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Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 09:46 AM
Locked by TheMidlakeMuse (78507) on 2010-12-23 05:50:09 old, OLD thread

This is more of a warning to you girl and guys.

I've been seeing this guy for a few months. We've always had safe sex since I didn't know him very well when we first started sleeping together. We were in an on and off type of thing. One night, we were tipsy, and he told me he trusts me and that he wants to have sex without a condom. Me being on the pill, I said "Great!" and we went on with it. We did it again a few times later. Two weeks ago a red light went in my head that he always wants me to come over and he never comes to my place anymore, and that we don't even go out anymore while we did before, and I told him I don't want to do this anymore, and that I'm not his puppy.

Last night he calls me and tells me that a common friend we have (whom I've also slept with, no condom) has HIV and that they fear that it might be from me, 'cause a girl I was never friends with told them both I'm slutty and had sex with at least 6 or 7 guys she knows without a condom.
This, of course, is a lie. I don't sleep around, and on the occasional fling, I use condoms. When I've been seeing someone or sleeping with someone for a long period of time (meaning, more than 3 months), I allow myself to let the condom issue go.

Anyways, while consulting family and friends for what the hell is going on and where did this come from, they all said the same thing - the guy is pissed off 'cause I told him I want to end that unhealthy relationship I had with him. He's out for revenge, and what better way to screw with my had and ruin whatever little life I've had in me than to tell me I gave him HIV.

Stupid, stupid me. Although I know who I am, and the girl is lying and I've confronted her (along with my detective uncle who told her that next time this can go to court), I do have a certain risk at having HIV. I'm going to get the test on Monday, just to be sure of where I stand. And if it comes back negative, he gets a framed copy to show the world that I'm not carrying HIV around.

I wish that I'd never told him it's ok to take off the condom. I wish I'd never met him in the first place. I wish I'm HIV-.

I'm scared. I was consideting hurting myself last night when he called me and told me about the aids situation we're having. I knew it's not worth it.

Lesson to be learned - don't sleep around, but if you do - always, always(!) USE A CONDOM.

59 Replies to Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.

re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By SaraTheGrouchmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:16 AM
If you're sleeping with people without a condom, BOTH of you should have been tested recently enough to know that you're both clean. I understand condoms suck, but really? Come on, think a little.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Cienmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:24 AM
I'm sorry this guy is spreading this stuff about you. Even if your test ends up positive for whatever reason, it's not cool for him to go around telling people about your status without your consent. Yes, you should have used a condom, but there's nothing that can be done about that now.

And for the future, if you are HIV positive, you are not "contaminated". You have HIV; that doesn't mean you're "dirty." (I'm not attacking your language, OP, I'm just putting it out there.)
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:57 PM
SaraTheGrouch, I'm well aware that I've been stupid. You don't have to rub it in, ok?
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By SaraTheGrouchmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 01:16 PM
You post about it, you open yourself up to others' opinions.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV. (karma: 1)
By panicmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 01:16 PM
Getting an HIV test isn't good enough. Those tests are only accurate several months after infection. Always assume the person you sleep with has HIV, and act accordingly. It doesn't matter whether condoms suck or not. This is the reality we live in.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV. (karma: 1)
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 01:19 PM
^Right?! Three months is no kind of yardstick. Dude could have had HIV that whole time. But you're like "We've dated TWELVE WEEKS, so it's cool if you don't want to wear a rubber." Schwaa?

Biologically speaking, it's harder for a chick to give HIV to a guy, then it is for a guy to give HIV to a chick. OBVIOUSLY, it can happen, but when you have sex, there's alot more of you that's being exposed to him, then there is him being exposed to you.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By reel_faerie85member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 01:28 PM
I hope you get the results that you want.
TBH I don't think people need to tell you where you went wrong, you are obviously well aware of that and well aware of the consequences . Lets be honest here, most people have a moment when they 'forget' or choose not to use a condom. It happens. Its not like you are the first person to do it or the last.
Keep your chin up and at least you will know for certain one way or the other.
Personally I think the guy sucks, not only was he ok about not using a condom but he makes you out to be the problem. You were both in it together.
Thanks for sharing this with everyone and being honest and grown up about it and highlighting the risks to others.
Hopefully we will all think twice now.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 07:29 PM
Why is this is post "how dare they accuse me of having HIV?!!"

