Forum: Advice / Girls Only PG-13

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re: what makes a girl a slut?
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 12:27 AM
Cele, I stand corrected. That has happened to me and I used that exact word. Pronounced very clearly and emphatically. And it was the truth for me at the time.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 06:23 AM
Kekoa wrote:

A girl wears gross clothes and sleeps around...who cares? She goes around trying to break up relationships...who cares? Maybe I place too much trust in my romantic partners, but if he would cheat, that's on HIM, not the girl who gets some sort of pleasure after chasing guys who are taken. By blaming the girl, it just perpetuates the cultural stereotype that men are poor, weak, easily tempted little creatures, corrupted by the big bad slut. Sorry, that doesn't fly. I mean, really...if a girl is THAT terrible, why even waste time talking about her?


Quoted for truth.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: what makes a girl a slut? (karma: 1)
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 06:46 AM
but if he would cheat, that's on HIM, not the girl who gets some sort of pleasure after chasing guys who are taken.

No. Not if she knew he had a girlfriend/fiancee/wife. If she didn't know, okay. But a lot of the time they DO know, and carry on regardless. Just as bad.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 06:58 AM
As the old cliche goes, it takes two to tango. The blame is spread between both cheating parties. Though I have to admit, the first word out of my mouth would probably be something like that if I found out my guy cheated. It would probably be directed at him, though.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Munkensteinmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 07:18 AM
^I totally get what you are saying, but is there ever a point where the person saying the word has ANY responsibility? We can all say whatever we want, whatever word comes to mind to describe another and yes, the other person has a choice in whether to get offended, but still, just like the ddn community has guidelines and rules about 'civilized' behavior, the same irl. I might CHOOSE not to take it personally if someone called me a slut, but I would at the same time decry the society I live in where someone felt it was perfectly ok to call me one to my face. We all feel so entitled and empowered and righteous in our freedoms and opinions, but a modicum of self-editing goes a long way in getting along with each other in our communities. I would never call another woman a slut, even one who calls herself one.

I never said I call somebody names to their face...unless they're very deserved, of course, haha. I am not a fighting type of person for the most part. I'm mostly talking about using a word in conversation. I recently had a stupid incident where somebody I didn't even know tried to latch onto my group at a concert venue and then got offended and left in a huff when she didn't like one of the words somebody used. I mean, really? Get over yourself; not everybody is trying to please you. People like that need to just go away.

I think that the obsession some people have with "bad words" or "dirty language" is just stupid. Some of the dirtiest things I've heard haven't involved any outright "bad words" or anything. Sometimes you're creative like that and sometimes you don't want to be creative - you just want to say what it is or how it is.

And if somebody is walking around randomly calling people names for no reason, that's a whole other issue...
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 10:29 AM
K so. My neighbors in the dorms were sluts. Up at all hours, raucous loud, drunk in the hallways and the lounge and hooking up with whoever, whenever (and oh, those thin walls). You try "not wasting your time talking about that" and get back to me, lolz.

People can call me whatever they want and I really don't care - I call myself worse and think it's hilarious. That's the thing about the Golden Rule - people have wildly different views on what's okay. Me, I'm not going to censor myself because Miss Priss can't handle what happens when she doesn't keep her BAC low. I don't run about declaring it to people's faces but if it comes up I won't deny it.

Personally, hell yeah I'm a dirty little whore. That's hot.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Cienmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 10:43 AM
Heart wrote:

Personally, hell yeah I'm a dirty little whore. That's hot.

I find it really, REALLY sad that you're proud of being a "dirty little whore." It's not hot, it doesn't make you fun or someone people want to be around. That's not something to be happy about. :?
re: what makes a girl a slut? (karma: 3)
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 14, 2010 11:28 AM
Louise wrote:

but if he would cheat, that's on HIM, not the girl who gets some sort of pleasure after chasing guys who are taken.

No. Not if she knew he had a girlfriend/fiancee/wife. If she didn't know, okay. But a lot of the time they DO know, and carry on regardless. Just as bad.


