Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Is a Fling Worth it?
By DancingBeanermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jun 17, 2010 04:29 PM

So I'm kind of stuck in a "pickle" here. So over a week ago I ended things with my boyfriend because he just kept keeping me off of his list of priorities and would disregard anything I would say for over the past few months. So I told him that we should at least take a break until he was ready to stop drinking and partying with his friends and get back on track with himself.

The thing is, is that a friend of mind kind of showed that he wanted to be more than friends in the middle of this week too. So now everything is is even more crazy than before.

So the problem is that I kind of feel like having a fling with the friend of mine. I've never had one before and I have no idea if that is a horrible thing to do. I am going to university abroad in a month, and the friend is also going to another university abroad, so we wouldnt see each other again after this month. So no awkwardness.

I just don't know what my (ex-)boyfriend will decide or not. Because if he does decide that he wants to get back together with me, it would be horrible if I would have done that with the friend, but if he doesn't, and I go away, I'll be like "damn, I wish I would have done that". My (ex-)boyfriend is also coming abroad with me for two months, But actually I don't know if that is still happening or not.

I have tried to talk to my (ex-)? but he is just really sharp and says he needs his time before he can talk to me. The thing is, the clock is ticking here, and I can't wait forever.

So please tell me if a fling is worth it, and especially if there is a chance of getting back together with an ex.

11 Replies to Is a Fling Worth it?

re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jun 17, 2010 04:41 PM
Is he your ex or not? Make up your mind.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By DancingBeanermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jun 17, 2010 04:50 PM
Well that's a problem, because I can't really. I would still want to be together with him if what in these past few months hadn't happened. And so I think I'm holding onto the hope that he still wants to be with me.

Also he seems to think that it is his decision if we are together or not. I broke up, but he was like "Wait, let me think about that..." So if anyone can help with what I should do about that, that would be awesome as well...
re: Is a Fling Worth it? (karma: 1)
By MuffinHeadmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Jun 17, 2010 05:34 PM

I don't understand it. Either you're together. Or you're not. End of story.

If you're not together sleep with whoever the heck you want-- and he doesn't need to know anything about what you've done if you get back together because you were broken up. Breaks are dumb and make no sense.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By puredancer
On Fri Jun 18, 2010 07:32 AM
I say go for it.

Last Janurary, my bf broke up with me, he ended up hooking up with an old friend and that's when he realized he wanted to be back with me.

Who knows, maybe if you guys hook up you will realize you reall want to be with your ex and you will do any and everything to work it our with him.

We look back on our breakup and and call it a break. I never believed in 'breaks' before, but we still talked almost everyday, people in our class thought we were still dating and never noticed we broke up.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By Brittanymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jun 18, 2010 08:27 AM
Before you do anything you and this first guy need to figure out where you stand - is he your ex or isn't he? Do you want to be with him or not? And better question, does he want to be with you or not? Breaks in relationships are kinda funny to me...if I am going to put an end to a relationship it's not going to be temporary. Breaks are like neither person can make up their minds as to what they really want.

If you're tired of waiting for him to figure his life out then call him and tell him you want to break up. He can't say no to you breaking up, no matter what he wants you to believe. You have just as much control over the status of the relationship as he does.

I wouldn't go hooking up with anyone else until you get all that figured out. And then who knows, a fling might be for might not be. There's really no telling.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By emilysmiles
On Fri Jun 18, 2010 09:54 AM
Yes I agree decide wether you want to be with him or not... although clearly you don't as you broke up with him and he is the one saying that he needs to think about it, it sounds to me as though he is just tagging you along so you don't move on.
I say go for it.. you only live once and life is about having fun and being happy, if he isn't making you happy then well.. sort of answers the question really x
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:56 PM
I agree that breaks are stupid. You're either dating or you're not. Period. None of this "break" business.

Once you figure that out, then worry about whether or not a fling would be worth it. That's something only you can decide. I'm the type of person who can handle it just fine without getting attached. Some people can't. Personally, I wouldn't have one right after a break up. I'd want to give myself time to get over the break up and then go have my fun. But that's just me.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Sat Jun 19, 2010 10:20 AM
Edited by jazz_lover (99333) on 2010-06-19 10:21:51
Personally for me, I think a break is a good idea.

My guy and I were arguing, and we decided to take a 1 week break away from each other to get our priorities straight, and to have some "me time". I took a week and went on a miniture vacation, and he also did the same.
I think that if we officially "broke up", we MAY have slept with other people on vacation. Knowing that there was someone else in his/my bed, may have damaged the relationship we have now. ( More from my point of view then his. I didn't want to imagine him in bed with another girl).

This is how we managed the break. I said " Right now we are getting on each others nerves. I think we need about a week away from each other to figure out if this relationship is worth pursuing. Sex is clouding my judgement, and I need alone time for a week to figure this all out.". It would have defeated the purpose if I slept with someone else during my break.

I guess the biggest question is how long is the break? Are you guys planning a "set time" on coming back? You said that you want this relationship to work, but do you REALLY want it to work? Do you just like the idea of having a boyfriend to lean on?

What I would recommend is having a talk with him and figuring out if you want to be together, break up, or at least set an ending time with the break. If after the break, you still don't want to be together, make an official breakup.

If you are going to breakup with someone, there is no going back. ( Unless you are one of those weird couples that keep breaking up over and over numerous times). You said that the break has already lasted a week. Do you see yourself with your "boyfriend" in the future, or have you mentally moved on?
re: Is a Fling Worth it? (karma: 1)
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Jun 19, 2010 07:06 PM
Um, isn't this an easy fix?

Text the ex and say "Does this 'break' allow for flings? This is an urgent question."

He will respond because he knows why you're contacting him, and he probably is going to have a strong opinion on whether or not romantic trysts are allowed.

As for whether or not you follow whatever his verdict is... that's another story. ;)

As for the break thing, eh. It's easy to diss it when you're not in that situation but when you are it's a different story. There are many, many, many shades of gray between dating and not.
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By DancingBeanermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:07 AM
Thanks you guys for helping me out. My best friend drove up for the weekend and we were able to discuss everything. I've decided to wait a while before I do anything with anyone, including my ex. I just need sometime for myself and to get my priorities straight. Thanks again, you guys are awesome!
re: Is a Fling Worth it?
By Ellie1993
On Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:25 PM
its not worth it, trust me from experience. you have this idea that it will be fulfilling and make you feel like your rebelling when in reality your just hindering your feelings from feeling something real and passionate.


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