A former professional dancer friend of mine insists that a non-dancing spouse holding onto a spouse who's a dancer is more challenging than those not in the industry. Her experience was with ballet. I'm guessing one could fill in the blank with any time-consuming, all-encompassing vocation on this hypothesis, or is it especially tough to be a dancer's widow(er)?

I am a dancer, an off and on dance instructor (on, starting tomorrow. Yay!), I've got a partner who couldn't dance a step if his life depended on it, and other than the near constant grief I get over how expensive classes are, dance doesn't play a role in our relationship at all. :/

I would say it depends on the circumstances. If the dancer in question is in one of those large, prestigious, world-touring companies, then yes, it probably would be very difficult to make a marriage work if the other partner was not a dancer as well. It's not just a job; it's a lifestyle. And that lifestyle has to be compatible with the other person's ideas of what is acceptable to make a marriage work.

I personally know a dancer/non-dancer couple who made this work very well. When she was still dancing professionally, she traveled all over the country for various jobs. She's retired from performing now, but is still deeply involved in teaching and travels a lot in the summer to teach. He's a homebody, and perfectly content left to his own devices. In the event that he does actually travel with her, he can keep himself entertained while she's working. But usually he stays home. They've been married 20+ years, and they're perfectly happy with the way their life is structured.

Another couple I know is a musician/non-musician couple, and he has been away on various tours all spring and summer while she stayed home. Same sort of thing; they're ok with that situation. They spend lots of time together in the fall and winter and then come spring he goes on tour and she mans the fort.

However, looking at my own marriage and the dynamic my husband and I have with each other, I don't think it would survive under those circumstances. I teach dance, I take dance classes myself, I work with some groups for musical theater. He gets into the theater stuff, too, so that's something we can do together and relate to each other and support each other through. He has his own interests that he gets absorbed in the way I get absorbed in dance, and there have been times when we have asked each other to skip an activity or scale back some of the time spent on our individual pursuits because one of us felt disconnected. If I were dancing professionally, I wouldn't be able to just skip class to have a date with my husband. I would have to put him second, behind my career, and if that were the way it was going to be, I don't think I could have agreed in good faith to marry him at all.

It really just depends on the couple. Some make it work, some can't. One of the biggest regrets I have is marrying a non-dancer, non-theatre guy. In his mind, all that was something I "used to do". Everything changed for me. It all became about sports, sports, sports. So, I was the sports widow. Then he got injured and was unable to play anymore and his bottom dropped out. He felt like an old man and took it out on me. Basically, I gave up something I loved for him and then he turned into a bitter, cheating alcoholic.

It's not just dance, sports or any passion can take away from your family and relationships. It's up to the individuals to balance their passion and time with their loved ones. Some can do it, some can't.

kk~

I can see it being a thing with my fiance and I, if either of us were to take dance more seriously then the other. But currently, it's something we do together, and we've committed to only ever being the other's partner if we decide to become registered competitors.

I totally agree with what kandykane said about it being up to the individual to balance their passion and time with their loved ones. I always say to my fiance, "When you say 'Yes' to something, you say 'No' to something else."

justafan wrote:

A former professional dancer friend of mine insists that a non-dancing spouse holding onto a spouse who's a dancer is more challenging than those not in the industry. Her experience was with ballet. I'm guessing one could fill in the blank with any time-consuming, all-encompassing vocation on this hypothesis, or is it especially tough to be a dancer's widow(er)?

While i'm not married, I am a dancer. I belly dance. Not professionally, but I do perform fairly often. My boyfriend has 2 left feet. It hasn't caused ANY problems in us. He actually loves watching me dance and coming to my performances. He fills any "void" in time with World of Warcraft.

When we first met I was teaching dance almost every night until 9:00 pm. It worked for awhile, but once we got engaged he finally said, "I can't have a wife that is gone all night. I have a child and we need family time, eating dinners together, help with homework. Can we adjust your schedule at all?" So at that time he was making a lot more money and I was able to cut back. It would be much harder to have the family life I have if I was gone until 9:00 every night. I don't think we would have ended up being married if I wouldn't have compromised.

My husband doesn't dance at all, but he's a music man so we understand the way we feel about our respective arts. I also think it fosters lots of respect and acknowledgment when one of us says to the other 'dance for me' or 'play me something'. I don't see my dancing as more important than his music and he doesn't see his music as more important as his dancing. But the BIGGEST thing is we see each other as more important than our dancing or music. The life of our relationship comes first and our crafts come second. The spouse comes first or else everything else just comes apart.