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competing for a job! by dancer_starbucks
Right now, I teach jazz and lyrical. Me and my co worker are "competing" for the job of leading the competition team. I don't want to kiss up but how can I get the job?








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one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By ibteachin Comments: 184, member since Sat Feb 28, 2009
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 06:53 PM

I can't believe I'm asking this question about a 15-year-old! She does not get that everyone can see her underpants beneath her tights. It looks terrible... and weird. I've had repeated discussions with the girls about keeping underwear and bras hidden. The other day, when she walked into class for the umpteenth time with her white flowered underpants clearly showing through her tights, I had had enough, and I grabbed a pair of shorts out of my own bag, pulled her into the hall, and discreetly explained why she needed to put them on. She understood, cheerfully went and put the shorts on, and took class. Problem solved? Nope. The next day, she was back in class with the same visible underwear issue, and her FRIEND was wearing my shorts! This kid is of above-average intelligence, and she is not bizarrely dressed outside of dance class. I can't figure out why she's not getting the message. Is it time to call her mom?

24 Replies to one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help!

re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By pbdancer Comments: 45, member since Mon Sep 15, 2008
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 07:19 PM
Does she seem to care at all that her underwear is sticking out? What did she say when you told her it wasn't acceptable? Do the other girls say anything?

The answers to those questions may change my answer but...

If it were me, I think I would have simply told her the first day that it was against dress code but sent her in to class, I would not have given her shorts to cover it up. I would have told her if she came in improperly dressed again she would be required to change (go in bathroom and remove them maybe?) or sit out for class. In my mind she is just too old for this situation... but maybe I am being to harsh?

ps. I hope you got your shorts back from her friend!!
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Dream_chaserPremium member Comments: 25538, member since Thu Jul 26, 2001
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 07:26 PM
Even at pro ballet school (Joffrey), no one ever forbid underpants, only that they did not see them. I was very shy, at first, and wore them in the beginning. I knew not to with costumes, but got over it after a while.

I would talk to her, privately, and not embarrass her. Honestly, that is a minor thing. As long as she wears ones that do not show, and give her suggestions, then I would let it go. As for performance, that is different.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member Comments: 7286, member since Sun Apr 18, 2004
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 07:41 PM
You should have a personal talk with her at a time where other students won't run in on you.

Underwear in itself isn't a problem, it's the visibility: it breaks the line and more importantly it breaks the 'social agreement' within dance. It's sort of like walking into a vocal audition with bright red circles on your cheeks and white eye shadow from brow to lashes: no matter what you sing like people are going to think of you as "the girl with the weird makeup." Similarly, if your student goes into an audition like that, she's going to be the girl who had flower-dotted underwear, not the girl with good turns and high leaps.

It's a part of the dance world, and you're there to teach that as much as the actual technique. Give her other ideas: perhaps a thong would make her more comfortable, or perhaps she should voluntarily wear loose shorts or pants. NOW is the time and place to find her comfort in it: and if she needs help, she should feel free to come to you, yes?
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 33905, member since Wed May 22, 2002
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 08:00 PM
The idea of tights as underwear has always been SO weird to me, that I could never get on board with it. It wasn't until I rehearsed a number with blacklight and a silver thong that I kind of started to come around. :/ Even still, I had enough sense to make sure no one could see it.

Since she's obviously not on board with the tights as underwear scenerio, the least you could do is make sure she's wearing underwear you can't see, and keep moving. :/
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By GetRhythmmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 4672, member since Mon Jun 20, 2005
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 08:44 PM
I would privately pull her aside and set it straight. "You are out of dress code. If you want to continue wearing underwear, you need to make sure it's not visible." From the time I started dance when I was 4 years old, my mother NEVER put me in underwear with my tights on, so I never had a problem with it. It's just what you do! Like I tell my tweens, "Professional ballerinas don't wear underwear under their tights, so neither should you. Besides, why else do tights have a built in crotch?!" They always giggle about it, but I've never had an issue.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By NDow Comments: 1286, member since Mon Jul 19, 2010
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 09:50 PM
Usually by the time the girls are in their early to mid-teens, it's not an issue any more. They are not wearing undies or they have found some that don't show. But with pre-teens and younger, this has been a huge deal where I teach, not only with the kids, BUT WITH THE MOTHERS! It's like it's not sanitary or something. And if the tights are worn as undies, that means they are in the laundry every week. We don't want to wash them so often, do we? It's a struggle, even for recitals.

