Forum: Arts / Photography - Artistic

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re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Nov 22, 2010 08:15 PM
Day 113 -

"Lets run away they won’t find us now
We’ll hide far away and be free"

You and Me - Alex Day

- - -

I'm not sure I am right now. But I'm not looking forward to trudging through the snow tomorrow in 4 degree F weather to get to therapy. Hmp.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Nov 22, 2010 08:18 PM
The rest from day 113
re: 365 Please
By Sumayah
On Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:24 PM
Gosh, I can't even imagine having ice and snow and frost right now! You're so lucky. And side point I love, love, love Florence + the Machine's "Falling" - I had it on one of my warm-up playlists last year.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:53 AM
^Except it's FREEZING! I think tomorrow has a high of 6 degrees F and there are winter storm warnings all over the area. SOOOOO chilly!

- - -

So this was supposed to go with the second bath of photos but I suck at doing things right, so here it is.

The lack of sunlight makes some people sad.
But I've always seen the worlds in shades of grey so it's no different.
The cold chills us to our very core.
But my heart is already frozen so it's just the same.
The snow makes the cars slip and slide.
But I've been slipping away for years.
The layers of clothes help keep us warm.
But to me, they're just another way to hide.

The sky is grey. The snow is white. The trees are black.

I'm okay with the shades of gray, I'm always okay with feeling this way.
I love the bare trees. I love the dirty snow on the roads.

- - -

I think I've finally accepted that everything is right with me. That's terrifying.
I'm all too common. I think we all want to think we're important enough to be an exception. And be it as it may, most of us aren't. I'm no exception. For so long I've actually wanted something to be wrong with me.
I'm simply me, which is nothing more than that.
I'm typical but extraordinary and alone but not lonely. In some weird, twisted way, I don't want to let go of this side of me because in a weird way it makes me feel like I'm special. It makes me feel like I am an exception - that I do have something wrong that can justify why I feel this way. That all is extremely immature.
There's nothing special in struggle.

And I'm no exception.



So basically I feel like if I can get myself to therapy in the crazy weather tomorrow I'm going to tell him I don't need to see him anymore. I feel like perhaps I've just been being extremely selfish hoping I could have something to blame my generally unstable emotions on. Really, I'm just a freaking girl.
Nothing is wrong...that's hard to accept. But I feel like for once I can accept it.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 23, 2010 02:27 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-11-23 14:28:21
Day 115 - Midnight

I can't sleep much right now when it's actually nighttime. But being up at midnight is definitely very much a normal thing for me.

This is the view from my window (same view as Day 113. Am I lacking inspiration? Nah. I'm full of it.)
Lots of snow and branches.
And shadows and yellow light.
And fog and falling snow.

I think this week will have a theme, and that theme is color drained.

Edit...ooo yucky. It looks much better on Flickr:
www.flickr.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By Reidfidleirmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 23, 2010 05:59 PM
Love the first icicle shot. Very nice. IT's cool because they're vertical and diagonal, and the background of bricks create horizontal lines. it's almost like a 3 dimensional plaid in a weird sort of way.
I also like how the icicles seem to almost blend in although they are in the foreground, and so different from everything around it. They blend and POp, blend and pop. too cool.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Nov 24, 2010 05:23 PM
Day 116 - Waiting for the day they feel good

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

Mad World, Gary Jules

- - -

I went out an took senior pictures today. I've discovered I have a REALLLLLY awkward face when I'm nervous in front of the camera. Which is interesting, I mean I take tons of pictures of myself but having someone else take them is a little strange.
I had a blast though :D
re: 365 Please
By Allymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Nov 24, 2010 05:28 PM
I'm a total creeper..I saw you had Alex Day lyrics <3 DFTBA! Loving this don't give it up.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Nov 25, 2010 07:23 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-11-25 19:26:43
Day 117 - There are things that drift away like our endless numbered days

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she let's them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
Her baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

Passing Afternoon, Iron and Wine

Day 5 of Winter tree week

- - -

Edit: YES DFTBA! Thank you
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Nov 27, 2010 06:40 PM
Day 119 - The Trees

"When Thomas brought the news that the house I was born in no longer exists - neither the name, nor the park sloping to the river, nothing - I had a dream of return. Multicoloured. Joyous. I was able to fly. And the trees were even higher than in childhood, because they had been growing during all the years since they had been cut down."

