I'm stuck on a bridal shower etiquette question, and I was hoping some of you guys could help me out.

I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's upcoming wedding. She's having two bridal showers, and today was supposed to be her first one. I drove all the way out there only to find that they moved the first shower to next weekend and everyone forgot to tell me. Irritating, but whatever.

The problem is that I already have plans to be out of town next weekend, and those plans conflict with the new date of the first bridal shower.

I feel obligated to cancel my travel plans so that I can go to the new shower date, since I am a bridesmaid. But obviously I'm not too excited about doing that.

My question: Is it totally rude to keep my plans to go out of town next weekend and just go to the second bridal shower? Or is it vital to be at both because I'm a bridesmaid, and I should cancel my trip so that I can make that happen?

Just wasn't sure what etiquette dictated in a situation like this, so I'd appreciate some input. Thanks!

First, etiquette would dictate that the hosts of the party INFORM YOU that the date was changing and confirm that the date change was okay with you (as a member of the wedding party). This would have given you more time to consider what to do about your prearranged plans.

However, in this situation, I would look at two things: money and importance. How much money would you lose out on for not going on this trip (For example, do you already have plane tickets somewhere, a hotel room booked, etc): the higher it is the less likely I would cancel my plans. Next, how important is the trip: is it a major family function, is it an important professional trip, is it something than cannot be rescheduled so it is either attend or go without. The more important and unique the reason for your trip is, the less likely I would cancel the trip.

So, I WOULD cancel the trip if it was a quick drive to visit a friend and go bowling "just because". I WOULD NOT cancel my trip if I already had a flight and hotel booked or if it was a major family gathering I was meaning to attend.

As for how it will be received: you never know. You could be seen as rude for not showing up, but some people wouldn't think anything of it (others would make a big stink about it). Think about the bride (and perhaps talk to her) and make your decision based on as much information as possible.

^All true.

I'd take it a step further. I'd just send my regrets. It is rather odd that the hostess of the first shower didn't inform you of the change. Did you show up, gift in hand, and find no one home? Or was it in a public venue?

People continue to amaze me.

Keep On Dancing*

Now i'm not American, so the concept of having one bridal shower is not something i'd consider, but if she's having two then I really don't see the problem in you going to the second one only. You thought you could make the first shower, then it got rearranged without your knowledge and you already have plans that weekend. Other stuff is happening in your life apart from this wedding, so I would be inclined to say don't cancel and just go to shower #2.

Unless the bride is one of those (IMO) demanding brides who expect way too much from their bridesmaids, I would expect this would be okay. Obviously communicate with the bride and keep her informed of what is happening and why, but I would hope that she would be reasonable if you choose to honour your pre-arranged plans.

I wouldn't cancel plans for next weekend. I'd just send my regrets. Particularly where there is a second shower, and especially where the hostess of next weekend's event didn't bother to inform you, a bridesmaid, that the shower had been postponed.

It sounds like it took some effort for you to get to the cancelled venue. Gas costs A LOT these days and I'd tell them, "I used up a lot of gas to get there and no one bothered to tell me the date was moved. I've already spent money on plans next week and I don't have anymore money to drive all the way out there again and not go on my trip that I've already shelled out for."

And them not even talking to you about the change of date? Awful of them. You're a member of the bridal party, you're one of the FIRST people they should call about any changes.

Personally I would be sending my regrets... they should have told you that the shower date was changed in the first place.

You are already going to one of the showers. I think that is good enough.

Seeing as there is going to be 2 bridal showers and you have made arrangements as long as you can attend one of them that should be no problem.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Yeah, it was a bit of a shock to drive an hour to the host's house and find no one home! Turns out the host did send out an announcement in the mail to let everyone know about the change of date, but mine didn't arrive until yesterday, hence the confusion on the original day of the shower.

I talked to the bride about the whole thing, and she was totally cool - she said she understood that with such a last minute change she was sure people would have prior commitments for the new day, and that it was no problem.

So I'm still going on my trip this weekend, and I'll still be attending the second shower next week.

Glad everything worked out. Thanks again!