Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By tuttifruttymember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Oct 16, 2010 09:32 PM

This started when I was nineteen and stopped dancing. My life started to focus less on being on my house, on the internet or dancing. I socialized, made a lot of friends in school and started going out to cafes, to the movies, to the clubs, etc.

My parents are VERY strict, and overly dramma about everything. They don't like visits to the house and they get angry when someone shows up at my house to see me and I don't "announce" it beforehand. At first I thought because of the mess the house could have, or food or drinks to offer to the visit... but as the years went by I understood they just DONT like other people around...they dont have ANY friends :( but I do, so I started seeing my friends on their houses or other places.

Then they didn't want to let me go out. They were angry if I was just a tiny wee minutes past curfew... even though I was the only one of my friends dropping out of the parties early, I respected the rules. Even though I had friends YOUNGER than me, I missed a lot of parties, events, birthdays, roadtrips... and I was always the one getting ridiculous reprimands. When I was trying my best living my youth and following the rules.

Then I started to realize they want to CONTROL everything in my life: the way I talk, the way I dress, the career I studied, the money I spend, the food I eat, the tv programs I see, the way I act... Im sorry but at 20 I want to be my own individual, making my own mistakes and living MY LIFE.

I started to spend a lot of time with my friends after school... we just eate together and watched TV and hang out without alcohol or anything my parents wouldn't aprove of... and came home at 7pm with my parents histeric and angry that I didn't want to be all day everyday inside my house (even when sometimes I had homework). My brother sometimes doesnt even come to the house til the next morning... but he's a "man" so he can do it...

Fast forward and now Im 23... My boyfriend got sick of my control freakness and my angry all-the-time-for-everything attitude... I was becoming my parents... I dont want that...

In july 25th I was in a carcrash that left me with two vertebrae broken L4 and L5 I had a major spinal fusion and I was bedridden 2 months... Im just starting to work with the help of a walker or stroller (i dont know how to translate it). The accident WAS NOT my fault, the girl driving was an idiot and was texting... I warned her to pull over so I could get out of the car when it happened.

My parents now use that excuse to see that it was MY FAULT I had this accident 'cause I didn't follow their rules of staying in the house with a ball and chain. They took care of me this whole time and they don't want me to get out of the house if it isnt with them... not even to buy some chips and soda with a friend or with my boyfriend... They say I only want to be in parties and that I should be thinking in getting mature and not going to parties or anything... EXCUSE me? I work, I have a college diploma, I dont do drugs, Im not pregnant, I always try to make them proud and I just cant! Im only 23 I dont have to be thinking on getting married right now, I just want to OWN my life!!!

What kind of life do they want me to live? One where I am encarcerated the WHOLE time??? My friends refer to me as the princess of the tower... cause I always have problems with my parents.

I wanted to get out of the house, I told them several times before and they said we could talk it out and change... they are not going to change. I feel really bad because I love them dearly and I am really GRATEFUL for helping me recover and making me a good human being that is now a kindergarten teacher... I REALLY appreciate their support and Im really sad I want to get out of my home :(

I just cant take it anymore, this is no life... I wanted to get out by the end of the month but I need to get a little better (at least walk again normally). I feel really ashamed guys like im backstabbing my parents :( but today my dad even reprimand me for my pijama... IM 23...

I was thinking of writing them a letter... but they are gonna TOTALLY freak out when I get out of the house... even call the police or something, Mexico is very traditionalist and this is not seen as "good or proper" so they are gonna be really disappointed... How can I do this as smooth as possible? Im desperate :( I cry because Im sad it had to take this to finally live my life... am so dependant of them, and I really love them, it breaks my heart that im gonna hurt them :(

Please help me, how can I do this as smooth as possible, have u been through something similar?

