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Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hyehokismember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:17 PM

Where I live there is a current tred of parents who are putting their children in cold showers. I am not sure where this has orginated from but to me it is abusive. For example, I was talking to someone the other day and they said "you know so and so is potty training little Susie, and when she wets the bed, so and so puts her in a cold shower-clothes on, and lets her freeze for about 5-10 mins." I heard this and my jaw dropped! How can you do that to your child?? Man, what happened to a slap on the butt or time out in a corner?

What is your thoughts on this? Do you think it is abusive? Would you do this to your child?

I can see doing this to your drunk teenager (to sober them up), but a little child who wets the bed-NO?

Po

44 Replies to Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them

re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By tumblebugPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:21 PM
Edited by tumblebug (25049) on 2011-08-26 16:32:42
I don't know but I saw something on AOL news about a woman going to jail for that so I guess it is considered a form of abuse.
I would never consider doing that to a child.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them (karma: 1)
By Anon1234567890member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:24 PM
Edited by Louise (29559) on 2011-08-26 16:26:51
Edited by Louise (29559) on 2011-08-26 16:35:57 soz
There was a special programme on the BBC recently, think it might have been Panorama, where mental health nurses did exactly the same thing to inpatients. The staff have all been suspended, possibly prosecuted, and some of the homes have been shut down.

I think this is wrong, adult or child, because it's prolonged physical suffering that could make them physically ill. A lot of punishments are inflicted off-the-cuff, spur-of-the-moment, but if you're quite happy to see someone shivering and suffering for minutes on end then you're not quite right.

That said, I was smacked by my dad as a kid and I don't think it did me an ounce of harm. It wsn't called "abuse" before about 2000. He's an impulsive bloke with a short fuse but he never wanted to HURT me or make me suffer for a long period of time, just SHOCK me. And even to this day, a short sharp shock would make me think twice about any behaviour. When I was smacked, it was always once and always timely. Not for minutes at a time and not pre-meditated. Like I ran out into the road or reached out to touch a hot hob. People instinctively reach out in these situtations and it's something you learn from. "Daddy smacked me when I went to touch the hob so I shouldn't try to touch it again". Wetting the bed, ffs, is not a conscious decision. I remember wetting the bed as a kid and a) you can't do crap all about it and b) if you put me in a cold shower, WTF? HOW is that meant to make me not do it again? It's involuntary to begin with, embarrassing, and you can't actually "shock" a kid out of doing something they're not choosing to do.

I honestly believe that the ban on parents smacking their kids has a) led to a generation of kids who know no discipline and therefore riot in England, and b) has made criminals of parents who try to make sure their kids aren't the sort to riot. A kid called the police repeatedly the other week 'cause his mom made him do chores, calling it "forced underage labour". Kids need to know they ain't the boss. HOWEVER, a smack which lasts all of a millisecond and smarts for a minute is a whole lot different to a parent chucking their kid in freezing water then letting them shiver for minutes upon minutes, then bragging about it to boot.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By AnnaLauren1
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:27 PM
That is terrible. Absolutely terrible. I think these parents should be put in a cold shower for ten minutes. See how they like it. I think this is definitely bordering on abuse. I cannot even begin to imagine how that might make a child feel or think. I cannot see how this would be justifiable in any circumstances, especially to such a young child for wetting the bed while potty-training?! That is inexcusable, unless in a case like what you mentioned, like sobering up your teenager. I wouldn't even do that to my dog.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By AnnaLauren1
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:34 PM
Kids need to know they ain't the boss


Aint that the truth, though. Some parents need to here that.. like over and over and over. Kids are such turds these days! SHEESH!!
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hyehokismember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:35 PM
A lot of the people I found out who were doing this to their children are from a well known Church here in town.... seems kind of supisious.

Po
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:42 PM
It is the mark of an unsuccessful parent, who either by ignorance or deliberate malice is unable to help nurture their children properly.

