So I am basically posting this because I have to know if any of you out there feel even remotely close to the way I do right now.

Do you ever have days where you just are not sure how much more of this you are cut out for? I feel that I drag myself to work every day to deal with the same stupidity. I honestly am not even sure that I am a dance teacher anymore. Making rules, enforcing rules and then explaining to people why you have enforced the rules and what you have them in the first place.

Mind you I do not mean out of control rules but simple things like dress codes and no food in the dance room or dance shoes can't be worn outside as regular shoes. How about paying for the dance class before you can take it?

I mean really, for every hour of dance I teach I get about 2 hours of emails to respond to because a parent wants an explanation for something that could have been answered if they would have just talked to me in person. I don't know, maybe I just have a lot going on right now? I just don't know how many more yeas of this I have left in me. Not that I do not love what I do, because I very much love teaching dance and knowing that I am giving the kids an experience they can enjoy but goodness. . . .

And it's only MONDAY NIGHT!

I think we all feel like that sometimes.

It can get exhausting trying to enforce rules that don't seem to ever stick. Even the simple battles like getting parents to pay tuition on time is such a struggle at times.
Parents are constantly questioning everything, even the simplest of rules like paying tuition or not eating during class (yes, I have had parents bring their children, not toddlers I'm talking pre-teens...to class with food, one even dropped off two students with a carton of Ice cream to eat in class.) send parents off in tangents. Our rules have never been different from the rules most studios enforce and yet I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "you just make these rules up because you want things your way."
I think alot of people don't check around and realize that most dance teachers and SO's are asking anything out of the ordinary.

I love my job, I love watching my students learn and grow, helping them accomplish steps they never thought they would be able to do...but somedays it's just tiring.
There are those weeks when it isn't my favorite thing in the world but, I still love it.
I think what your feeling is pretty normal. I had one of those weeks last week, it's a constant battle. There is always going to be a parent who wants to tell you what they think and there will always be a student who just can't manage to follow simple rules.

Hang in there! Your doing this because you love to teach, that's what makes it all worthwhile. Unless, you got into the business because you like dealing with parents who must constantly question everything you do, students who can't follow rules and the ever present drama of young girls..but I doubt that haha! Hope your week gets better

I am trying! I hope that this week turns out better here soon. I just feel like for the past week I have been constantly repeating myself and trying to defend myself (for a lack of better term) because these people are completely clueless. Do you believe I had a person who has a child enrolled as a first time student who said to me "I have been to many dancing schools in my lifetime and never have I heard of one which requires the students to wear only dance clothes while they are in the class with the penalty not being able to participate". . . . . really? Well that must clearly be because I have never been to a real dancing school for me entire career. . . **rolls eyes**

Then there was the parent who flipped out because I asked the student to leave and dispose of their gum. She thinks that I need to learn to be nicer to the kids because apparently preventing them from chocking is not being very nice.

And I do love what I do. I love to see the kids grow and I love to see them do something that they never thought that they would be able to do. It is honestly what makes my job worth it but these weeks are just enough to make me question whether I should hang up my shoes or not. You describe it perfectly when you say it's a constant battle. I almost want to ask the parents "why don't you just open up your own studio seeing as how you know so much about how to do it" you know lol.

OkinawaDancing wrote:

You describe it perfectly when you say it's a constant battle.

It used to be an everyday battle for me. Always enforcing, defending, often times privately crying.

I'm going to say something "out there", but I didn't change my students/parents, I changed myself.

I stopped defending, explaining, etc.

It is what it is and if it's not okay with them, then it will be okay for somebody else.

I have a very non-conflict oriented student base at this point. Yes, there are those flair ups that on occasion must be tended to. But it is now the exception and not the norm. It used to make up my ENTIRE student base.

I am constantly "weeding the garden", so to speak. If a bad seed pops up, I send them packing and make more room for the flowers.

That need to defend yourself or over-explain just gives them fodder for more argument. Make your answers short, sweet and to the point. If at all possible, add a genuine award winning smile to the mix.

Do not, under any circumstances, spend 2 HOURS on email explaining. If your emails are more than a few emotion free sentences long, then you are saying too much.

"These are the policies, if you have a difficult time with them, you would probably be happier studying with another instructor."

Engage the fight and you are in a losing battle.

I noticed you are in Okinawa. Are you by any chance at one of the military facilities? If so, don't answer here, pm me.

