Forum: Arts / Photography - Artistic

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re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 07:26 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-01 19:30:15
Day 152 - Shadow play

The second picture is me messing with the flash that came with my new Holga (late Christmas yippee!) that has color filters on it. It works on my dslr, woop!

Your urgency is not an emergency.

- - -

I should not be happy that every time I see someone I haven't seen in a while they comment on how thin I'm looking. But I can't help but feel good about it.

I got my other school book today in the mail and it's also small like the other one!
I also splurged on an awesome Crumpler camera backpack off ebay even though I should be really saving for the lens I don't need, hahaaa. *facepalm*
Rose did come over and we talked a little. And really, the more I talk to people the more I want to not try to do anything and just continue to live this way. It's not that horrible, I'm sure.

- - -

It started quite young
Yeah, I learned how to, to,
To stay quiet, just stay quiet, always stay
Cursed with disease
I have to be perfect
And you're no better than me, no.

A Fine Evening for a Rogue, Lydia
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 07:29 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-01 19:32:13
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-01 19:40:41
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-01 19:41:40
New Year's Eve
Day 153 - Plans/Heres to tonight

See the rest on my blog:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

Today I like as far as pictures go. And no pictures really went as planned today.

- - -

"So, here's to tonight! And spending it with you! Here's to this year I never thought I'd make it through. But, we lost a powerful symbol this year for standing for what you were born. She left a hard place to fill and it just may fall upon you."

The Year, Defiance Ohio

- - -

Also I know I'm cliche and behind the times, but I finally started reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And dang Flickr formatting I can't figure out how to indent you, and I don't know how to on here either, so I'm just going to leave the underscores.

But it's kind of triggering, so just to be safe I'll hide it.
Spoiler: Show
Once on a yellow peice of paper with green lines
___he wrote a poem
And he called it "chops"
___because that was the name of his dog
And thats what it was all about
Ans teacher gave him an A
___and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
___and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
___took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
___with tiny nails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
___Valentine signed with a row of X's
___and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
___he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
___because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
___and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kithcen door
___because of the new paint
And the kids told him
___that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometime they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
___with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
___when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
___his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
___when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
___he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
___because that was the question about his girl
And thats what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
___and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
___because he never showed her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
___of the Apostles's Creed went
And he caught his sister
___making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
___or even talked
And the girl around the corner
___wore too much make up
That made him cough when he kissed her
___but he kissed her anyway
___because it was the thing to do
And at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
___his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
___he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
___because this time he didnt think
___he could reach the kitchen.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 07:36 PM
Day 154 - So this is the New Year

SOOC
Whoa there magic sunset!

Cliche DCFC lyrics, bear with me.
There are a lot of New year/year overview songs but I've always loved DCFC (with the rest of the world), so I'm just going to leave it at that.

So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance -in the distance.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back

So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 08:07 PM
Lovin' the winterscapes. As much as I rag on sunsets (particularly when people want to use them for portfolios) This one is really nice.

Holga???? Educate me!

Jon
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 08:20 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-01 20:21:52
^ Thanks Jon. I haven't had a lot of time to shoot lately so I'm afraid in general my shots leave a little to be desired, but I'm just trying to be easy on myself.

Here's a link to my Holga on B&H that kind of explains what they are. I'm excited to get some film!
www.bhphotovideo.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:48 PM
^ That looks like something similar to the first cameras I used but with a different size film. (Old 127 film, long obsolete.)

I remember reading that one college fine arts course used to require their students to use something like this (different brand name, but basically a no-frills cheap plastic 120 film camera) for the first marking period in photography 101 so that the students wouldn't get all tech-bells and whistles happy, but would concentrate on composition and working within the limitations of the camera. I know it was a made-in-China camera long before the current China export boom. The camera cost about $5.00 in 1970's money, so in line with this camera. I should get some film, a camera like this, and then compare it to 120 film shots made with either my hasselblad or my rollei. My first "pro" camera was a Yachicamat twin lens 120 rollfilm camera which was a clone of a Rolleiflex.

