Being embarrassed by your partners struggles and wanting him to work through things does not make you condescending; it makes you human. If his trouble with words/writing made you sneer at him, put him down, publicly humiliate him, etc, THAT would be condescending. But simply wanting the best for him so badly that you’re driving yourself slightly crazy in the process? Nope. Just means you love him, want the best for him, and are invested in his happiness.

People rarely know the exact right thing to do in sticky situations where emotions run high and the outcome effects more than one person. When my husband and I hit issues that make both of us squirm, it’s very difficult to wade through our initial reactions to get to what we really want, and what it will take to get there. It’s so easy to hit what I call “trampoline syndrome,” and just keep bouncing on top of the problem rather than keeping still long enough to figure out what’s in our way.

I understand completely how this particular situation could make your husband feel diminished and ashamed, and how, if it were my husband, I would bend over backwards to try and fix it for him. As much as you’d like to, you can’t (which you’ve already acknowledged). However, you can work through this as a couple, you just have to respect each others boundaries, and all the emotions that pop up along the way. Easier said than done, sure, but you guys can do it.

I googled learning disabilities along with the name of the state I live in, and it appears that most states have a learning disabilities association. Perhaps you and he could look into that? I know budget constraints can make you feel trapped, but maybe just doing a bit of free research will help you feel like you’re moving forward, and help you both feel more at ease. I also believe (but could be wrong) that most colleges have an official person that handles adults with learning disabilities, so perhaps your local college could have some helpful suggestions?