I have taught for several studios, as well as having spent 10 years in corporate banking. I can tell you that the studio where I am currently employed has the least amount of what you describe of any other program where I've taught. What do I see as the reason? My boss does not let parents walk all over her. As a recent poster pointed out, she explains the rules, and if there is a problem, she will kindly tell the ones with a problem that there are other places where they may find more happiness.

EVERY business needs rules. I bet if you asked a parent if there are rules in the job area that they perform(and this even applies to stay-at-home-moms), they would all say, "Yes". Well, just as rules apply in all work situations for anything significant to be accomplished, so it works at a dance studio. If everyone did their own thing, their own way, competition teams would never be successful, dancers would never move on to college and professional careers and recitals would never happen- period.

Do you have a student handbook? This is something that I think can be an invaluable tool. It must be given to all parents at registration and signed and returned with the first payment. It should outline the "Dance School X Rules". It should make sure that parents understand that your rules 1)Protect your students and are in the best interest of keeping them safe and free to learn in a supportive environment and 2)reminds them that a dance studio is a "service industry". One wouldn't go to the hair salon and leave without paying the beautician; well, if your bill is not paid for the month, your student cannot participate. A dance studio has bills to pay and has a fixed budget just like a family- if the breadwinner/s in the family don't get paid, noone can drive to soccer practice or watch the satellite dish network:(

Hopefully you will give yourself a few days off. Don't think about anything studio related. Don't answer e-mails- they will be there when you return to them. Have caller ID, and don't pick up the phone unless it is someone you want to speak to. Give yourself a pampering day, even if you can't afford to go somewhere for special treatment, polish your finger and toenails and take a bath while sipping tea or another favorite beverage. We all need to recharge our batteries.

I recognize and can only say this: if you want to keep doing this job for the next ... year, make sure it is going YOUR way. Bending to them, giving up about rules, won't make your life easier. In no way because it attracks more 'un rules' people. And when you get a burn out, they will blame you. You should have been tougher.

Be clear about your rules. As much as you can. On paper and on your website. And when anyone asks about your rules, refer them to that. Refuse to answer.
An email? Send them the link of your website where they can find the answer. Nothing more than that.

It's a matter of training them (although some years....). Do not be sweet, gentle, patience with all their questions. Be blunt: "I already informed you about that in my newsletter, I expect you to read it" and "Why the rules are like that? Well if you don't like them, you shouldn't have signed in" and "Why you can't have soda here? Because I'm the boss and I say so".

You do not have to answer all the questions.
You have the right to refuse that.
If you stop answering emails, half of the people won't even bother to come to you to ask about it. And those who do: "Sorry, I was busy and thought you would have found the answer in the FAQ of the website by now."

As long as you're explaining and being patience, they use that. The moment you stop giving them what they ask for, you get in control again.


I put it very black/white here, to make the difference clear to you. In real life you have to be more flexible every now and then.

I can't tell you how frequently I just say "no". That's it. Not "No, because blah blah blah." Just "no".

Again, pair it like a fine wine with an award winning smile and they don't even know what to do but accept.

My answers don't lend themselves to a continued conversation.

I know you are also on the SO boards and you may have recently read the one email I received from the mom who felt the need to express her discontentment on several moot issues.

I addressed each one firmly and briefly and then sweetly suggested that she enroll at a different studio.

She never responded and withdrew her daughter. Exactly the reaction I was looking for.

You are giving them a platform for discussion. Remove the platform.

And I concur with the above suggestion to seek out some "me" time and pampering. It's important to revitalize.

I've been feeling like this for awhile now and as bad as it sounds its good to know other teachers are going through the same.

I'm having difficulties getting my parents to pay monthly for classes and because of that I've got children missing from classes for weeks and then reappearing again with a list of excuses the length of your arm! It's so frustrating as I feel they don't take me or the school seriously!

Just as several have explained above.
Don't explain, simple as. It only stresses you out more and gives the parents more reason to question you. We've all done it, I did it for years myself. Then found I was explaining over and over to the same people.
Most frustrating (this is just my little rant first) - Fees are split into 9 1 month payments and are not based on number of weeks. I still get parents at Easter (after already explaining at Xmas and midterms) paying half fees 'because there was only 2 weeks of classes'
Kids coming to class in crocs or flip flops!
Parents signing their students up for competition team, then missing loadsa practices, then complaining that their child has not got the solo spot or doing the flashy moves the others are doing!
There are many more.

