(((Hugs and welcome back)))

Hope you have benefitted from your stay and things are on the up.
xx

Yippee!

Glad to hear you're back, I really hope you are feeling better and got the help you need and deserve. Best wishes for the new year.

Thanks so much. I'm surprisingly tired today, and bedtime has been reset to 11pm I'll try to update you all tomorrow. There's so much, and you know how thorough I like to be... I'll try to summarize though!

Further updates will probably be on my thread in Diaries

Update: I'm in a partial hospital/DBT program. 9:30-3:30 every day. I'm doing very well.

Bad news: Work fired me. I haven't gotten the exact timeline, but it was apparently right before I went in to the hospital - I no call/no show-ed those last few days (for obvious reasons, but there you go).

Worse news: My therapist will be out next week. I'll be meeting with a sub. The sub probably won't do family meetings. I don't think I can live in the same house as my parents anymore. It's too triggering and high-risk.

Solution: I'm definitely moving somewhere; not sure with who yet, but probably in with a friend.

Argh. I want normal people problems. This is ridiculous. There's other stuff too but that's the important crap~

In response to being totally overwhelmed by way too much stress, my brain is in can't-make-decisions state (aboulia). I have a lot of decisions I have to make. So this is a problem.

I was going to stay with Mark but was doing the back-and-forth I can't decide thing - when you combine this with anxiety and lack of motivation, it's pretty much paralyzing - and he got fed up with me and yelled at me, so then that was pretty much it because all the rational Hannahs in my brain ran and hid. He knows better than to do that but it's just the baggage. That probably would have been a poor plan anyway. So then I was going to stay with another friend who's down the shore, but he only has one bed, so I decided to stay with another friend in PA but he doesn't get off work until 10pm.

In the meantime, eating is like astrophysics.

Sigh.

But I'm doing fairly well at staying in the moment, which was my committment for the weekend. So I'm not freaking out about The Future or Work or School or anything. I know that today I'm going to be lucky if I feed myself. I have been eating, though! I had breakfast and then tried to eat pasta for lunch, but was having none of it, but then I ate two apples, which is really good. I'm going to go try the pasta again.

(So when you think of all my parents expect of me you realize how ridiculous this all is... I'm supposed to be cleaning the bathroom by Thursday. Hopefully I'll be doing better and have a day when I'm able to get it done but like seriously. The fact that I haven't gone back to bed yet today is amazing.)

See? It's all about how you think. DBT brain.

Sigh...

Oh, Heart, I wish that I had a magic wand that I could wave for you to make it all better. If you lived near me, I would be support. I do it for other friends.

All I can do for you, is pray. If you ever need a shoulder, I am a good listener.

I am happy that you were able to get help.

Huge hugs... ((((((Heart))))))