I'll be 19 in less than a month. My boyfriend just turned 22, but he'll be a senior in college in the fall (I'll be a sophomore). We both go to a school about 2 hours from my home. It's about 10 minutes from his family's home, but he lives with 2 roommates near campus. So my question is, would you let me visit him for a few days in the summer?

I know I'm 18 and they can't really stop me, but my parents have been strict in the past and I'm just wondering how to best bring it up. The only issue they could say is that I owe them some money and have no job right now (I've been searching, still am, they know this, literally no one in my area is hiring). So I suppose the 3-4 days I'd be gone, I couldn't look for jobs. Sure, I have no spending money, but the trip wouldn't cost them anything (he'd pick me up) so I wouldn't need money.

They've met him briefly at a dance show a few months ago, but not in depth. I've never been close with my parents, not even my mom. So it's not like they have any idea if I'm having sex or not (I am), although I'm sure they assume I do. It would be slightly hypocritical of them not to let me, as they were married at eighteen and definitely engaged in premarital sex. Is this a normal request? Sounds silly, I just don't want this to turn into some big issue. Thanks!

EDIT: Decided to add another quick question. I'm not on the Pill, although we are very safe. How do I bring up getting on it with my mom? Like I said before, we are not close at all. I never got a sex talk, I've never talked to my mom about a boyfriend...literally nothing. So she may have no idea I'm having sex. I've actually been having sex for almost 2 years now. I realized at a recent doctor's appt that I lied to my doctor about being sexually active at my last physical (this was for a cough, I just left it...I know I should have told the truth at the time). So I feel like at almost 19, I should tell my doctor (definitely) and maybe my parents that I'm having sex and get on the Pill. But it seems so weird to me to talk to my mom about this. Advice?

Can't speak as to how your parents will react, as their your parents not mine. As for going on the pill, I went to the doctor and got birth control at 18 without my parents' knowledge. If you use your parents health insurance they can find out, but mine didn't say anything. So many women go on the pill for reasons other than sexual activity that it's not a big deal. You don't need your parents to know you're going to the doctor. Definitely tell your doctor you're sexually active and get checked-out every year.

If I were you I would just tell them the truth. Sooner or later you're going to have an uncomfortable conversation (or silence..) so just mention you're going to your boyfriends for the weekend and see what happens.

Edit: Just realised that this is in Ask a Parent. Not a parent, but thought I could give you my experience.

I am a parent (though of a toddler), but I have lots of experience with this, with my 17 year old adopted sister and all of her friends come to me for advice also I am very openminded.

You dont need your moms help or permission to go on the pill. You should make yourself an appointment to go to the gynecologist and get a regular checkup (every women should do this starting at age 18), and they can go over birth control options. My 17 y.o sis is on the shot, its nice because its only once every 3 months she even has to think about it. If you're uncomfortable talking about it you dont have to. But like the previous poster said, if you're on your parents insurance they will likely find out you went to the gyno.

Like you said, legally they cant stop you but if you make it seem more like you are going to stay with your boyfriend and friends it may be easier for them to accept. But maybe you should just mention you wanted to go for a few days and see what they say. If you need any other advice or want to talk, feel free to PM me like I said Im experienced with this stuff and 100% nonjudgmental. Good luck!

I'm not a parent but I do have a few things to say.

You're living with your parents, right? Even though you're certainly old enough, they will still probably feel like they have the right to tell you not to go just because you're living under their roof. Not exactly fair since you are technically an adult, but you're still their daughter and you're living in their house.

It's a perfectly normal request, but don't be totally shocked if they say you can't go. As for how to bring it up, just tell them. Maybe by telling them (and not asking) they'll react differently. "My boyfriend is coming to pick me up on Friday and I'm going to go hang out with him and his room mates for three or four days." If you say his room mates will be there (even if they're not) it will sound better.

If your parents still don't let you go, don't play the "But mooomm, I'm almost nineteeen!" card. Having a fight about how you're an adult won't change their minds, and it isn't a good way to handle the situation. Even though it would suck, respect your parent's wishes and don't go. There's only a couple months left in the summer anyway, you can make it until school starts again if you have to.

Just because you're on the pill doesn't mean you need to tell your mom. If you're not close, it's none of her business. If you're not having sex in her house, it's none of her business. Moms don't NEED to know about their daughter's sex lives. If you're not comfortable telling her, just don't.

Good luck, I hope you can go.