Jon
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jan 02, 2011 05:41 PM
Day 155- Things to do

I continue to play with my Holga flash (the last two pictures)

Double exposure via long exposure.

Today I'm holding on to the last few hours of no school. Gross. I don't want to go tomorrow.
I'm afraid of what's going to happen to my photos, especially the first week. I'm going to be all over the place, so if anyone reads this, just keep in mind that my photos are most likely going to be even more horrible this whole week and so on.

Also, insomnia loves me right now and I went to sleep at 4:30am this morning. Sigh. But I finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower so that's cool. It was indeed quite good, but I don't think it's as prolific as people make it out to be. But I'll read it again and probably get more out of it.

So I'm guessing with going to sleep at 4:30 means I'll maybe go to sleep at 3:00am if I'm lucky tonight. 4 hours of sleep? Ehhh...I might be able to function alright on that. I have history at 8:30-9:20 and poli sci at 9:30-10:20, then I have work at 2:00. I'm also going to a new school so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get places.

I know all of the bus schedules from my old school very well to the point that I almost had them memorized. But I'm going to have no clue how to get anywhere which is going to be somewhat distressing. I actually need to figure that out now so that I'll be prepared tomorrow.

I also need to pack my backpack, wash my hair, check my backpack again, and figure out how I'm going to bring my camera in my bag. All fun things. NOT.

I got new pens yesterday HURRAH! They're .05mm which makes me excited. I hate fat pens.

- - -

Suicidal thoughts---
Spoiler: Show
In the midst of not sleeping last night I kept thinking about suicide. I think about it a lot, that's nothing new. But more and more I sickly fantasize about it and just imagine it and how I'll do it, which probably isn't a very good thing. So the "rational me" thoughts drift and hear the people (mostly my therapist) who have told me that I need to be able to be safe if I'm in a position where I'm going to do something bad (and that doesn't mean cutting, that means attempting). I need to contact people/him. And he's asked me if I would do that and I never really told him 100% that I would. Mostly because if it comes to that I don't think anyone would want to contact people. And I think about hospitals, because I really don't want to end up in one. At the same time, I do. It's really freaking scary when you feel like you have no control over your mind or actions. It would be nice to be completely safe in that situation.


And then, more rational me thinks about how school starts tomorrow and it's my last quarter. So after 10 weeks I'll be done with high school and I'll be free. Then I can try to get better if I want to. My mental health needs to take a backseat right now because I have far too many things to do that can't be interrupted by me ending up in the hospital.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:23 PM
Day 156 - Balance

I know, cliche. Whatevs

So school started back up again today. New school, new profs, new everything.

I don't really feel like going into a lot of detail so here are the main points:

I now have all of "Company" on my iPod so I listened to the whole show all day long today.Twas marvelous.

I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. It was really super dark outside when I woke up. I ate two waffles with Nutella on them. Went to school and did the whole awkward "I'm not looking for my class I'm just wandering around" thing. Sat through two hours of class.
Observations: in history I know two people from long ago. My prof asks a lot of questions that no one has answers to. Awkward.
In poli sci my prof was wearing a red aran sweater. He likes respect, and I respect him so that's all good. I got good vibes from him.
Walked to another building to wait for the bus. Fell on my butt because the campus is really hilly and icy. Saw FOUR other people I know (2 I haven't seen in probably 5 years) and 2 I haven't seen in a few months. I go all nostalgic and remember the "good times."

I ride the wrong busses and end up doing a lot of standing in freezing weather. My toes hurt a whole ton from freezing off and my ribs and back hurt from shivering so much.
By this time I'm so cold and tired that I'm not feeling too peachy.

I skip lunch and head to work on the MOST crowded bus I've ever been on. "Standing room only" would be too generous.