Nope. She is not the one in the relationship, he is. She didn't make the commitment to be loyal, he did. I would never knowingly date a guy who was taken, I find it pretty scummy, but the guy is the one who holds all the power when it comes to cheating...either he does or he doesn't. If my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl who knew he was taken, I certainly wouldn't want to be her friend, but I'd also recognize that she was just getting some action from a willing partner...in this case, it would be my boyfriend who was the douchenozze.
re: what makes a girl a slut? (karma: 1)
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 01:52 PM
Edited by Celebrian (127245) on 2010-05-14 13:54:04 There Their and They're are not interchangeable
^So the young woman who was half of an equation to ruin not only a relationship but in some cases people's lives has no liability whatsoever? That's a charitable thought, but there's a word called accountability and everyone is accountable for the rotten things they put out that hurts others. We already know the man is no good for cheating, but she's not to blame at all? BS (and I mean the full word). That's all I have to say about that one. Especially when she goes about it intentionally or thinks it's funny or does it just because she can?

I think that it's mighty sad that accountability of either person, the guy or lady, would go out the window. Just because you're a feminist doesn't mean you lose your accountability when you do something that sinks someone else's life. We're liberated now so frak anyone else that's in the path of the liberated woman who wants what she wants? So if that's the case, why should the guy be blamed at all? He wanted what he wanted and he took it. He was equal partner in hurting someone else, so what? Big deal. If you're not going to blame one you can't really blame the other. They're either both accountable or they are not.

If a woman stole $2,000 from your home, she would get called a 'thief'. She would be accountable for that money she took. The money, of course, doesn't just get up and walk off on its own, but she took what didn't belong to her. But if she takes steps to steal your husband, she has no accountability at all just because he's the one that spoke the vows? There was a time I mistakenly thought that way. But I think I've been married long enough to say if it did happen you bet all the money in my account I'd not only blame my husband but the other woman. She would be equal partner in hurting my marriage and helping along a break-up that my child never saw coming.

And I think it's mighty funny that calling another girl a 'slut' (a thing I wouldn't do under ordinary circumstances but have done under the extraordinary circumstance) is so very wrong, but the woman that can go about intentionally taking what belongs to another woman has not one iota of blame?

I don't understand this at all. I just don't understand this reasoning. I also see it this way when a woman cheats on her husband with another man. I blame the guy in that equation just as much as the cheating wife. You took what didn't belong to you. You're accountable. And whatever comes up as a result of that you have to deal with it, including being called a slut by the angry spouse. They're the injured party. They shouldn't have to censor their pain.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Ninemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 14, 2010 02:50 PM
Celebrian wrote:


If a woman stole $2,000 from your home, she would get called a 'thief'. She would be accountable for that money she took. The money, of course, doesn't just get up and walk off on its own, but she took what didn't belong to her. But if she takes steps to steal your husband, she has no accountability at all just because he's the one that spoke the vows? There was a time I mistakenly thought that way. But I think I've been married long enough to say if it did happen you bet all the money in my account I'd not only blame my husband but the other woman. She would be equal partner in hurting my marriage and helping along a break-up that my child never saw coming.


What? That's ridiculous. Your metaphor describes rape, maybe. If a woman broke into your house and forced your husband to have sex with her, yes, she would be VERY much accountable for her actions. But the way cheating actually happens isn't like that. A better metaphor would be if your husband was standing on the street with $2,000 - from your joint account - and offering it to people who walked by. Or if he offered the money to just one person, say a woman he was close with. At very worst the woman asks for the money first, but your husband is the one who takes his wallet out and gives it to her.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By iliahmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 02:52 PM
Edited by iliah (130543) on 2010-05-14 14:53:09
If she didn't know at the time, then it's not her fault.

If she found out that he had a partner, stopped the affair and left him, then it's not her fault.

If she found out that he had a partner and carried on, then she's a slut.

In all these scenarios, the male in question is a slut...no doubt about that.

