Forum: Adults / 40 Something

Dance Drama
By dncrmom
On Fri Jun 10, 2011 03:28 PM

I am a mother of a teenage girl in dance. She thinks I have no idea what I am talking about when it comes to dance, and I think she is crazy for this. My question is, there is a lot of drama in the studio that she is in. What can I tell her without saying anything related to dance itself and without hurting her feelings? I do realize that no matter what, if you have twenty something teenage girls (or even fully grown women for that matter) into a room, that there will be some drama. But this drama is causing her to want to leave this studio, and there is really no where else to go. What do?

4 Replies to Dance Drama

re: Dance Drama
By Jodaii
On Sat Jun 11, 2011 01:10 PM
I have a friend currently in the same situation as your daughter, she's 16, and recently subjected to a lot of bitching by 3 other (considerably older) girls/women. Her Mum pulled her out of lessons for a week for everything to cool down, but now my friend still feels too intimidated to attend lessons where the said 3 girls will be, which is a shame as she's a much nicer person and better dancer than them 3, with much more promise and much more dedication to dance. This all happened about a month ago. As a teenager myself, (17) I have always found dance to be full of bitches, as you said yourself, it's inevitable. One just has to be strong, forgive and forget and just shrug it off. One day those other girls will grow up. Yes it's hard, and upsetting, but as long as she has friends in the class, she'll be fine in the end. Respect her and encourage her, remind her that she dances for herself, not for them, it doesn't matter what they think. Never let her doubt herself and her abilities, and remind her never to compare herself to these girls. She is above that. That's my opinion anyway, after all I've never met her. :D . Unfortunately, my poor friend broke her foot slipping at dance last week, she came out of a turn en l'air and went over on her ankle. Hopefully by the time she comes back everything will have died down. I hope the best for your daughter.
re: Dance Drama
By dnnydkns
On Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:39 PM
This advice is easy to give, but hard to live up to. But it may work if it hits the right nerve. I don't know where I picked it up, but I've never forgotten it. It's wise to remember, even if hard to implement:

"Nobody can hurt you unless you have given them permission."

In other words, the solution is inside yourself. Simply refuse to allow others to get their meanness through to you.

Probably poor advice to speak out loud, but might be worth an inner thought if it makes you smile and get over it: "Thank you for telling me that. Now I know you're a moron, I'll ignore you."

Also, perhaps, "Silence is more powerful than adding fuel to the fire."
re: Dance Drama
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:22 PM
You think she's crazy for thinking her mom doesn't know anything? Have you never met a teenage girl before?
re: Dance Drama (karma: 1)
By dancemomtoo
On Wed Aug 03, 2011 03:46 PM
I would open up by empathizing with her in a very openended way-ask-whats going on, has it gotten any better? Oh that sounds awful/really annoying.

Then let her figure out how she really feels and why its happening-how did that make you feel, why do you think they are doing that?

Then give her the power-what would you like to see happen? Is there anything that you could do to get there?

At this point is when you can gently start to offer advice-If she would like A to happen, you can always ask-what if B could happen-would that be ok with you too? If she can't figure out how to make A or B happen you could offer her some ideas.

Finally ask her if she would like to role play with you-but make it funny-really overact at first-and the n ask her if she would like you to intervene if all else feels.

Do NOT start the whole conversation with giving her advice-ask questions and give empathy for most of the conversations-only offer advice at the very end


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