All I do now is with the registration form I give out a little policies and rules booklet with all the guidelines for the school, payments, late fees, class dress code, and so on.
The registration form includes a section that parents sign, which tells them to make sure they have fully read the attached school guidelines booklet. And that by signing they have read, fully understand and agree to the guidelines. It then tells them to keep the booklet for future reference.
When a parent questions why something has happened I just say they knew the rules when they joined and had agreed to them.

I do the same with competition teams too. A parent/teacher/student contract just including stuff like parents commit to assisting with fundraising, make sure costume and comp fees are paid in full and on time, to have their child in all practices, that students who regularly miss practices will be removed from team, that student should practice and those who don't may not recieve as good roles as those who do etc.
Parents who continualy ask about things I just tell them to refer to the booklet or school website.
Those who continually complain about rules I just simply say that if they did not agree with our policies they should not have signed the agreement on the form, that every parent was made aware of the rules and if you don't agree with them maybe you should try another school that suits you better.

I got there as a studio owner. I was torn between my teaching and being an administrator, and never feeling as if I were putting my all into either. I did, I guess, because my kids learned well, in my classes, and I always was organized and on time, but that is not how I felt.

I also felt like I was giving up time with family and after my son died, that started to feel less and less like running a school.

Three years after that, I just made the big decision to stop. I now teach for wonderful people, am treated well, paid well and love my students.

I miss my "dance family" from my own school, even though a few joined where I am now, but most would move on eventually, anyhow.

I am glad that I made this decision and have no regrets.

I know just what you are talking about as far as weeding the garden. It's honestly been my philosophy for years although this past year has been an incredible challenge for some unknown reason.

I have student hand books and a website both of which have the exact same rules and policies posted in them. I have parents sign paperwork which also states in bold font basically that they have read and understand all of the items in this packet and have spoken with their children about it. It also states that they are responsible for all of the rules and regulations to be followed. My rules are also very clear and precise. Even with this however about 20% of my students will break a rule (which is ultimately fine as long as they correct it asap which most do) but then have a parent come in and defend their child. 75% will not pay tuition on time.

I have done the "send them a link to the website" before as I keep my website very up to date weekly with all of the current information but am usually greeted with a parent coming into my classroom lecturing me that "if I wanted to search on a website I would have gone their myself" or my personal favorite "as a parent it is not my job to go and find the rules your job is to give them to me when I ask". This has literally happened about 10 times in the past year.

The concept of paying on time does not get through to these people no matter what I do though. I have told kids they have to sit out and even kicked them out of class all together because they have not paid on time. I had tried sending out emails to parents at one point letting them know that their child would not participate if they did not pay even. I still get 75% of people paying late. With this, I really am not sure what to do. I have been as firm as I can and still nothing. I have approached parents, to those who are not in the class I have sent emails and even letters telling them that they have to pay, still nothing.

I do know that I need to improve on myself though in some areas. I know that I probably do over explain in some situations, I just feel that I am in a bit of a hard place because when I do not explain in some cases the parents turn into these crazy infestations which make the other parents and other students uncomfortable. I have a lot of parents this time around who feel that if there is a problem they are going to approach me about it but conveniently in front of the other people that they know will jump on the bandwagon.

Aside from the explaining and a few other little things that are typical of a studio evolving over the years I honestly am not even sure where to make my corrections to myself or my school. Things have worked out for me over a number of years with no issues and all of a sudden BAM.

Okay a few questions...

1) Are you using any type of auto pay? Is that option available where you are?

2) Do you just THREATEN to sit the kids out, but not follow through?

3) Does your handbook have an acknowledgment signature required? Somewhere where it says "it's the responsibility of the parents to understand all policies" ?

That email I referred to had the mom saying that she was pissed because she showed up after the session had concluded. I shot back the response "It is printed in the City brochure. It is the parents responsibility to know the session start/end dates."

4) Did you just open the studio in Okinawa? Are you referring to a studio you had in the states that had little/no issues?

1) Are you using any type of auto pay? Is that option available where you are?

I do not use auto pay and as of right now do not have the option to.

2) Do you just THREATEN to sit the kids out, but not follow through?

I actually follow through. If there is no payment there is no class for that student until they have paid. Parents have even tried the "drop off my kid and not go inside so the teacher forgets" option but I still make the child sit out. I actually just had to do this to 3 kids yesterday alone who did not have the payment in.

3) Does your handbook have an acknowledgment signature required? Somewhere where it says "it's the responsibility of the parents to understand all policies" ?

