Forum: Arts / Photography - Artistic

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re: 365 Please
By Reidfidleirmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3478, member since Sun Sep 28, 2003
On Mon Apr 11, 2011 04:19 PM
Glad for the update! Hope you continue to fight and be strong. We'll be here with open eyes and arms for when you decide to put up more photos.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed Apr 13, 2011 02:38 AM
I posted two days on flickr...but I don't know...it doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right right now at all. I don't want any support anymore (which means online support really) I just kind of want to be left alone. Sorry for being so whiny - I don't know what to do right now.
Back to where I was over and over again. Not one person knows. But I'm right here again. As if it matters anyway.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed Apr 13, 2011 09:57 PM
So.
This is what I put on flickr to tell everyone what's going down, I feel like it explains some stuff here too but doesn't completely overlap so forgive that.
www.flickr.com . . .

So.
I don't want to post still is what I'm saying. Like I said above, I posted two pictures onto flickr and i don't know...it's just not right or something. I don't want to talk about what's going on because honestly I don't know. My head is too many things...pulling my under. Crap...I don't know. Basically, I don't know. And that's about it.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Thu Apr 14, 2011 06:08 PM
Oh whatever I keep changing my freaking mind. I'm completely unable to make decisions right now.

Here are some back-logged POTD

Day 248 (photo #1)
Shopping is horrible when you gain back weight that you worked so hard loosing.

Day 249 (photo #2)

Not at all like I would have planned.
Probably because I didn't plan this at all...

extra on my blog:
freemadisonmc.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Thu Apr 14, 2011 06:10 PM
Day 250
#1 numb.
#2. smudge
eyeliner smudges.
that's why I don't bother with other makeup anymore.
I used to paint rainbows on my lids
and line my eyes with silver and gold glitter
but now there's just black; white in the corner to help make me look like I'm awake.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Thu Apr 14, 2011 06:13 PM
Day 251 (photo #1)
three image overlay shot at different white balances

Day 252 (photo #2)
one of those photos I not only hate, but despise and regret.

Day 253 (photo #3)
re: 365 Please
By balletsfriendmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5772, member since Thu Aug 30, 2001
On Thu Apr 14, 2011 07:23 PM
imadancer2 wrote:

Day 250
#1 numb.
#2. smudge
eyeliner smudges.
that's why I don't bother with other makeup anymore.
I used to paint rainbows on my lids
and line my eyes with silver and gold glitter
but now there's just black; white in the corner to help make me look like I'm awake.


You're beautiful! And I love that hair. I cut off 5 inches of mine and sadly I can't do braids. It's funny because when I had longer hair I never wore braids, but that's all I want to do now that I have short hair! Beautiful photos.
re: 365 Please
By LeSoulierVertmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1392, member since Sat Feb 05, 2005
On Fri Apr 15, 2011 02:22 AM
I'm a lurker. :)

I just wanted to say that some of your photography causes me to really feel. It is quite lovely.

I, too, deal with a lot of self-hatred/depression/anxiety/self-destructive behavior, and I just wanted to add my presence to your space. I am finally coming out of it, and I hope that someday you will too. Best wishes lady. :)
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sat Apr 16, 2011 01:32 AM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-04-16 01:33:12
balletsfriend, my hair has been super short pixie, I know the feeling! I hate having long hair because of my hair texture and how incredibly thick it is, but I love being able to do things with it.

LeSoulierVert,
Hi lurker!
That's probably the best compliment I've gotten in quite a while, thank you.

