Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Really awkward housemate issues
By Clst_Skydancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 01:46 AM
Edited by Clst_Skydancer (122526) on 2010-12-29 02:27:09 typo

Hi guys. I haven't been on DNN for perhaps just over a year. So hello again!

I've been living with this girl, Sam, for almost a year now. Over that time we;ve become really good friends.

She recently met this guy, Blake, at a bar. After their first date, she brought him home for coffee. I spoke to him for about half an hour and all he spoke about was himself. He went on about his 4 houses, 3 cars and a harley bike. I was trying to be nice and said he had a nice watch. He then told me how much it costs (almost 2 grand apparently). He asked me what I did and I told I play the violin and piano at the con and he says he too plays both brilliantly and has perfect pitch. I seriously doubt he does, but he's just the most arrogant prick.

When Sam went to the loo, he leaned close to me and said (exact words), "Just between you and me, Sam is the most superficial b**ch I've ever met."

And Sam has this really cool, trendy blond hair that's cut really short at the back and longer at the front.

He went on to say, "And her hair makes her looks like a lesbian...she'll just have to grow it out if we start being seem together often."

I do NOT like to guy. He's mean, manipulative (he's already begun treating Sam like shit when they're in public), says such inappropiate things, and is self obsessed. And I've recently found out that he deals drugs.

Sam's room is above mine. I can hear everything. It's is a very old house, her floorboards squeak and grind as she walks around and the noise is incredible loud. I get startled awake often (she tends to party a lot at times).

He has come over a few times, about 3-4 times. Always in the middle of the night(2:30am, 3:30's never the same time). And they have sex.

I don't mind people having sex. Really. Have all the sex you want.

She's usually quiet. He's a little loud. I can't stand the rhythmic squeaking of the bed and floorboards though.

I've put up with it for some time. I find to difficult to sleep because I worry he going to come over and ruin my sleep. I'm always on edge when he's over.

But two nights ago...

He came over at 4:30 am. They started having sex immediately after. Very loudly. She sounded like a bloody porn star. 10 minutes in I actually hear her say, "Oh my god, I'm coming!" and then...gasp gasp...moan moan.

He kept up this awful groaning noise. It was so loud! And the rhythmic creaking....shudder...

Then a pause. Some shifting. Then the creaking resumes. This time on the other side of the room....right above me!

I was so pissed. I've been working all day and I needed the sleep so badly.

More of that...and then it changed. There was just him moaning. Louder and louder. But no squeaking. I's giving him head. And I was right. He finished, swearing and moaning. I heard her bounce off the bed, run down the stairs, and...get ready for this...I heard her spit it out in the bathroom!

Christ. My bedroom is right beside the bathroom!

I very nearly threw up in my mouth.

They had sex for about an hour. It was effing daylight when they finished.

She's usually so considerate. But she really wasn't that night. Neither was he.

I spoke to our neighbor who is Sam's best friend. She was shocked. She told me not to say anything and that Sam will apologize.

She didn't. For two days.

I spoke to her today. I felt so awkward because I hate talking about housematey things.

I kept it short. Told her I could hear everything that happens when he comes over (I've casually said this before). I also spoke briefly about that particular night, and that it was louder and it kept me up and I feel uncomfortable when he's around. (The drug thing really stresses me out but I didn't mention that.)

I have met some of her close friends, all of which have told her not to be involved with this guy. I mentioned it today, saying that perhaps she could take that into account and also that we are just concerned.

She flipped. She says she tries to be quiet and that it's really hard to be in the upstairs room. She says she never lets other's opinions of people get in the way of her own judgements, and that I shouldn't have an issue with him coming over. She said that she doesn't like to him coming over in the middle of the night (yeah right) but she's not going to turn him away because he's a 'friend'. Lastly she said I was rude and was 'talking over her'.

I was a little scared when she began all that. I apologized for being rude and talking over her even though I knew I wasn't. I didn't tell her not to keep sleeping with him, I didn't tell her not to let him come over in the middle of the effing night.

Then she had to leave because a girlfriend was picking her up for something.


I'm hiding out at uni computer lab. I don't want to go home.

Any sort of advice would be great.

13 Replies to Really awkward housemate issues

re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Clst_Skydancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 01:49 AM
I probably should mention that I have tried ear plugs, ipod (which really isn't good because music keeps me awake), and sleeping in the lounge (sofa is super uncomfortable).
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Euphoriamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 02:11 AM

Personally, I would print this thread out and let her read it. Seeing in print that you have heard everything (including the spitting- nice) will probably embarrass her sufficiently to make her think twice next time. I mean, having sex in a house which is old is difficult, and I don't really think that she should necessarily have to try and be really quiet, its more the time of day that HE is choosing to come over to do so. Sounds like she is just his booty call to be honest.

I'm suprised at her reaction, perhaps there is a part of her that already knows it's not right and made her go very defensive.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Clst_Skydancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 02:24 AM
Edited by Clst_Skydancer (122526) on 2010-12-29 02:48:30
Ah! That's perfect^^! Why didn't I just say that?! "Sam, you don't necessarily have to be quiet, but it's just the time of the day that he's choosing to come over to do so."

