So answer me this...if he wanted a serious relationship with you tomorrow would you turn him down?

I say this with love, because goodness knows I've been where you are, or some place like it. Us girls are our own worst enemies when it comes to seeing relationships for what they actually are. Often people will take the easy way out- ie the path least likely to hurt our friend's feelings -in these situations. No doubt your friends know what you want to hear, and that's what they're telling you. This "girl, he's doing you wrong" thing we feed eachother is more about making our friends feel better, than actually shedding any light on the situation.

Completely agree with this. Have you asked any guys what they think of this situation? Specifically guys that have no connection to you, this boy, or this situation. I'd wager they'd tell you to move on and that this kid really isn't into you (because he's not).

Also, cutting contact completely is not a bad idea. You just want me to tell you that there's still hope that he'll fall madly in love with you. There isn't hope. He's not into you romantically. Just because he's nice to you doesn't mean he wants to kiss you. You're freaking the heck out over why he didn't respond to an ecard on facebook. Think of it this way: Put me in your place. Would you be able to HONESTLY tell me that I had hope?

I've gone through this myself. It feels so much better when you stop beating yourself up and move on. SO much better.

Everyone else has provided a lot of good perspective, but I'll chime in and say this. Crushing on someone when you KNOW you shouldn't or can't, is like a little flame that you nurture and protect because it's easier not to step up and make the difficult choice to stamp it out while it's small, only to have that flame grow out of control and consume your thoughts and life energy. Women do this ALL THE TIME. I've done it too. Stop deluding yourself that you're "over him", because if what you've said on here is any indication, you are clearly not. Quit grasping at straws and do what you need to do to get this guy out of your head and out of your life.

You've been given some really good advice from numerous other posters on this thread.

I just wanted to chime in and say, that I have been in the exact same position as you, the poster above and probably a gazzillion other people have in their life; refreshing profiles, getting angry that he had responded to other people and not me, etc. It really isn't worth it.

I would say, cut contact with him as far as possible. It's hard to get around the Facebook friends, though I think you can hide posts/updates, but on most of the other social networks it's fairly easy.

What I ended up doing was blocking him and people who knew him on MSN (not sure if people use that so much anymore) and I made a completely brand new account on Twitter so I didn't have to see his updates. It sounds lame me typing that now, but at the time it was what I needed and it got rid of the temptation to talk to him or read his updates.

It does get easier. Don't clutch on anymore straws. Give yourself the time, do what you need to do and don't look back!

Claire.

Okay, I saw him today and I think the most likely scenario is that he just forgot to answer the message. At first he seemed standoffish, but I was being carefully reserved, in case he perceived my message as flirty. I stood back and let him say hello first, and I just acted polite, not too friendly. When we started working together in class and I was treating him in a normal pleasant manner, he warmed up considerably. He became very friendly, often complimenting me, thanking me, being as charming as he had the opportunity to be within the constraints of class (especially considering that I spent a large part of the class being partnered by a guest). I feel, from the way he acted today, that he really wasn't freaked out or put off or anything like that.

I KNOW his feelings aren't going to change - that's why I started calling him "brother", trying to encourage him to think of me differently, to eliminate the awkwardness. Sure, I admit it's not easy to forget about him when I'm around him all the time, but life isn't meant to be easy.

I do agree that I overreacted about the unanswered message - I shouldn't have taken it as such a personal slight. As for my friend who said he should have answered, I went back and told her, "He probably just got busy and forgot to answer. He's a guy, and he's not like you and me where we're always talking and never forget to write to each other."

There are many reasons he could've not replied. I don't always reply to messages I receive when I'm busy because I forget about them and by the time I go to reply, it would be awkward because it's been so long. Keep in mind that maybe he just didn't feel like talking; everybody has their days. Or maybe there was a glitch and he didn't realize he had a message; that happens to me all the time (I get a message from someone, but Facebook doesn't tell me about it). I wouldn't over-analyze. I don't think it's unreasonable to be hurt by this, especially considering your background. You obviously care a lot for this boy, and maybe he just needs some time to think things through; perhaps he'll come around someday. But just keep your head up

Hope this helped a bit!

I KNOW his feelings aren't going to change - that's why I started calling him "brother", trying to encourage him to think of me differently, to eliminate the awkwardness. Sure, I admit it's not easy to forget about him when I'm around him all the time, but life isn't meant to be easy.