Work was busy. And good. I had fun today. Around 3:00 I'll be super manic and all over the place. No seriously - highly annoying mania. After I get picked up I freaking talk my Mom's ear off because I can't shut up and my brain will just be flying so fast.

Eventually we pick my sister up from her friend's and we go and get burgers at this new place and now I'm really regretting that decision for a number of reasons, mostly because I feel REALLY sick now.

Reading:
The Perks of Being A Wallflower (which I'm ready again, even though I just finished it)
AMERICA (my history textbook)
GLOBAL ISSUES (my poli sci textbook)
One planner
Two spirals, one for school notes with a Thomas Barbey picture on the front that I cut off of my calendar and one for exploding into
One folder

- - -

Also, somehow every quarter I get this "oh it's over" feeling after the first day. Oh, it's just begun.

- - -

Okay - I also realize I'm hilariously swingy - scary swingy. I don't spend as much time in each state and that scares me. I bounce so fast it's kind of terrifying.
I know I'm loosing control I just don't want to admit it.
re: 365 Please
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:35 PM
HEY. Reality check. Your mental health does not get to take a backseat. DO NOT LET IT.

You've read my diary, hun, you know what happened to me this year - it's because I let my mental health take a backseat, because I didn't take care of yourself. I know there's no easy answer, and it's a lot to deal with, but please please promise me you won't ignore things until it's too late like I did.



On a lighter note, I definitely had the same reaction to Perks of Being a Wallflower. And I'm currently rereading it too. Freaky!
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jan 04, 2011 06:51 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-04 18:53:33
^ As much as rational me would like to keep it a priority I just really can't right now.
- - -
I'm really proud that this worked.

13 sec exposure, flash fired, off camera flash fired at the right with a red color filer :)
It's the simple things that make me really excited.

Also essentially SOOC besides a minor crop and some minor exposure tweaks.

- - -

Anyway, I'm feeling torn. Hence the photo of me being torn. Durhhhhh.
Also, I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep so I'm pretty looping/lack motivation to write about today so I'm just going to stop now.

I'm going to give therapy another week. And then I'm deciding if I want to stop.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jan 05, 2011 10:43 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-05 22:44:15
Day 158 - Falling

Un inspired, lazy, too simple, lacking everything, boring, stupid...just some ways to explain this photo.

- - -

I'm having a really hard time eating. And I know it's all in my head but I don't feel like I can do anything about it. I'm so loosing control right now.

All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water.
And thatÂ’s the tragedy of living.


My current all-around justification is that it could be MUCH worse.

- - -

I need change.

I think I'm going to dye my hair red.
And it's probably going to shock me into happiness. :]
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Jan 06, 2011 02:53 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-06 14:54:40
Day 159 - Unfold me

So today is a stop motion day, view it HERE:
www.flickr.com . . .

EDIT: I know a lot of people are triggered by this song (Breathe Me by Sia) so be safe everyone.

Also, I added a picture from last night that I shot after I added my picture yesterday when my sister stole my computer
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 09:54 PM
Day 160 - At least it was here

Give me your hands
Show me the door
I cannot stand
To wait anymore
Somebody said
Be what you'll be
We could be old and cold and dead on the sea
But I love you more than words can say
I can't count the reasons I should stay

Give me some rope
Tie me to to dream
Give me the hope
To run out of steam
Somebody said
It can be here
We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year
I can't count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away

I'm tired of the wait and see's
I'm tired of that part of me
That makes up a perfect lie
To keep us between
But hours turn into days
So watch what you throw away
And be here to recognize
There's another way

Give me some rope
Tie me to dream
Give me the hope
To run out of steam
Somebody said
It could be here
We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year
Oh I love you more than words can say
I can't count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away
But I love you more than words can say

A Least it Was Here, The 88

- - -

So I'm self-portrating because I will look different tomorrow. And everyone will know what that means tomorrow.

