Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

I NEED help!!!! :(
By stripedballerinamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Aug 04, 2010 08:54 PM

Hi everyone, I don't know how to say this, or what to do....

Last year I met a guy at college who became my best friend, I'm 22 and he is 20 years old, we always had like sexual tension between us but nothing happened until like 2 months ago when we kiss, we acted like nothing had happened. On friday last week I slept over at his house and we started making out and almost had sex (he is a virgin), talked about what was going on between us and decided we were going to be friends with benefits as long as we were FRIENDS first.

So yesterday I did something really stupid and logged into his facebook acount, where I find out not-so-friend-like messages between him and a 17 yrs old guy from argentina (we live in chile) and after reading their conversations realized they have a cyber romance and they both seem really into it like they say I love you to each other and all.

I'm really confused because he always says he likes girls and then why does he does those thing with me, I'm really sad it doesn't make any sense to me :(

help me!!!

6 Replies to I NEED help!!!! :(

re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Aug 04, 2010 09:02 PM
Well, there IS that thing called bisexuality, yes?

But there could be many options, only a few of which come out good for you:

1)He's just doing some fairly meaningless online play, trying to figure out where he is in the world. This has potential to come out in your favor.

2)He's bisexual. Also potential for coming out in yoru favor.

3)He's in to guys, and you're just a distraction while he tries to convince himself he isn't. Yeah, this one has no shot of coming out with an upside for you.

So...there you go. I guess.
re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By stripedballerinamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Aug 04, 2010 09:12 PM
weird thing is he always tells me that if he were gay he would tell me.
How can I know if it's meaningless, they say I love You to each other, but he is very far away.

Don't get me wrong it's nothing againts gay people but I really love him and want to help, his dad would kill him if he knew.

thanks
re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Aug 04, 2010 09:27 PM
^If dad has outright said "I'll kill you if I find out that you're gay", that's all the more reason to keep trying to get the sparks flying with you, you know?

He may not have told you yet, because there might not be anything to tell. If there's an aspect of himself that he's uncomfortable with, he's not really going to go to the girl he made out with last week.
re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Aug 05, 2010 10:07 AM
Honestly, I would ask him. Be like, listen, I'm really sorry but I logged into your Facebook and found this stuff. If you're bi, I don't care (assuming you don't), and if you're gay, I'm not going to tell anyone, especially your dad. But if you're gay and are just stringing me along, that's not cool at all. That's a really crappy thing to do. So be honest with me and tell me the truth.

If he's bi, then who cares, it's not a big deal. But if he's gay, it's TOTALLY not okay to mess with your emotions like that. Being gay and not wanting to come out yet is not a free pass to lead someone on. That makes you a jerk, no matter what your sexuality is.

I would put him on the spot, because he's your best friend and you deserve better than to be lied to like that. I would put my money on him being bi, though.
re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 06, 2010 02:50 AM
Edited by SiyoNqoba (34789) on 2010-08-06 02:51:58
^My understanding of a friends with benefits situation is that there ARE no emotions, other then friendship. Of course, it hardly ever works out that way, but isn't that meant to be the idea?

I agree with Theresa, it sounds like he's probably still trying to figure out whether or not he's gay. Especially because he keeps telling you that if he were gay he'd let you know. I'm not sure if there's a lot you can do about it. You shouldn't have been looking on his Facebook, so if you want to open that can of worms, go for it. He's not talking to you about it because he's either obviously not ready or there's just nothing to talk about just yet.
re: I NEED help!!!! :(
By stripedballerinamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 09:47 AM
I talked about it with my therapist and she asked me a question I hadn't thought about before, how do I feel as a woman? I'm not really sure I know that, I only know that as a friend I feel kind of dissapointed because he isn't just keeping this a secret he also says things like " I wouldn't be gay because it hurts" and stupid stuff like that.

By the way his cyber-boyfriend is the type of guy who looks for hook-ups on the internet and posts naked pics of him and stuff :S

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