We've been laughing for forever about James' not being able to put on weight. He's hung in at a solid 36 pounds since like, April. Seriously. His getting to go into a booster seat is hinging on his ability to weigh over 40 pounds. Try as he might (my mom had him eat double cheeseburgers every day for a week!), he can't swing it.

He told me today that he didn't want to weigh over 40 pounds, because he didn't want to be fat. I questioned him on why, and he said it was because he was afraid it would make him look bad.

So, um...thoughts? I'm going to have a sit down with his pediatrician to see what she makes of all of this, and I may arrange a little sit down between him and her as well, but uh...zuh?

He eats fairly healthy, for a five year old anyway. Fruits, vegetables, dairy, some meat, mostly chicken. Never drinks pop. Likes water. I try to buy reduced sugar/sodium/fat whenever I notice the option is available.

Unfortunately, the whole "thin=attractive" mindset in the media/society that's been so overwhelmingly directed at girls and women is now turning its attention to guys. I think it's appalling for both genders, but with all the hyper-insane panic about childhood obesity that's becoming a very common topic of discussion, there's more and more of an overtone of "NOBODY can be fat and healthy/attractive, you MUST be thin to be healthy/attractive," rather than just "Girls/women can't be fat and healthy/attractive".

Which isn't to say that you or Jim are fostering that idea or anything-it's just such a deeply-rooted undertone in our society that it's imperceptible, and simultaneously really, really strong. Even kid's shows that teach kids how to choose healthy foods probably only show thin people as the "healthy" ones, and while they're not overtly or purposefully teaching the idea, when a kid only sees thin people as an example of healthy people, of course that's what they'll start to believe.

I'm not a parent, so feel free to remove...

Could it be something he's heard on one of your Jillian Michael's DVD or similar? Perhaps he's just heard it in the background and somehow turned it into something that applies to him. Maybe he sees you working out and trying to lose weight and doesn't quite get the concept of who needs to lose weight, what "fat" is, etc.

As a mum who over the many years I've had children has tried to lose a bit of weight many times you need to be very careful of what you say, when you say it and how you say it, children can take all sorts of things out of context and interpret it the way they see it. the saying out of the mouths of babes and children comes from this.

Sometimes the things they can come out with is scary in a brutally honest way that we're just not used to as adults, we're used to people saying things with a little tact! Kids don't do this.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't about you, it's just the way his mind processes the information around him.

You getting in shape and doing so well at it as well as him seeing how people are so pleased at what you've achieved is probably hitting a chord with him.

You need to make sure that he appreciates how much he should be growing at the moment, not like you who shouldn't be growing any more, that might make more sense to him.

His getting to go into a booster seat is hinging on his ability to weigh over 40 pounds.

Clearly the arbitrary demands of this society are a factor in his generation's obesity problem. It's not all fast food.

In any event don't worry. I did not weigh more than that at age 5. By age 14 I weighed 70 pounds. By college graduation, I weighed 140 - at least not freakishly small.

But someone his size does need to learn martial arts, and don't invalidate his efforts here. More important, monitor his instruction. The number of false self-defense instructors must be seen to be believed.

^Huh? The problem isn;'t that he is little, its that he is worried about getting 'fat' at such a young age.

Can you ask him where he got the idea that he would be fat from? He sounds like a pretty bright kid , I'm sure he'd tell you where he heard it. That way you can explain to him why he does't need to worry.

Maybe show him some strong man footage? I am sure there is a strong man cartoon out there somewhere. Explain to him that little boys don't get fat when they eat yummy and good food, they get strong!

Is he in school? Is there maybe a bigger kid that gets teased and he is afraid of being made fun of too?

Maybe you could just tell him that getting bigger is just growing up. Everybody grows! I would try to avoid saying "it doesn't mean you will get fat" because that can imply that there is something wrong with it.

Thanks guys!

Yeah, the problem isn't that he's currently small. He's actually, by height, well on par. He's the shortest, but not by alot - he can look all the other kids in the eye - but he's also the youngest kid in the class too, so he SHOULD be the shortest. His pediatrician is happy with his weight. She hasn't always been, but he isn't old enough to remember when she wasn't (most of that fight took place when he was under a year old...)

He's also in plenty of activities where he gets validation for being good just the way he is - he takes dance two days a week, he's in one of the highest reading groups at school, he does lots of stuff where he's validated for being him, in ways that have nothing to do with how big/small he is.

I called and made an appointment today to talk to his pediatrician, and for him to talk to the pediatrician. :/

I am not sure if I am overstepping any boundaries, so I apologize in advance.