I ask them if they wear underwear under their swimsuits. No, of course not! Well, this is the same kind of thing. It's just not done. I also tell them that when (not if...) their flowery bloomers sneak out, as they always will, the audience will be watching their drawers instead of watching them dance. They giggle, and a few of them get it, but without a panty patrol at dress rehearsal and performance day, they would still try to get away with it.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By vfdtPremium member Comments: 2737, member since Tue Oct 26, 2004
On Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:32 PM
I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By ibteachin Comments: 184, member since Sat Feb 28, 2009
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 05:47 AM
So I should not call her mom yet?
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Dream_chaserPremium member Comments: 25538, member since Thu Jul 26, 2001
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 05:51 AM
ibteachin wrote:

So I should not call her mom yet?


No! How embarrassing that would be? Is this really a huge issue? Is she a trouble in class? Does she work in class?

It is underwear. Just mention, privately, that it must not show, or bring it to the entire class. "Just a reminder, that if you wear underpants under your tights, that they cannot show. Thanks."
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By RibenaRockstar Comments: 426, member since Tue Mar 09, 2010
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 02:39 PM
Personally, as a teenage dancer, I don't think underwear should ever be forbidden - only visible underwear. What about those of us who never got the hang of dealing with that time of the month any other way than with pads? What about nervous girls who don't know when they're due and so need to wear a pad? What about girls who just happen to feel totally bodyconscious that day? The bottom line is that if someone feels more 'dressed' they will feel more confident and thus dance better.
Just tell the class as a whole that they are old enough not to have flowered underwear sticking out their leotards - maybe cite that you can buy highleg underwear that would never show in plain colours quite cheaply - Sainsbury's do a white 5-pack for £2, and M&S a five-pack in assorted white, black and nude for about £6.
And maybe recognise that, for a class situation, if the underwear is discreetly coloured, it honestly doesn't matter if the hemline of it is slightly visible sometimes - especially if it doesn't actually break the line.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By ibteachin Comments: 184, member since Sat Feb 28, 2009
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 04:29 PM
I've had this conversation with the whole class, several times.

I never said she could not wear underpants, but maybe that's what she heard?

I guess I will tell her explicitly to get some more discreet high-cut black or nude underpants, or a thong. However, that's why I was thinking I should call her mom, since she's likely the one who will be purchasing said undergarments.

She's a nice kid; no trouble at all. It's just this one weird issue.

On a positive note, she came into class wearing my shorts today.... LOL!

Thanks, everyone! :)
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12252, member since Fri Aug 27, 2004
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 04:41 PM
You know, despite her age maybe she isn't allowed to go panty-less and she is stuck between her mom saying 'I don't care what your teacher says' and your dress code? I've got quite a few students whose very conservative parents have this rule. Just a thought, you never know...
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By ibteachin Comments: 184, member since Sat Feb 28, 2009
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 04:48 PM
I've had this conversation with the whole class, several times.

I never said she could not wear underpants, but maybe that's what she heard?

I guess I will tell her explicitly to get some more discreet high-cut black or nude underpants, or a thong. However, that's why I was thinking I should call her mom, since she's likely the one who will be purchasing said undergarments.

She's a nice kid; no trouble at all. It's just this one weird issue.

On a positive note, she came into class wearing my shorts today.... LOL!

Thanks, everyone! :)
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 33905, member since Wed May 22, 2002
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 04:50 PM
^That's kind of what I was thinking about too.

When I was an incoming freshman in high school, I tried out for the dance team. I got word that several of the girls were planning to wear costumes, and make a big thing out of the actual try out days.

I asked my mom to take me shopping. She told me that there was no way I heard right, and I could just go in there in leggings and a t-shirt and whatever, and I'd be fine.

