Forum: Arts / Photography - Artistic

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re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:10 PM
Day 128 - Draw a person, draw a house, draw a tree

I got these awesome tri-color markers from a craft swap on Craftster

Yeh...not feeling it today.
I wrote some type of poem thing today waiting at the mall for the bu that involved the words "f*** it" a lot.

I should be bothered that my 365 is turning to compete and total crap.
I often think if quantity vs. quality is really a good thing at this point.
Because if I somehow finish this, I'll look back at it disgusted because it's nothing that I wanted it to be. It will just be a bunch of last-minute photos and close-up texture shots.
I started out with low expectations to hopefully not get to this point, but apparently they weren't low enough.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:24 PM
Day 129 - Out of my hands

Everything is. So, so far out of my hands.
I don't really care. Because more and more what I want is becoming clearer.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:27 PM
Day 130 - Breakdown more

See the rest here:
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .

These are all un-edited mostly because I lack the motivation right now.

I got my new lens and battery grip and I love them.
In things I don't love news I had a huge breakdown yesterday...screaming was involved.
Now I'm just numb. Awesome? Sure.

- - -

A darkness comes at dawn
These lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun

Kings and Queens, 30 Seconds to Mars (I'm really getting into 30STM currently)
re: 365 Please
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 09, 2010 12:58 AM
Okay, so I just re-read half of this thread, and it made me want to go take pictures. So I did.

You've officially inspired me, miss :)
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 09, 2010 01:35 AM
^ that makes me feel really good. I hope you're doing better and enjoy shooting!
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 09, 2010 05:54 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-09 17:56:49
Day 131 - Alibi

(the first is my actual day 131)
+2 extras

- - -

No warning sign, no alibi
We faded faster than the speed of light
Took our chance, crashed and burned
No, we'll never ever learn

I fell apart, but I got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again,
yeah

We both could see crystal clear,
That the inevitable end was near
Made our choice, a trial by fire,
To battle is the only way we feel alive

I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again
away oh
away oh
away oh

away oh
away oh
away oh

So here we are, the witching hour,
The quickest tongue to divide and devour
Divide and devour
If I could end the quest for fire,
For truth, for love, and my desire,
My desire
And I fell apart, but got back up again
away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh,
away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh,

I fell apart, I fell apart, I fell apart,
I fell apart. I fell apart,
But got back up again

You MUST go listen to this song:
www.youtube.com . . .

- - -

Bad brain...suicide/mental health rant...
Spoiler: Show
I'm not going to lie - I've been very suicidal the last week. Apparently my Mom frantically called my therapist about me the other day. Today, he did the whole "think about who you would contact if it gets to that point" thing. I mumbled, "it won't get to that point." I don't think he really believed me, but I feel like that was the most honest thing I could have said in that moment. As much as I want to die, I don't see killing myself anytime soon. And I see how that's weird. Because I think about it a lot - I know how I'll do it - but I think about accidents too. Like when I'm walking to the bus (on the actual street may I add. There are NO sidewalks in the city right now because of all the snow the plows pushed up onto them) a car might just swerve over and kill me. I'm cool with that. I know I don't want to live. Very badly I don't. I don't want the help and to somehow muster up the energy to be okay. I want to give in bad.
Then he asks me about yesterday, which was fine in terms of everything.
That just adds to the evidence that I've completely lost my mind. I literally go from extremely suicidal to "okay" in a day. Ehh... awesome?

He said Tuesday's session was major stepping-forward day in terms of progress. Which also contributed to the fact that I was very unstable that night. I see how he can see a correlation, but it really had very little to do with the session. I was feeling that way days before the session.


I will now say something positive about this: I love how the light hit my collarbone and rimed my face.
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:36 PM
I agree with you about the collar bone, but the first photo has much more than that. There is something about that self-portrait that really "grabbed" me. The mood, the rim lighting on your face, the shadow of your hair on your face. This is absolutely superb.

Jon
re: 365 Please
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:40 PM
I agree with Jon - I absolutely love it. Every part of it just works so well with every other part, and it's brilliant.

(that last sentence made no sense, so I hope you got the idea)
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:52 AM
^^ I forgot to ask...was this with your new lens?

Jon

Comment #9366421 deleted
Removed by Chaconne (182529) on 2010-12-11 15:12:35 duplicate post, original remains (Even Mods do it)

re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:09 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:10:20
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:11:32
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:11:47
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:18:23
Wow, thanks Jon and Katee! And yes, it was with my new lens!

Day 132 - Light in the dark


I know I play with this idea a lot. Today it's very fitting.
I love the contrast of light and dark be it literally or metaphorically.

My sister was surrounded by light tonight although she's been enveloped by darkness (her boyfriend of over 3 years and her have broke up because of his jerk of a Dad)
It also reflects my own portrait yesterday quite nicely.

Please see the rest here (and click to see them large!)
madisonmcphotography.blogspot.com . . .
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:13 PM
I couldn't resist - I'm just going to post a few favorites

Comment #9367071 deleted
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:23:53
Removed by Chaconne (182529) on 2010-12-11 18:42:02 Double posting, Original remains. I did the same thing today myself, LOL

re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:16 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-10 22:23:26
Cont.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 11, 2010 05:26 PM
Day 133 - Working

I make most of the Christmas gifts I give, but this hat I'm making for ME dang it!

I slept in until a little after 1 pm today, and I would have slept later if my sister didn't come in a wake me up. The main problem with sleeping that much is that it makes me head hurt a LOT when I wake up.
But really, I'm still not awake. I'm a zombie today
re: 365 Please
By Orionmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 11, 2010 09:45 PM
I'm staring at that knitting needle picture. I think my jaw legit dropped. It's gorgeous.