Yes. I can not remember the exact clause right this second but it basically says that upon signing this paperwork you acknowledge that you have received the handbook, you have read through the hand book, you have spoken with your children about the rules and policies in the hand book, and you are responsible for knowing the information. It also points out for them to please keep the handbook and if you loose it all of the information is on our website and you can also download and print a copy of the handbook there also.

4) Did you just open the studio in Okinawa? Are you referring to a studio you had in the states that had little/no issues?

No, I have had a studio in Okinawa for a few years now with no issues aside from the basic this and that of a dancing school.

So, if you had to pinpoint it, what IS different?

Is this a new set of parents from the ones that were complying?

What changed?

It could just be that you're more jaded to the complaints than you have been in previous years, it can get you like that. There are only so many times you can remain perky and cheerful about some idiot who knows nothing about dancing trying to tell you what your job is...again!

My philosophy is this, smile at life because if you don't you'll end up crying! It works a lot of the time.

hummingbird wrote:

My philosophy is this, smile at life because if you don't you'll end up crying! It works a lot of the time.

...and sometimes, you just end up crying. It happens.

You do have to keep things short and sweet. And for sure, go back and tell those parents that they signed and agreed to your policies! Pull out their signed copy if you have to! I have to do this multiple times a day at my day job. It shuts people's traps pretty quick.

The only thing that I can think of is that there are new sets of parents that are involved in the program now, although, I have had some parents from the past not complying recently also. Everything else is pretty much the same, policies, rules and so on.

I also have enforced the rules the same way in all of my classes with all ages and never had a problem with parents approaching me until recently. If you were an outsider looking in it's best described as the reaction you would get from a parent if you allowed something for an entire season and then all of a sudden you made a rule against it without notifying anyone in advance.

balletstar - I think it was you who recently said that when parents say "well they only charge X at studio A" or they try to make a comparison, you respond with "okay."

Love!

What can they do with that?

Fabulous.

After that post, I decided to add that to my retort vocab. Now I have "no" and "okay".

My favorite is when they just stop talking because the conversation has no where to go.

OkinawaDancing wrote:

The only thing that I can think of is that there are new sets of parents that are involved in the program now, although, I have had some parents from the past not complying recently also. Everything else is pretty much the same, policies, rules and so on.

Are the new parents stoking the older parents or at least stoking each other?

A gaggle of toxic parents is a bad bad thing! If they get the chance to bend each other's ear, you can certainly get the "gang up you" problem.

They get empowered when they can bitch to one another. They can get witch-hunty.

I have done the pulling papers thing and it has had positive and negative results for me. A few times they shut their mouths but I have had others where regardless what the paper says that they acknowledge they have received and understand they put up a fight.

I actually had one woman say that although it was on paper and on the website and she signed the paperwork she never knew about a particular policy because I never verbally explained it to her.

I am liking this "no" and "Okay" vocabulary thing though. I have to try that out some time.

i_am_me wrote:

OkinawaDancing wrote:

The only thing that I can think of is that there are new sets of parents that are involved in the program now, although, I have had some parents from the past not complying recently also. Everything else is pretty much the same, policies, rules and so on.

Are the new parents stoking the older parents or at least stoking each other?

A gaggle of toxic parents is a bad bad thing! If they get the chance to bend each other's ear, you can certainly get the "gang up you" problem.

They get empowered when they can bitch to one another. They can get witch-hunty.

This right here is probably my problem. Of course I don't know 100% but it sounds like a good diagnosis especially because most of the problems concentrate around certain classes.

But how do you even deal with that?

I mean be confident in everything you do, be calm cool and collected and so on but I am generally all those things already.

You have to break up the bitch brigade.

You may need to ask one or more of them to find another school. If you can identify the "ring-leader", look to find a policy/procedure that they have broken that merits you asking them to leave...and then ask them to leave.

Lobbies are deadly.

You get one or two who think they know how to do it better and they will try to find an audience.

In my Spring session, I had a father who would bring his little girl to class and decided he didn't like me. I don't know what rubbed him wrong, he just was not feelin' my teaching style and approach. He straight up told the front desk he wasn't fond of me and wanted references to other studios in the area.

He spent one of the days going up and down the hall asking each of the parents if they liked me. HA!

Thank goodness they are loyal! None of them gave him an audience and he ended up pulling his kid out. But he was soooooo looking for a some group-mind action to work me.

Break it up, because it is YOUR HOUSE. You get to keep the company you want and ask others to LEAVE.

Your house, your rules.

You da boss.