A quote from Miguel de Cervantes.

Trout are hearty, trout will put up a fight, trout are beautiful, trout live in cold clear water, trout are healthy.

This is my diary.

We await your diary with open arms. BTW, no shrinking violet is this Trout (the person)...I've seen pictures of what she actually CAN do with a fish, not a trout, (gut, clean and fillet...something I've never done.)

Jon

The hospital has combined the ortho unit and the med/surg/uro/gyno floors so that they can do construction on the ortho nursing station. I was there Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings.

On Friday (Christmas Eve) we had a huge potluck on that floor. I worked 3 to midnight that night. A nurse brought some buffalo chicken dip which was shredded chicken, ranch dressing, a bunch of cheese, cream cheese, etc, all heated up in a crock pot. It was pure delicious. I ate so much of that. There was also cookies, cake, weenies, hash browns, etc etc etc etc. It was so yummy.

Since the two floors are combined, they are still staffing like the floors are separate, so the nurse patient ratio is pretty nice. I only had three patients, and they were all very stable, very easy. The entire floor was like that, lots of independent, stable patients. Had a pretty fun time.

I worked 3pm to midnight on Christmas day with the same people. I'm working evening shifts the rest of the week, I have Saturday off, and then I go back for a day shift on New Years Day. Totally sucks, but at least I get three shifts with holiday pay. Also, I turned in a W4, so I my next paycheck will be tax exempt. On a regular pay period, I pay almost $800 for taxes and insurance. Now, none of my holiday hours will be taxed, so this next paycheck is going to be pretty sweet.

Tonight I was on hospice, it was busy but steady. I'm feeling pretty exhausted. I haven't been the best about getting to bed at a decent hour. I want to make it to bed by 2am tonight so I can go to the gym in the morning before work. I think I might be getting a cold.

Vinnie's just recovering from being sick, thank god. Today he described it as "not too bad of a cold," but last weekend he was telling me he felt like he was going to die. In my experience, I've found that men can be pretty wimpy when it comes to being sick. It's not like I was mad or anything, but it was pretty silly.

Oh, Christian Mingle. "Find god's match for you." That seems pretty... I don't know the word to describe it. Weighted? Guilt-ridden? I guess when they were teens, Vinnie and his friends made an account on that website and made the name Christian Mingus, a few people messaged them.

Not a whole lot has been going on, just working.

I've been trying so hard to make new friends. I've lived here for almost seven months now and haven't hung out with anyone on my own. I've added a handful of people on Facebook, which is a good first step, right? I've made plans with one person on three separate occasions and she hasn't responded to any of them, so I've kind of given up on her. It's a little harder because I'm float and am on different units all the time, but gosh darn it, I want friends!

I'm considering applying for a day/night position instead of a day/eve if one ever opens up. Right now, I feel like I don't have a life. I can't join any classes or clubs because because I never know if I would be working anywhere from 7am to midnight. All I've been doing with my time is working, going to the gym, or doing things at home either with Vinnie or by myself. I love spending time with Vinnie, but I would like to have my own friends too. Vinnie doesn't want me working night shifts because he thinks the switch between day/night would be too much of a strain on me. I think it would be difficult to switch from day to night, but I really would like it if I knew that I was never, ever working between 4pm and 11pm.

We'll see. Right now there aren't any nursing positions open, and it will probably be a very long time before a day/night float one opens. I couldn't see myself working on only one unit, I like floating too much.

Anyway, this is long enough for now. I wanted to be in bed in 15 minutes, but I haven't even done my nightly look-around the internet yet.... It's hard to go to bed before 4am.

I had a terrible night at work. The last time I was on this unit, a nurse joked that she was glad the night was uneventful because every time I'm floated there, something bad happens. Tonight, a bunch of bad stuff happened that was out of anyone's control. Don't feel like going into it, but it was a very stressful night.

I'm glad I have a kitten who can cheer me up when I get home.

I have two days off now, so I'm going to take it easy. Do some cleaning, go to the gym, but that's it. I'm looking forward to spending some time with Vinnie.

