Am I the only one who thinks that MUCH more effort should be forcus on teaching kids appropiate coping mechanisms for bullying, rather than the elimination of bullying itself? I mean, you are NEVER going to stop bullying and if you think you are, you're kidding yourself. Kids have bullied each other for thousands of years. The severity may have changed, but I think that's largely due to outside influences (we see more people get hurt and die on the screen than in real life. If any of these kids had actually seen a horrific accident, I doubt they'd be so quick to wish it on another).

And please, I'm not saying this because I think it's ok. It's not. But it will always be around. Instead of fighting something that is alwyas going to be there, help the kids who are the victims of bullyin by teaching them good coping mechanisms, making them stronger people, and giving them a safe haven in which they can just be themselves (after school clubs anyone?).

^ I agree with you, but with 1 distinction. Adults are really just grown up bullies. Adults can be terrible role models and kids pick up on it and bully their peers. That is why kids need better coping mechanisms, they will have to deal with bullies their entire life.

At my studio, we encourage the FACT that - we don't have to be best friends, have sleepovers, or even converse with each other. BUT, we share a very common bond - we ALL enjoy dancing, and that's why we're here. Our studio is a psychological safe place. For the hour or two that we're together, we're in a good place - free to move, and express yourself. I don't care if you can land triple pirouettes, execute switch leg leaps, or extend 180 degrees, as long as you have a great work ethic, and care to expand your horizons If you can't open your heart to that concept - go to Pittsburgh!
NO dance Moms or Divas are welcome, or encouraged here. We're all about acceptance of each others talents, interests, work ethic, and enthusiasm.

agreed. we also need to recognize the difference between "bullying" and "drama".

I agree with Dust. I am all for taking the possible steps to try and prevent bullying, but it will never be eliminated. There is bad in some peoples natures, and that can be even more prominent when they're children and they don't realise the full scope of their actions.

Kids have bullied each other for thousands of years. The severity may have changed, but I think that's largely due to outside influences

My mum tells some HORRIFIC stories about her years in school being bullied. Stuff that makes you want to cry and throw up at the same time. There are more outlets for it these days, sure, but people having been coping it pretty severe for yolks.

I agree that bullying can never be eliminated. I also think that it probably serves a purpose; it teaches kids something. Going along with what dust2dust said... you would never learn coping skills if bad things never happened to you. Negative social interactions are part of life and bullying is one way that kids learn that. It shouldn't happen, but it does, and to some extent kids need to learn to fight their own battles. There is a point where adults should get involved, and I do think that if teachers see it happening, they should actively stop it. But we want to raise a generation of independent adults capable of solving their own problems, which means we need to teach them how to do that.

I also think that there are ways to fight or prevent bullying. I was never bullied as a kid, though my close friends were. I think that there's this perception that oh, it happens to everyone. It doesn't. I'm aware that it's unusual.

In my opinion, from what I saw: my friends seemed to think that they could act over-the-top weird, and expected to get no reaction for it. That's simply unrealistic. People will react to something that's not the norm, and no one should expect that not to happen. No, they should not tease, but there are people out there who think they can come to school with their skin painted green and not get as much as a second glance. I've met them, had this conversation with them, and completely disagree (especially as someone with a curious nature who will definitely go up and ask why your skin is green).

If you do something that goes against the norm, you either need to own it and handle the consequences or not do it. For example, my best friend went through a Goth phase, where she'd wear big thick boots, fishnets, chains, black lipstick, and even a cape to school. Yes, a cape. People would make comments, but she would just shrug and say "So what?" She didn't care what they thought of her, and she could explain why she did it ("I like it."). A lot of kids in our group went through this phase and would complain about being teased for it. When you're in a social situation, people are going to react when you do something. You need to either explain yourself - own what you're doing, point out why you're doing it - or if it bothers you that much, don't do weird stuff. I didn't and don't understand this expectation of "I can do whatever I want and people should say nothing to me." That isn't, will never, and should never be the way life works. People should not respond meanly and I'm not saying that is okay (though one should learn to handle that individually).

