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Humor PG-13
Best e-Bay item description ever! (karma: 1)
By Crazy_Clairemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5653, member since Wed Jan 26, 2005
On Sun Jul 24, 2011 07:03 AM

Someone on my Facebook shared this and I thought it was rather amusing, so had to share it! Although, I'm not sure if this tops the person on DDN who listed the 'Instant Douchbag Costume' a few years back! :P

cgi.ebay.co.uk . . .

Claire.

11 Replies to Best e-Bay item description ever!

re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By Louisemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 17315, member since Thu Jun 06, 2002
On Sun Jul 24, 2011 07:11 AM
I liked the Q&As the best :D
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By ChristinePremium member Comments: 6817, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Sun Jul 24, 2011 07:12 AM
Thanks for posting this Claire. The Q. & A. are hilarious as well.

Keep On Dancing*
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By schuhplattlerPremium member Comments: 3037, member since Sat Dec 23, 2006
On Tue Jul 26, 2011 05:57 PM
Ouch! Already this has been removed! What did it say?
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By Prima_ballerina5member has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 1078, member since Fri May 27, 2005
On Tue Jul 26, 2011 07:11 PM
^I missed it as well! :(
re: Best e-Bay item description ever! (karma: 2)
By toroandbruinmember has saluted, click to view salute photos Comments: 3627, member since Fri Oct 10, 2008
On Tue Jul 26, 2011 07:35 PM
Edited by toroandbruin (202876) on 2011-07-26 19:43:33
Edited by toroandbruin (202876) on 2011-07-26 19:44:08
Here you go. The highlighted words are the result of my Google search. ("Ebay" and the item number. I added the word "watch" once I saw other discussions about it and realized this was the important word to find it.) Once I had the Google link I clicked on "Cache" rather than the link.

Well, darn. It came out too small to read the words easily, so here they are, below:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you want to look like an offensively rich footballer at fraction of the cost take a look at this bad boy. This rather delicious watch for the sportier men among you was given to me by my idiot of an ex girlfriend, who by the way ended up in bed last Thursday with Steve. Steve, for your information, is not me.

The watch has a trustworthy and comforting rubber strap, in white, which is more than you can say for my girlfriend who can't be trusted for five seconds and is about as comforting as having a lung removed. The face is clear and consistent white with simple minimalist design however my girlfriends face is covered in freckles, fake tan and has an unsightly mole just under her right eye.

This item is presented in a red gift box and is powered by a Storm battery but I no longer have the box or the instructions, still could be worse, my girlfriend unfortunately no longer has anywhere to live.

Unfortunately I have only worn this watch twice since she purchased it for me - Oh how extravagant of her -"Oh what gift can I buy my boyfriend, I know. I'll go to Covent Garden to the Storm shop and buy him a watch but come home with 12 pairs of shoes for myself and a 3 Grand Breitling for Steve" By the way she also has big feet. Size 9. On a woman, yes that's what I said she should be in the circus. "Roll up Roll up for the incredible big footed lady with a hairy eye wart"

I was going to ask Steve if after eating my girlfriend's body in front of me, he might want to purchase the watch. I also then offered him my girlfriends thrush pessaries from the bathroom cabinet. He declined both politely and drove off in his Grey 2002 plate Ford Focus - LX. Grey like his personality, complexion and most of his hair.

So as Mr Grey and Sasquatch Mole Eye wander off happily holding hands, I will be withholding all the items remotely connected to our relationship in escrow and sending them romantically on their way to eBay.

PS - As Steve is actually my boss and I punched him hard in the face and subsequently do not have a job, the revenue from the sale of these items will go toward feeding myself and my poor cat Judy, who sadly lost her tail and one of her legs in a lathe accident.
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By Felsamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 4038, member since Thu Nov 09, 2006
On Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:02 PM
Woah someone actually bid that much on the watch?????
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By bethnee_rose Comments: 255, member since Sun Jan 03, 2010
On Wed Jul 27, 2011 12:13 AM
^That's what I thought too!!

This reminds me of the "Scary Washing Machine" auction that was in NZ a year or so ago... was the funniest thing ever at the time :P

www.trademe.co.nz . . .

That is the link to it, unfortunately all the questions and answers have gone... they were the funny part! And if you google Scary Washing Machine you can see pictures :P

Oh just found a website with some of the questions posted

Q I nearly died reading about this beast… No one should have to go through what
you did that day. I hope the new owner of this machine also owns the ‘Back to the future
trilogy’. Best of luck finding your iron.
A It was a good iron but I doubt it will last 35,000,000 years, it is just lying in the
grass. I’ve resided to the fact that I’ll have to get a new one.
Q Why are you even doing the washing? Don’t you have a wife?
A Well I DID… I didn’t bring that up as I didn’t want to put buyers off. I’m afraid it
took her too. It’s ok though at least she still has the iron…
Q My daughter is having a dance party this weekend --- can I borrow it for some
background bass noise for them?
A Do you hate your daughter and her friends or something? I would never ever inflict
this thing’s wrath on a family member. No way, not after my loss  …
Q Did you see any hot cavemen through the portal? Not only do I need a washing
machine but I need someone to do the lawns and fix the squeaky door.
A Look lady I was terrified and holding on for my life. I didn’t really have time to sum
up the hotness of cavemen as my pants and shoes were being sucked into the vortex of
death. I only remembered seeing the dinosaurs because it was quite remarkable. I’ve seen
a lot of cavemen before, I grew up in Waiuku. But dinosaurs is a first for me.
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By Crazy_Clairemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 5653, member since Wed Jan 26, 2005
On Thu Jul 28, 2011 04:27 PM
^ Ahh yes, I remember that one. I cried laughing so much when that first came out. :D

Thanks toroandbruin for uploading the screenshot and posting what the article said - I had no idea it ended up being removed.

Claire.
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By J1ll Comments: 2344, member since Wed Oct 14, 2009
On Thu Jul 28, 2011 04:32 PM
Hilarious!
I also enjoyed the cat one that got lots of attention recently- it was essentially a curb alert for anyone to pick up his girlfriends belongings as he was kicking her out for insisting he get rid of the cat that was there first. I can't find a link to it but it was funny also.
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By ponyo Comments: 4, member since Sat Jun 11, 2011
On Fri Aug 19, 2011 06:46 PM
Haha. shame it was taken down though...
re: Best e-Bay item description ever!
By jbmus Comments: 9, member since Wed Sep 28, 2011
On Thu Sep 29, 2011 06:44 PM
haha... a definte shame!

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