Forum: Advice / GLBT PG-13

was it hard?
By themindfreak08
On Tue Aug 16, 2011 08:46 AM

Was it hard coming out and how did you cone out to people?

6 Replies to was it hard?

re: was it hard?
By sunflowerdncrmember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:59 PM
At first its really hard...esp. the first time. But it gets easier every time you do.
re: was it hard?
By Shnaynaymember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 03:40 AM
Lately I've been letting people know - slowly, one at a time, when it feels like it could be right - that I am bisexual, and it's been hard. In fact, when I told this lady that I work with (who I WANTED to tell, because she's a lesbian and is in a serious relationship with a woman, and I wanted to be able to talk with her about things), I was literally physically shaking. In my head, I feel like it shouldn't be that serious, a lot of people are bisexual, and it's not like anything about me is changing, I have just somewhat come to terms with my attraction towards women, and I accept that it's possible that I could end up being with a woman in the future, but it's just the attraction that I'm coming out about now - it's scary, kind of.

I feel like it would be so much worse to tell people that you're particularly close to, and in my case, I'm not going to tell my family or anything unless it's necessary - if I start dating a girl, and I want to bring her around and have my family acknowledge her as my girlfriend, then I will have to have some kind of sit-down pow-wow with the fam, but until then, it's not something that I need to broadcast to everyone I know - at this point.

peace out
re: was it hard?
By balletkml
On Fri Sep 30, 2011 06:11 PM
Hi themindfreak08,

It's not hard for me at all as I was the only boy dancing in the ballet academy for years in Hong Kong since 8 until I get to dance with other boys inU.S.
I knew I was different to " normal " boys, and after I started pointe work after passing RAD Grade VI at 12, I even wore satin pink soft slippers with ribbons and footed white unitards in regular classes.
Never minded everybody at school calling me a Chinese fairy. I just naturally developed to became more feminine while growing up at home; And don't even know what homosexuality was then, my only " so called " friends were the girls and female teachers at dance school. I wasn't didn't even take special notice at male danseurs when famous foreign dance companies performed in H.K. Only that they are mostly in supporting roles or during their solos, I only noticed that maybe I needed to dance as masculine as them (or just him,  as I remembered in some performances, there was only one male danseur, in others, maybe 2 or 3 more!) My interest was with the ballerinas, my eyes concentrated at the gracefulness of their poise, movements and attitude, so eautiful and light like floating through air...
To return to the original question, I never shied away from what I want to do - mom was (is) very supportive of the direction I was heading, as she was a professional dancer before becoming a teacher, and she told me later, before I went to U.S. That, when she training in White Lodge in U.K; all the boys were homo or bi-sexuals, that I should be very careful in protecting myself. (That, I already somewhat learn't at home, always stay in groups, never get into a situation where I was alone and face a very high probability of being bullied, beaten up by boys). 
I am not saying all boys in ballet are homosexuals, for from it, I think we will become the minority not long from now! But then, I got all my training for free as a boy with scholarships because there wasn't any boys to compete with at home, and even in U.S; with only 2 other boys in my age group, the nearly 3 years I spent at Walnut Hill, MA, was one of the best times in my life, beside missing mom's cooking at home and the few girls - best friends forever - they understood and never asked stupid questions  but genuinely cared about I am going to become.
I always thought U.S. is way more open minded. But the reality is that there are bigoted people around the world. I said before, and I am saying it again, you have one, but only one life to live, why not life it to the full? You are not hurting anybody, not even your family. The truth is if they can't accept you, then you must work harder in whatever discipline and be independent ASAP!
Sexuality direction and dance do not necessarily be have to be combined together, ballet didn't made me to be what I am, although I readily admit because what I am, I was attracted to it without realizing at so young an age. 
Just that besides wanting to learn and earn a living out of this unique performing arts environment, the added bonus was learning what boys can do together besides ballet safely! 
Sorry that once I started, I can't stop! You need to be at peace with yourself, think positively and work hard. (To be mean, you are a product of sexual activities by your parents, you have NO choice but be born, with cutting off the umbilical cord from your mom's womb, you are free to explore the wonderful world without hindrance - yes - you owe your parents with their bringing you up ). If they are not understanding, maybe never will be! 
What you can do is try to look after them, in whatever means, when they passes through their golden years; Teach kids to dance for free, do volunteer work...just spend your spare energy wisely...Hey, I think this living life to the fullest.
Come out, you'd be sorry as the closet is dark - let light in and believe me, you will be enlightened. Peoples, even your parents, that cannot and will never try to understand and love you as you are, are not your true friends.
May I quote a paragraph from a thriller I read recently - "  I've been lied to a million times, tooled around, stonewalled, cursed, cajoled, flattened, threatened, insulted, demeaned, beaten up and made a fool of. At least a dozen people have tried to bribe ( I think using the word - beat up' is more appropriate here) me. I've even had a gun waved in my face. But, I must admit, this takes the cake. This is a first. 
The point is taking the first step bold-fully, make your first cake and share with trusted friends.
Wish you to be content with happiness and the sun shines through your window, and not seeping under the door of your closet.
Best regards,


Comment #9731004 deleted
Removed by hummingbird (128773) on 2011-10-02 11:03:59 Ooops, double post

re: was it hard?
By Danceaholic31
On Mon Oct 10, 2011 12:40 PM
The first time it's really hard... And scary. But it really does get easier over time. Im bi, I am fully open about it... But I don't go around telling everyone I meet or have ever known about it. But when I do tell people for the first time now, it wouldn't be a bigger deal to me than telling someone I'm left handed. I really think the biggest challenge is accepting and embracing your sexual orientation, once you can do that coming out is a lot easier. When I fist came out to my friends and family, alot of them didn't believe me at first. They said things like oh its just a phase, youre to masculine acting to like guys... Are you really gay but dont want that label? Being bisexual and male can be pretty difficult at times... There is alot of social stigma about it, there are alot of people out there who think that only girls can be bi... Etc. Which is why I really only tell people that need to know, and who I know I can trust. Everyone's situation is different when it comes to the topic of coming out. The best advice that I can give you is to accept it, love who you are, and come out to people that you can trust. Hope this helps!

re: was it hard?
By DTeacher
On Wed Nov 23, 2011 04:43 PM
I left my husband for my girlfriend. Was hard at first, but everyone came around. the only place I am not out at is work.. it's just not their business.


Powered by XP Experience Server.
Copyright ©1999-2018 XP.COM, LLC. All Rights Reserved.