This is one of the many reasons why I do not think parenting should be a right--because the children who grow up in that kind of house are very likely to create that kind of house when they grow older and structure their family in the same way. It is not always the case: some children rise from beyond their early circumstances, but in many cases the abused will later become abusers because it is the only way they know how to live. Any kind of physical pain is an improper way to modify the behavior of children: there are many known and proven techniques known to do this without the use of pain.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Coccinellamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:46 PM
I can't give a source as I heard this through my boyfriend, but he was telling me about a parent who put hot sauce on her children's tongue to discipline them! That's just ridiculous, a child's tastebuds are way too delicate to be able to tolerate that.

I think the shower as punishment is also ridiculous. This child will probably have a phobia of hygiene one day. I don't think punishments should involve things that are neccessities of life. For example, not getting supper, getting sent to bed, etc. I think it makes every day activities scary and that just isn't healthy.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Kekoamember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:47 PM
Edited by Kekoa (69553) on 2011-08-26 16:50:09
Disgusting. Then again, I'm opposed to all forms of physical discipline, so this seems especially cruel. I also feel it necessary to say that just because parents don't spank/slap/smack/put in cold showers doesn't mean there is no discipline. Some of the most well behaved kids I have ever met were so behaved because they were firmly disciplined...all without touching the kid.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hummingbird
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:50 PM
What exactly do they think this will achieve?
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By MarlaSingermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:51 PM
Edited by Jonelle (199601) on 2011-08-26 16:52:44
This is about something totally different than what I was thinking when I saw the title. When my sister and I were teenagers, sometimes we would get into screaming matches with my mom, and if they got really bad, like to the point that we were crying hysterically and couldn't calm down, she would turn on the cold water in the shower and shove us in there, clothes and all (never both of us at the same time, though... it just occurred to me that that's how my sentence might have sounded). The shock of the cold water would usually get us to stop crying immediately, and then she'd pull us out. So (1) like I said, we were teenagers, and (2) it only lasted for a few seconds, and (3) it wasn't being done to try to condition us out of an undesirable behavior. That being said, I thought it was horrible and wish my mom hadn't resorted to it, but I've never been a parent to a screaming, crying, hysterical teenage girl, and I have no doubt that the few times she did it, she felt she had no other recourse to get us to calm the heck down.

ANYWAY, as for the topic at hand, I think that's horrible. Five or ten MINUTES?? My god, that's beyond ridiculous. And as a method to "cure" bed wetting? That just seems so unbelievably archaic. Parents are supposed to protect their children, not deliberately place them into situations that could be harmful or traumatizing. I thought it was pretty terrible as a teenager, so I can't imagine how a small child being put into that situation would feel.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Coccinellamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:55 PM
I forgot to mention how completely counterintuitive it is regarding the bed wetting. Kid has wet pants from an accident? Throw 'em in the shower to get them wetter!

Ya, that's a solution.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By CrayolaPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:56 PM
Coccinella wrote:

I can't give a source as I heard this through my boyfriend, but he was telling me about a parent who put hot sauce on her children's tongue to discipline them! That's just ridiculous, a child's tastebuds are way too delicate to be able to tolerate that.

I think the shower as punishment is also ridiculous. This child will probably have a phobia of hygiene one day. I don't think punishments should involve things that are neccessities of life. For example, not getting supper, getting sent to bed, etc. I think it makes every day activities scary and that just isn't healthy.


There was a woman on Dr. Phil not too long ago who used hot cause as a source of punishment. She also used the cold shower as a form of punishment. One of the siblings had recorded this, and it was absolutely horrible to watch and hear the little boys screams. :(
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Anon1234567890member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 04:58 PM
Edited by Louise (29559) on 2011-08-26 17:00:41
I can't give a source as I heard this through my boyfriend, but he was telling me about a parent who put hot sauce on her children's tongue to discipline them! That's just ridiculous, a child's tastebuds are way too delicate to be able to tolerate that.

www.bbc.co.uk . . .

