Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

What to do?! friends ;L
By clarabel
On Sun Dec 19, 2010 05:28 AM

Here's the thing....

In our group in school I have always got along with everyone but I am very involved in my dancing and they are not. I made friends with two girls and they soon became part of our group. I like one girl more than the other one because she also dances and we had something in common to talk about. Anyway, the girl I got on really well with (let’s call her Jo) well we became best friends and I started to notice a few things I did not like. The other girl that I made friends with at the same time (let’s call her Megan) I did not like the way she spoke to Jo. She would make her take Megan’s bag to the locker they shared because she did not want to walk on her own but found it okay to let Jo go. Also she would not go anywhere on her own! Even just to buy a drink in the same room we would make Jo go with her. It was like she couldn’t understand that I liked Jo more than her and when me and Jo would be talking about dancing she would constantly interrupt me and pat me on the shoulder like something serious was wrong so I would stop talking because I would think it is something serious and she would just say “hi”, it really annoys me. I am a very good judge of character and there was something I didn’t like about her but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

A few weeks ago I was in the car with Jo and she told me about some of the things Megan did to her that I didn’t know of. For example on MSN Megan wrote to Jo all the things she did not like about her and sent it to her and said I expect you to change etc.
Jo does not me to make a fuss and she does not want to tell are other friends because she does not want people to fall out with Megan. So every time I have seen Megan since I have to try ad hide my feelings for Jo’s sake but I have told Megan that if I ever hear her do one more mean thing to her I am going to have to say something because I just don’t agree with it.

Hope this all makes sense?! I don’t know what to do? Jo wants me to hide my feelings and carry on like normal but I don’t know if I can.

3 Replies to What to do?! friends ;L

re: What to do?! friends ;L
By Piano_on_Pointemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun Dec 19, 2010 06:52 PM
Jo needs to fight this battle on her own. It's the only way to get Megan to stop completely. This is her and Megan's situation, not you and Megan's situation. I know it's hard to sit and see someone be mean to your best friend, but that's just how it's got to happen. I think if you said something to Megan, it would just make the situation worse. Jo seems to be okay with Megan being the way she is, and if it's not bothering her, then it shouldn't bother you. When Jo finally gets fed up, she'll either say something to Megan, or she'll start ignoring Megan altogether, whichever is her nature.

I think Megan has some, perhaps, confidence issues or something. She doesn't like going places alone, and that's okay. I don't like going places alone most of the time. Maybe she's never had a close friend or can't keep them very long. So then she got Jo, but now Jo is slowly drifting away from her to you and she feels threatened. It doesn't hurt to try to include her more and not drift off into you and Jo's world, but let her be included, and see if that helps. Don't talk about dance so much when you two are around Megan, save that for when it's just you two.
re: What to do?! friends ;L
By Mendelmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:19 PM
It sounds like Megan is desperately clinging to her friendship with Jo, which is perhaps alienating Jo (and definitely you). But I agree with the above poster that all of the goings-on are between Jo and Megan, and that you should stay out of it. If Jo doesn't want to accompany Megan to her locker etc., she's free to refuse. And you shouldn't threaten Megan with "saying something" if she does something you don't agree with. Again, that's between her and Jo, not you.

I think Jo is taking the right approach of laying low and not spreading gossip. It sounds like Megan is just desperate for friends. If you can possibly include her a bit more, she might be a lot happier and start behaving in a more acceptable way. However, I do understand that there are some people you just can't be friends with (nor are you obliged to be friends with the whole world). If that's the case, be courteous, polite, and keep any and all gossip about Megan to yourself. You might not want to be friends with her, but others might. Don't ruin her chances of being friends with anyone else. If she's as awful as you seem to think, other people will catch on quickly without any input from you.
re: What to do?! friends ;L
By clarabel
On Mon Dec 20, 2010 03:13 PM
Thank you both for your replies. Jo recently was taken into hospital for an operation (not anything too serious) megan did come and visit much to my suprise and jo thinks things will be a lot better, she tends to forgive and forget whereas i forgive but dont forget.
I understand jo needs to fight her own battles but i feel very protective of her and its hard to watch. Dont get me wrong if this was happening to any of my friends i Would react the same way.
Jo does not like the way she is treated but does not Know how to stand up for herself so she just lets it carry on. I have had the same thing done to me so i Know how she feels therefore i want to help.
before i became close friends with jo. Megan was very close to another girl in our group called emily and they did everything together but then things change, as they do when you get older.
Megan has always had and still has lots of friends in and out of school. People like her. I am always polite to her as i have become quite good at this in my lifetime (all you dance.net-ers would have field day with my friends). I have told jo that anything she has told me about megan stays between us as i dont want to cause a fight, that Would be my last option. I really really hate tension.
thanks for your time and understanding nature

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