Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

How did you come out?
By Felsamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Apr 16, 2011 10:32 PM

Well I decided to finally come out as bi in my diary on DDN after knowing for a rather long time. Long story short, there is a girl that I have been friends with for a while that I like, and she likes me, but she lives 6500km away now :/ and I want to go see her this summer but I also want a week to myself. I tried talking about this with my mom and of course she goes "You can see her anytime, sped time on your own."

anyways... I feel like I can't talk to anyone because I can't give them the details needed.

So how did you come out?

I know most people will be all "whatever" about it. A lot of my friends are gay, my best friend has a gay uncle, my mom does not care, my aunt that i am super close with would more then likely not care. My father will disown me but I dont care.

If I know for a fact no one will care, then why am I so afraid to tell them? I really need to talk to someone over this situation because I am losing sleep over it and not eating and it is making me more stressed out then work is making me.

so, after all that rambling, does anyone have any stories or advice to share?


11 Replies to How did you come out?

re: How did you come out?
By oz_helenmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Apr 17, 2011 03:39 AM
Totally can't give you my own story but I can give you the story of a guy I know. He was 16 and his parents found gay porn mags in his room. Kind of took the "how do I tell" out of the equation. ;)

Sorry, that's really not helpful. I know of some people who came out by introducing their new same-sex partner to their parents/friends.

re: How did you come out?
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun Apr 17, 2011 09:34 PM
In the spirit of "I know this won't be a big deal, but why the crap am I so nervous about it?", I went through that same dilema when I had to tell my mom I was pregnant. I knew she wouldn't care. I was fairly certain she'd be pretty happy about it. And even still, it was scaring the living daylights out of me.

I went with the "just blurt it out" policy.

I called, and she was like "Yeah, you don't want to talk to me right now, I'm in the middle of yelling at -my sister-".

I was like "So when can I call you back? Because you want to talk to me, I promise."

At this point, I'm sweating so hard that I'm getting sweat spots on my shirt. I was sitting on my couch in the living room. On a cool day in March.

I had her attention. So I'd better come up with something.

"I, um...I'm pregnant"

And that was it. Then I could calm down and have a reasonable discussion. And telling her ended up being no big deal. Telling Jims parents ended up being a different dilema all together, telling her was no thing.

So I advocate the "just blurt it out" policy. Then you'll be over that "how do I do this?" hurdle, and you can start talking.
re: How did you come out?
By ChristinePremium member
On Sun Apr 17, 2011 09:51 PM
A friend of mine just said, "National coming out day isn't for a few months so I thought I'd get the jump on things and let y'all know now that I'm gay."

Her homophobic brother said, "Well, that's news I could have waited to hear"

Her reply? "This isn't about you. I just thought you should know so you'll stop trying to fix me up with your friends"

There is no easy way, and usually, the sooner to get it out there the easier it will be on you.

Good luck


Keep On Dancing*
re: How did you come out?
By Chris_ballerina
On Sun May 29, 2011 09:50 AM
It has been a long and difficult process and I know it is far from over. First was letting my feelings of shame and fear go. While I still have twinges when asked by relatives about getting married or boyfriends, etc. but nobody in my family knows but it brings my conflicted feelings back.

Second was accepting my feelings and desires which was a lot of work for me as I felt (earlier on) that it was wrong and crazy. But I couldn't run run and I did a lot of reading about coming out and self esteem for my feelings and erotica for exploring my desires.

Some friends know, but only three. However, my coworkers (day job) and family (other than a gay male cousin ) do not.

So, have I really "Come Out?" After writing this in response, I guess it is a work in progress.

I commend the bravery of those who have come out at a quicker pace and to all of their friends and family!

re: How did you come out?
By Ninemember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Mon Jun 06, 2011 01:32 PM
Edited by Nine (169750) on 2011-06-06 13:34:16
Opportunities to mention it come up like all the time, talking about crushes, gay people, former partners, etc. In my opinion there are tons if socially appropriate times to just slip in a comment that signifies I like girls. And then people are like oh, you like girls? Cool didn't know that. I like this approach because I'd prefer people to think of it as something that I can mention casually without having to announce first. I dunno I first told people when I was like 11 though, so I'm probably not much help

edit: but yeah, I think the best way with parents can be to just introduce them to your same sex partner. I just like the dynamics of it. There is also the subtle approach of changing your preferences on facebook, buying a few gay pride items and just waiting for people to ask.
re: How did you come out?
By AmbrosiaShadows
On Thu Jun 16, 2011 11:05 PM
Like Nine, I'm a big fan of just slipping it into a conversation. If you make a big deal out of it, they will too.