And yeah...should have said that thing about the booty call.

Sigh.....I'm tired, hungry and pissed off. And still at uni. My boyfriend is doing the overland track in Tasmania and won't be back till next week. I'm worried because this is his first real alpine hike. Sigh. Sorry, just tired rambling.

Edit: Ok, I'm going home. I really don't know what to say to her, but she has had all day to think about how I'm being a prude and really unreasonable and knowing me I'll be just nodding politely like an idiot.

Gah. Hate this.

Maybe I could suggest a house rule. Like no guys after 1am? I could tell her to go to his place but that would be 'talking down to her'. I actually find that really amusing because I'm the worlds biggest pushover. Well. So my friends tell me.

I should take assertive classes.

Ok, this ramble is getting ahead of me.

Keep the advice and comments coming please. I need help!
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 11:45 AM
You're roommates, you have to agree to this stuff. He can come over, but not at night when you're trying to sleep. Your sleep is more important than his sex. End of. Try to let her know times when you're going to be out of the house and they can go at it as they wish. Be firm.

For future reference, you should agree to the rules of these types of situations when you move in with somebody, before troubles arise.

If it were me and they were going at it for an hour, I'd go bang on her door until they answer and tell them I'm trying to sleep and they need to keep it down.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 01:37 PM
Why did you get afraid when she got all defensive and started yelling? Did you think you were about to be hit by her or something? Why in the world did you apologize to her? She can live her life however she wants, but she can do it outside of the house you two share if it involves keeping her roommate awake and bringing in some jerkwad who is involved in illegal activity.

Please, do not let this girl push you around. If he's so eager to have loud sex at all hours then he can be her roommate and pay half the bill. You have a right to a full night of sleep and that's what the crux of this issue is, your rights are being obstructed by her wants. And if she wants to have loud sex at 3 a.m. she should do it somewhere ELSE.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Munkensteinmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 03:00 PM
I'd try to make a recording of the noise and then blare it into her room when she's trying to sleep...that, or record conversations with the guy to catch those rude comments. I don't deal well with immature rudeness, heh.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Arakmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 03:01 PM
This is your house, too. You have a right to a good, uninterrupted night's sleep. Her bringing a guy over in the middle of the night and having noisy sex right over your head is inconsiderate, and you have a right to say so and ask her to make other arrangements. There's nothing "rude" about that, unless you said it rudely, which I kind of doubt.

Though I have to wonder: If this guy has four houses, why does he want to come there, to an old house that she shares with a roommate, to do this? Sounds fishy to me.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By seacaptain
On Wed Dec 29, 2010 03:05 PM
Sounds to me like the guy is controlling, dictates when he's coming over etc and she doesn't have any say. Somewhere she sees that this is not right (defensive part) but she likes him/the attention/has issues or something and so puts up with it. I don't think this one will be easy to solve.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Clst_Skydancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:10 AM
Edited by Clst_Skydancer (122526) on 2010-12-30 00:10:53 typo
Thanks guys for the replies. I feel better.

(He has two, not four houses. Sorry, my bad. That still is a lot of houses though)

I want to print this out and show her, but I don't think she'll take it very well. She likes this guy. I briefly entertained the thought of moving out, but that would be admitting defeat and an epic fail.

I'm tired of being pushed around. I'm sick of being screwed over by people taking advantage of my door mat tendencies and my inability to argue my case.

I'll talk to her. Give me a big dose of courage, guys. I'm gonna need it. Bad.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By LoriCook
On Thu Dec 30, 2010 03:55 AM
Would it help if you swapped rooms and she was downstairs? Otherwise they should go to his houses and live it up over there.
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By Clst_Skydancermember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Dec 30, 2010 04:53 PM
I thought of that ^^...but I really like my room. It's set up pretty much the way I want it so I don't want to give it up.

Didn't get a chance to talk to her. I felt really buggered when I got home last night and she was out and I didn't want to stay up waiting for her. I hate sleeping in, so I usually get up earlier than her and come to uni to practise.

Maybe she'll get the hint and not invite him over again.

I'm really concerned that he'll invite her druggie friends over. She said he wouldn't, but let's face it, she's really warped in the head when it comes to his attributes.

re: Really awkward housemate issues
By sophia_lee
On Sun Jan 09, 2011 03:32 PM
Can I just say that it is a really good thing that you are being honest with this girl, rather than just keeping it inside. My flatmate (although she owned the house) asked me to leave, citing the fact that I had loud sex that kept her up and made her feel uncomfortable as the reason. Yep, my first sex (and it only happened once!) after nearly a year, and I got in "trouble" because of it. Oh, the times...
re: Really awkward housemate issues
By obsesseddancer14
On Mon Jan 10, 2011 08:29 AM
I agree with you that this guy sounds like bad news, but I think she's in a place where she's going to get really defensive if you try to get her to drop him, and to be honest she's a big girl and can deal with her own relationships. For now I would bite my tongue about how awful the guy is because you're not gonna get anywhere with that, and just talk to her about the noise issue. Tell her you don't care what they do, just when they do it like Euphoria said, and ask her if she could keep it down after a certain time. I think that's all you can do right now.


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