Also, I'm REALLY veiny. Look at my neck whooooa!
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jan 09, 2011 06:42 PM
FAIL. Didn't upload day 160

- - -

Day 161 (the second picture)
This is the end (if you want it)

My hair is kind of red now.
I enjoy change.

I had vain photo patry in my bathroom yesterday night. Here are the rest.
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

Also, question of the day: why do I spend so much time on the ground?

- - -

I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end
not if you want it its upon us and I wanna say it's sinking in

This may sound crazy but I want to come back home
That's it I said it now I'm sailing off to Neverland and then Japan

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
About the way you want to go
Cause I may forget the way to get back home
This is the end if you want it

You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost
Yeah I've thought worse things that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off
I took the fire escape and made it out alive
Yeah I still burn from time to time but I've a healing hand against my side

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
About the way you want to go
Cause I may forget the way to get back home
This is the end if you want it
This is the end if you want it
and this is the end

I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end
Not if you want it its upon us and I wanna say it's sinking in
If I was hasty maybe I was rushed along
I won't move into little boxes and then not get the itch to move on

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
Melting prints of grass and snow
Means I may forget the way to get back home
Cause this is the end if you want it
This is the end

You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost
Yeah I've thought worse things that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off

You'll take me home
Like my family did my father did I know
You'll think real slow
But don't forget the speed that I can go away
Cause this is the end if you want it
Yeah this is the end

<b>I've been convincing myself that I'm worthwhile
Cause I'm worth what I'll convince myself to be</b>

I met the devil and I stared her in the eyes
Her hair had scales like silver serpents
I a statue, stood there mesmerized

I took the fire escape and made it out alive
Yeah I still burn from time to time but I've a healing hand against my side

Blisters on my feet I crawled back home
Frozen from the sleet burned sand and stones
Nourished back to life by life alone
With one shake of the mane regain the throne

This is the End + If You Want It, Relient K
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jan 09, 2011 06:49 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-09 18:55:34
Day 162 - Here lies everything

The rest are on my blog are are triggering (suicide). I was inspired by hannahheartless on Flickr and especially her set "A World of Fragile Things" and Kel-Z's makeup photos.

So I put one of the photos up that isn't triggering, but if you want to see the rest, they're here. The second one is my actual day 162:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:57 PM
Day 163 - I'll admit who I am

I'll admit to who I am
The day I come to understand
I haven't got a clue
Been searching for a few years now

Well if I don't repeat myself
Then I'll change into someone else
Well I don't quite know who
Been searching for a few years now

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow and time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already

I'll protect your universe
Or make a mess to make it worse
Time will only tell
You and no one else so

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow and time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already
Don't tell me you let go
Already

You say you made up your mind and you've finally decided
But those that helped you choose
Haven't the slightest clue as to the magnitude of what you're about to lose


I'm guarded and therefore I can endure
A little bit more
Just a little bit more
Than some people would
If I'm not misunderstood
It's still an attempt to be egoless while self-assured
If I'm still unsure that I'm pretty sure
That I am pretty good
God you know I'm good and

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow and time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already
Don't tell me you let go already

Don't tell me you don't know (already)
Don't tell me you don't know (already)
Don't tell me you don't know
Don't tell me you don't know

- - -

Last night I made the "wrong" choices but I'm going to accept that and move on.

Today was mostly lovely. Things that weren't lovely involved a horrible increase in my headache and almost breaking down in poly sci. But I'm fine.
Too fine really. Which means a boring picture.