My favorite way is saying "whoever created me had a sense of humor: I'm a Bipolar, Bisexual Gemini!"

I think everyone who comes out will forever have bits of anxiety over letting New People know. It's that same fear of rejection; even if you are almost positive they will be cool with it, that one part of you will still be whimpering, "but what if they're not?!"

That's why I think its best to just kinda slip it in. If you're cool with it (even if only on the outside) they will be, too. If you make a big deal out of it, so will they.

Those who Mind don't matter, and those who Matter don't mind.
re: How did you come out?
By SiyoNqobamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Jun 17, 2011 04:17 AM
Edited by SiyoNqoba (34789) on 2011-06-17 04:19:26
I also can't really help. Though I must mention that for some reason I thought this must be a post about whether or not your mother had a vaginal birth. It took me a second (before opening it), even after seeing what forum it was in, to figure it out. I don't know why, lol.

Do you have Facebook? Because if so, coming out may have just gotten a lot easier ;)

My friend came out to me via Facebook. We hadn't seen each other for a few years and had gotten back in touch, and even though I had a boyfriend (who I'm now married to), I said something that he misunderstood. So he took a deep breath (I imagine), and told me. He actually totally built it up saying "I have something to tell you, and I know you're probably going to hate me for it" and so on and so forth. So by the time he got to actually spilling it out, I was just like "Oh, is that it? I was expecting something awful!"

Another girl I went to school with, pretty much just told everyone she was a lesbian by changing her "Interested in" to women.

I can understand why you're so nervous. Even though most people will be cool with it, you're telling them that you're something other then what they thought you were. That would be scary. Once you've told your family and your closest friends, I imagine it would get a bit easier to tell anyone else. Just keep remembering that they'll be fine with it, and that they love you.
re: How did you come out?
By Prima_ballerina5member has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed Jun 22, 2011 10:46 PM
One of my closet friends came out a few years ago. She sent a few of us a text message that basically said 'My New Year's Reolution this year is to come out to my friends.'
re: How did you come out?
By Tatianna25Premium member
On Sat Jul 02, 2011 03:12 AM
I came out to my sister, this is her profile btw. Seems the dance community is a bit more understanding about this stuff-I could be wrong.
re: How did you come out?
By heartofadancer2
On Tue Jul 05, 2011 01:44 PM
I used a chicken way out. I took my mom to my therapist and my mom was the one who guessed it. She said she knew my friend was gay and was trying to "turn" me as well. I just said I love her too. She in reply was like "This is not the life I had planned for you. I wanted a guy to take care of you."About a year later we got married. We have been together for 6 years coming this July 16th. Now we are trying to start a family.
re: How did you come out?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:27 AM
I'm bi and I keep it on an as-needed basis. A few years back I switched my Facebook to liking men and women. I got one or two people asking about that, if it was joking or if I meant it. "Yup, I'm bi." "Oh, cool" or "I never knew that!" - "Well, you never asked!" Nobody checks the "interested in" on Facebook (you always should - if someone's in the closet, they won't have it checked ;) ), but that's my attitude towards it: if someone asks me, I will tell them the truth. Otherwise, if it comes up in conversation, great; if not, great. My closest friends know and my brother knows. My boyfriend knows.

If I want to tell someone (say, a coworker I'm becoming closer friends with) I will generally slip it into the conversation by pointing out that a girl is hot. Girls can say that kind of thing anyway, but if you're working up to it that's an easy way to go. "Oh, I think it's so sexy when a girl dresses like that;" "Wait, are you gay?" "No, bi." There ya go.

During high school I'd participate in the Day of Silence and wore a pin with the bi flag on it.

My parents don't know and probably will never know unless I seriously date a woman. They're not a part of my personal life and it'd just be awkward. They wouldn't care, they'd be supportive, but again: need-to-know!


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