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Married Life
I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By fireengine Comments: 29, member since Fri Oct 28, 2011
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 07:25 AM
Edited by fireengine (242937) on 2011-10-31 07:26:40 Spelling

I want to take ballet. I discussed this with my wife. The reaction I received was..."Are you turning Gay?" I was totally floored!! Not the reaction I anticipated. I have always loved, cherished and supported her. It's not a gay thing I mentioned, not a fetish thing, not a be-friend a girl thing. It's something..a desire..a wish...I always wanted to try...I really can't explain it!! She said to follow my heart, but don't expect her to "stick-around." I don't know why she feels so threatened? I know the physical benefits ballet will bring. I'm fit and 50, I'm not into ice-hockey, rugby or football anymore, and have no desire to join a gym. I really am wrestling with this. Any suggestions or direction. Thanks

14 Replies to I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!

re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12490, member since Fri Aug 27, 2004
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 09:09 AM
If she is only going on her preconceived notions then you are going to have to educate her about men in dance. Is she familiar with ballet? Maybe take her to a performance or watch a ballet film? Show her pictures of men in ballet?
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By Theresamember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 34891, member since Wed May 22, 2002
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 11:50 AM
Don't expect her to stick around?! She's going to leave you for learning to dance?!
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By fireengine Comments: 29, member since Fri Oct 28, 2011
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:12 PM
Edited by fireengine (242937) on 2011-10-31 12:16:48
I'll consider you suggestions. Thank you
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By Nyssasisticmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3643, member since Sat Sep 20, 2003
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:20 PM
Why not invite her to do classes with you? If she's worried about what ballet might "do" to you (lol) or what YOU might do during ballet, tell her that you'd love for her to join up too or even just observe the classes. Tell her that it's something you'd really like to try, but you want her involved too- and then let her choose her own level of involvement. Even if she declines, it may be a relief to her to know that you'd be happy with her being around while you're doing it so it's not some big secret or something you're trying to do to distance yourself from her.

Good luck- the dynamic is always difficult when you have a spouse that wants to dance and another that doesn't understand.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By d4jmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 12490, member since Fri Aug 27, 2004
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:26 PM
Wait - I just read the other post on the guys board. Your wife has danced ballet before? That makes this perplexing. But you wrote that she is insecure. So, is she worried that you may be around younger, possibly fitter women in leotards? Then she should definitely come to class with you so she can see that you are there to be serious about learning dance. It sounds like she thinks you are 'looking'.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By Sumayah Comments: 6879, member since Wed Nov 12, 2008
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:33 PM
Re: the info in the other post, could it also maybe that dance was her "thing" and since she no longer dances if she can't no one can?
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By fireengine Comments: 29, member since Fri Oct 28, 2011
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 01:05 PM
I have also posted the situation in the Ballet-General Forum upon the suggestion of kind member. Your points are valid. I have invited her to participate with me and she declined. I think she feels threatened for me participating in a class with the majority of classmates being women. I'm TOTALLY devoted to my wife. But I guess her fears are suppressing my loyalty.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By Dancing_EMTmember has saluted, click to view salute photosPremium member Comments: 3466, member since Wed Dec 08, 2004
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 01:07 PM
If your wife is this insecure, y'all need marriage counseling, not for her to come to class with you.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By AlwaysOnStagePremium member Comments: 7417, member since Sun Apr 18, 2004
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 01:56 PM
Yes, this is clearly an issue in your relationship that transcends dance: she KNOWS how not-sexual ballet class is, and she KNOWS that it doesn't turn men gay, therefore her problems are stemming from somewhere else.

I think that you need to find a way for HER to be able to feel comfortable while YOU do a perfectly normal, non-threatening activity that you have interest in. If you have to give up something so benign and unassuming in order to keep her happy, then there's very clearly something wrong and if you don't take steps to help resolve the issue then it will only crop up in new ways.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By PerfectFeet Comments: 342, member since Mon Feb 11, 2008
On Mon Oct 31, 2011 02:44 PM
"Don't expect me to stick around", eh?

Just FYI, that sentence alone dropped my respect for your wife by about 99% - respect that she never had in the first place. So the things I have to say about this will not be nice.

That is about as insensitive a gesture as I can imagine in a marriage. The whole point of marriage is to support each other, love each other, and enrich each other's lives. If your wife's first notion is to leave you (i.e. not "stick around") then MY first notion is that she doesn't REALLY love you, and that she is shallow, homophobic, vapid, disrespectful, irreciprocal, and overall simply unfit for marriage to an interesting person such as yourself.

Whether she doesn't trust you, thinks you're bi/gay-curious, or is simply jealous doesn't matter. Her reaction matters and communication matters. I'm sure I'm biased, being that I'm unmarried, but there is no way in hell I'd ever commit myself to a person that I didn't think would be accepting and supportive of me in every regard. The only way I'd marry a girl is if I knew she'd be unconditionally supportive and loving. I'd have to feel like she'd stay with me at my absolute worst. Unemployed, drug-addicted, amputated etc. That's what wedding vows are all about - "for better or worse". SHE doesn't seem to be anywhere near this level of emotional commitment, considering the fact that she has essentially threatened to LEAVE you over a hobby that will quite obviously enrich your life. People like that are selfish, jealous, and without empathy.

Its real easy for me to speculate and say that I'd handle it in a certain way, being that I'm not you, nor am I married to your wife. And I don't want to sound like I'm pretending to know every detail about this situation. But I think that this particular conflict specifically exemplifies a very important factor in your marriage, and should not go without acknowledgement. I can only hope that it disgusts you as much as it disgusts me.
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By fireengine Comments: 29, member since Fri Oct 28, 2011
On Tue Nov 01, 2011 05:01 PM
Thanks for everybody's input and support. There are valid points made. I have some direction to go with this. I'll keep you posted. keep the comments coming. Thanks
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By WillSouthMcr Comments: 93, member since Sun Dec 18, 2005
On Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:15 AM
As long as you are open, honest, trust your self and respectful to your wife and everyone in the class do it ! Life is for living and ask your self when was the last time you did some thing for the first time.As a married male, late starter over 50 I live for and love dancing - when I can make the class.Best part is my wife knows the energy it creates inside and the discovery any one can do it if they try. Good luck
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By ChristinePremium member Comments: 6819, member since Wed Feb 04, 2009
On Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:46 AM
Please forgive me if this sounds simplistic.

This is the way it goes....

If you want to have sex with men, this is an indication that you are "Turning Gay."

If you want to dance, it is an indication that you want to dance.

These stereotypes make me crazy. It is the same raised eyebrow young women get when they take up golf.

When you start ballet, you may be surprised at the physicality required to master the simplest movement or step. I'd suggest she take class with you just to see what its all about. As for, "don't expect me to stick around.", this is so hostile I can't even address it.

You have my sympathy.

Keep On Dancing*
re: I want to take ballet. I discussed it with my wife, she is not happy!!
By PudgeBrother Comments: 5, member since Mon Jul 09, 2007
On Sun Dec 04, 2011 04:09 PM
Wow. I'm totally sympathetic to your situation. Stereotypes be damned!

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