Tony (Aj Clark Photography) on Flickr bought me a Pro account. I can't believe it! Really, I can't even describe how grateful and wonderful that makes me feel. It's so incredibly kind of him.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:50 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-11 23:50:51 whoops, not day 165 yet
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-11 23:54:08
Day 164 - How quick to forget, we are

Tell me how I finally figured it out
That now you're caught in the things you said you'd never do
And now, it's starting to show like her skin fell out of her clothes
She's got a list of moves to make

Stay for me
It was the first, it was the...
Stay on me

Well, take your time lighting the room
When all's said and done, I, I bet you're covering
I bet you're covering
Is it a wonder you're lonely?
Taking chances to feel again

I bet you never knew
I bet you never

Stay for me
It was the first, it was the...
Stay on me

Suddenly, a cloud must have cut
A hole in my head
When I was tangled all in your words
How quick to forget, we are
With eyes unimpressed, you're sealing the conversations
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface
When all the walls have tendencies
But it's not your fault
When no one taught you how


And now the one you once loved is leaving
And now the one you once loved is leaving
And now the one you once loved is leaving
And you're so sure that I'd be just fine here
And now the one you once loved is leaving
But you were surely just taking your own time, dear
And now the one you once loved is leaving
And you're so sure that I'd be just fine here
And now the one you once loved is leaving
But you were surely just taking your own time, dear
And now the one you once loved is leaving

Now The One You Once Loved Is Leaving, Lydia

- - -

Also the street is slopes, it's not crooked...well it might be a litte, but I straightened it a bit actually.

My therapist emailed me after the session today making sure I was okay. I gotta say, that confused me. Did he have reason to think I'm not okay?
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jan 12, 2011 05:34 PM
Day 165 - Wanting everything

Oh hey there Photoshop! Nice to meet you...you confuse me.

This is Anna
www.flickr.com . . .

She's wonderful. And now I have Photoshop CS5 because of her!!

- - -

"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing."
Sylvia Plath
I got the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath at the library so I thought that would a good quote for today.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 15, 2011 07:38 PM
Ketchup time!

Day 166 - Operation Beautiful
So I walk into the bathroom before therapy, and this is what I find on the bathroom mirror.
And it was lovely.

Also reading the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath has really inspired me - not photo wise, just in normal-life ways.

- - -

Why is talking so terrifying?


- - -


Day 167 - All I see scares me

Come closer baby,
I want to see what you're made of
Cause this isn't all we could be

All I See, Lydia

- - -

I feel like I need to take some chances and make some changes. But will I? No. I'm too paralyzed with fear and regret and darkness that weighs me down.

I need to do somethings for ME for once. But that's really hard to accept.

I feeling iffy about this project right now. I'm feeling good in terms of mental health, which means I don't have the same need to fill voids as much as I normally would. It's a little frustrating...but whatever. I'll go with it.
Just be prepared to see a lot of crappy photos is what I'm saying.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Jan 15, 2011 07:40 PM
Day 168 - Scatergories

I woke up at 4pm today so nothing particularly great happened.

EXCEPT: I got my prints from
www.flickr.com . . .
Alex Stoddard today!!!!! That's enough excitement for the rest of the weekend.

I also don't have school Monday, but I'm working 12-5:45
ALSO!!!! I got a raiseeeee! MONNNNEY!

I found a 24-70 2.8L on Craigslist last night for $900 (new $1300) and I emailed the guy about it. Apparently he has a "couple people interested" which basically means it's sold by now. Shucks. I'm going to email him again to see if it's still around a little later. I would just go over there and see it but my Mom decided to be a jerk about it so that's not going to happen.


So yep. That's about it.
I'm really tired.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Jan 16, 2011 02:56 AM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-16 03:01:04
It's called photoshop.
And I'm obsessed with it.

I KNOW these are quite silly and overdone.
I'm learning, which means I need to go overboard so I can learn what it's capable of.
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Jan 16, 2011 10:08 PM
I haven't played around with my photoshop clones of late as my basement renovation project has kept me from much serious photography. I'm in the last stages of that project however and I may get my life back aside from carpentry (and electricity, plumbing, painting, flooring, dropping the ceiling) and all the other things people do when their house is finally paid off, but you have to fix or improve anything. I use Paintshop pro...cheap and does the job, and also GIMP which is totally free if a bit geeky to download. I have an early version of Photoshop Elements.