Speaking of friends (from my past post)... When I got off work tonight I saw I had two missed calls from some people that are acquaintances with Vinnie. They had come to our holiday gathering, and I told them to hang out whenever. Tonight they called and asked to hang out, but unfortunately, I was at work. The one guy goes back to Arizona on Saturday, but I hope that the girl and I can hang out in the future, she's pretty cool.

I've wanted the BBC documentary Planet Earth for a long time now but haven't got it because it's kind of spendy. Tonight Vinnie told me that it's half off on Amazon so he's going to get it for me. It's going to be a lot of fun to watch on our huge TV.

Today, I asked Vinnie to do two things, get me some pop and some sudafed. He ran some errands, pawned his old PS3, picked me up some pop, but then didn't feel like going to the store (which is two blocks away) to get me some pseudo. He used up the entire pack last week, and now when I need it, there is none. It's going to be a sleepless night, I think. It's funny, even though he promised he would get some before I went to work, I had a feeling that I should pick it up myself at the hospital pharmacy. Oh well, I'll survive until tomorrow.

PLANET EARTH ARRIVED! It's on BluRay, so we watched it on our PS3 on our big HD TV... it was wonderful. It literally brought tears to my eyes. (I'm so lame.) Vinnie fell asleep while we were watching the second episode. It's ok though, we tried watching a movie that he likes later on and I fell asleep. Sweet revenge.

I got my first WOW card today. It's basically a "hey, people have noticed you're doing a good job, so here's props" deal. I get a little card with my name and some things people have liked about me, and it gets hung up on a bulletin board outside the cafeteria. I thought that was pretty awesome.

Work has been going well, I've been on the combo unit for nearly two weeks, minus a day or two on other floors. Yesterday the ortho floor moved back to their original floor. I'll need to take a peek at their new nurse's station, I bet it's nice.

Vinnie and I have been hitting up the gym at least three times a week, I'm pretty proud of us. Tonight, they asked Vinnie to cover a three hour shift for someone, so instead of doing a 1.5 hour workout, driving home, and driving back a short while later, I ended up doing a 2.5 hour workout instead. Burned 700 calories on the elliptical, walked a couple miles on the treadmill (plus the miles I walked at work today), and did some really thorough upper body weightlifting. Going to go back tomorrow when Vinnie works again and do some more cardio and some lower body weightlifting. I'm excited to take my one-month progress pictures tomorrow, see if anything has changed. I certainly feel better, but my weight hasn't changed (maybe lost a pound). Maybe I'm losing fat at the same pace that I'm gaining muscle? Iunno.

Anyway, that's it I guess. Uneventful.

Just wanted to make a quick post about gym-related stuff.

It's been exactly four weeks since I joined the gym today. When I first joined, there was this weight machine for an abdominal workout where you sat in a chair and had to pull with both your arms and your legs to do a crunch. Like this: www.incredibody.com . . . I could not do this at all. Even with zero weight attached, I couldn't get the machine to go forward. The machine itself is heavy, and I simply didn't have the core strength to lift the machine by itself.

I haven't been super hardcore about ab workouts, I'll do some crunches and leg lifts twice a week, but today, I tried the machine again. Lo and behold, not only could I lift the machine, I could do twelve reps with it! The trainers advise to do reps of twelve, I felt like I could have done more, but thought I should take it easy since I did an ab workout yesterday.

Anyway, I was super proud of myself, just being able to lift the machine. Kind of dumb, but I had to start somewhere, and now I can do it!

So I got home and took my month progress pictures. I didn't think my body had changed that much, but holy smokes... Look at my arms! This is only after one month of going to the gym and not really paying attention to diet at all.

Anyway, it's a little bit of progress, so I'm pretty happy about that. I can't wait to see my twelve week progress photos.

They are doing Biggest Loser at the gym and I thought about joining just for fun and to get a tshirt, but I think at this point I would end up gaining more weight in muscle than losing weight in fat, so I'll probably stay right around where I'm at right now. It would still be fun to have a shirt, though.

Tonight I have to be super productive. I have 2.5 hours to highlight my hair, wash the dishes, and get started on dinner, and then I have to go pick up Vinnie from work, we'll have food, and then I need to go to bed. I'm on a six day stretch of work now, three day shifts and three evening. Won't be able to make it to the gym this weekend but I'm looking forward to it next week!