- - -

day 254
i went hooping by myself in the park and that was the view I had as the sun was going down
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sat Apr 16, 2011 01:35 AM
Day 255
#1 old photo, new edit
#2 I re-constructed a shirt today

- - -

Day 256
This was the only picture I took that day
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sat Apr 16, 2011 01:40 AM
day 257
again, one of those frustrating "crap I have to take a picture *snap*" days

day 258
[old heart bokeh from christmas with a b+w filter overlay twice to get the different sizes]

day 259 "veins"
I wrote a bunch, but it's not worth sharing.

day 260
i have zippo processing consistency.
whatev.
this looks crappy.
whatev x2

ed trig
Spoiler: Show

today my stomach dropped just a little more when I realized I really never want much more than this. i keep this idea of "oh you want to get better, oh you want to be okay, oh you want great relationships, etc" when in all reality that's not really true. it's too much. I hold myself back. the fear gets me. the nerves creep up on me and I'm frozen and pointless.
today my heart broke a little when I realized how ugly I am when I look in the mirror. When I see the fat pouring out of everything I own.
today my head swarmed and splashed and screamed for air, and while I dug my nails into my palms and pulled my hair out, I realized that whatever I am - whatever I make myself be - is horrible.

today I remembered what it's like to skip a bite...or two...or three.
today I remembered how easy it is to lie.
today I didn't wonder why I felt like shit, because I did it to myself.
and that's the epitome of control.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sun Apr 17, 2011 09:33 PM
Day 261
Coachella

Such a miracle, the internet.
I've watched Mumford and Sons,
The Swell Season
Bright Eyes
and soon,
Arcade Fire

all in one night, all live, and in my room while I hoop.

thank you Youtube.
I missed Two Door Cinema Club though :(
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sun Apr 17, 2011 09:39 PM
tree tree tree
all i take pictures of is this freaking tree.

I think after spring is over I'm going to make a stop motion of all of the pictures I've taken of this tree.

- - -

www.youtube.com . . .
Years went by and we got older
Remember the days when gas was sold
For 1.50 a gallon oh how things have changed
Like those stylish fads
And the look on your face.

When you see me for the first time in years
We swore we'd never end up here.

Well I won't be alone, if it’s gone
I'll move on.

It's time to leave while my eyes are still dry
It’s time to leave while my head is held high.
Its' time to bolt, time to bail, time to go
Where to?

Well I really don't know.


I'm gone, so long, see you soon
Up, up and away like a rising balloon,
I'm just stupid enough to pack up and leave
Taking all that you have trusted and confided in me.

Hug me now because you might loose your chance
I am crouched in my sprinting stance.


Time to bolt, time to bail, time to go
'Cause I'll let you get way too close.

I'm gone so long, see you soon
Up, up and away like a rising balloon
I'm just crazy enough to leave you behind,
Though you're nothing like I have found or will find.

Years went by and we got older
Remember the days when gas was sold
For 1.50 a gallon oh how things have changed
Like those stylish fads
And the look on your face.

When you see me for the first time in years
We swore we'd never end up here.

Well I won't be alone.
Julia Nunes, Balloons
On repeat.

#3 Natalie on flickr favorited this OHHHHHHMYYYYGODDDDD.
#4 is from last week.

- - -

blog posts:
sunday about dreams
Spoiler: Show
so I dreamed last night and it was a familiar dream of essentially being placed impatient somewhere against my will...which is obviously reflecting my intense need to be in control of things (especially that kind of thing).
I usually don't remember my dreams...and when I say usually I mean never.
But I was really myself in the dream, and that gave more reasons to put me somewhere (not surprising, haha). Really the only main thing I remember is I was standing on a log that was tipped up on it's top and I was loudly shouting (cheerfully I might add; mania. Oh boy I just noticed that correlation to mania and being on top of the world to standing from a high place bahaaa) something about how I'm fine to the people who were trying to put me in an involuntary psych hold.

hahaaa see now I just think it's funny.
i hope if I have a mental break it ends with me standing on a log. a log of all things? hmm...how in the heck did that get in my mind?

this did prompt me to look up the laws in my state regarding these things since I'm almost 18 and I'll actually have more rights and less "oh I'm your parent I know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING."

okay - now off to sleep. I get to sleeeeeep allll dayyyyyy tomorrow (today).


- - -
oscar wilde.
death must be so beautiful. to lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above on's head, and listen to the silence. to have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. to forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

please see it here:
www.flickr.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Tue Apr 19, 2011 02:06 AM
263

it rained, hailed, and snowed today so yah...more trees.