Shouldn't it be, "dear God in Heaven, a guy I slept with has HIV and I could be infected too!!"

I mean goodness, looking at it a little sideways, aren't we.

I second Sara - if you're sleeping around condomless you should be tested regularly enough that if someone accuses you of such a thing, you're able to say "absolutely not, and here's the paperwork." Speaking of, the test takes just a few minutes (at least the one my clinic uses), so there's no nasty waiting period.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 07:58 PM
TBH I don't think people need to tell you where you went wrong, you are obviously well aware of that and well aware of the consequences . Lets be honest here, most people have a moment when they 'forget' or choose not to use a condom. It happens. Its not like you are the first person to do it or the last.


But it's not like she FORGOT. She was sleeping with a guy she didn't know that well, and he said he didn't want to wear a rubber, and she went "We've been together 12 weeks, so no rubbers? Right on!"

Is she the first person to not elect to use them? Hardly. But has the decision had consequences that are proving to be far to expensive, for the relatively low payout of condom free sex? You better believe it!
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV. (karma: 1)
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 08:37 PM
I just cannot believe, that in 2010 - 2010!! - people still refuse to wear condoms.

I mean - have we REALLY not figured this out yet??

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By seacaptain
On Fri Sep 24, 2010 08:43 PM
Whoa guys, y'all are getting the story mixed up -

The guy decided no condom cause he was tipsy and said "hey, i trust you" she said great thinking only of the pill/preg prevention. no 12 week thing.

Also, the guy doesn't for sure have HIV, the common friend does and they're saying it must be from OP.

Just clearing those things up - no comment on the rest!
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By dance4lanimember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 03:50 AM
Not sure how to quote, but this is a response to Theresa's comment.
Pointless said after 3 months she may let the condom go, it wasn't as if 12 weeks on the dot the decision is made.
After 3 months of dating and sleeping with someone, usually you'd be close enough to talk about sexual issues. I think in healthy relationship and where you have both been tested, not using a condom when you're on the pill is fine.
This guy is obviously just not a great person.
The lesson learnt is maybe to choose sexual partners more wisely and to wear condoms.
Pointless is obviously not in a great situation right now and needs support more than being criticized. She has already stated she has learnt her lesson and acknowledges she acted 'stupid'
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 06:30 AM
Seriously, I know I posted this on a public board, but I posted it here since this community is usually a bit more supportive.
If I know I was stupid, and I know where and how this all went wrong - stop telling me that. I KNOW. I was there. I'm smart enough to own up to my own mistakes. See? I just did that.

I can also point to nearly each and every one of you people, all prude and proud, that you TOO had un-safe sex once or more in your life. Spare me the condescending comments, please.

Theresa - please don't put words in my mouth. I didn't just come to the guy after 12 weeks and said "CONDOMS OFF! WOOOOOO!". He suggested it, and for a reason I'm not sure of anymore, I trusted him enough to agree to that. I don't go dating guys and after 12 weeks force them not to use condoms, thank you very much.

I don't think the guy himself is 100% sure he has HIV. He thinks he does, now, since our common friend whom I've also slept with, has HIV, and stupid guy decided that it MUST be from me and that now he has it too. The guy said he went to get tested, but when I asked him to see the test results he made up some story about not having them printed out and that he got them online. Which is why I'm starting to think he really did just made the whole thing up.

Ya'll aren't saints. Don't act like you are. People do stupid things - whether it's unwanted pregnancies, drugs or getting STD's. Quit the act, folks. No one's buying it.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Odessamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 07:20 AM
Are you actually insinuating that ALL the people who responded here are A) sexually conservative, or in your charming term "prude and proud" and B) have engaged in risky unprotected sex?

How about you turn down the self-righteousness and realise that in posting something on a public board, you leave yourself open to whatever comments people want to leave?

And for the record, I am neither a "prude", nor have I EVER enaged in unprotected sex. EVER.