Most impressive, Trout. Abs flat as a board! And your arms...I don't think I'd want to challenge you to an arm wrestle, you'd probably set me on my tail. (Then again, I'm three times older than you are .

Jon

^Hehe, thanks.

I had a stressful day at work which involved sending people to surgery, getting fresh surgicals, catching up on an LPN that was too busy on his iPhone to chart, and a heart attack (and all the stat orders and blood transfusions and charting and things that go with it). Heart attack guy is ok, and for some odd reason not transferred to the cardiac unit. Very busy.

Had a good workout, cardio and upper body today. I've gone up on the weights, which is cool.

When I first joined the gym, I thought it would be weird to work out with Vinnie's dad there all the time (he's a personal trainer there). It's actually been pretty fun, his dad is a cool guy.

We have officially lost a set of keys. Between work and home, Vinnie lost his keychain, which had a key for the house and one for the car. We looked absolutely everywhere around the house, in all the laundry, at the gym, under all the furniture... everywhere. No luck. He's terrible at losing things. He loses his wallet at least once a week, loses his coat, loses shoes, etc. I'm not too happy about the keys, though. I'll give it two more days to find them, and then we'll call the landlord. I'm paranoid that he dropped them on the street and somehow somebody is going to steal my car and break into our house. I'm being unreasonable, right? Right?

Vinnie and I are going to plan on taking a short out of state vacation in the summer/fall. Don't know where yet, just an idea for now.

Vinnie has also made a promise to me that he will be enrolled in college again next spring. I am happy about that. He's such an intelligent guy, and he's already got a couple years of college that he can't do anything with. He at least owes it to himself to get a bachelors. He has so much potential to go far, but right now he's stuck working at a hotel because of his education situation and the economy. Hopefully by the time he's finished things will have picked up.

And finally, my bestie (dated a guy for three years, he dumped her and cut contact about two months ago, she started seeing this jerk within days of their breakup, I convinced her to stop seeing the jerk because she doesn't even like him), she is now in a Facebook-official relationship with Jerk. A few days ago she sent me a message that simply said, "Trout, how do I get over The Ex?" I said that firstly, she had to stop seeing Jerk no matter what. Two days later, they're in a FB-official relationship. Here I go again being a Momma Bear, but seriously, I don't know what else I can do. I told her that she knew what I thought, and I haven't heard from her since. I feel so bad for her, she deserves so much better.

I can't believe I'm up this late... I need to go to bed. Three more days of work and then a three day weekend.

I have a serious internal debate going on. If anyone knows me at all, they know that I love Bjork, and have been a huge fan for almost ten years. Bjork recently came out with a new album (which is absolutely amazing, check it out) and is on tour now. It's not a huge tour, and the only stop in America is in New York City. She will be performing on Feb 25th. That is my weekend off. If I Friday the 24th off, it would be entirely possible for me to go.

The problem is, after airfare, hotel, tickets, and misc expenses, it would probably amount to about $1,500. That is a TON of money. Technically, I *could* afford this, but it's sooo much money, and I don't have a whole lot of money in the first place.

BUT I LOVE HER.

I don't know... I guess I have to see if I have a three-day weekend or not. Part of me says it's a ridiculous idea because it's so much money, and I wouldn't be spending hardly any time in NYC anyway. But the other part of me says that this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

She is planning on doing another album in the future, but it might not be for several years. Anything can happen between now and the next album. People can die from anything... That's not a good reason to convince myself to go, but it's in my brain. Also, my life could drastically change between now and her next tour. What if I'm married, have a career change, or have a kid?

Does anyone have any thoughts? It's $1,500, which would be a huge chunk of my savings, and I would be in NYC for only one full day, but... it's Bjork!

I don't know.

Ugh. One more night of work in my six day stretch, and then I'm off for three days. They were desperate for staff on the NOC shift so I said I would double if they could give me tomorrow eve off, but they ended up calling people in, so I am home, have to go in again tomorrow. I'm scheduled to be a 0.8 FTE, which is absolutely perfect for me. These six day in a row stretches wipe me out. I don't think I could ever go full time.

Anyway, going to go to bed before 4am tonight. Goal is by 2:30 at the latest. Took a day off from the gym today but we'll go before work tomorrow. Going to get RIPPED.