Guess who was the only person, out of 50 or so people, to show up in leggings and a t-shirt?

So there is the possibility that mom has heard, and decided it's not that big of a deal. Although if she's danced for you for a while, then that possibility starts to shrink, because surely she would have gotten the hint after looking at all the other girls. :/

Make it CRYSTAL CLEAR to her that you want X, Y and Z, and actually ask her if you need to talk to your mom. "I know that you're getting to an age that talking about your underwear with mom is kind of a weird conversation, so if you'd rather I did it, I don't have any problem with that.", and see what she says. She might go "OMG, NEVER!", and she might go "Would you? That'd be great!"
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Arakmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 18113, member since Sun Aug 13, 2000
On Thu Sep 30, 2010 10:52 PM
When we were over age 12, our teachers would make us leave class if they saw underwear and not come back until we'd taken them off. We had a motto for one teacher who was particularly stingy on this point: "Hanes are not her way." I had a pair that were discreet enough not to be noticeable under my leotard that I wore when I had my period, but other than that it was no underwear.

I think I would have a little talk with her mother, because I'm kind of thinking along the same lines as d4j and Theresa and figuring that the mom is the one who really doesn't understand what you want and why. I'd give her a call and first of all tell her how great her kid is and how much you like her, and then ask that she please help her daughter find something more discreet and less bulky to wear under her dance clothes.

I had this problem one day last year with one of my 7-year-olds. At that age, I don't make them go pantyless. But apparently it was spirit week at school and it was beach day or something, and she wore her bathing suit to school as part of her outfit. That class met right after school and she rides the bus to ballet. When class time rolled around, she wouldn't leave the dressing room, so I came to find out what was going on and she told me she couldn't come out because she didn't have any underwear. So I tried to explain that it was ok and she didn't need it, but she adamantly refused. I pointed out that it was obviously ok not to wear it under the bathing suit since she hadn't worn any that day, but even that didn't work. She did finally come out of the dressing room, but she was so mortified that I couldn't get her to do much in class. She was even wearing a skirt!
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By ibteachin Comments: 184, member since Sat Feb 28, 2009
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 05:46 AM
You all have given me some good ideas here. It's so important for me to hear others' thoughts; otherwise, I get stuck in thinking only one way about an issue....


I still haven't gotten my shorts back.






Attention moderators: I apologize for the double post. I don't know why that happened. I tried to delete one of them, but got an error message saying the post was too old to edit.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By CarabosseKPremium member Comments: 1702, member since Fri Feb 22, 2008
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 06:25 AM
vfdt wrote:

I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.


I've had girls claim this too, but I can't help but wonder...is a thin panty really going to stop you from bleeding through? It's not going to protect you any better than tights and a leo.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Dream_chaserPremium member Comments: 25538, member since Thu Jul 26, 2001
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 07:49 AM
CarabosseK wrote:

vfdt wrote:

I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.


I've had girls claim this too, but I can't help but wonder...is a thin panty really going to stop you from bleeding through? It's not going to protect you any better than tights and a leo.


No, it is not going to stop but it is psychological, for one thing and the next is that many people, when their period is due, will wear a panty liner and they do not hold as well on tights.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By CarabosseKPremium member Comments: 1702, member since Fri Feb 22, 2008
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 08:10 AM
Dream_chaser wrote:

CarabosseK wrote:

vfdt wrote:

I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.


I've had girls claim this too, but I can't help but wonder...is a thin panty really going to stop you from bleeding through? It's not going to protect you any better than tights and a leo.


No, it is not going to stop but it is psychological, for one thing and the next is that many people, when their period is due, will wear a panty liner and they do not hold as well on tights.


I can understand that, but it still should be one that doesn't show. And eventually, if they want to continue on with dance, they're going to have to learn to use tampons. No, they don't need to start with them as soon as they start their period, but if they want any sort of performing experience with dance, they'll have to learn.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Dream_chaserPremium member Comments: 25538, member since Thu Jul 26, 2001
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 08:16 AM
CarabosseK wrote:

Dream_chaser wrote:

CarabosseK wrote:

vfdt wrote:

I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.