There.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 03:50 PM
But Nine, what's being offered in the 'wallet' being held out by the man/slut doesn't have to be taken! The woman/slut still has a choice. And like iliah says, if she knows he's taken then no excuse, she's a slut! (boy, I've really done a 180 on my first argument, lol)
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 14, 2010 05:44 PM
Cele, I get what you're saying...I just don't agree. Is she blameless? Of course not, I think it's a pretty crappy thing to do. However, the guy doesn't have to take the bait! If a man is an innate cheater, he will cheat. If one woman turns him down, he'll go on to another one. The woman herself is entirely replaceable. Therefore, no, I don't place the blame on her. She didn't ruin the relationship, the boyfriend/husband did when he took off his pants.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Ninemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 14, 2010 06:26 PM
d4j wrote:

But Nine, what's being offered in the 'wallet' being held out by the man/slut doesn't have to be taken! The woman/slut still has a choice. And like iliah says, if she knows he's taken then no excuse, she's a slut! (boy, I've really done a 180 on my first argument, lol)


No, I totally agree that she has a definite choice, and that is one of the reasons why I chose the metaphor I did. Yes, many people would turn down the money if they knew it wasn't his to give. But I think most people would agree that the money giver is MUCH more to blame in this situation than the person who took advantage of them. Yeah, the person who took the money probably shouldn't have, but if your partner randomly gave away $2,000 you probably wouldn't spend too much time blaming the person who took it.
re: what makes a girl a slut? (karma: 2)
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 06:38 PM
The reason that women (generally) blame the other woman for their husband/partner cheating on them (and therefore call her unsavoury names), is because they don't want to admit that their husband/partner might find something in another woman more appealing than what they have to offer.

It's a self-esteem blow when your partner cheats on you, but by blaming the "slutty whore" who stole your man, it keeps your ego intact and allows you to forgive your partner more readily if you believe that it was the woman who led him astray with her big boobs and short skirt and not his own desire to cheat. And that's bunk.

As Kekoa said, if he propositions another woman and she turns him down, he'll move on to another. She's replaceable, and she didn't seduce your husband. Or maybe she did. But regardless of who did the seducing, he's still the one who took his pants off and consented to cheat on you with her. And I would say that probably 80% of the blame lies with squarely with him. 100% if he represented to her that he had no wife/partner.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By DefyingGravityPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 07:16 PM
Edited by Theresa (28613) on 2010-05-14 23:10:35 Yo! Six times?!
If I were cheated on, I'd be calling him a dirt bag cheap piece of meat and her a skanky slut bag hoe. Why? Because only wome who are skanky slut bag hoes would knowingly and willingly sleep with a taken man and only dirt bag cheap pieces of meat would cheat on someone with whom they are in a committed and monogamous relationship.

Call me black and white, fine, but I say it like I see it. You had daddy problems from your youth that caused you to have sex with a taken man? Doesn't change the fact that your skanky self slept with my (ex) man. My (ex) man got seduced by the pretty little waitress in the short skirt? Doesn't change the fact that his dirt bag cheap self took his pants off.

If a woman knowingly and willingly removes her underwear and goes spread eagle for a married/taken man, she's a bag of slutty skank. I'm not saying the guy isn't in trouble, because BOY would he be if I were the one being cheated on, but "other woman" doesn't get off scott free here.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 07:39 PM
Edited by Celebrian (127245) on 2010-05-14 19:46:14
She's not 50% to blame? I'm NOT BUYING IT.

I don't care what she's wearing, I don't care how she got him, I don't care if it was an easy lay that was casual or a relationship she pursued over time. If she knew he belonged to someone else she is accountable for helping to (possibly) break up a home. It's already a given he's no good either. If he's no good, she's no good. They're both no good.

It's a self-esteem blow when your partner cheats on you, but by blaming the "slutty whore" who stole your man, it keeps your ego intact and allows you to forgive your partner more readily if you believe that it was the woman who led him astray with her big boobs and short skirt and not his own desire to cheat. And that's bunk.


Well sorry, but NO. When I went through what I did in my past I DID NOT forgive him. I was worth more than someone who would look in my eyes, lie to me and tell me I was the only one. By lying and not being upfront with the facts on himself he took away my choice to determine my future and I got in deep with him.