Edit: It's 3:30am and I'm going to go to bed... soon... must be at gym at 11. Why do I do this to myself?

If it were me, I would go. You're right, you're young, you have the money, and it may well be a once in a lifetime opportunity. On paper it may not seem like the most reasonable thing, but what about in experience? I don't have any artist like this that I'm a fan of, but if, for instance, the Beatles were still around, and never toured to the U.S., and they were there, and I had the money in savings, and my car and house were in good condition (so I didn't forsee needing that money anytime soon), YES. I would GO.

Hijack...Nienna (and Trout)...the Beatles DID tour the USA...twice, in '63 and '64. And I'm among the comparatively few living mortals who did see them live. It was one of the last concerts of their 2nd and last tour and they never toured again. John and Paul realized the limitations of three guitars and drums and after those tours they only did recordings and movies until they broke up. While the individual members toured later, they never again did it as the Beatles.

I saw them in Baltimore in December 1964. As most DDN regulars know I am a classical violinist so it may seem a bit incongruous that I would go to a Beatles concert. I was actually a "mercy date." On the first day that I started work for the government in June 1964, our orientation mentioned in passing that our agency had a ticket booth for various events. A girl who was a fellow job entrant that day raised her hand and asked if they would have Beatles tickets. The orientation briefer had no clue but said she should check. At our break, she did and was able to get two tickets. She told us she would find a boyfriend (like me, she just had moved here) and she would go with him. She had five months to work on that.

As it turned out, she and I ended up in the same apartment building near work and as she had no car, she rode to work with me. (No romance here between us, I was engaged and my fiancee, a year younger than me, was still in college back in Wisconsin.)

December came and two attempts at a boyfriend had fizzled and the Beatles concert was coming up and she had no way to get there (no public transit exists between where we lived, about 20 miles from Baltimore.) She was desperate! So she asked me if I would take her...I was the only one she really knew who had a car. And so I went...not with the greatest of enthusiasm I might say...at the time. But Crissy was happy she could go and we were friends.

It was quite an experience. It was an indoor concert in a basketball/hockey arena. With the exception of two of the Beatles and the cops, we were likely the oldest ones there (we were 22.) The median demographic of the vast majority of the attendees were 11-13 year old girls! We endured about two and a half hours of almost every cruddy warm-up act available in Baltimore. The Beatles played almost everything they had in their original recording and that only took about 45 minutes. We were in the dead last row of the 2nd balcony, nearly impossible to hear much over the screaming.

I continued to know Crissy for about two more years. She resigned from my agency and I never heard from her again. When my wife came east after graduation, she roomed with Crissy (I also had a roommate in an "inefficiency" studio apartment one floor above Crissy) until we got married a few months later.

The Beatles started doing their recording sessions at Abbey Road Studios in London, often with British symphonic players backing them up. (Eleanor Rigby would be an example of one of these songs.)

About five years ago, one of the symphonies I play in got the original Abbey Road arrangements with strings and we played a Beatle's set at one of our Pop's concerts. Our conductor (who had had a rock band as a kid) was "John", the assistant conductor was "Paul", "George" was a girl and "Ringo" was a Bulgarian drummer on winter break from a cruise ship.

Over the years the realization at how really interesting and unique this experience had been sunk in. And because of the rather unique 47 year old memory, I add my encouragement to Trout to "go for it."

Jon

I'd check around for airfare and lodging deals to see just how much you could shave off of the $1500 cost...and then I'd go. That was actually a plan that I had for when a band I love played a show in NYC but the venue was shady and let scalpers buy entire sections of tickets so I didn't deal with it on principle. When you try to buy tickets the second they go on sale and it tells you that no single tickets are available it's obvious something is up! Not to mention the scalping websites with hundreds of tickets available. I'm hoping that Bjork will be at a different venue and that you can make it to the show!

$1500 would be the maximum, I could probably save some money if I shopped around. I added up ticket cost, airfare, hotel, and estimated food, then added a few hundred bucks. I get my February schedule on Monday, and if I have a three day weekend, I am going to go.