- - -

I've spent all of forever learning to accept that everyone feels like this...I've just had the rug pulled out from me completely.
I don't get it anymore.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed Apr 20, 2011 12:07 AM
264

today was the epitome of rapid-cycling mood swings.
uggg so exhausting to try to regulate emotion.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Thu Apr 21, 2011 06:42 PM
265

the rest and info and a short video are all here:
freemadisonmc.blogspot.com
re: 365 Please
By Believemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 1855, member since Sat Oct 14, 2006
On Thu Apr 21, 2011 07:48 PM
The picture with all the sunglasses on has such a vintage-y feel to it, and i just adore it.

i hope you're doing well. I'm always wondering if you're okay, hopefully that's not too creepy, but I legitimately care.

Take care, lovely.
re: 365 Please
By RainyDance Comments: 510, member since Thu May 04, 2006
On Fri Apr 22, 2011 02:05 AM
I LOVE the last photo! The colors and design are so beautiful. It's mesmerizing!

Thinking of you!
re: 365 Please
By CaffeinePremium member Comments: 3194, member since Wed Aug 08, 2007
On Fri Apr 22, 2011 05:05 AM
Way, way cool. :)

Haven't posted much, but have been thinking of you...
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sun Apr 24, 2011 12:53 PM
266 - I don't have a lot to say about anything right now
267 - All of the other pictures are on my blog: freemadisonmc.blogspot.com . . .
268 - 3 image overlay
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sun Apr 24, 2011 12:55 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-04-24 12:57:57
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2011-04-24 12:58:32



relapse, 1239am042411

this is never going to mean the same thing to you than it does to me, and that's the point isn't it?

I needed things to make sense. I needed things to stop. I needed to realize that it’s not always worth the fight. I needed to realize that I could just give in like I always have and it would be no different.
Too few. Too superficial. And that’s how it gets you…and leaves you always wanting more.
Welcome back to breathing, if only for breathing’s sake. Welcome back to secrets held. Welcome back to annoyance.
And welcome back to freedom by being held by something so tight that you can’t move.


- - -

go watch/listen to this song right now.
manchesterorchestra.cinderblock.com
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Sun Apr 24, 2011 09:51 PM
269
hipster Easter fun with my sister and her boyfriend as models

No cropping,
No added eggs in photoshop,
just curve and level changes

see all the photos and here and tell me what you think :D
madisonmcphoto.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed May 11, 2011 11:16 PM
MAJOR CATCHUP TIME

I've been kind of away, still lurking here and there.
But I'm kind of back, or at least I'm back for tonight so I thought I would post some major update.

Like when I did this before though, I'm just going to post flickr links since I already went through all of that work.

And I"m going to post them in chunks so I can write a bit too.

Alright, here we go:
Day 270 Super uninspired and uninterested stop motion. It like a lot of things has a lot more meaning than I care to explain so yah.
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 271 I did end up taking an actual photo that day, but it had nothing to do with anything so I like this better.
www.flickr.com . . .

I don't think I should post 272 so if you want to see it, it's not that hard to just click the next photo button on flickr.

Day 273 Definitely one of those days where I slept until so late that I HAD no day and then all of a sudden it was 11PM and I had to take a photo but all I wanted to do was sleep. Awesome outcome :(
www.flickr.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed May 11, 2011 11:20 PM
Northwest Hoop Gathering

Day 274
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 275
www.flickr.com . . .
and all the photos from that day on my blog:
freemadisonmc.blogspot.com . . .

Day 276
www.flickr.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 2400, member since Wed Nov 30, 2005
On Wed May 11, 2011 11:27 PM
Day 277 I came back from Northwest Hoop Gathering to this. My sister bought it for me; she's the best sister ever.
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 278 My kind of second explore. I got knocked off though.
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 279 looks better on black (when you click on it)
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 280
www.flickr.com . . .

Day 281
www.flickr.com . . .
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