For the most part, I didn't go through very weird fashion phases. It isn't my style. (My friends complained that I was conformist. No, it just really IS my style.) I did have some odd phases, as we all do. Someone would ask me, "Why do you have a blue streak in your hair?" my answer would be, "Because blue hair is awesome, don't you love it?" I was also a very quiet kid and I could handle myself socially. So I never got picked on.

I'm not saying this is true in every situation. In my experience, from what I saw, this is what happened in my circle of friends. Please don't take this and go "OMG, but this horrible thing happened in this other instance in a completely different situation, how can you say that, you heartless fiend?" because I am not talking about other instances nor do I claim to be extrapolating out to the rest of the planet at large. That said, in SOME cases yes, this is what's going on.

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If schools ever taught coping skills - and the billion other psychologically healthy things that people desperately need to know and never get taught - this would be me:

I'm in high school at the moment (in Aus, so it might be different in the US or UK), and I AM taught 'coping strategies'. The thing is, they aren't applicable in real life-or they are so obvious that there is no point in being taught them.
I think that the problem is, all bullying is treated equally. So a snide comment is treated the same as a spitting in someone's food, which is treated the same as being punched.
The other is that schools seemed to think that bullying is limited to face to face confrontation and violence on a regular basis. It's not. Particularly at my school (all girls), bullying is much more sneaky-exclusion, talking behind backs.

The girls who do that sort of thing DO NOT REALISE WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS BULLYING. Because we are taught that bullying is face to face!

Another issue is that students are far more tech-savey than their teachers. I think *my* teacher at least is quite oblivious to what happens fairly regularly on Facebook and chatrooms.

Another issue is that students are far more tech-savey than their teachers. I think *my* teacher at least is quite oblivious to what happens fairly regularly on Facebook and chatrooms.

This is a HUGE problem. Last time I worked at a high school (like 5 years ago), we had computers in every classroom. And all the kids knew how to use proxies to get on facebook and myspace and 4chan, etc. But as a staff member, I wouldn't dare get on those social networking sites even though I knew how. I wasn't even allowed even to check my personal email from work. I managed the web site for the school's music department, but even that wasn't officially sanctioned by the administration. They KNEW about it, but they didn't know about it (if you know what I mean). So it's no wonder all this bullying is happening online without the knowledge of the teachers. It's because the teachers are actively discouraged from participating in any online activity. Now, as someone who works in IT, I totally understand why the school districts are enforcing policies that discourage teachers from interacting with students online - CYA. But those policies are not good enough. They're COMPLETELY outdated. This is not 1990.

The girls who do that sort of thing DO NOT REALISE WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS BULLYING.

I don't agree with this though. They know what they're doing. They do it to gain a social advantage by seeming dominant. But to say they don't know what they're doing is just letting them off the hook. They know, and they need to accept responsibility for it. Most people do eventually realize that bullying is wrong and mean and ineffective once they become an adult. We just need to help them realize that when they're younger because that's when bullying causes the most emotional damage. But even in elementary school, those kids know what they're doing is wrong.

hey know what they're doing. They do it to gain a social advantage by seeming dominant. But to say they don't know what they're doing is just letting them off the hook.

I agree that they know what they are doing is bullying. I was bullied in middle school and the people that did it absolutely knew what they were doing. The medium of bullying does not make a difference.

However, what I think most bullies (and most kids at the same age) don't realize is what far-reaching and long-lasting damage bullying can do. I'm not an expert, but aren't there studies about adolescent brains and how they don't really have the foresight to look ahead 10 ten years and realize that "things get better" or conversely, that the effects of bullying can persist that long or longer. People who bully are doing for the temporary "satisfaction" of watching their peer suffer...not thinking that their victim's self-confidence will remain shattered in ten years. Does that make any sense at all?