But I think it's a bit of a monumental leap to say the kid will have problems with hygiene in future. Source?

Just out of interest, there was a woman in Britain who was accused (possibly convicted) of poisoning her adopted son to death with salt (his name was Christian).
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hyehokismember has saluted, click to view salute photos
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:16 PM
When I was a kid- my mum gave us spankings, put us in the corner, used Tabasco on our tounges ( to which my sister and I wised up and kept our tounges out till we reached the restroom and washed it off), and THE LOOK. Whatever happened to the LOOK where you can just look at your child and they will stop.

I agree about hygenie issues later. My daughter (3.5) still occasionally wets the bed, but I dont throw her in the shower. She gets a talking too and teh Look!!

Po
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Coccinellamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:22 PM
Louise, it's classical conditioning. We've all heard of Pavlov's dog? Well it's the same idea here. You have the shower, which before it was used as a tool for punishment was a neutral if not positive experience for the child. Now the punishment has been introduced to the shower which makes the child fear it. So, if this goes on long enough, it's fair to say that the shower, even without the punishment present, may upset or frighten the child.

So, while it may be a leap for me to say that the child may fear hygiene in general. I don't think it's too far off to say that he won't enjoy showering anytime soon since it's the place where his punishments are carried out.

As for a source, you can look at any psychology textbook to read more about classical conditioning.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:25 PM
I still don't understand why wetting the bed deserves punishment. Nearly all children find it embarrassing enough as it is, and it is often a symptom of their muscles relaxing while they sleep allowing the urine to escape. From what I've read on the subject (which, I admit, is not more than a few articles given that I'm not a parent and don't have to worry about this) is that the best procedure is to either wake them up during the night and allow for a bathroom break (conditioning them to begin to wake up when they feel the need to urinate), or to wake them up and clean them up as soon as possible after it happens and send them right back to bed. Bed wetting, from what I have read, is always solved with time. I've never heard of a kid wetting the bed out of spite.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hummingbird
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:33 PM
AlwaysOnStage wrote:

I still don't understand why wetting the bed deserves punishment. Nearly all children find it embarrassing enough as it is, and it is often a symptom of their muscles relaxing while they sleep allowing the urine to escape. From what I've read on the subject (which, I admit, is not more than a few articles given that I'm not a parent and don't have to worry about this) is that the best procedure is to either wake them up during the night and allow for a bathroom break (conditioning them to begin to wake up when they feel the need to urinate), or to wake them up and clean them up as soon as possible after it happens and send them right back to bed. Bed wetting, from what I have read, is always solved with time. I've never heard of a kid wetting the bed out of spite.


Exactly my point, what do they think it's going to achieve, it's just a spiteful petty act of an adult who has lost control, that's all most corporal punishment is.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By OMGjaimyemember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:34 PM
Edited by OMGjaimye (221447) on 2011-08-26 17:41:41 added more info
Coccinella wrote:

I can't give a source as I heard this through my boyfriend, but he was telling me about a parent who put hot sauce on her children's tongue to discipline them! That's just ridiculous, a child's tastebuds are way too delicate to be able to tolerate that.


My momma put Tabasco sauce on my tongue and made me hold it for 30 seconds when I would tell lies or talk back as a young child, between the ages of about 6-12. It was pretty effective; the lies I told and the times I sassed were few and far between. The doctor actually recommended this as a safer alternative to soap! It never truly harmed me, I don't think. However, though I absolutely LOVE spicy foods and most sauces, I shy away from Tabasco like it's the plague. Wonder why?! I don't think I would do that to my future kids though. It was a pretty miserable 30 seconds, but it was over quick. My mom was very tender and comforting to me after any sort of punishment though. She would always always give me a piece of bread and glass of milk to cut the spice and then we would talk about why it was necessary to do it. I never felt like she was abusive about it, though I can see how some parents could over-do it.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:42 PM
Crayola wrote:

Coccinella wrote:

I can't give a source as I heard this through my boyfriend, but he was telling me about a parent who put hot sauce on her children's tongue to discipline them! That's just ridiculous, a child's tastebuds are way too delicate to be able to tolerate that.