So by that point, yes, my ego was in shreds, but you know what? I didn't see it as him being 'led astray'. I saw it as him being an undeserving liar who didn't appreciate me and would no longer get my care or attention. I was naive back then because I was in my early twenties, but I truly believed I was GOLDEN. I knew my worth and he would not get who or what I was. I left him. He begged me to stay. If what that other woman had was so great and wonderful, he wouldn't have been chasing me in his car, blowing up my phone trying to get me to pick up and begging me to stay. He would have gone with the other woman and stayed with her. But he did not. I also found out he didn't even want to see her face after that incident, so he had, in effect, treated that woman like a slut and hurt her which gave me more fuel to not want him back ever again. He treated me bad and he treated her bad. And even though I had very ill feelings toward her at the time, I noticed how he'd handled her and it added onto my list of reasons why he and I would not ever walk down that aisle and make a permanent union.

So you can think you understand the motives of the injured partner calling the other person a slut (and I mean it in cases where the other person is male or female), but you can count me out of that reasoning because that was not my feeling on the matter.

Lastly, culture plays a big deal in reasoning. I notice that in mine this 'she's not to blame at all' business does not fly. She ain't the whole problem, but she sure is piece of it. If I can see your POV as cultural I can more easily accept and respect your thinking on the matter. So keep your cultural point of view and I'll keep mine.

And Nine:

A better metaphor would be if your husband was standing on the street with $2,000 - from your joint account - and offering it to people who walked by. Or if he offered the money to just one person, say a woman he was close with. At very worst the woman asks for the money first, but your husband is the one who takes his wallet out and gives it to her.


I don't understand your analogy apparently just as much as you didn't understand mine so paint us both equally confused.
re: what makes a girl a slut? (karma: 1)
By Sumayah
On Fri May 14, 2010 08:28 PM
Edited by Sumayah (204191) on 2010-05-14 20:33:56 imho
Oh my stars! Did you hear about Mary-Sue? Why she was out walkin' with a young gentleman caller... unchaperoned! If she's not careful she's going to get the reputation of the most decided flirt and hussy and will never land herself a proper, respectable man. I mean what should a God fearin' woman think about such behavior? Why I do declare that I was truly offended by her shameless display and have a right mind to speak to her parents!

As long as there have been women acting outside of the bounds of the social "acceptable behavior" there have been names to call them. Hussy, tramp, harlot, slut, whore, Jezebel, floozy, trollop, wench, coquette, etc. etc. Sorry, but it is human nature to talk about other people and be talked about in return. I sure as hell love to hear gossip. And if someone is acting in a manner that is outrageous, well, tell me! I'll be glad to share what tidbits I know about her harridan like behavior and we can gossip and feel self righteous for a short while until we start talking about our own questionable stories and laugh (and blush deeply) at ourselves and our own behavior.

Sure, do unto others as you'd like other to do unto you. Golden rule. Karma. What goes around comes around. That's all well, fine, and good (and true) but really, if you've got the time to get your panties in a twist because you heard someone call someone else a slut, then darlin' you have *far* too much time on your hands. It's a word, a noun, and a fast slippery slope when we can't vocalize our opinion about someone; perhaps not fair, not true nor accurate, but I'm entitled to my opinion that a girl (or guy) who makes a point to get attention by behaving in a certain way is a slut. I'm sorry but calling someone a slut just doesn't rank up there with the list of banned words in my opinion.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Cienmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 10:04 PM
Sumayah wrote:

but really, if you've got the time to get your panties in a twist because you heard someone call someone else a slut, then darlin' you have *far* too much time on your hands.

And if you've got the time to worry about what other women are doing or wearing and whether or not they're "slutty," then darlin' you need to find something better to do.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 10:55 PM
Lol, have you ever said the word slut really slow and with venom and a sneer? It's quite satisfying. :D

Anyhoo...

The reason that women (generally) blame the other woman for their husband/partner cheating on them (and therefore call her unsavoury names), is because they don't want to admit that their husband/partner might find something in another woman more appealing than what they have to offer


My darling Odessa, am I misunderstanding you? Because that almost sounds like you are blaming the wifey. Like, if only she had offered up something more appealing then this wouldn't have happened to her. And it makes the poor cheated-on woman look like a desperate fool to call the other woman a slut.