James seem like he is above average in many of the things he does. He is at the top reading group in school for example. I teach kids his age, and it is always the ones who are at the top of the class worrying about being "perfect" even in their own weight.
I teach children ballet from the ages of 3-11 currently, and I have seen it as young as 3 in some cases.

I am not saying that he has a eating disorder or a control issue or anything like that. What I am saying is that you are on a fitness plan to improve yourself, so maybe he wants to be the best at that too. " I guess if mommy is trying to lose weight, I guess you need to lose weight in order to be the best at everything".

I guess my whole point is that I have seen is very commonly in super high achieving children as young as 3 years old. It seems like some kids are born with that certain personality trait.

madmilt wrote:

His getting to go into a booster seat is hinging on his ability to weigh over 40 pounds.

Clearly the arbitrary demands of this society are a factor in his generation's obesity problem. It's not all fast food.

In any event don't worry. I did not weigh more than that at age 5. By age 14 I weighed 70 pounds. By college graduation, I weighed 140 - at least not freakishly small.

But someone his size does need to learn martial arts, and don't invalidate his efforts here. More important, monitor his instruction. The number of false self-defense instructors must be seen to be believed.

Madmilt, I really would LOVE to see your credentials. I'd also be interested in knowing what country you are from and whether English is your first language.

Even though other people have already addressed the fact that the issue here is not the child's size, I'm going to address your complaints about car seats. Regulations for car seats and booster seats and when to get rid of them are there for a very good reason: THEY SAVE LIVES. These regulations do not contribute to obesity in any way. These regulations are not arbitrary, they are a very good thing.

... and wth does martial arts have to do with anything?? Fighting solves EVERYTHING, yaaayyy!!

/ranty hijack

... and wth does martial arts have to do with anything?? Fighting solves EVERYTHING, yaaayyy!!

Martial arts isn't about 'fighting' to solve problems. Wow. Stereotypical much???

Cheyenne has been the same way since around 5 or 6 and I think it has to a lot to do with society and so many people dieting all around her. She is always telling me she needs to lose weight, or doesn't want to gain weight, etc. Losing weight is pretty big in our society right now. Look at how many reality tv shows there are that focus on losing weight?

He doesn't get alot of exposure to this stuff via TV though. He watched mostly Nickelodian, and I watch mostly TV Land, with breaks for The Office and The Daily Show. In terms of getting poor messages from the media, he really doesn't.

I talked to his pediatrician today, and she said that what she wanted me to do was to stop speaking or allowing him to speak in terms of skinny and fat, that everything needed to be referenced in terms of healthy and unhealthy. And to point out to him that as long as he ate fruits and vegetables and that stuff, that he was going to be just fine in terms of his health, even if he did get bigger (which she said if he got nervous about that, to point out that when you're a kid, getting bigger is OK, because it means your muscles and bones are getting stronger too, which is good.) And she said since we'd specifically talked about him eating ice cream, to try to impress on him that the occasional ice cream wasn't terrible, that it was eating buckets upon buckets of ice cream, with no exercise that was the problem.

She did also say that she was going to note on his chart that we'd talked about this, just to make sure that we remember to watch for trouble with eating disorders, or body dysmorphic disorder. She mentioned that if this continued, we could get him in with a nutritionist that could teach him about stuff he needs to be eating. Which actually sounds nice, I kind of want to do that anyway. But I'm sure we gotta build a paper trail on this sort of thing before insurance will pay for that. :/

tumblebug wrote:

Martial arts isn't about 'fighting' to solve problems. Wow. Stereotypical much???

That wasn't what I was saying at all. I am not saying martial arts is all about fighting to solve problems. What Milt is implying is that James is going to be bullied just because he is small, therefore he needs to learn martial arts in order to fight back. None of that is true, from what I can gather.

Theresa wrote:

He doesn't get alot of exposure to this stuff via TV though. He watched mostly Nickelodian, and I watch mostly TV Land, with breaks for The Office and The Daily Show. In terms of getting poor messages from the media, he really doesn't.

You can never quite know what messages a child (or anyone) will pick up and internalize. For example Republican Chris Christie has been mocked by Jon Stewart among others. And while not all the poking fun has been weight-related, I could definitely see how it could be interpreted that way. Not saying your son has a fear of becoming Chris Christie (:-P) but that's just an example of how even non-overt messages can promote body consciousness.