But when I first got it I did exactly the stuff you are doing now, just trying out all the features, doing wild stuff with ordinary photos. I also embarked on a personal project when I found a stash of negatives dating back to the 1930's and even some old family photos going back to 1895 when my grandfather was 3 years old. I did some photo restoration and I scanned a lot of the negatives, cleaned them up and in particular showed them to my 90 year old mom, who fortunately is mentally sharp as a tack. She provided many identifications and was even a bit embarassed as some of the shot were of old high school boyfriends and boyfriends from her post high school before she met my dad. I also had many shots of my childhood, my father's photos he took when he was in the Army just after WW II ... he was in the Army of Occupation of Japan. My dad died 22 years ago so these are great shots for me to still have. We all thought these negatives were lost in a flood in 1952, but I found them after my mom remarried (to another high school era boyfriend) and broke up the household she shared with my father before she moved away from my hometown.

We have one more major house project to go...we just signed a contract to do a total redo of our kitchen, but I won't be doing most of the work.

THEN Photography! I also have to figure out something to do with the 10 Nikon 35mm film cameras I have. I haven't shot film since I got my first digital 8 years ago, but I have printed some negatives in my darkroom. Yes, I still have a darkroom...it was the first area of the basement to be renovated.

So experiment away, Madison!

Jon
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jan 18, 2011 08:43 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-18 20:48:28
Day 169 - Grasp

I'm not sure what to say about today.

Things are moving too fast.
I can't keep track.

I'm going to leave it at that and come back later if I have something to say.
(and again, forgive my love of layering photos at the moment)
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jan 18, 2011 08:47 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-01-18 20:50:25
Day 170 - Scattered

*These are very personal. And I'm scared to post them.
But here we go.

- - -

My brain is all over the place - I just realized I have a poly sci assignment due tomorrow so I need to go do that

It's 11:00pm
I have 4 hours until 3:00am - to get 3.5 hours of sleep.
I can do this.
I can do this.

I can't do this.

- - -

But how am I expected to do this? Please someone tell me how I'm supposed to get through these classes and be this exhausted and distracted. Tell me how I'm supposed to be in this much pain everyday. Please somebody tell me this is worth it because I can't do this anyone. How am I expected to get through like this? How can I get through like this? Please tell me that this is completely normal. Please assure me I'm fine, and always have been. Tell me that I don't matter.
Because I can't face this, I never could.
I just don't want to fight. I'm too tired; I'm too fed up.

I want a break.
I don't want to sit paralyzed staring. I don't want to wait for things to be okay.
I can't. I just can't wait.
I don't want the raw skin surrounding my nose or the bloodshot eyes.

- - -

Photo #2:
Liquid.


liquid
makes my skin feel sticky
tight
old.
looks shiny
clear
soft.
feels the same
different
lonely
confusing

Photo #3:
The aftermath.


intimate.
Perhaps too intimate.
Perhaps too naked.
Too real.

Too much.

But right now I'm going to be completely vulnerable.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Jan 18, 2011 08:52 PM
Day 171 - In my blackened eyes

Bite my lip (bite my lip)
and I grind my teeth (grind my teeth)
I chew the inside of my cheek (I chew the insides of my cheeks)
bang my head (bang my head) against the counter,
with a delicate technique

I am helpless, but I am yours
Love is seeping from my pores.

I light candles (I light candles)
in the darkness (in the darkness)
Play some music that we used to dance to
think of awful things (awful things) that I would've done (things I would've done)
if I ever got the chance to

I lay bleeding on the floor
But I've been through all of this before.
And in my blackened eyes I saw the world in so many shades and hues


It's a foul disguise
You shouldn't touch me
You have too many things to loose

I am perfect, my love soars
but I've lost my share of civil wars

Springbroken, Jared Mola

Go listen:
www.purevolume.com . . .
He's a family friend, and he's absolutely wonderful
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