I've had girls claim this too, but I can't help but wonder...is a thin panty really going to stop you from bleeding through? It's not going to protect you any better than tights and a leo.


No, it is not going to stop but it is psychological, for one thing and the next is that many people, when their period is due, will wear a panty liner and they do not hold as well on tights.


I can understand that, but it still should be one that doesn't show. And eventually, if they want to continue on with dance, they're going to have to learn to use tampons. No, they don't need to start with them as soon as they start their period, but if they want any sort of performing experience with dance, they'll have to learn.


When I was a teen, I was forbidden to use tampons. My mom had this idea that I would no longer be a virgin, so I did not wear them until I was much older. In those days they had undies with holders for pads, with no adhesive, there were NO panti-liners, special elastic belts make to hold the pads. It was so primitive. Pads were very bulky then, too. I used to wear, what they called a "dance girdle", it was stretch and went over the tights and under the leotard and was black or pink, to either match tights or leotard.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By CarabosseKPremium member Comments: 1702, member since Fri Feb 22, 2008
On Fri Oct 01, 2010 08:49 AM
Dream_chaser wrote:

CarabosseK wrote:

Dream_chaser wrote:

CarabosseK wrote:

vfdt wrote:

I always wore bikini high-cut panties under my tights, because I was afraid of spotting, if it was that time of the month - and you never know when it will start. There are many styles of underwear, so I'd advise her to switch to a thin pair that doesn't show. They even sell beige lycra ones in dancewear catalogs.


I've had girls claim this too, but I can't help but wonder...is a thin panty really going to stop you from bleeding through? It's not going to protect you any better than tights and a leo.


No, it is not going to stop but it is psychological, for one thing and the next is that many people, when their period is due, will wear a panty liner and they do not hold as well on tights.


I can understand that, but it still should be one that doesn't show. And eventually, if they want to continue on with dance, they're going to have to learn to use tampons. No, they don't need to start with them as soon as they start their period, but if they want any sort of performing experience with dance, they'll have to learn.


When I was a teen, I was forbidden to use tampons. My mom had this idea that I would no longer be a virgin, so I did not wear them until I was much older. In those days they had undies with holders for pads, with no adhesive, there were NO panti-liners, special elastic belts make to hold the pads. It was so primitive. Pads were very bulky then, too. I used to wear, what they called a "dance girdle", it was stretch and went over the tights and under the leotard and was black or pink, to either match tights or leotard.


lol...I just pictured my students' faces as I tell them that they need to go purchase a dance girdle. I think they might actually stop wearing underwear.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By eloisefigmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1015, member since Sat Feb 14, 2004
On Sat Oct 16, 2010 08:06 PM
While I don't do it myself, I can see how that 1 extra layer of the panties can mean the difference between you realizing {OMG, I just started- run to bathroom, fix the situation and removed said panties to reveal yet undisturbed tights} or you having to spend the rest of the evening/class in creepy, gross, dirty tights before getting the chance to go home and clean them.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By NDow Comments: 1286, member since Mon Jul 19, 2010
On Sat Oct 16, 2010 08:48 PM
Oh, yes, I remember those dance girdles... and those blasted elastic belts, and the 2 inch thick pads... Ah, the good ol' days... Yet at the same time I was adjusting to those realities, I had a friend growing up and dancing in South America, and they did not even have pads. They were still using cloths; have you heard the expression being "on the rag"?...

I understand that some girls need the security of panties, to hold a liner or pad in place, so I'd never insist they go without undies. I was always more comfortable without them. As I think about it, though, part of the reason was that leotards were cut much higher at the leg openings in those days. It was difficult to find any panties that would be completely hidden. That is not the case today. Leos are not so high-cut now, and there are many more underwear selections.
re: one kid just doesn't get it: tights ARE underwear. Help! en>fr fr>en
By Dream_chaserPremium member Comments: 25538, member since Thu Jul 26, 2001
On Sat Oct 16, 2010 09:28 PM
Yes, I know all about "the rag". I am glad that I lived in an era that at least had pads!

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