Jim's company that he works for has several branches around the world. And periodically over the course of the year, people from the international branches of the company will come to the states to train. As Jim is fairly high up in the company, he is usually fairly active in regards to training the newcomers, or schmoozing them during their training.

There were some people in town this week - a guy from Sweden and a guy from Japan. Dude from Japan is obsessed with strip clubs, and every time he comes to America for training, pretty much all he wants to do is go to Hooter's and the strip clubs.

So yesterday, Jim tells me that they're going out to eat with these guys after work. Ok, cool.

9:30 last night, there's been no sight or sound of Jim. I send him a text and tell him that if he's out getting blasted, he'd better not come home. (Long story...) He texts that he's not even drinking, and texts me a picture of the group he's out with.

1 in the morning, I finally fall asleep. Still no sight or sound of Jim. No text when he's coming home, no "I'm not coming home", no nothing. 45 minutes later, he comes in, wakes me up and tells me that they took the Japanese guy to the strip club.

Not only that, but in his car, riding with him to the strip club, were the Swedish guy, and the 22 year old fresh out of college marketing girl.

So, he's hanging out at strip clubs with college girls drinking beer, not bothering to inform me of whether or not he's even alive, and he's trying to put this on me, like my being twisted about this is my problem.

I don't care that he was at the strip club (in fact, I would have gone with him had I been given the opportunity), I do know that he's got a little bit of a thing for the 22 year old (which I'm not worried about - he's 37 with a dad belly, and no game. She's not paying him any mind, trust.). But dude? At least let me know where you ARE! When you leave the house at 9 in the morning, and it's 1 the following morning, and no one knows where you are on the planet, and that's EXTREMELY an out of charecter move for you, that's a bit of an issue.

And, for the note, I did this to him once. I went to a dance competition, and they ran very late. He called every member of my family at 2 in the morning, trying to figure out where I was. Instead of assuming I was, you know, exactly where I said I'd be.

So yeah. I don't even need advice, I'm just all "OMGWTHBBQ?!" about the fact that he clearly had a coronary when I did this, but when he does it and I even look at him funny, all the sudden, it's my problem. And I said the vast majority of this to him, but I got the distinct impression he just was agreeing with me to shut me up.

Men.

That's about all I have to say about it.

I got the distinct impression he just was agreeing with me to shut me up.

I'd consider this a WIN. When my husband does thoughtless things like this he never agrees with my point of view.

If it helps, I completely agree with you.

And, Arak....MEN!

Dear Santa,

Please bring T this book.


Love,
Christine*

Keep On Dancing*

It's just common courtesy to tell your spouse where you are and approximately when you'll be home so that they won't worry.

Helen

Honestly it takes less than two minutes to write a text saying "Hey, I am still out with the people from work, we are going to go to the strip club. I'll probably be in late, don't wait up!"
So I completely understand that you are annoyed. It would have been way easier for you to go to bed if he would have just told you what he was doing and given an estimated time frame of when he would be back, than just giving you the tip of the iceberg and being very unclear... or not even replying at all.

Oh yes. I used to have this issue ALL the time with my ex. No word or nothing if he was coming home, or the other extreme we used to get -

A text at like 10pm 'babe, I'm on my way to the taxi queue I'll be home shortly'

2am he would roll in - 'Oh I was having such a good night I decided to stop out a little longer' then get up in my face for being controlling and trying to stop him having fun. Um, no? Not bothered that you stayed out, just bothered that you say you're coming home then don't!!!!

Ugh. I second Arak - Men. YAK!

Thanks guys. Glad to hear I haven't gone as crazy as he seems to want to think.

He told me that if I was so worried, he didn't know why I didn't call him. Anyone been in a club lately and tried to either make or recieve a phone call? If you're lucky enough to hear the phone ring in the first place, that's pretty much all you hear!

When my husband pulls this crap, I don't even address it anymore. However, the in the next day or two I arrange my errands so I am out of the house for more than 12 or 14 hours without a call or a word about when I'll be home.

It's not like I'm "getting even"...I have no desire to waste what ever time I have left on this earth in a strip joint or a bar, but it does give him lots of time to think about how slowly the hours pass while alone and "out of the loop". Sometimes he needs reminding.

Keep On Dancing*

This so totally happened to my sister a long time ago. Her ex was a total jerk! Anyway, they were living in MA when my niece was a baby, probably about a year old, maybe a year and a half. She's now 17 so that will tell you when it was. I think there were cell phones but I don't know if either of them had one yet.

Anyway, his brother from CA came for a visit and to do some business. He hadn't seen him in a while and both of them, but my sisters ex more, were sports nuts. Her ex takes his brother to a baseball game. They have to drive to the train station and take the train into the city. When the game is over they will be home he says. With no cell she can't get a hold of him, but there were phones so he could get a hold of her from a pay phone if they are going to go somewhere else. I am visiting them. Oaky, it's 10 at night, no David. 11, no David. My sister had gone to bed but she wasn't sleeping I'm sure. Mind you they left in the morning so they should be home by now. 12, no David. I go to bed at 12:30 and he is still not home. He could have been dead in an alley somewhere, in a hospital, police station, who knows? Mind you he has forgotten he has a wife and baby at home. If I remember correctly, he got home at 2 am! My sister was furious and she was screaming and yelling at him! They lived in a beautiful mansion that was made into apartments so all the neighbors could hear what was going on. They woke up my niece and me too.

Turns out the game was over hours ago but they decided to go to a bar and troll for chicks! You can see why he is her ex and this wasn't the first time.

I don't care who you are, have the common courtesy to pick up a phone and give someone a call! Especially if you are in a bar or strip club where if the phone were to ring, you either wouldn't hear it or you probably wouldn't answer. Sometimes men can be such jerks!

I hope you gave him a what for and made him sleep on the couch for a while.

My husband texts me every weekday, giving me an ETA at the local train station, once he gets on the train in the city. If he's going out for the night, he'll give me an approximate ETA (eg "11-ish", or "after midnight: don't wait up") then if it's going to be different from that, he'll let me know. It's not because I need to know his every move; it's because it lets me know I can go to bed without worrying where he is. I do the same for him too, when I'm out.

Helen

My boyfriend did the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I knew he was out watching football with some friends a couple of hours' drive away, which was totally fine. He called at 5pm and said they were just leaving and should be back by 7:30. I got stuff for dinner and figured I'd wait till he got home before I started cooking.

Anyway, 7:30 came and went with no news. I figured traffic was bad or something, but his phone was off so I couldn't call and check. 9pm came and went and I decided I was too hungry to wait any more. Still no news or means of contact (starting to worry a bit now). He FINALLY rolls in at 11:30pm, four hours after I expected him, and by this point I was absolutely distraught imagining anything that could have happened to him. When I asked why he didn't let me know what was going on, he said his phone ran out of battery and gave me a look like "you can't be mad about that!". It was only when I said "what, none of the 3 other people you were with would lend you a phone?!" that it seemed to dawn on him.