Thanks so much to everyone. I asked them about visiting and while they didn't like the idea really, they said I can go! Decided to hold off on the birth control thing for now...one battle at a time haha! Thanks again

I recognize that you posted this some time ago and that your initial issue has resolved itself, but your post brought up some thoughts to me. While I am not a parent (certainly of an age where I could be), I lived at home with my parents throughout all of my college career. While most of my friends thought that this was a terrible arrangement, I found it to be an excellent transition into adulthood.

You are establishing the sort of relationship that you will have with your parents for the rest of your life. The relationship that you had with them as a youth will look very different than what it looks like now that you are an adult. From your posts, it sounds like you feel that there isn’t much of a connection with them. If you value them in your life, I would recommend opening those lines of communication. It’s really as simple as listening about their lives and sharing parts of yours. Did I come home and announce every romantic encounter in detail to my parents? No. But they were always aware of more serious relationships that I was having. I would tell them about friends and boyfriends... activities that we did, funny antidotes, and even a few of the disagreements along the way. What this did was let them into my life, allowed them to see me as a flourishing adult (who made a few errors), and they trusted me. I really value the fact that this foundation was put into place, because although I no longer live under their roof, they are still a part of my life.

Speaking of roofs, I think it’s important to keep in mind that the one that protects you is the one that they pay for. You are truly an adult and there is nothing that you need their permission to do (although I have found that their parental wisdom is worth more than anything else.) So, the decisions in your life are yours (and should be.) However, if you decide to disregard their feelings, you will find that roof to be a hostile place... or in some cases, they may not offer that roof to you at all. So, I always gave my parents certain courtesies (similar to what you would do for a roommate.) If I was spending the weekend with a boyfriend, I let them know where I would be, who I would be with, and how to contact me. If it was for an extended period of time, then I would even check in with them to let them know I was ok. (I still do now. I went on a week long trip across the country and let them know on a few occasions that I was fine.) No sense in worrying them unnecessarily.

But I do think that it’s important to remember that while you get to make the decisions in your life, you also have to accept the consequences (good and bad.) Most parents don’t want us to do something, because they see the potential danger. So, if you are making a decision that is against their wishes, realize that YOU need to accept the consequences.

That changing relationship with my parents was never perfect. There were times when they forgot that I was an adult (and in full disclosure, times when I forgot to act like an adult). I found it best to step back, let our emotions cool, and be rational. If my parents felt that what I was doing was a bad idea, I listened. I heard what they needed to say and considered their feelings. When I took that step back, I often discovered that they had a good point. But sometimes their opinion was not the one for me. I thanked them for their love and support, explained that I needed to go out on a limb and make my own decision, and I acknowledged that I would be the one to have to accept the consequences. By being adult in my response, they learned to treat me like one. They learned to trust me and love me in a whole new way. I no longer felt like I “had” to listen to their wishes; I felt like I “wanted” to.

For the record, parents aren’t dumb. Everything that I thought I was hiding from them, they were well aware of. Even to this day, they somehow just know. I learned rather quickly that it was better to just keep things open and honest. They knew anyways, so why let there be any hurtfulness residing.

So basically, if you want to be treated like an adult (and you should, it’s time), then you need to take on adult responsibilities. The deal that we had is that while I was in college, they would support me financially. However, it was my job to ensure that I was getting an appropriate education. No flunking out. While it was my decision to spend a weekend with friends, I needed to ensure that I was still holding up my side of the bargain of the deal. And while my parents still cared for me (cooked meals, cleaned), I needed to take on some of that, too. They were no longer “chores”, but rather necessities as “roommates”. And over time, I got a part time job to help support my recreations and while they never asked for any money, I also started saving so that I could continue being responsible and move out and become independent at a later date.

In a nutshell, I would recommend that you stop looking for approval. You’re no longer a child and need approval. Start developing an adult relationship with your parents that is based on trust, respect, and love. Good luck... it’s a fun transition that will have it’s bumps!

So how was the trip? While this was posted long ago...I don't think you need to tell your parents about your sex life ever. You're an adult and can handle your own birth control and sexual protection. It's just one of those things I don't think they need to know at your age (or at mine!)

The trip was good, the boy ended up being...not so good. We actually broke up pretty soon after I visited. But thanks so much to DaDancingPsych for the thoughts, and imadanseur too. I'm not so worried about the birth control thing now that I'm not having sex, but you guys definitely gave me some stuff to think about and work on in my relationship with my parents. So thanks!