The Trees, Max Richter

Day 7 and last day of Winter Tree Week
This was an interesting challenge. I had to keep my perspective different and new on a daily basis on things that were essentially the same everyday. It was good - and hard - to keep the inspiration. I think it was good for me. In some weird way this pushed me.

Also, I got the third season of Six Feet Under from a co-worker and have watched it non-stop since yesterday...I only have 3 episodes left. Which means I've watched around 10 hours of it in the last 24 hours. I know. You're jealous of my awesome life. Not.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Nov 28, 2010 02:55 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-11-28 14:56:25
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-11-28 14:56:49
Day 120 - Lies


And all the best lies,
They are told with fingers tied!
So cross them tight,
Won't you promise me tonight
If it's the last thing you do, you'll get out.

Feeling Sorry, Paramore

- - -

This didn't turn out like I originally wanted it too. But too many people are home for me to go around the house with minimal clothing looking for good light. Haahaa.

- - -

I don't think I should post this picture here because it's my bare back...and I don't know...I might get in trouble? It's quite scandalous :]

So here's a link if you want to see:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 30, 2010 06:12 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-11-30 18:13:38
Day 121 - Something's wrong
+2 from a STOP MOTION I made of putting up the Christmas Tree

Okay seriouslly.
So many things have gone wrong today.

I find out I don't have my bus pass. That's all fine, I have money, but I'll have to be early to work because the transfer passes only last so long. So I call and I'm told I don't really need to come in. There goes $30
So whatever, I stay positive. I can go home and do stuff? Oh no wait...I have NO KEY.
I call my Mom. She obviouslly can't do anything about this but I thought I would call anyway.

I decide I'll go to my Dad's. But again I don't have my keys. So I call him. No answer. I call a bunch more times, leave messages. No call back.
So I eff it and hop on the bus.
I get downtown at 11:00 and my Mom gets off work at 5:15.

I call again and finally my Dad picks up.
That's all well and good and I spend the day over there (he left for work at 2:30 so I was all alone in a really boring apartment for 2 hours after already spending a whole lot of time doing other boredom-busting things).

I get a text my sister is sick and my Mom wants to know when I need a ride. She tells me she can't pick me up until much later.

I see my friend at the mall and apparently her phone turned off in her pocket which sent her mom into panic mode. And I mean calling the police panic mode.

My Mom finally picks me up; the lady she takes care of had a screw up in her meds so that's stressing her out. The roads are terrible and icy.
Oh and may I add I did a whole lot of walking in below freezing weather often on top of giant snow berms 3 feet off the sidewalk. Fun

We finally pick up my sister who has been in a class-registering predicament all day. Basically she was told she didn't have to do things that actually she does have to do which means she can't register. I would go on about that but it's a long story and this whole description is going to be really long anyway.

Then we get home. And she's texting her friend about Thanksgiving and her boyfriend's evil dad and somehow SENDS HIM THE MESSAGE. SERIOUSLY? There is NO way that could have happened. First off, their names are no where near each other in her contacts. Secondly, she was directly REPLYING to the message that her friend sent her.

So this whole story has nothing to do with anything. But whoa there world. How about we take less of a cosmic dump on people?

- - -

In lue of the impending boredom at my Dad's apartment, I went around shooting for an hour or so. I took lots of pictures. I'm going to post a few more in the next post

- - -

Oh, but awesome: I got a holiday bonus at work! HELLO 50mm 1.4!!! I'm coming to buyyyy you!