hugs from Mexico

6 Replies to I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)

re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By madseasonPremium member
On Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:51 PM
Edited by madseason (148702) on 2010-10-16 22:54:54
As much as I sympathize with your injury (I had a very similar injury six months ago) I can't help but feel that your parents have a right to call the shots on who comes over to their house, and when. You are plenty old enough (and have been, even prior to your injury) to be living on your own. I have been paying my own rent since I was 16 and I got my own apartment before I ever turned 18. In my OWN home, I can go and come as I pleased, have people over any time of day or night, do what I want and act any way I hope to. But if someone else lived in my home, I'd expect them to respect the rules of my home. I feel it is kind of the same now that you are an adult living in your parents home. If you were still a child it would be another matter. I understand that you feel you should be able to come and go freely, but your parents are probably just trying to protect you. It's what parents do.

Once you heal, I think you should start saving your earnings and get your own place. You have a right to not be treated this way, but so long as you are living under your parents roof, eating their food and they are paying for your care- it's only right that you respect their rules. If you don't want to answer to them, stop living under their roof and relying on them for assistance. You are 23, you are an adult, you don't have to answer to them anymore if YOU don't want to as long as you aren't depending on them for a place to live.
re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By ballerinatwirler
On Mon Oct 18, 2010 06:37 PM
I would say as soon as you're healed and able to work again to move out! You are too old to deal with all those rules and regulations. I do have to again with them on some points like if they don't want people in their house that's something you'll have to live with. My mom was super strict with me growing up but when I turned 18 I had a ton more freedom as long as I told my parents where I was.

I hope you get better soon!
re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By kkevv
On Fri Dec 17, 2010 09:18 PM
The only way to really remedy this is to move out. I have similar parents, who were really far too strict for my liking, and would not dream of letting me move out unless I got married.
However, I spent the last year studying as hard as I could so I can get to a uni that is far away, and I HAVE to move out. This way, I'm not offending my parents, but I am getting my freedom. I'm 17, btw.
re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:11 AM
If they call the police, can they do anything to you?

The best thing you can do is find out if you move out and if your parents call the police, can the police or law enforcement do anything to you about this?

Plan your move-out well, step by step. Be careful because I understand that in the culture you're from if you don't do this the right way you will be branded a not-so-nice name and be seen that way by everybody and it can even attract unsavory people who want to do not so nice things to you. It is not the same as in other countries where a single woman decides she's going to move out from her parent's house and everything goes fine. In some countries the law is NOT on their side so check up on that first to find out how it is on your side.

As for your parents, they might be mad at you when you go or they might not. But don't worry. They most likely will not stay angry with you for long. And if they do this is their problem, not yours.
re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By tuttifruttymember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:50 AM
The problem is IT IS my problem, because everytime they get angry for something I do that they don't like... they yell to my face how shameful they are for having me as a daughter, how digrateful I am and how nasty things are coming my way if I don't live the way they want me to... they say some really nasty and hurtful things to me... Im not taking it anymore, but as you say I am going to follow your advice and plan this REALLY well, so I don't have to ever come back and that this gets worse

thank you for taking the time to read and reply
re: I want to get out of my house (REALLY long)
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Dec 18, 2010 07:42 PM
Girl, I've been told I'm ungrateful, I'm disrespectful, I don't have a right to get angry at my parent since she has more of a right to get angry at me, she is always right and I am always wrong no matter if she is wrong just because she's my parent, and that I would not be the person I am without her, no effort on my part is what made me the way I am, it was always if it was something positive about me, she did it, she did it, she did it. And if there was something about me that was no good, I did it, I did it, I did it.

I was always so HURT when she would say those things to me. Especially when I lived under her roof. Then after I left it still kind of stung. It took a while, but one day those words were being said to me and I didn't care anymore. And it was no longer my problem, it was HERS.

Meanwhile, I never disrespected her, never cursed her, never hit her, never had sex, never did drugs, never got drunk, but yet if I said how I honestly felt and how I maybe would like to move out because things were not going fairly for me under her roof, I was suddenly all of those things that was just so very bad and I was no good. And to top it all off, my family members refused to interfere. I've been where you are now. You can PM me anytime you like. I totally been there.

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