Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Meglyn
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 08:06 AM

I spent the night at my best friends house and they left early in the morning to go to a function, they always leave me there and I lock up when I'm finished and what to go home.
I also use his computer to check my messages. His wife had used the computer the night before me and had not logged out of facebook and I saw a message which was her admitting that she was having an affair. He kept saying that he suspected that she was having an affair and I confronted her or a number of occasions and she denied it everytime, so I kept telling him that there was nothing going on. I knew she had kissed the guy, but she said that was as far as it went, but I constantly had a feeling that there was something else going on.

I am now stuck on what to do, do I tell him or do I confront her or do I just do nothing.
They have been married for 4 years and have gone through marital problems in the last 6 months and I have been helping them through and she said that she wanted to work on the marriage and things sounded alot better and now I see this, I am scared that she is just using him now and I don't want to see him get hurt.

14 Replies to Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?

re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 08:19 AM
You know what, usually people say don't tell him, it's none of your business, and I would agree. But given this situation - that you have confronted her before, that he has told you his suspicions, that they've been having all these troubles - I would tell him. He is already suspicious and all he needs is the proof. It might be the nail in the coffin, but he deserves to know.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Polestar
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 08:53 AM
Tell her that you know about her affair and give her a week to tell him herself. If she decides not to tell him, you should!
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 09:34 AM
I would probably create an anonymous e-mail and e-mail her saying that someone knows about her affair, and that she should decide whether her husband finds out from her or from a stranger. Once it's out, it doesn't stay secret for long.

I would do this so she doesn't feel like "Oh, A has almost caught on before, but she's never said anything, so I don't have to worry."

But, No I do not think that it's wrong for you to tell them. You can't expect the general public to keep your secrets for you, and she got caught.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Jodee_babesmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 09:55 AM
Hey,

Would you want him to tell you?
What would he say if it came out she was and he found out you knew?

<3
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:25 AM
But remember, in telling HIM, you run the risk of him going "She said no, and she's not a liar, so that means YOU must be lying! How dare you lie about my wife?" and not speaking to you anymore.

And unless you're a therapist and you're not mentioning, you are in no way qualified to get them through this.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By kandykanePremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:46 AM
You may be their friend, but you are not their life coach and you are already way too involved in their marriage.

Since the husband is your friend first, I would just be his friend. When he finds out (and he will, especially since she is being careless enough to post this on facebook and then leave it open) then be his friend and support him at that time. Anything else you do could blow up in your face.

kk~
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By hummingbird
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:58 AM
Did you leave the page open?

You could have taken a screen shot of the page.

However, I think that as a friend you need to stay out of this one and let them sort things out themselves. He might be your best friend, but he's a grown up and probably won't thank you for pointing out the obvious at the moment.

Just a thought, was this a public comment on FB, would her husband be able to find the comment if he logged on or not?
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 03:40 PM
Stay out of it. It's gonna suck to know for sure she's cheating, but it's not your place. If he directly asks you if you know anything, then maybe say something. This is his marriage and his problems. Part of being a grown up is staying out of other peoples' business until (or if) they involve you.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By VulcanIdiotmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 03:55 PM
Since you found out by reading her messages on facebook I would stay out of it, you were logged into her account and Im pretty sure you were snooping since you looked in her messages, not just on her wall or whatever. Its her deal. Ya she is being unfaithful but it really isnt your business regardless of if you are friends with the guy or not. That is a problem in their marriage.

I understand your frustration. I would be frustrated too. If I were you I wouldnt go out of my way to tell your friend his wife is cheating, but if he asked you about it, I would give the information I knew.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 03:55 PM
If he is your best friend and she is not, I would say that your loyalty should lie with him.

I know that if my best friend knew my husband was cheating on me and didn't tell me, I would feel betrayed and it would permanently damage the friendship.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By reel_faerie85member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 04:00 PM
I am with the anon email idea. I would mention to her that she was logged in when you went on the comp and you saw things that maybe she didnt want you to see. Hopefully this will get her to come clean to him.
Telling him is just interferring too much.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By dancin_til_death
On Sun Jul 04, 2010 05:42 PM
You were on his computer on her facebook account?? ... were you actively looking for proof? Sometimes I accidently get on a computer who is logged into facebook but I automatically logout. Even if its my computer.

I don't think its your place. I think its a gross invasion of privacy. At the most you could present your knowledge to your friend about what's going on. Taking her relationship into your hands, no that's a bit much.

I'm not having an affair but I would hate it if someone breached my privacy like that. Even a good friend.
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By ImThaBoss
On Mon Jul 05, 2010 01:29 AM
I think you should sit down and talk to him. Maybe not so much as "oh hey, I saw a message on her facebook", but really talk to him as a friend. Sure you're no therapist, but you're a friend. Once trust is gone, it's so hard to get it back and usually doesn't come back without consequences.

This is your friend and I feel that his feelings and health are your business. I'd be upset if my friend knew something like that and didn't let me know. Good luck with everything!
re: Best friends wife is cheating on him, do I tell him?
By xBallet_babex
On Mon Jul 05, 2010 08:38 AM
Think about what kind of person he is first. My friends boyfriend would hit on me all the time and ask me inappropriate questions (like what color thong I'm wearing) etc and when I told her, she laughed in my face and said "you wish!" Some people will respond to what you say and he might since he already kind of suspects it and some people will just lash out at you like it's your fault. Only you have a good idea of how he would react. It's a tough position to be in and I don't have any advice beyond that.

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