- - -

Also, since I'm somewhat behind. I went to therapy today and said "yesterday was terrible!" Apparently that was a big step...hahaaa I'm super pathetic if telling the truth about something bad is a step. (it's weird because I don't lie, I just don't bring it up/dodge questions if it's "bad" stuff)
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 30, 2010 06:16 PM
Day 121 Cont.

Me being a ghost and a still life
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Nov 30, 2010 06:20 PM
Day 122 - One third

See the rest here (it's WAY to difficult to upload pictures here)
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

- - -

Done that is.
33.3333 percent done.

So I'm most likely sick right now. But I'm pretending I'm not. I'm 90% sure if I went and threw up I would be officially screwed and the stomach thing I get every year would then be started.
Normally I wouldn't care. It's usually 20 hours and then it's done. But I have FAR too much to do right now.
So I'm not going to eat the rest of today.
The End

Walking to therapy was kind of hilarious today. The snow plows have decided this year that they would simply push all of the snow onto the sidewalks. I propose this question to the city: WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WALK EVERYWHERE?
Some of the giant snow sidewalks are compact and you can tell because there are footprints. Unfortunately a majority of the ones I had to walk on were NOT packed which meant my feet were submerged into 3 feet of snow at any given time. (I ended up walking on the highway for part of the time because I really had no other choice)

When I was walking back to the bus from therapy after I was literally laughing. I found it really funny that I was completely covered in snow. A guy at the bus stop also found it funny. We shared a moment together, hahaa.

- - -

Also. This is what happens when the picture I wanted to take did NOT work out at ALL whatsoever.

I have obviously lost my mind. I'm taking pictures with my camera on my head.

- - -

ALSO I had some old pictures on my memory stick that I found. See them here:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

I actually don't hate them
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 01, 2010 07:23 PM
I'm not on the right computer so I'll post the photo later, but I have something to share:

"Real life is a funny think you know? Saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial in fact that most of us start to hesitate for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've began to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. I think you deserve to look back at your life without this chorus of resounding voices saying you could of but it's too late now. So there's a time for silence and a time for waiting your turn but if you know how you feel and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait, I think you should speak now."

Now normally, I wouldn't be quoting someone like Taylor Swift, but this does make a whole lot of sense/I like it. I was watching the last few minutes of her TV concert waiting for the next show to come on and she spoke to me, haahaaa. Not really, but I did really like it.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 02, 2010 04:37 PM
Day 123 - North for the winter

I changed my mind on my 365 POTD after I realized it's DECEMBER today.
These are 4 our of the 200-something counted cranes I've made for my 1000 crane project (which is basically on hold right now) all from magazine pages

- - -

I like the snow.
Yesterday when I was waiting for the bus I just stood there with my head towards the clouds feeling each little frozen crystal hit my face and melt. The world is kind of amazing.

"I know how you feel, no secrets to reveal, nobody knows me at all
Very late at night and in the morning light, nobody knows me at all"

My original 365 (the first picture) for today, a slightly bluer version, and other pics from today here:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

ALSO I ordered new glass today!!!!! 50 1.4!!!! AHHHHH! SO EXCITED! (plus I ordered a battery grip which my Mom is going to reimburse me for for Christmas)

And sorry for the complete-lack-of-something-interesting-or-inspiring photos. I see all of these people's photostreams and basically pass out in amazement. Who are these amazing people and where are they so I can steal their gifts?

