Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

What do I do now???
By irshdncr12659
On Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:41 AM

So I just got on my bf's facebook, to see if he was really on or not and I find he has talked to a few people, I read their conversations (I know I shouldn't but he does it to me all the time anyway) I find out he's telling his ex all the stuff that's been going on between us (I was moody the other day and we got in a small fight), he plans on getting drunk with friends this weekend, and this other guy has a couple cans of chew for him. Now I am angry.
**Flashback**
We started dating in April after some weird stuff happened. He was never my type but we just clicked, got along great. I knew he chewed but it didn't bother me too much. I will admit I haven't been completely honest in this relationship but neither has he. After a rocky summer school started up and things were ok again. He tells me he hasn't chewed since July, because I asked him to stop.
**Flash Forward**
I hate his friends, but I love him. He does anything I want but now this... I don't even know what to say to him. This is not something I will easily forgive him for. He has had emotional problems in the past and every time I try to put a bit of space between us, he threatens suicide or other harm, because he "can't live without me" I really just don't know what to do anymore. I know I won't forgive him, but I don't know how to not crumble when he starts guilt tripping me again.
Any comments are appreciated!

4 Replies to What do I do now???

re: What do I do now???
By madseasonPremium member
On Fri Nov 26, 2010 04:24 PM
Edited by madseason (148702) on 2010-11-26 16:26:02
This relationship sounds really unhealthy on both ends. You're snooping on him, there seems to be a general lack of honesty and openness between you both, there is clearly an issue with the 'stay with me or I'll kill myself' thing...the list could go on. That's all very over-dramatic and toxic behavior. If I were you I'd remove myself from the relationship until you both learn to communicate properly and healthily (and maturely, without lies and sneaking) and there is no way in HELL I'd be with a man who did chew. Nasty.

Try to sit down with him and have a real open and loving conversation about all your concerns. And know that the threats he is making is a way of manipulating you. If he IS mentally unstable, he needs to get help for that but it's not like you have to be with him to prevent his eminent suicide. That's manipulative bull poo. If you two can't converse clearly and openly, my honest opinion is that things should end for the better health of both of you.
re: What do I do now???
By irshdncr12659
On Fri Nov 26, 2010 05:39 PM
Thank you! I have felt the same for a while but just didn't know if it was the right thing to do. The thing that really bothered me was that I DID trust him, I wasn't trying to snoop on him, we both know we are free to visit each others accounts. I agree that the chewing is absolutely disgusting. It is also a problem because we are only 16, so he is doing things against the law. I am trying to make things simple, but everything I say he twists around and is upset at me for.
re: What do I do now???
By madseasonPremium member
On Fri Nov 26, 2010 08:58 PM
Hunny, do what you feel is right for YOU to be happy and healthy. At 16, you need to focus on your education, personal goals, having fun and growing up to become the type of person you want to be. Don't waste any time being unhappy and stressed if you don't have to be. Trust me.

Chew is very icky. I knew a kid who did chew and it did BAD things to his teeth very quickly. It's a disgusting habit and you don't have to tolerate it.

Do what you feel is right and what is healthiest for you at this time.
re: What do I do now???
By dust2dustmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 05, 2010 08:14 AM
I agree with Madseason. It sounds like a toxic relationship and at 16, who wants to be in an uber serious relationship anyway? Enjoy your youth while you have it. No one can make anyone else quit tabacco; they have to find their own reason to quit. The most you can do is support him if he so choses to give it up, but if he isn't chosing to give it up, there's not much that you can do about that. Stand back and look at the relationship: if it causes you more grief than happiness I think it's time to end it.

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