Both my girls take dance. My oldest (7.5) takes ballet and my youngest (4) takes combo class (ballet/tap). I put my youngest in the combo class because its the same time as my oldest daughters class. I even asked my youngest if she wanted to take dance and she said yes. So here's the prob: While in class she constantly sits on the floor, plays with her hair (to the point where it comes undone), takes her shoes on and off, or flat out comes out of the class and talks to me. The teacher has disciplined her as best she can (she sometimes has to sit out, etc). I dont know what to do. She can sometimes disrupt the class and I know the teacher gets pretty annoyed with her. I have asked her on numerous occasions if she wants to still take dance and her answer is always YES. Let me also tell you she is very strong-willed and independant!!!

I am at a loss for what to do?? Should I leave her in or take her out. She does the disruptions during every class. She does do her dance and she is pretty good for a 4 year old, but I dont know. I feel bad for the teacher having to stop class to discipline her. I myself have also threated "no more dance" and she crys.

HELP!!!

Po

I think you should follow through. Explain to her what behavior is expected and then explain exactly what type of behavior is NOT ok, just to make sure there is no confusion.

If she doesn't follow the rules take her out of the class right away. Explain why she is being taken out of class and that she is not going to go back in for the rest of class.

Maybe if you let her go to class the next week and she acts up tell her you will not allow her to go back.

Depending on how you feel about this you could make it for one or two classes or longer based on her behavior.

Basically I think that if you are going to make a threat like that you really should go through with it or else she's just going to know that you're bluffing every time.

Wait a second. She's outright leaving the room and not being stopped? Where is the teacher when this is happening? O_O

That tells me that this teacher is having a hard time disciplining this age group. I bet yours isn't the only child running amok (though you may only see it when yours is doing it). Even though it may be slightly less convenient, is there a different teacher leading a class that meets on another day?

I'd say if she is spending most of her time NOT dancing, I'd take her out and restart her in 6 months. Whether the teacher is having a problem with discipline isn't necessarily the biggest problem. Kids who really want to be in dance class and are ready for it at 4 years old will be dancing a majority of the time. I'm not really sure why you are asking numerous times if she wants to be in dance...I don't really think the decision should be up to her now since she is such a distraction and has a learned behavior that it is okay to leave class, sit down, not pay attention and that has been fostered by everyone so far. I think she just needs to be more mature or try something else and come back to it.

Do YOU have any immediate consequences for her disrupting the class? Is there a favorite thing she does right after class that you could take away? If she wants to dance then allow it, but at that age she also needs to know that Mom's going to flip if she doesn't show her teacher respect. If she continues the bad behavior, she needs some sort of immediate discipline that she can associate with whatever she's just done that'll really make her think twice about doing it again.

I would coordinate this stuff with the teacher, or volunteer to sit in on class so your daughter knows you're watching VERY closely... While under normal circumstances I know most studios ban (or at least discourage) parents IN the classroom while their kids are doing class, your daughter needs to see that she can't run to you when she gets bored and that you and the teacher back each other up.

^For kids that are acting out, bringing mom in is a bad plan. Because then the kid sits with mom, and you still don't get what you wanted out of it (which was the kid dancing...)

Thanks for you replies ladies. I have sat in on class and she will run to me back and fourth. The teacher does tell her if she cant join the class then so will have to sit out the step. Sometimes I will get a good class out of her, others no. This next week is the last calss before winter break and if she acts up- no dance!

Po

She's four! Sometimes they're ready for dance and sometimes they just aren't, I would say she needs a little bit longer before she's ready.

What if you didn't stay in the studio to watch? Even if you are just sitting in your car in the parking lot, you could let the teacher know this in case your needed, but tell your daughter you are going shopping or something. Perhaps she would dance more if she knew there was no one to run to in the waiting room?

She may not be ready for the structure of dance class yet. I've had kids who acted like this and there really wasn't anything anyone could do about it. They just weren't ready to focus on the class and everything distracted them.

Having your daughter sit out, or scolding her, will only add an element of stress to the experience for everyone. The teacher can't conduct the class if she has to constantly monitor one child. However, if your daughter is not the only child unable to focus on class, it is possible that the class isn't developmentally appropriate for 4 year olds.

I'd take time away from the moment, and have a chat with your daughter. "Sweetheart, good listening is a big part of dance class. If we are going to keep taking class, we need to listen to the teacher and follow directions. If you want to dance in the recital you are going to have to do what the teacher says. Do you think you can do that?" I suspect she will say yes, but that doesn't mean she is capable yet. After the chat, give her one more class to be attentive. If she can't, just take her out of class and try again next year. She may enjoy the quiet time with your, reading or coloring, or whatever, while her sister dances more than she is enjoying dance class.

Good luck. Sometimes these issues are more painful for the mom than for the child.

Keep On Dancing*