Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

another bachelorette party question
By lutwirler
On Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:16 AM

one of my co-workers is getting married next month, and im not sure if i feel comfortable attending the bachelorette party. im not great friends with her or anything - i can tell she doesn't have many friends, and so she tries to be friendly with anyone, including customers at where i work, and so i think she just wants to invite people so it looks like she has a good crowd of friends. we get along fine, but most of the bachelorette party will be clubbing, and ill probably only know 1 or 2 other people at the party and that's because they also work with me, but one person works in another department, so all ive really said to her is "hi" and another person is a lot older than me (im 21) so we have a more formal relationship. i don't know, i went to her shower, and am going to the wedding, but im not sure if i would feel very comfortable at the bachelorette party b/c i won't really know anyone, and i also had made other plans for that night.

this girl is also the type though who will be asking me everyday if im going and i already told her last week im not sure b/c i may be going away, and she asked why i was going away and seemed annoyed that i may not be able to attend the bachelorette party. so that attitude got me a little upset b/c i do not like feeling forced to attend a bachelorette party for someone im not great friends with and i already went to the shower, got her a gift, and will be going to the wedding.

so just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and opinions on if i should just go or not go, and how to get her to stop making me feel guilty if i do not go.

5 Replies to another bachelorette party question

re: another bachelorette party question
By danceluver220
On Tue Jul 06, 2010 07:00 AM
If you feel that uncomfortable going, don't go. I would have been in the same exact situation, except I don't live around the bride-to-be so there is no possible way I can go anyhow (totally not flying in for a bachelorette party! hah). I think you've done plenty for her as a casual friend by going to her shower, getting her a gift, and also going to the wedding. Next time you see her, politely tell her that "I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out for your bachelorette but you'll have tell me how it goes! I definitely want to hear stories!" to make her feel like you're interested in it (whether you are or you're not) but can't attend. If she asks why, which it seems like she probably will, just let her know simply (no long stories) that you have things going on (like you're going away, a family member really needs you, etc) on that day and it's not possible for you to go. She's not 5 years old..she'll understand eventually and get over it. Besides, you can't be the only one unable to attend, so she'll just have to learn to deal. Good luck!! Tricky situations are no fun.
re: another bachelorette party question
By dancin_til_death
On Tue Jul 06, 2010 06:48 PM
If it were me I'd go. Not out of guilt, just because she seems like she's trying hard to be a friend, and I love having new friends. I think it could be really fun if you let it. I don't see any harm in going either. So what if she wasn't your best friend from childhood. Help her be silly for a few hours. Its really easy to meet people in that situation, people are keen to all get together and be happy.

Oh and she's probably asking you every day because she needs to know numbers. I'm organising a 21st at the moment, and man is it a pain to get people to rsvp. I sincerely doubt she is attempting to be annoying.
re: another bachelorette party question
By SaNDiMas59member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jul 07, 2010 03:08 PM
Oh, just go. If you're a drinker drink and you'll feel more comfortable. It will be a relatively easy gesture to make a kinda-awkward bride super happy. She's not going to buy your stories about going away and her feelings will be hurt if you don't go. What's one night?
re: another bachelorette party question
By BeautifulMistakemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jul 07, 2010 03:32 PM
Personally, I'd see it as a way to get to know some new people. Just go and drink a bit (if you drink), mingle and just hang out.

And it might just be that she feels put out that you don't want to go to her bachelorette party, not that she annoyed or something.
re: another bachelorette party question
By lutwirler
On Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:45 AM
Thanks for all of the advice guys!!

I'm still on the fence about what I want to do, but I'm leaning towards the decision to just go, i'm going to RSVP by the end of this week.

The only thing with this girl is that everyone knows she is good at making people feel guilty, like one of our bosses cannot go to the wedding because she planned a family vacation over a year ago during the month of her wedding, and instead of the girl saying "oh well, i'll make sure to show you lots of pictures!", she constantly asked our boss why she wasn't coming, and kept asking her to buy a plane ticket to come back home for her wedding, so she is kind of a strange person, i mean i get along with her, but i am also very cautious of her b/c she has thrown many people under the bus and she really only looks out for herself.

But, I still think I'll probably go, but the other thing is that another one of our bosses is going, so I feel like I will need to be reserved b/c I only have a formal relationship with her and I don't want there to be any awkwardness or embarrassement when we next work together again.

So thanks again for your advice, I guess the only thing holding me back is everyone will be about 10 years or more older than me and I do not know any of them, and there may be a couple work people there, so I'm not sure how comfortable I would feel about that.

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