should be understanding.

Good luck.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Believemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 15, 2010 05:50 PM
I often wore boardshorts to cover the ones on my thighs, and waterproof coverup on my wrists. Waterproof coverup- yeah.. wouldn't necessarily recommend it, it does come off if you rub it or you're in the water for too long.

Grats on the two weeks, by the way. I think the first month or so is definitely the hardest, after that it becomes easier and easier. :)

Have fun on your vacation, try not to stress too much.
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Cassielovesyou
On Sat Apr 24, 2010 09:44 AM
It's been a little over three weeks now. :D Feeling great and cut free. The scars are healing pretty well. I'm leaving for the cruise tomorrow and I am prepared. I have a sarong to cover my hip scars. And guess what? I found out that all members of the cruise are required to wear a special wrist band when boarding, and that after that its optional whether to take it off or not. So I'll be wearing that. Meanwhile, my scars are healing and so is everything else. :)
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By dancin_til_death
On Sun Apr 25, 2010 07:52 AM
If you do decide to tell an adult, then just tell them how it is. Its weird how easy it is when you just cut to the chase. I had a friend once tell me they wanted to kill themselves, and you know what the weirdest thing was? the most awkward part of the conversation was BEFORE he told me. I know your situation is no way near as severe as his was, but yeah just blurt it out. You'd be surprised at how well people deal with that sort of thing.

All the best :)
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By Sarelimo
On Thu Apr 29, 2010 04:33 PM
Despite other replies, you CAN overcome this yourself, I did. Just do it for someone you love, try your best to be everything you can be for that person and that includes physically and emotionally. You need to try your best to keep your body clean and everything around you tidy, this helps in motivation as when everythings clean, why would you make it "dirty" again. I don't know if this will help you but it's how I overcame it. Good luck with covering it up, I'm sorry I don't have advice on that.

Remember, it's worth doing because being happy is amazing :)
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By reel_faerie85member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Apr 29, 2010 04:49 PM
I just wanted to say well done. Whilst my overall thought is tell an adult, you have made the 1st step and told us, you have made the 2nd step and stopped. Maybe when you feel like you have healed a little more, and things are more stable with your mum you might be able to tell her. Even if you dont tell her the full extent at the time, just that things made you unhappy and you felt you couldnt cope, that way strategies can be put in place to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Well done again
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Apr 30, 2010 08:18 PM
TheMidlakeMuse wrote:

Living with the fear that you're going to slip up and panicking about how you're going to hide the evidence is a lot worse than having your parents know.


Exactly. The stress and panic alone almost drove me to SH more.
Plus I know people told me this over and over, but it's better to tell your parents BEFORE they find out for themselves.
It's a big blow to them if you've been hiding it, and they didn't notice either.
I just told my Mom the beginning of this month. And it definitely is better now that she knows now. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done telling her.
You're going to get a lot of the same advise from non-SHers looking in, I agree with Nine, check out recoveryourlife.com
It's a great forum for SH

And congrats on the two weeks, that's SO great! Keep strong and keep going!
Good luck!
re: I could put this under secrets, but it really isn't a secret. I just need help. Yeah, uh,cutter?
By dancebabe11
On Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:54 AM
I just really wanted to defend this girl and say it is possible to overcome cutting by yourself, I would know. As far as scars, mine aren't too deep and u cant even tell unles your really looking for them. SO unless they are completly noticeable you should be ok. But maybe try waterproof coverup or something. Telling your parents is your choice, only two people knew I did it and they were my best friend and my now boyfriend (who is the reason I quit). Stay strong :)
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