Look, women like Halle Berry and Elin Nordegren and Elizabeth Hurley, and Sandra Bullock and on and on get cheated on. Beautiful, talented, intelligent, kind, giving, perfect-looking women with plenty to offer get cheated on! If their husbands/partners finds something more appealing than these women it's because there is no shortage of Slutty McSluttersons ready to jump their bones. And because with some men it's never enough. They could have all the Halle Berrys in the world and it would never be enough. They will always want one more woman, one more conquest. Or they don't know what they have while they have it. Lots of reasons that aren't the woman's fault.

Yes, when a relationship goes bad and someone cheats, the cheated-upon one has responsibility in the failed relationship just as much as the cheater. But even with sharing the blame it doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to call a spade a spade (or a slut a slut). It's not just about saving face, or not admitting her faults. It's about speaking up and telling it like it is. And about anger.

(So to reconcile my first statement that I would never call another woman a slut: Every woman to me is a perfect creation of God, His pure daughter. That is how I see women spiritually - pure, no matter what they have done. But a woman in a worldly sense can totally be a slut. Does that makes any sense at all??? )

done rambling! :)
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Cienmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri May 14, 2010 11:06 PM
Edited by CienPorCientoPAZ (147923) on 2010-05-14 23:09:19
^I don't think Erin meant that it's the wife's fault, or that she didn't "offer" enough--just that it's a less painful thought process to say "That other woman is a dirty slut and she seduced my husband" as opposed to "That other woman sucks, and my husband sucks, but maybe I should look constructively at what might have been wrong with OUR relationship to make this happen, so I can recognize it later and don't have to deal with a douchecanoe like him again". It's not that it's her fault, or that she didn't do enough to prevent it--it's just that it's emotionally less painful, I think, to heave ALL the blame on the other woman rather than to even let it approach yourself (which is totally reasonable and understandable. I'm not saying that thought process is ridiculous or wrong; just explaining what I think it is).
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 14, 2010 11:09 PM
^I don't think Erin meant to blame it on the wife. I think what she was trying to say was that if a guy is unsatisfied in a relationship and decides to sleep with another woman to try and claim some elusive trait he thinks his wife/girlfriend is missing, that's 100% on HIM. Life happens, and if a guy cheats on his wife 3 months after having a baby because she's dressing like a slob, that is absolutely not the wife's fault, it's the husband's. Just like if your husband gains 20 pounds from stress, it's not his fault if you go sleep with somebody else. Life happens, and we can't all be perfect and sexy all the time, and if a guy cheats because he wants a perfect and sexy chick, that's his fault.
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By DefyingGravityPremium member
On Sat May 15, 2010 12:03 AM
In response to the Mod edit on my post... Does anyone else find it absolutely hysterical that the word for butt starting with an "a" isn't allowed on DDN but slut, skanky, hoe, and dirt bag are all peachy? *giggles*
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat May 15, 2010 05:59 AM
And I think it's hilarious that the one who is so-called blameless (ha!), if she messes with the wrong man and that woman finds out...I knew too many Bonquiqui's growing up that will cut him and the other woman. That's not right either, but it happens and the other woman often doesn't think about the fact that the wife/fiancee/girlfriend (and on the flipside, the guy not thinking about the husband/fiance/boyfriend who is a psycho) could totally be nuts. Ghetto? Yes. But you can't ignore that it does happen. All those intentional chasers of taken men who don't care how the other women feel? I hope they come up against a Bonquiqui someday, lol!
re: what makes a girl a slut?
By Sumayah
On Sat May 15, 2010 08:16 AM
CienPorCientoPAZ wrote:

Sumayah wrote:

but really, if you've got the time to get your panties in a twist because you heard someone call someone else a slut, then darlin' you have *far* too much time on your hands.

And if you've got the time to worry about what other women are doing or wearing and whether or not they're "slutty," then darlin' you need to find something better to do.


:D Indeed, but as I said I loves me some gossip! And frankly, the world would be awfully boring if no one ever did anything to upset or offend anyone, may as well make of light of it when you see someone acting a certain way. Besides I spend all my time working or being at home, if someone crosses my path that makes me take notice I'm so making time to gossip to my bestie later about them. Time well spent I think. ;)
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