Forum: Advice / Secrets PG-13

21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat May 21, 2011 04:14 PM

So I've been talking to this 33 year old. He's very nice, well established and educated. He really likes me, tells me I'm beautiful and very intelligent. We haven't done anything physical but we can talk all day long and we don't ever run out of things to talk about.

He's never been married and doesn't have kids so there's no baggage. He's a very nice guy. He even tells me to try and date younger guys and see if I find someone that suits me because he says he doesn't want to take that opportunity away from me. But he does want to ask me out on a date when I feel okay with it.

He's a gentleman and I do like him. I like that's he's smart, kind and funny. I like that he isn't trying to snatch me up as quickly as possible but gives me my space and doesn't try to pressure me into anything while still making it clear that he is interested in me.

But I'm scared that if I go out with him I will be judged. What do you think ? Is the age difference just too much ?

19 Replies to 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?

re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ? (karma: 1)
By Iamalittlefishie
On Sat May 21, 2011 04:30 PM
Edited by Iamalittlefishie (162200) on 2011-05-21 16:31:33
Image hotlink - 'http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png'

(From xkcd.com)

33/2+7 = 23.5

So it's your call. Personally, I think it isn't too terrible.

See what your friends, etc think about him.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By PureTapPremium member
On Sat May 21, 2011 04:53 PM
Not creepy, as far as I'm concerned.

I know it's silly, but if you weren't in your 20's or he was in his 40's, I'd be a bit warier and think he was a bit suspicious, but early 30's to early 20's is okay in my book.

Just be cautious of the fact that your life experience may not be as rounded as his. Further on down the track, don't let him use this to control you or sway your decisions. Sometimes, the older person can take on controlling tendencies, so just keep your eye out for this and either tell him to cool it, if he does, or recognise it for what it is and get out of there if it becomes too much.

Cheers
Di
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Sat May 21, 2011 06:42 PM
I'm 21 dating a man in his 30s. If you would like to talk to me about it, feel free to PM me. However, I don't really want to get into it all openly at the moment.

My general idea: it depends on the people. For some people/relationships it could be terrible, but it's not guaranteed to be terrible. It could work well.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By PinUpGirlmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat May 21, 2011 09:34 PM
Life stages, life stages, life stages.

My boy and I are running afoul of this right now. We're only 2 years apart, but he just graduated college and I've been out for 4 years. I've gone through the awkward growing phase that comes immediately after college. He's just starting it. Our relationship may or may not make it because of it.

Are you two at the same or a similar life stage? Both working? Both in school? Both gone through major life changes? I'd say that's more of a consideration than age itself. I've dated guys 15+ years older than me. You never know until you try, but be aware that life experiences can and will get in the way.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Wicked_Elphabamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat May 21, 2011 10:00 PM
My fiance is 9 years older than me. I've never been happier, nor has he. I say if you like him, go for it. You're both legal.


My general idea: it depends on the people. For some people/relationships it could be terrible, but it's not guaranteed to be terrible. It could work well.


THIS. It also depends on the guy. My last boyfriend was 6 years older than me, we didn't go well together. But, my fiance is 9 years older than me and we get along great. :)
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sat May 21, 2011 10:20 PM
I don't think it's creepy at all. You're well into legal adulthood. I'm 21, and my maximum age for boyfriends is 30, but only because I have a weird hangup about not dating anyone older than my brother :P
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By GrinsPremium member
On Sun May 22, 2011 02:57 AM
^ That's so funny! I have a thing where I will only date older guys, and CERTAINLY none younger than my brother :P

Personally I do not think that age difference is creepy or anything. Just pretty much reinforcing the whole ;life stages' sentiments others have mentioned. But hey! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Sun May 22, 2011 09:26 AM
My friend just had a baby with a 30 year old. She's 20 btw. Turns out he is way more immature then she is. Age is just a number.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By boleyngrrl
On Sun May 22, 2011 10:08 AM
I don't think it's too weird--if you guys really like each other I think it's great! I agree with the above anon poster: age is just a number. A few of my friends' parents have much larger age differences than yours. I think one of my friends has a mom who is about 40, and a dad who is about to turn 59. I haven't met them, but from what I've heard they are very much in love and a perfect match for each other.

Total nerd moment here, but I think this quote is apt: "Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world."

If it makes you happy, go for it!
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Heartmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun May 22, 2011 12:07 PM
Doesn't bother me. I know some 21-year-olds who are wayyyy too sheltered and basically act like they're 18. I know others who are much more mature and fit well with 30-somethings. Depends more on the person than the age. Once you're past that last age benchmark of adulthood, basically anyone is fair game.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By balletsfriendmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun May 22, 2011 02:00 PM
Heart wrote:

Doesn't bother me. I know some 21-year-olds who are wayyyy too sheltered and basically act like they're 18. I know others who are much more mature and fit well with 30-somethings. Depends more on the person than the age. Once you're past that last age benchmark of adulthood, basically anyone is fair game.