I've tried to switch shifts with someone before, and I hung signs in every single employee bathroom in the hospital, and I only got it off after I bargained with someone, so I'm not going to try to do that again. I *could* call in sick, but I want to save my sick time. We can only have three sick days every year. (Sick days meaning times you are actually sick, meaning you can call in several days in a row and that counts as "one time," but you can only have three sick "times" a year, if that makes sense.)

Anyway, I figure it's just money, and I don't really need-need the money for anything right now, and this very well could be the last time I could go and see her.

I'm going to see if my best friend would want to go with. We have been planning on getting Bjork's tattoo for several years now, and I think it would be really fun for us to go see her together. She has zero money, so I would pay for everything, but it would be totally worth it.

On Monday, we will see what's up.

Anyway, life is pretty darn good. Vinnie's friend (BB) hung out for the past couple days. His girlfriend is in California shooting porn with a transvestite that she met through Twitter (no kidding), so he's been at our place for a few days, hanging out. It's really sad that he's changed who he is as a person because of this girl. She has forced him to become vegetarian, but we ordered some baked potato pizza (with bacon) and he had some of it, so that was cool. We offered to get a vegetarian pizza, but he said he missed how delicious the baked potato pizza was, so there you go. Anyway, I let him know that Planned Parenthood offers free STD screening.

He's also become an extremely feminist man, and we have to be careful what we say around him. The guys were playing a dual player video game, and CC said "I'm getting raped by these people, help me out!" (This is something that video game players say millions of times every single day.) BB said, "Please don't make rape comments, they make me uncomfortable." This is something he's been advocating for quite some time now, and it makes me roll my eyes every single time. How about you let rape victims (as he would call, "rape survivors") decide what can and cannot be said. As a "rape survivor," I don't care if someone says the word rape when it doesn't literally mean rape, who the hell cares? It's not like I relive my brutal rape when someone makes a video game reference. It's mostly annoying because he was not like this at all pre-girlfriend, but now that he's dating her, he has totally changed his moral views.

So, BB was here all of Thursday, and on Friday, some other friends invited themselves over, and we ended up having a mini party on Friday night. Seven people came over, and it was a fun time. Much boozing and video gaming and hanging out was had.

Ugh. I am day shifts for the rest of the month. I am not a morning person. I like working day shifts because the day goes by really fast and I get to spend the evenings with Vinnie, but it totally wipes me out. Pure exhaustion.

There's nothing like watching First 48 (a reality show about homicide detectives) that takes place in your home town, episode after episode. That's why I left.

^Speak for yourself. I don't think rape jokes or casual comments are funny AT ALL. You're in the minority on that one. Yeesh.

^Have to agree. The problem with rape jokes is that they completely minimize the experiences of victims/survivors. I'm not going to debate this here, because I know you won't change your mind, but...yeah. That's pretty appalling.

While I agree that I personally don't find rape comments funny at all...I also see that it is out of line that this guy is asking you to stop saying it. You guys are all adults, so if it offends him, HE needs to be the one leaving. Whenever I feel offended by something someone does or says, I never ask them to change. It isn't my business what they want to do with their Freedom of Speech, so I leave if it bothers me so much. If it is kids, I may give them a talk...but an adult....none of my business.

The way you are describing him sounds like he needs to get off his high horse. He seems to be the equivalent of a highly educated white male, who grew up with money, great schools, great family talking about how it offends him personally when people in the ghetto refer to each other as the "N word". Yes, we all know that the N word is a bad word to call someone, but can you see how that might come across a being on the high horse, if he tells a bunch of people in the ghetto that their actions are offending him? I can see him getting his butt whooped for even saying something like that.

I hear things like this all the time " Oh my gosh, this freaking test in chemistry raped me today! or " Dammit I got a speeding ticket, that was so retarded and gay"

These things aren't funny to me at all, but I would never try to control the actions of another adult.

Guys, knock it off, this is her personal diary, not the place for this debate. If you don't like it, don't read it.

^If she doesn't want comments, she shouldn't post inflammatory things on a public forum. Her diary is only "personal" to the point that she began it to share her thoughts. I disagreed with her stance on something and posted my response to it. Did you honestly think no one was going to call her out on that? She's promoting rape culture and that's not okay. PERIOD.

