Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Aug 10, 2010 01:48 AM

I've been all over Google trying to figure out what on Earth to call this, but I can't seem to find anything.

What I've been experiencing (not really recently, but throughout my life) is kind of a delayed reaction when it comes to things that should affect me emotionally. I'm really not sure how to explain this, so I'll try to give an example. I would break up with someone, be totally fine after a few days, move on, and then a few months later crash and miss them terribly. I would try to remember what on Earth I was thinking when I broke up with them/insert other decision here, and come up with a complete blank. Like, I would remember the event, but there wouldn't be any..."emotional memory", that's the best way I can put it.

People will ask me "what on Earth were you thinking?" and I'll have absolutely no idea. And this happens to me all the freaking time.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here. Does anybody know what I would even call this?

9 Replies to I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.

re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Arakmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Aug 10, 2010 02:24 PM
I don't know what you'd call it... but I have a suggestion. I think this would be a very good reason to start keeping a diary or a journal. Write down exactly what you were thinking when you did that thing, and then months later when it hits you, you can go back and read and remember. It might also help you to come to terms with things that much sooner, if you have it in writing in front of you.
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Aug 10, 2010 02:33 PM
A journal is a really good idea, but I've consistently kept journals (both on and offline) for years. It does help a bit, but it doesn't take away the feeling that a completely different person did whatever it was I did. It's like going back and reading about someone else's life.
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Shnaynaymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 04:22 AM
Life is a roller coaster.

Its possible to have regrets, to change your mind, to feel differently about any given situation at any given time, to have mood swings.

How old are you?

peace out
sh'naynay
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By ShadowLunaCatPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 04:51 AM
I actually think that sounds pretty normal.

I've had to go separate ways with quite a few people.

Then, when I'm sort of wanting to do something with someone, I suddenly realize I could have done it with that particular person.
Well, sometimes it just isn't worth bringing back all the pain, hurt, frustration, etc.

I hear you, though. I hear you.

Time heals. Also, the opening gives you a little bit more of a coax to find some better friends.

S.

Another thing.. we rather get "used' the the company we keep. And, when it's not there, well, we don't feel it that day, or the next day.. Give it a few months, though, and.. well, it's that much more vivid.

S again.
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By leogirlPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 09:37 AM
In my opinion it's a coping mechanism. If you had to put a label on it, that's what I would use.

It also sounds fairly normal, if a little extreme, to me. Like the parts of you that hold the memory are shutting down, for whatever reason. What purpose does it serve? The question that comes to mind is, what would happen if you did have that emotional memory?
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 03:42 PM
I think this veers into the territory of "things to discuss with a therapist".

It sounds like there is a disconnect between what you do and how you feel and I think that it might be beneficial to discuss this with a therapist, because there is a good chance a therapist has encountered this before and could help you cope with it.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 04:18 PM
Disclaimer, I am NOT a therapist, I do NOT know what's going on with you.

But I REALLY think the word that you are looking for is "disassociation." Go ahead and Google. Does that sound like what you are talking about?

I can't find a page that explains what I want to say, so I'll just say it myself. When you disassociate, your brain cuts the connections between the actions going on around you and your feelings. It does this as a survival mechanism - it would be too painful for you to handle otherwise. For example, this happens in the "numbness" of grief when someone dies; they don't feel sad for days or even weeks afterwards. They walk around like a zombie with no emotions, and that's actually normal and healthy. A breakup would be a perfect example of this (that's what happened to me too!). You can't recall what you were feeling or thinking, because you weren't. Your brain turned that off and blanked that out. You don't have an emotional memory because it wasn't there.

In EXTREME cases this can cause amnesia. There can be periods where people blank out entire periods of time. Sometimes this is healthy, too; it's why people in car accidents or disasters can't remember the actual event. It happened and the memory is probably in there somewhere, but they can't access it because the brain cut the cord, deciding it was too much to handle.

So yeah. It's creepy, I know. Disassociation is very common and not really something to worry about in reasonable doses.
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By amichelle523member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 04:51 PM
^I think Heart might have hit the nail on the head. Here's an article on disassociation as a coping mechanism.

sites.google.com . . .

Basically, there are two parts (or more, depending on whose research you're reading, but these two are generally agreed upon in some form) of memory. You can consciously control your immediate memories. For example, your breakup. You didn't want to feel the pain, so you did everything you could to block it out. However, your subconscious is not in your direct control. And eventually, those subconscious feelings of pain are going to come to surface, but often it's not until later, or when something triggers a deep memory.

One of my good friends passed away suddenly last October. I got the phone call around 8:30am. I can only remember that day in bits and pieces. All day people were calling me to find out if it was true, that she had died. I remember just telling them, "yes, she was in an accident, she's dead" like it was nothing. I would even tell them the gruesome details of the accident. I only know this because someone was with me all day, I really don't remember it. But a few days later, I LOST it. And I pretty much didn't get myself together for about 5 months. But that first day...nothing. I'm sure it was disassociation. My conscious mind was just literally incapable of processing what had happened.

If it doesn't interfere greatly with your quality of life, I wouldn't worry much about it, it's just how you cope. But if it causes you distress, then it's definitely something that could be helped with therapy. I would highly recommend CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy).
re: I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my brain.
By schuhplattlerPremium member
On Wed Aug 11, 2010 06:00 PM
Could you be undergoing changes in awareness?

When something really bad happens, particularly if it is unexpected, things might seem unreal. We don't even face up to the situation.

As our abilities come up, and we start to confront the situation, it first looks like a disaster.

- Then we become introverted. It is a struggle to confront the situation, and we don't want to handle anything else at the same time.

These are just three consecutive awareness characteristics. The whole scale consists of at least 54, and this awareness scale is a very useful tool for both dealing with people and bringing them out of bad situations.

PM me if you want further details.

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