Forum: Advice / Girls & Guys PG-13

Is she worth holding out for?
By Kayte
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 06:50 AM
Locked by Kayte (100237) on 2011-01-08 05:20:02 realised what I need to do! Thanks for the help :)

Ok so I haven't posted here for literally years, but I need some impartial advice so thought it would be a good place to start!

Basically, a couple of months ago I started to fall for a girl I liked (I too am female), and decided to tell her how I felt as I just couldn't hold it in anymore, and to be honest thought I was going to get rejected anyway and could then just 'get over' her. To my surprise, she told me that she had a thing for me too. I couldn't believe it, I felt so happy! Problem number 1 - she has a boyfriend.

So, all was just plodding along nicely when it happened, she cheated on her boyfriend with me. This has happened two or three times since then (please, no lectures on the cheating, we both know we are in the wrong and if faced with the choice again it wouldn't have happened). In between all this we spoke and realised there are feelings there too, it's not just about sex.

Skip forward, she has recently finished with her boyfriend. Now I knew this was probably coming, they have had problems for awhile, but the thing is, since then, she has been so off and cold towards me. I assumed it was just because she had got out of a relationship, so I gave her some time and space so she could sort her head out.

I spoke to her recently and she has said she doesn't know what she wants, and that she will miss her ex if he moves out (they are still living together) and that her head is messed up at the moment. From everything she has said my gut feeling is that she is trying to let me down gently, even though when I asked her outright if there was ever going to be a chance of anything happeneing she said she doesn't know.

I am now so confused, I guess i had got into my head that we would end up together, and now I feel very used. I don't know whether to wait it out until she decides what she wants and hope that it is me, or to just forget it (easier said than done, feeling don't just disappear!)

Any advice would be really great, I really am stuck as to what to do. Thanks very much in advance

Kayte

5 Replies to Is she worth holding out for?

re: Is she worth holding out for?
By Anon1234567890member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 07:38 AM
Sounds like she hasn't come to terms with her own sexuality yet. She liked the idea of having a girl on the side, but either isn't ready to officially have a girlfriend, or isn't gay after all.

Either way, you have to ask yourself how long you're willing to wait. If she's umm-ing and aah-ing all over the place then you might end up waiting forever. I'd say the same if it was a guy keeping a girl hanging on - you can't waste your life waiting for them to make their mind up. What if the real girl for you was right there, but you're blinded to it by hanging on for this girl? No, I say it's a giant waste of time. Get out there, meet people, see where you end up. No use tying yourself in knots while this girl figures whether she's gay or not, and whether she can cope with that or not.
re: Is she worth holding out for?
By Kayte
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 08:03 AM
Edited by Kayte (100237) on 2011-01-07 08:04:23
Thanks for your reply Louise. I should probably have mentioned that she has been in a relationship with a girl before, and is much more accustomed than I am - if this were to work out it would in fact be my first relationship with someone of the same sex. So I don't think that it is the fact that I am a girl that is making her so hesitant.

Kayte
re: Is she worth holding out for?
By TheMidlakeMusemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 08:27 AM
You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say. Basically it boils down to the fact that you are not a special or unique snowflake and your relationship was not "meant to be"--you are a girl who enabled another girl to cheat on her boyfriend. Now that your relationship is no longer secret and dangerous and exciting, she's not interested in you. Now go find someone who's actually available for a relationship instead of trying to make it work with someone who's unavailable.

Dani
re: Is she worth holding out for?
By MarlaSingermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 08:31 AM
The person who is right for you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they want to be with you. Clearly that is not the case with this girl, so my advice would be to move on.
re: Is she worth holding out for?
By Kayte
On Fri Jan 07, 2011 08:49 AM
Thank you Dani, your advice makes a lot of sense. I feel rotten about the fact anything happened whilst she was with someone, and rest assured I will not be getting involved in anything like that again.

Jonelle - I guess I just need to try and move on and find someone who is right for me and me for them!

Thank you both

Kayte

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