Oh puh-lease. Verbs in different contexts have different meanings. You're not instigating a healthy discussion, you're calling her out and telling her she is flat out wrong. Which since this is completely opinion based, she is not. You have no right to say she's promoting a rape culture unless than sentence were to start with "In my opinion/I think/etc"

Some people may find jokes and comments like this entertaining. Personally, I found the "rape survivor" comment more ridiculous than the video game one. You don't? Well hey, differences make the world go round and it's only as big of a deal as everyone makes it. How do you know she's in any kind of minority here?

She has an opinion just as valid as your's and can choose to live in whatever culture she feels appropriate. PERIOD.

^Er...you don't just choose to live or not live in a rape culture. The point of rape culture is that it exists everywhere around you, in every part of the culture, and it's inescapable. Just wanted to clear that up. This is not about a difference in who finds what funny. This is about admitting that certain jokes cross a line and are inappropriate to a VAST amount of people. How much research have you done on rape culture? Have you ever actually talked to a rape victim/survivor about why rape jokes might not be funny to them? Do you understand why you can't just take rape jokes and go "Well, some people find it funny, so back off"?

Trout's diary is a diary, but it's in a public space, so people are free to comment. That's what we did. We shared our thoughts, just like she shared hers. She's more than free to ignore them if she wants. The question of whether diaries are private or public is not a new question, so don't mistakenly think that your opinion on this will close the issue.

Also, your post about stopping the discussion only served to further the discussion, so...

Here's a thought: if it's a subject that you two feel so strongly about, why not create a new thread about it instead of hijacking a member's diary? Then Trout can actually have the choice to participate.

My advice? Know your audience.

Whatever. I stand by what I said.

webstAr-As someone who has had her diary hijacked plenty of times, it's a hazard of the trade. It's one thing to post something that people might take the wrong way. It's entirely another to post something that's out and out offensive and expect to skate by. It would've gone over much better if she'd just said "Hey, I don't like the fact that this guy changed for his girlfriend". I don't think anyone would argue that. She crossed the line when she put him down for DOING SOMETHING POSITIVE.

Diaries are good fodder for sparking a conversation, not furthering it. Make a new thread.

Hope you are able to go on your trip Trout. I just bit the bullet and am going away for Spring Break and even though I am always a little worried about money, I know it will be so worth it. I would have regretted not going when my friends got back and I saw all their pictures.

Whoa, look at all these replies. I don't care if my diary gets hijacked, I understand it's public, post if you want to.

Just to clarify, NOWHERE did I say that rape jokes are funny. PinUp and Cien, you seem to be under that impression, but seriously, I didn't say rape jokes are funny. They're not funny, not appropriate, and the only reason I posted what I did was because this guy is driving everyone nuts. He's become an ultra feminist, vegan, bisexual, and in an open relationship all because of a girl he likes. THAT is what I'm frustrated about, it's not about saying the word "rape" at all.

He used to have his own set of beliefs and values, but now because of a girl they are totally different and we have to be really careful about what we say around him because he gets offended about EVERYTHING (not just rape references). He makes posts about stuff that he finds offensive at least 20 times a day on Twitter (no kidding). It's super annoying because it's so painfully obvious that he's only doing stuff like this because of his girlfriend. Everyone is tired of it. That's why I posted, because it was super annoying.

In regards to my rape survivor comment: In that whole room, I was the only person who has been raped. I don't care if people use rape to mean attacked when playing video games, it doesn't phase me at all. If there was anyone in that room who could say that it was offensive, that person should have been me. I understand that people can feel offended about whatever they want and they have a right to feel offended, but again, it stems back to the fact that he's only saying these things because of his girlfriend. I feel like whenever he says things like this, it's not actually what he believes, and that makes me feel like he doesn't have the right to say he's offended. I hope that makes sense. I also don't agree with the whole "not a victim, a survivor" thing. I certainly don't feel like a survivor. I feel like that word is reserved for people who are stronger and somehow better for what they've been through, like cancer or something. I feel like a victim because it was a crime against me, and I'm never going to feel like a better person for having been raped.

Again, everyone, I never said that rape jokes are funny. If you want to reply some more go ahead, but don't twist my words around.