Erin.
::righteous babe::
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV. (karma: 1)
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 07:36 AM
Erin, first of all - good on you for never ever having unsafe sex!
Second of all - I was insinuating just the opposite. Not everyone are conservative. Not everyone have engaged in un-safe ssex. But a quite a few DID.

People are free to leave whatever comments they may. Including putting words in my mouth, calling me stupid and whatnot, and be as unsupportive as they'd like. It's everyone's, after all.

HOWEVER(!!!!!) -

I'm free to talk back when people say stuff that aren't true. I'm free to correct people when they get me wrong. I'm also free to tell people that when a person owns up to a mistake they've made - and they really really do, name calling and criticizing and attacking them is very VERY uncalled for.

If you get to say what's on your mind, I get to do the same. That's why it's called a discussion board. Sorry if I've offended you in any way, I honestly love most of your comments on this site and think you're awesome - but some of the stuff you've said was uncalled for!
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By noachkamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 08:38 AM
Now that we have established that a)we all have a right to saying our opinions as this is a discussion board, b)it is ok for each and every one of us to have unprotected sex because quite a few people do anyway, and c)the OP was stupid, can we back to the discussion?

Only problem is, I don't think there's much to discuss.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 08:47 AM
I'm gonna skip over the prior posts because I don't really have an applicable opinion on that, so i wouldn't further or aide the discussion at all.

However, I do want to say that I'm sorry that this guy was such a jerk, and even though it sucks for you, it is a good reminder to people, especially people who have not become sexually active and may not have outlined their limits or safety procedures yet.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:25 AM
Edited by Megan (87282) on 2010-09-25 10:26:23
I really don't know where you're getting the opinion that the people ho have replied on this post are either 'prudes' or have had unsafe sex.

Honestly, I am SHOCKED that people still have unprotected sex. SHOCKED. I have had sex with a reasonable number of men (as in, way more than the average on that other thread on the Secrets board) and I have only had unprotected sex in one committed, 3.5 year relationship in which we were both tested beforehand. Condoms are a necessity, not an option, unless you are positive, with results from the doctor in hand, that you are both clean.

Saying "everyone's done it" is seriously incorrect and a seriously bad attitude. It is NOT one of those mistakes that is okay because most people screw up and do it once in a while. It is potentially life threatening, and I honestly do not believe that all or even most sexually active people have done it.

I am sorry to harp on this but I don't think you understand how serious and unsafe this really is. It is INCREDIBLY dangerous and INCREDIBLY stupid to have sex without a condom with ANYONE you haven't seen the STD testing results for, even if he's your boyfriend, even if you've been together for a while.

This is not solely directed to the OP, this is me trying to make sure that everyone who reads this post understands exactly how risky this kind of behaviour is. And not just to one's reputation.


...that all said, the guy is a jerk, yes. But I think you brought it on yourself.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:39 AM
I've said a few times that I don't use condoms. I haven't since... 2005, probably. I'm not a prude but I've only slept with 3 guys in all of ever. In my opinion, I wouldn't sleep with someone I didn't trust when they told me they didn't have diseases, so it doesn't really bother me. I am on birth control, of course (and also have had the Gardasil vaccine fwiw).

So go ahead, call me a moron, slap a label on me and spin me around. It's not a stupid decision, it's knowing the risks, fully understanding them, and making a choice.

I'm not the only one that does it, nor is the OP, and let's face it, for each self-righteous DDN post there's probably a handful of lurkers who are too chicken to say anything (I get PMs from them sometimes, it's adorable).

The OP ADMITTED SHE WAS WRONG. What more do you want? Her to prostrate herself, self-flagellate and beg for mercy? We make mistakes, that's what life is.



...Besides, even if you use a condom you're still at risk for herpes, crabs, and HPV. So it's not really "protected."
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:44 AM
^Herpes, crabs, and HPV are almost 100% not going to kill you, unlike, say, HIV.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By YumYumDoughnutPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 12:23 PM
"that all said, the guy is a jerk, yes. But I think you brought it on yourself."