I really want my pictures to be better/actually creative, but that's not happening, so I'll just live with it. I also realize completely that the fact that I want them to be better in the first place is a problem. Better than what? Better FOR what? Good questions.
I need to go shoot people. If only I had friends to shoot (that all sounds far too hilarious, shooting people, hahaa). I have ideas of stuff to shoot, but then when it comes down to it I don't like it or it just doesn't work. The images in my mind don't really come out, they just get stuck there, waiting for the actual application to happen.
Again, this is all very unfortunate.
I also must admit I'm not spending as much time shooting than I used to. It's so cold and snowy outside (aka wetness falling from the sky) and I don't want to get my camera wet. I know, not an excuse. I should just get a freaking umbrella. But I would just walk around shooting when the weather permitted. So I guess that could be part of it.
But really, I'm just trying to validate my lack of photo-inspiration/inspiration in general.
Because this isn't fair. I don't want this taken away from me.
I don't want this taken away from me.

This scares me. Because I know I've been feeling better and I know there's a correlation between my brain and my photos. Another reason that un-rational me would love to be depressed for the rest of my life: things seem much more beautiful. I have much more inspiration.
That's all extremely contradictory to "depression" in general, but hey what do I know?
I don’t want this taken away from me.

Aha. And there it is. Truth. That’s a very important statement for me right now.


- - -
Stop reading now if you don't care about pointless rambling.

A girl in class today commented on how much my writing (as in hand writing) changes. "I wouldn't think the same person wrote the top of the page than the middle." This is true today, and a funny observation by her.
I'm afraid to report things aren't good - but they are good at the same time. I'm not sure.
It's very confusing. I feel okay, actually more than okay, for a majority of the day. I hold it together really well and am surprisingly doing well in our group discussion for the oral final. I'm completely (ehh...mostly) coherent and discuss quite well. I took charge of the group and I'm not too stressed about it. I feel connected to the people in my group.
But I still have so many bad thoughts. So, so many bad thoughts.
I never asked to think this way.
What would it be like to go through a day NOT wanting to hurt yourself? To not want to spit at your reflection or to not want to sleep all day. I imagine that must be nice

So I'm not sure about a lot of things. But I will admit that I think for the first time in literally years I feel like short-term I can do this. Long-term, not so much.

But it's a start.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 02, 2010 07:16 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-02 19:20:25
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-02 19:20:59
Day 124 - Explosions in the sky

My therapist gave me a challenge. And this is what happened:

madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

I can't embed the video, but my actual day today is a stop motion. I'm very unexperienced in stop-motion world but I love it.

The two first photos above are processed stils from the stop motion and the other isn't from the stop motion
re: 365 Please
By Sumayah
On Thu Dec 02, 2010 07:25 PM
I love it. I absolutely love the stop motion. That little explosion at 0.30 seconds in was nifty! And I like the heart at the end. Love love love!
re: 365 Please
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 03, 2010 02:39 AM
The stop motion was freakin' awesome :D

Also I wanted to let you know that I'm always reading this, even though I haven't commented much. Your photography fascinates me.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 03, 2010 09:24 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-03 21:32:16
Thank you Suma and Katee! I have a really epic idea for a stop motion but it's going to take A LOT of time so it'll probably be a while until I do that (or not...because I'm really excited about it!)

Day 124 - Caroling out in the snow

I HIT 1000 VIEWS ON MY FLICKR PHOTOSTREAM!
That is totally insignificant for a majority of everyone but that probably just made my life.

Trying out the square crop today, haha

I went and ASL caroled the Dean today with the ASL 1 class which is always fun.

But OOOOO look: a Christmas tree. Basically I come home everyday and it makes me excited to see.

So I apologize ahead of time if a majority of upcoming photos are all bokeh, tree, ornaments, and lights.



Again, I'm not going to even attempt to upload the extra pics on here because it takes so long, so here's a link to my blog: madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By QueensJennmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 03, 2010 09:44 PM
It looks like a Christmas card! I love it!
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:14 PM
QueensJenn wrote:

It looks like a Christmas card! I love it!