:D
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:29 PM
Orion wrote:

I'm staring at that knitting needle picture. I think my jaw legit dropped. It's gorgeous.

:D


Yippee! Thank you so much for the comment (on here and on Flickr)

And thanks for the mod action, Jon.
re: 365 Please
By bella_mia224
On Sun Dec 12, 2010 05:38 AM
Day 132 made me cry. There is something so sad yet beautiful about that picture, It makes me wish I was there lost in all the magic of the lights and colours. It looks safe and warm. It truly is beautiful.
re: 365 Please
By WildSpiritmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Dec 12, 2010 01:55 PM
Day 131 is a good day for good portraits :)
The first one is really interesting.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 12, 2010 06:19 PM
bella_mia224 wrote:

Day 132 made me cry. There is something so sad yet beautiful about that picture, It makes me wish I was there lost in all the magic of the lights and colours. It looks safe and warm. It truly is beautiful.


Thank you so much, that's a wonderful compliment!

And also thank you Roxi

- - -

Day 134 - A quitter's try

I guess it's weird that something I had so much passion for isn't even a part of my life anymore. But I guess what's stranger is that I lost the passion in the first place.

I think I've given up on everything I've ever done, which has kind of come up in therapy at one point I think. I should talk about that more - although I know why I do to quite a large extent.

I don't know. This is a quitters-try photo, but I'm really not feeling it right now.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Dec 13, 2010 07:18 PM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-13 19:20:02
SOOC, any way I processed this just ruined it.

Weather reflecting my mood - it was SO foggy/rainy today.
I'm really not doing well.

Dear Boss: do NOT point out that you're wondering if I'm "mopey" because I look it.
Dear co-workers: as we leave do NOT freaking agree with him.
And if anything I thought my co-workers would be supportive of me, but I know that was really hoping too much. And I really do not expect much, but I feel like they've built up a bit of trust - and just squashed the freaking crap out of it.

It's frustrating that everyone just says "be yourself" and then I do and I get a load of crap about it.
**** it.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:15 AM
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-15 01:26:11
Edited by imadancer2 (146568) on 2010-12-15 01:27:22 flicr uses codes and DDN uses [/] codes..so hard to remember
Day 136 - Happiness

+2

So today was alright. I'm not going to beat myself up over the fact that I fail at therapy.
When I got home I was thinking some really bad things/was going to do really bad things (that's all one huge euphemism for feeling extremely suicidal, btw). Then one of my old friends who I'm going to breakfast tomorrow morning with texted me right then. Fate/irony/meant to be/whatever you want to call it. In therapy, considering I had not one word to say, he did a lot of talking. Somewhere in there he mentioned how he's concerned for my safety/if I'm in danger to myself (not cutting, but actual suicidal danger). And he was talking about how I really have made a lot of progress (even though I seriously barely say ANYTHING still. He almost poked fun at that - how I now am SO verbal considered to when I started seeing him. Which again, is saying zippo) but if I'm really in actual danger we need to figure out what the next step is in terms of treatment. Well, really what IS the next step? I mean what do you do when you're going to kill yourself? Go to the ER? Eh...no thanks. He also was talking about how he suspects I've felt "at the end of my rope" or whatever you want to call it probably a couple times in the last month or so. I would have to agree. I had some serious plans last week. And I know he knows that's where I am, but again, what can I do about that?
/end rant, moving onto other things

Also, I'm not too fond of this processing. I can only do so much in iPhoto. (Also this looks hugely saturated, but believe it or not this is slightly under the sooc saturation.

My sister's best friend who's was across the country for school is home for the holidays and she came over which was good, especially for my sister who vented a ton about her ex-boyfriend's jerk Dad. Like really - this guy has something wrong with him. All the stuff he made up and the manipulation...eeekkkkkk. I feel like he's going to snap one day and kill someone; he's one of those people.

Anyway, then we went to the bank to get all of our bank balances and soon after went to the mall. My sister and I shared some really good conversation, also always a plus.

And this is her genuinely happy. Something I haven't seen a lot of lately in my life, not just with her.
re: 365 Please
By Chaconnemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 15, 2010 09:25 AM
I think were I to choreograph the "Nutcracker" (unlikely ever to happen, but I AM playing it three times this weekend in the orchestra pit) I would like to create a set that looks like the middle photograph for the Sugar Plum Fairy Dance and the sections (Tarantella, Variations etc.) with come after the divertissiment (Arabian, Te, Chocolate etc.) The golden tone would be the right touch.

Jon
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 16, 2010 08:38 PM
Day 137 - All the noise everyone else is making

Everyone around me has no problem complaining about their life/problems. And I'm sure you out there in DDN land think I don't either because I do a ton of it on here. But in real life I'm silent.

I went to breakfast this morning and ate. YEAH me.
Then at one point I was home and inspired so I had this big set up for a shot that did NOT work in any way. So whatever, I moved on and took a crappy shot as always *facepalm*

I'm only up to 350 cranes, which is somewhat surprising in some ways because I feel like I've made a lot more than that.

My headache has been especially horrible this week and I'm really sick of it.

In other news, I staying home tomorrow and doing nothing.

- - -

"I'm on my way to the future," she said I said, "But you're just sitting there listening," she smiled said, "It's harder than you'd think with all the noise everyone else is making."
-Storypeople

I also added a test shot from my origional shoot that didn't work that I kind of liked.
re: 365 Please
By imadancer2member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 16, 2010 08:40 PM
Day 138 - Belief in nothing

I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars
I believe in nothing
Not the day and not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts

I believe in nothing
One hundred suns until we part
I believe in nothing
Not in sin and not in God
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth and who we are

100 Suns, 30 Seconds to Mars

- - -

I'm doing SO much knitting and crocheting for Christmas so I'm sorry for the lack of interesting photos :/
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