I think the shower as punishment is also ridiculous. This child will probably have a phobia of hygiene one day. I don't think punishments should involve things that are neccessities of life. For example, not getting supper, getting sent to bed, etc. I think it makes every day activities scary and that just isn't healthy.


There was a woman on Dr. Phil not too long ago who used hot cause as a source of punishment. She also used the cold shower as a form of punishment. One of the siblings had recorded this, and it was absolutely horrible to watch and hear the little boys screams. :(


And I believe that woman has since gone on to be prosecuted, in part as a result of that episode. :/
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 05:47 PM
Since when is wetting the bed a discipline issue???
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By hylndlasmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Fri Aug 26, 2011 08:00 PM
^ It shouldn't be at all!!!!

Some kids wet the bed way past 7....it's not that uncommon for that to happen and if fact some research suggests that kids with this problem actually lack a certain hormone that wakes them up to go to the bathroom. So in some cases it's a biological thing and it can't be helped until the kids body starts to produce said hormone!

I personally think if you discipline your kid for wetting the bed that it's a horrible. Holy cow!
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Anon1234567890member has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Aug 27, 2011 04:39 AM
Edited by Louise (29559) on 2011-08-27 04:54:12
Coccinella, I have an A Level in psychology*. Classical conditioning doesn't work every single time, no questions asked. Children who are repeatedly put on the naughty step don't go on to develop a fear of stairs, you know? The kid would need to be wetting virtually every night and getting thrown in the shower every time for that to happen. While I don't agree with the punishment in the least, you're exaggerating.

* Not claiming to be an expert, but I don't need to read a textbook.

-----

On bed wetting.

Obviously we all agree that it's not the kid's fault, it's involuntary, and it's not a discipline issue. It can also be something where stressing about it (OMG I better not pee the bed tonight or else I get the hose again) could possibly make it worse.

However if you're chucking your kid in the shower for bedwetting then I don't think you really think your kid is doing it to be naughty. I think it's a perfection issue. There never used to be so much pressure on parents - you need to be back in size 6s within three weeks of giving birth, Junior needs to know all his colours by age one, he needs to be able to count to ten before nursery school, spell his name before reception class, take his GCSEs a year early and read medicine at Cambridge all while being a hit with the girls, incredibly polite, good at sports and very musical. Some people these days really let that pressure get to them, and bed wetting doesn't fit into the equation. It's not "perfect", is it? I think that's more why they're punishing them. It's crap, but it's plausible.
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By bethnee_rose
On Sat Aug 27, 2011 05:50 AM
How disgusting. The only thing sticking them in the shower like that will do is (in my opinion) make the toilet training regress. Poor kids, imagine how they must feel when they have wet the bed by accident and know that they are about to be put in a freezing shower. It's really cruel.

I must admit though, when my sister was 12 she worked herself up SO badly, she was absolutely hysterical to the point where she was making herself sick and I could see our neighbours poking their heads over the fence to see what was happening and my mum was out, I turned on the shower and pushed her in because NOTHING I could do was calming her down! It did stop her tantrum (honestly, I have never seen anything like that! And she has never acted like that again... it was like she was possessed!!!) but I have always felt a bit uncomfortable about it... it sounds so extreme but there was nothing else I could do!!!


I am with Louise on the whole smacking thing. I was smacked as a child and there is nothing wrong with me. I can probably count the amount of times I was smacked on two hands and I can remember what most of them were for. I was only smacked over MAJOR things, and I am glad I was because I never did those things again!
re: Putting your child into a cold shower to discipline them
By Cadbury_Eatermember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member
On Sat Aug 27, 2011 08:40 AM
?!?!

Yep, giving a child a chill would totally teach them to not wet the bed...I think it's very mean and cruel!
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