That is like saying that if a girl had too much to drink and got raped, she brought it on herself.

Some of you guys are saying that she should have known it was dangerous, it is stupid etc That is saying she brought this guys attitude upon herself.

Drinking too much is also dangerous,stupid, risky, possiblity of being raped etc. If the girl knew full well that there was a possiblity of being raped, is it her fault if she actually got raped? The OP knew that there were risks, along with a girl who drinks too much. That doesn't mean that rape or spreading rumors to ruin ones reputation is ok.

Keep in mind, I am not saying that rape and reputation ruining are the same thing. Of course, I feel that rape is a more brutal crime. All I am saying is that while the OP should have known better, it doesn't excuse the guy from acting the way he did.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 12:34 PM
Edited by pointeless467 (100602) on 2010-09-25 12:37:11 Typos are dumb.
Megan, FYI - my mom is a nurse and she meets her fair share of people who are sick with HIV, and unless you live in a third-world country and don't have access to proper medication and treatment - your chances of dying of HIV at a very young age are pretty low. Women with HIV give birth now through c-sections, thus not passing the virus on to their baby, and when the disease is caught on early in pregnancy and is treated, most babies are born healthy. Yes, HIV will evantually kill a person - but not necessarily sooner than, say, cancer, car accidents, drug use and other very unfortunate events. I'm not saying HIV is the best thing ever, no, and I'm not wishing to have it either, but just so you'd know - with today's medicine development and all - people get by and even get to live a happy life and die of old age. As long as they're treated. Everyone will die evantually. Living can kill you, too, in a way. (As in you can't die unless you've been alive, I mean.) And I agree with you - I had brought this on myself, no doubt.

Honestly, I posted this thread as a warning to those who were thinking the same I do - "what are the odds?" - and I hope that those who've read this and didn't comment and thought "I have unprotected sex too" (which I know for sure there are people like that around here. Not everyone had the right sex-education. I know my parents, for example, never talked to me about HIV and condoms. They assumed I'd just know not to make bad choices without having them break it down to me, I guess.) will get the message I'm trying to put throught - karma, faith, life - is a sneaky, sneaky little thing. Never assume. I know I won't ever assume again.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By Meganmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 12:38 PM
Edited by Megan (87282) on 2010-09-25 12:41:19
^Jazzy: You're right, rape and loss of reputation are NOT the same thing, and I'm just going to ignore that part of your post because it is so far from on topic.

The reason I say she "brought it on herself" is because you, and only you, are responsible for your reputation. No matter what people say about you, if you have behaved in a manner that you are proud of and are willing to stand by, you have nothing to worry about. Those you care about will know the truth, and those you don't care about will either eventually figure it out, or it won't matter anyway. Ultimately, it is your personal actions that reflect back onto you, and the things people say will never last as long as the things you demonstrate.

In this situation, engaging in unsafe sex with multiple partners isn't really sending a message that the OP is a responsible girl. Because part of this ugly rumor is based on truth, it will endure a lot longer than the stupid stuff that mean girls just make up.

Pointless: We posted at the same time, so I'll add stuff now. I think you missed the point of my post to Heart. I am aware that HIV isn't a death sentence, but all the same, it is pretty naive to say that it won't kill you, as there IS that possibility, even here, unlike crabs. That was the point I was trying to make to Heart, not that HIV is going to kill everyone who has it right away. It's way more serious than the stuff you can catch wearing a condom.
re: Guy saying I contaminated him with HIV.
By pointeless467member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Sep 25, 2010 01:02 PM
Megan, I couldn't agree with you more on this one. HIV is a horrible, horrible illness that doesn't get fixed with antibiotics like other STDs and STIs. HIV, even with today's medical technology, is still frightning and aweful. But people live with it, have babies, work, and get a chance at being somewhat normal, while in the past that was practically impossible to say, let alone think about it.

My reputation could be good again, the minute that test result says I'm negative. Hopefully, that would be the case. Knowing that the guy keeps changing his stories and not willing to physically show me the test results he claims he took, I probably am negative, and the guy's going to have a lot of explaining to do when I'd show him my results myself.
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