Very true. I go to a church where almost everyone is in their early-mid 30s and I'm just about 22. Sometimes I do feel really young around everyone, but most of the time, I don't at all. People are always forgetting I'm 22 and they treat me like all the 30-somethings. Usually when I meet someone new there and I tell them a I'm a student, they always say, "Oh great! Master's or PhD?" Ha, neither, Bachelor's my friends! It helps me too because they have a little more real-world experience than I do and I'm always getting to talk to them about jobs, marriage, and babies.

There is one guy there who's in his early 30s that I think is attractive, and I know he thinks I am too, so who knows! I've thought about this too lately as my potential dating pool is a little older. It's a little easier to date someone older in my family because my parents are 13 years apart :) I once asked my dad, "So, dad, if I came home and told yall I was dating a 35-year-old, what would you think?" (my dad was 22 and my mom was 35 when they got married). He said, "Hmm...well at first I don't think I'd be thrilled, but I'm sure someone would bring up the fact that your mom and I are 13 years apart and I'd keep my mouth shut." Dear old dad.

I don't see anything wrong with it. Like some others have said, I think 30 or so would be my cut-off, simply because I don't want to date someone who could be my sister's boyfriend! (she's 29). There will always be judgmental people out there about anything and everything. Who cares! I doubt yall will look like an odd couple; men tend to stay looking young :) Nobody has to know your age difference if you don't want them to. Most people have no idea at all how much of a difference there is between my parents and even when they do know, they congratulate my mom for being a cradle robber lol.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Celebrianmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sun May 22, 2011 08:02 PM
I don't think it's a big deal. I think the bigger deal is the fact that you're worried about being judged. If someone judges you negatively for dating another adult that doesn't fit into their 'age for dating' standard, remember that you have the right to reverse-judge and declare they have a little too much time on their hands and need to get their own life.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Wed May 25, 2011 12:53 PM
if he treats you right I dont think age matters.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 27, 2011 04:48 PM
Hey,

So, I basically agree with what pretty much everyone else has said. You're an adult, he's an adult, if you're attracted to each other, then why not give it a go!

Only thing I'd add is one thing to think about...if you guys start dating, it goes well and it starts becoming more serious (not talking waaaay serious like marriage or something, just like 'official' relationship kind of thing!) Would you a) be comfortable with going to hang out with his friends, even though they'd probably all be his age? And b) would he be comfortable going out on an evening with your friends, who (I'm guessing) are mostly your age?

This isn't necessarily a make or break point, its just something I'D personally have to consider. I could never go out with a guy for too long if we couldn't comfortably hang out with each others friends. I don't mean I'd have to be best mates with his group of friend or he'd have to be besties with mine, just get on well enough to be able to have a night out with mates and invite him along for a drink or something, y'know? But as he's only early 30s, not like 50, that shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Good luck!
Naomi x
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri May 27, 2011 09:28 PM
I have a problem with this because i've seen friends do this and get hurt or lose friends. One of my friends is 22 and dating a 44 year old and this is a major problem she's lost friends, and is in an abusiver relation ship.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Wicked_Elphabamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat May 28, 2011 12:59 AM
anonymous wrote:

I have a problem with this because i've seen friends do this and get hurt or lose friends. One of my friends is 22 and dating a 44 year old and this is a major problem she's lost friends, and is in an abusiver relation ship.


Sooooo..Because some of your friends have had relationship issues, she shouldn't be in this relationship? If my friends abandoned me when I started dating my fiance', I'd question their friendship, not my relationship. Do I like all my friend's SO's? No, but I accept that they see something in him/her and deal with it. :) ALL relationships carry a risk of getting hurt. Should we not drive cars because there is a risk of getting hit by some other douche canoe while driving? No.
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By kashmirjayPremium member
On Mon Jun 06, 2011 02:14 PM
I don't see a problem, but as others have said it depends on the people. I am (almost) 25, my boyfriend is 36. We are in a small town (translation: small minds), so it took some adjusting but everyone got used to it. As long as you're comfortable with it, everyone else will have to accept it.

Older guys often have the edge over younger ones as most of them have a steady job, a clear idea of what they want and how they plan to get it, they may own a house, a car, etc.

The down side: possible baggage - my boyfriend has an ex-wife and two kids. Hurray for pre-fab families ;) but that's a non-issue for you.

Long story short - if you're OK with it, go for it :)
re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
By Anonymousmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Dec 18, 2020 01:43 AM
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re: 21 year old dating a 33 year old. Acceptable ?
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