Might as well update while I'm actually home. Which is usually about never. I forget I have an apartment sometimes. I'm surprised no one has turned it into a Chinese restaurant yet.
(HIMYM anyone?)

I'm thinking pretty seriously about moving out. I found out last week that my lease is month to month, so I'm starting to look for somewhere else to go. I'm pretty miserable here. My friend Alyssa is trying to move out of her parents' house soon. I think I would be a lot happier living with her, in a small house. She understands common roommate courtesies like not inviting people over when you're not even going to be there, or washing the dishes more than once a month.

Still have to figure out how to bring this up with Greg, though he might not be completely opposed to the idea of moving out. We both hate the apartment - it's old and run down and basically in the ghetto. He hates my cat and I hate his tendency to leave dishes and trash everywhere. We're good friends, but we're terrible roommates. So $700 for a 3 bedroom house (NOT apartment) with Alyssa, who is basically me in shorter form? Yes please. Get me out of here.

Ugh. I don't want to move again, though. I hate moving. I need less stuff.






I've started doing that thing where I set little tiny goals for myself every day. My to-do lists are always overwhelming, so I pick one thing. Today, it is eating. Yesterday I had an english muffin and two servings of frozen chicken nuggets. I'm just not hungry. I forget to eat because I'm not hungry, or I can't eat because it feels like swallowing cardboard. I had a protein bar this morning, though. That's already better. I'll shower and then I'm going to a Super Bowl party at J's, where there will be plenty of food and I'm going to eat it, dammit!
(I wish nutrition came in the form of Kona Blend Java Monster because this definitely does not taste like cardboard)





This is random, but I think I want to learn to play the ukulele again. It was fun and easy, and I still have Matt's in the trunk of my car. It refuses to play in tune, but I can deal.

^Yes! Play it! Ukes are awesome!!!!

Okay, sorry, enthusiastic ukulele-lover outburst over. *retreats into shadows with a sheepish expression*

Ukulele lover outbursts (and most others) are always welcome here I think I need to go dig it out of the trunk of my car.



Today I did a whole lot of nothing. I woke up around 10:15, decent enough, but I couldn't drag myself out of bed until after 1. I did rewatch a few episodes of Doctor Who (now that I've finished season 6, it's really interesting to go back and see the episodes with River again) and sync my music onto my phone. Finally.

I painted for a few hours today. I'm not very happy with what I got done and I'm trying to quit being such a perfectionist and finish the damn thing. I never finish any of my art because I'm always afraid I'll ruin what I have.

I also played a lot of Minecraft. Too much Minecraft.



See? Absolutely nothing productive.

I felt terrible all day. I don't know why. I don't even know what it was - not my usual random irritation and tears when I'm depressed. Just exhausted. I could barely drag myself around CVS with Austin. When I went into my room to change out of my pajamas (at oh, 6 PM), I just sat down on my bed and literally had to talk myself into getting up and putting on a pair of jeans.

I'm just so tired.

Vacation is officially over.

School is a nightmare. I'm glad to go back, because I'm tired of sitting around doing nothing, but school is an absolute nightmare. My stupid college takes way more students than they can handle, which means it takes literally hours to find a parking spot and the counseling department fills up the appointments for the entire semester in the first day and etc etc. It's just a whole lot of stupid chaos.

Classes are alright. Today was mostly choir and lab band, neither of which are particularly new. Lab band is much less awkward than last semester. Mike is still in it, but we're on perfectly friendly terms now and that went fairly well. Math is...ehh. J and I apparently chose the hardest possible professor. So excited.

I ate better today. I have been for the past few days. But today I tried the guacamole turkey burger at Carl's Jr. and my mouth went to heaven.





I'm talking about random things to keep from talking about the big thing, but I just...can't yet. After tomorrow maybe.

Going to get through this. Going to survive this somehow.

I'm still here.

My life hasn't been normal for the past few months, and now that it's technically normal again, I've been busy. Greg and I are moving out of the apartment - we turned in our 30 days notice and have to be out by the 1st, and I still don't have anywhere else to go. So obsessive craigslisting is consuming a lot of my time. Alyssa is going to try to get the day off work on Tuesday so we can get that figured out. She doesn't have a deadline, but I really have nowhere to go. My mom lives two states away now; moving back home is no longer an option. Trying to get this place back into decent condition is almost a nightmare. My roommate has probably (actually, definitely) not cleaned a single thing since we moved in, so I've been trying to keep up with the mess from four people, with a little help from Matt. I'm just trying to do a little bit every day at this point, there's no way I can do it all at once. I finally broke and yelled at Greg for not touching the dishes even though he's been swearing he'll do his for literally a month. I can't even get to the sink anymore. But I've done his dishes about four times now because he promises he'll do them and NEVER does.

14 more days. Two more weeks. Almost out of here.

I am going to miss it though, in some ways. Having the grocery store and other important places within a block was nice. And there are parts of living here that don't suck. I'll definitely miss having a huge room. Not that I spend all that much time in here. I'll also miss living three minutes from school.

I just have really bad luck with roommates, don't I? First dog poo girl, and now the man who refuses to clean. I'm seriously not exaggerating - the last dish he washed was at least three weeks ago, when I made him do it because he used the pot I needed and then left it on the stove, full of food remains. And this frustrates me, because I've spent the past week cleaning the entire place, a little at a time, so that we get our deposit back. But even that $500 hasn't motivated him, apparently. I can't wait to get out of here. He's a good friend, but a terrible roommate. So I'm moving in with someone that will hopefully do things like pay bills on time (not a month late) and wash dishes at least occasionally and maybe even sweep or vacuum sometimes. Those are things that Greg has literally never done, not ONCE since we moved in. Gross.




Everything is just difficult. I'm trying to get through it. I'm at least not sick all the time. That helps.

Ended up moving in by myself. Definitely one of my better decisions.

I now have a nice 1 bedroom apartment, 5 minutes from school, close to Trader Joe's, in a much nicer neighborhood. Not having roommates is the best. I'm actually managing to keep it clean. It's a little bit weird, not coming home to my friends every single day, but it's so nice to have time to do things that I want to do. Random little things like reading books or painting my nails or showering at 5 PM. I constantly felt stressed at the old house because it was incredibly rare for me to have any time alone. I need time to myself. And I haven't been lonely. J is here a lot, of course. Emma came to spend a night with me, and Matt came over, and Jon has been here. I like having friends around, but now I can control when people are here and it's so nice. I don't always want to hang out with people. Sometimes I want to lay on the couch with no pants on and watch How I Met Your Mother with my cat.

(also, I've actually been managing to get some homework done in the evenings)

^ That sounds like it's going to be really awesome for you!

^ It is! I love it here Definitely one of my better decisions. I feel so much safer, and it's clean and I actually get time to myself and I'm very happy.




Exciting things are happening. I might be out of this terrible, terrible school by as early as this fall, because I'm pretty sure I've figured out what I want to do with my life. And I'm pretty sure I know how to get there. No more southern California and no more RCC!