My Mom just came in and saw it on my screen and said "It looks like a Christmas card!" haha! She wants to print some out to send as cards this year which makes me feel pretty cool :D
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Dec 04, 2010 11:56 AM
I've played with square format a little bit because two of my film cameras...a Hasselblad and an antique Rolleiflex use a 6 x 6cm format on 120 film. Most of what I did with the "blad" was commercial stuff and I simply cropped it into rectangles, but Hasselblad (the company) put out a lot of sales propaganda in the 60's - 90's advocating the use of a square format with many examples of doing that. Most of the time, since the negative is so big compared to 35mm I just left generous borders around the subject and cropped it in the darkroom but Hasselblad wanted to try composing in the camera. One of Hasselblads "trademarks" were two little notches in the side of a frame which would show up if you printed the full size of the negative with a black border...to show that you used the whole frame (and the notches would prove that you used their cameras. In my college photo class we had to print much of what we did (even 35mm) with a black border to show that we were composing our photos in the camera and not in the darkroom. It might be fun to try that again.

Your "Christmas card" is a winner and works perfectly in a square format.

Jon
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 04, 2010 11:05 PM
Thanks, Jon

Day 126 - Every time I start to change my again, it gets me back to where I was

(lyrics from Eric Hutchinson)

This is confusing and strange, but I'm going to write it anyway.

You see, this is frustrating. My brain is very frustrating.
Nothing sets me off. It's nothing really. I'm completely and totally good and have it together. I'm intelligent - and self aware- and I know what's going on. I'm proud but slightly embarrassed that the last two weeks or so I've been a lot better. I've been working hard. This embarrassed me because I feel like I've been untrue if things can change so swiftly like this, and I'm aware of that.
And it's been funny to me that very suddenly I can be completely okay and look at my life with a clear head. It's funny that I could be in a place that was pretty darn rational, not just thinking rationally. Strange it is that in one simple moment I can go from being very stable to wanting to hurt myself more that I have in a very long time.

So why is one minute completely wonderfully perfect and then the world is crashing down the next? My mind wouldn't stop and I couldn't stop it.

My hands started shaking and I couldn't hold on. I ran to the back room and grabbed my iPod to hopefully distract me. I sat there folding cranes like the mad woman I am shaking and hitting myself on the leg over and over reminding myself that I'm <i>here</i>. And where is that exactly? Oh yah, I'm at work. I'm off in 45 minutes in fact. So lets see: I could sit here shaking. Urging. Wanting. Needing. Or I could do something about it.
I hate shaking and at the same time I find it fascinating. I don't like my body doing things I don't tell it to, but the fact that it can do whatever it wants to begin with is very interesting.
The thoughts fill my head in a rush - and overwhelming rush of repressed feeling. But I'm holding on. I can't do this.

I can't turn it off.

But for a little bit, not too long ago, I completely and totally thought that I could.

It's so sick. I want my mind to stop playing mind games.

And here's the kicker: I needed to prove myself wrong. I needed to prove to myself that I needed to do this because being okay isn't where I want to be. Self-destruction is fine in moderation perhaps? It's not bad what I'm doing. I'm not out smoking filling my lungs with cancerous chemicals. I'm not killing brain cells on the weekends doing drugs. Nothing like that.

I'm justifying things that are not/should not be justified. Geeze really?
That's one huge step for crazy and one giant step back for sanity,

And so we meet again, butterfly and camera. Hopefully that means my pictures will be better.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 05, 2010 08:00 PM
Day 127 - I guess I'm gonna give up


I'm sorry if I made you want to cry
I'm sorry if I made you want to cry
You should know, I never meant to hide
I just hate bringing you down
Oh, I just hate bringing you down

I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

Can't Get it Right Today, Joe Purdy

- - -

I vaguely remember thinking pictures would somehow be inspired today. That obviously didn't happen. OOO but look at my spiffy 4 sec exposure.
Do I care? Ehh...not really. I actually like this regarding.
This is my new $10 nail polish that reminds me of the galaxy.
So there.

Strobist info: my iMac to the left with it's amazingly bright white screen upon start-up hahaa
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