Your pediatrician's approach sounds really great and you sound like your doing a lot of things to promote positive terms of talking about body size. He sounds like an active kid what with dance and all. Just let him know that in order to improve in his activities he needs to feed his body to give him the energy he needs.

Btw, does he know that he weighs 36lbs? Is he weighing himself regularly? I honestly can't remember knowing what my bodyweight was until maybe 5th grade or so (gosh, even that sounds young).

...Milt wasn't talking about car seats. The "abitrary demands" of society are the ones to, you know, be thin? Like what the discussion is about?

Tunie wrote:

madmilt wrote:

His getting to go into a booster seat is hinging on his ability to weigh over 40 pounds.

Clearly the arbitrary demands of this society are a factor in his generation's obesity problem. It's not all fast food.

In any event don't worry. I did not weigh more than that at age 5. By age 14 I weighed 70 pounds. By college graduation, I weighed 140 - at least not freakishly small.

But someone his size does need to learn martial arts, and don't invalidate his efforts here. More important, monitor his instruction. The number of false self-defense instructors must be seen to be believed.

Madmilt, I really would LOVE to see your credentials. I'd also be interested in knowing what country you are from and whether English is your first language.

Even though other people have already addressed the fact that the issue here is not the child's size, I'm going to address your complaints about car seats. Regulations for car seats and booster seats and when to get rid of them are there for a very good reason: THEY SAVE LIVES. These regulations do not contribute to obesity in any way. These regulations are not arbitrary, they are a very good thing.

... and wth does martial arts have to do with anything?? Fighting solves EVERYTHING, yaaayyy!!

/ranty hijack

Where, exactly, does madmilt complain about car seats? Was it in another thread? In this one I've seen only Theresa mention a car seat, not madmilt.

Madmilt specifically quoted her line about the carseats. I thought the demands of society sentence was about the carseats as well.

Dudes, I know milt posts some "alternative" stuff but I don't think anyone in the history of the world has ever made a link between compulsory car seats and obesity.

Btw, does he know that he weighs 36lbs? Is he weighing himself regularly? I honestly can't remember knowing what my bodyweight was until maybe 5th grade or so (gosh, even that sounds young).

I've had him get on the scale on the odd occasionn for curiosity sake at home, but other than that, he gets weighed only at the doctor. Which, thanks to cold weather triggered asthma, we spend our fair share of time at the pediatrician from November to March. :/

And my super competitive aunt will usually find a way to bring it up when we see her.

But as a general rule, I don't think he's got constant awareness of the number, but I could be mistaken.

Why don't you get on the scale in front of him, have him read the number, and tell him, "See? Mama isn't fat and she weighs ___! There's nothing to worry about, you've got lots of growing room!"
I know that seems pretty simple, but hey, it may work?

Do you have a digital scale? Can you change the settings to kilograms so the number he sees is much smaller and then you can do the math yourself? Obviously that is not a full fix of any self esteem problems he might have, but it might help take the focus off off the 40 lb goal.

In any event, James would prefer to not qualify for a booster seat than to gain four pounds of fat. What is wrong with letting him stay thin?

It is only to a very limited degree that you can enforce assimilation in the form of fat from the palate, and you cannot at all enforce assimilation in any other form from the palate. Do the math. If this were not true, how much would you yourself have weighed at the end of your first year?

Sorry, I fail to see a problem, for child or parent, with his not gaining weight.

madmilt wrote:

In any event, James would prefer to not qualify for a booster seat than to gain four pounds of fat. What is wrong with letting him stay thin?

It is only to a very limited degree that you can enforce assimilation in the form of fat from the palate, and you cannot at all enforce assimilation in any other form from the palate. Do the math. If this were not true, how much would you yourself have weighed at the end of your first year?

Sorry, I fail to see a problem, for child or parent, with his not gaining weight.

Wait, what?

Maybe it's just me, but I think a fear of gaining weight is something that needs to be considered, especially in someone so young! It's not just about the booster seat, it's the fact that for whatever reason James does not want to gain weight for fear of being fat.

Who says the four (or whatever number) of pounds would be fat anyway? He's a growing boy. Pretty sure humans don't grow from 8lbs to 110lbs+ by just gaining fat...

She is NOT trying to force him to gain weight, nor is she stressing about the booster seat. Theresa's concern is for her child's state of mind, NOT his weight. And if a child is not gaining weight, YES it most certainly CAN indicate that something is seriously wrong. Children are meant to grow, ya know.

This is me, retracting my previous posts. Seriously airbrushing them out of history. I am just....what?! Biiiizzzzaaaarrrreeee.