You know why this made it more awkward for him? Because he KNOWS you aren't over him. You can't make him think of you differently, nor can you make him forget that you liked and and still do. IT'S REALLY REALLY OBVIOUS and I am sure it is to him too. We all like attention and knowing someone likes us gives us an ego boost, he also probably genuinely likes you in class etc. He's just not ever going to be interested in you the way you wish. No, life isn't easy, but many of use don't continue walking on coals knowing it hurts. That's just stupid.

I have been in the same situation. EXACTLY the same. We we're really, really great friends at first. I started to like him, and yeah, I got a little obsessed. He started dating my best friend and I was extremely upset. It was probably a bit worse, because the night before he asked her out he kissed me, but I really was hurt by it. He knew I liked him, and until that point, he had definitely been leading me on. When I heard about my him and my friend, I was extremely upset. I spent about 6 months agonizing over it all. I would send him texts (probably three times a week, considering we used to text every day) and message him on Facebook if I caught him online and ask him how he was doing, but he never replied. He had pretty much disowned me as a friend, didn't care to speak to me anymore and said a lot of stuff about me behind my back, none of it very pleasant. So finally, I did all I could to just get him off of my mind. Getting a boyfriend definitely helped, but it was still painful to think about him, one of my best friends at the time, just abandon me as a friend. But thinking back on it now, it's what I needed to do. All of my friends told me to do the same, and that's what some people have already told you. It's for the better. You need to get over him, over everything in general, because yes, it kills on the inside, but is he really worth it? No. Not after what he's already done. After a year now, we've both matured and I have no feelings towards him whatsoever, nor do I really trust him anymore, but we have started talking a little bit again. Nothing really outside of 'hi, how are you doing, what's new, how's your family doing', and I don't think it will ever be any more than that. But, since I hate severing friendships for good (even when I know I need to), I'm perfectly content with the 'acquaintanceship' we have managed to rekindle.

Give it time. The sooner you realize that this guy really isn't good for you, after what he's done, and better. And I really wish I could have had someone tell me this a year and a half ago. No one on here is trying to be rude to you, we're just telling you what you need to know, straight up. It's not easy to hear or do, but it has to be done.

Crazy_Claire wrote:

I would say, cut contact with him as far as possible. It's hard to get around the Facebook friends, though I think you can hide posts/updates, but on most of the other social networks it's fairly easy.

I completely agree with Claire. I've been in sort of the same situation. When my boyfriend and I went through a separation, I was so hurt, and my heart would race when I saw even the most mundane status update on facebook. Everyone was telling me "Oh, delete him on facebook", but I kind of understand the feeling of not wanting to delete that person completely. You can block a person's status updates, pictures, likes, EVERYTHING on facebook from showing up on your newsfeed or ticker. Mind you, if one of your friends posts to their wall, that will show up. Not their replies, but what friends are posting. Either way, it's a very easy solution.

My bf and I's separation is sort of similar in how he wanted nothing to do with me, but a couple of months later, out of the blue, he showed up at my house unannounced and explained to me what was going through his head and that he wanted to be back together with me. I'm sorry, girl, but the only hope you will have of this guy liking you again is if he calls the shots. At first I was clingy, too, but I stepped back and started distancing myself from him completely. Wouldn't message him any cutesy "how are you"'s or anything. I just pretended like I didn't even know he was there. If I saw him in public, I wouldn't look at him. Just pretend he was another passer-by on the street.

I'm not guaranteeing anything for you and him, but in my experience, if you want a guy that doesn't want you back, the best outcome, whether you end up together again or not, is to forget about him. If you get back together; happy-happy, joy-joy. If you don't, then you've forgotten about him. He's a pleasant memory, but you moved on.

I was just thinking of this thread - coincidence that someone replied to it again after all this time. Just for an update, I think he's dating someone new (they're not "official"), but we've been getting along really well as friends and he's been acting almost clingy with me around the studio lately. One day I was in the corner having a snack between classes and he came over and sat down almost close enough to touch, then lay back so casually, I almost choked on my cracker. He's been sticking close to me in class, leaving his usual places at the barre to join me at mine, and asking me for help with choreography he missed even when there were other people who could help him. He's not acting like someone who was freaked out by too friendly a message, so I think that concern is put to rest. I also can't justify cutting him off when he's acting like this, and especially with his entire family being as warm and friendly to me as they are. I know it's harder to get over him when I'm staying friends with him, but I'd rather be his friend than not talk to him at all, and I am getting stronger all the time. The fact that I managed not to cry when I first learned of his possible new girlfriend says a lot! I can still be his friend, no matter what, as long as he still seems to care about us being friends.

^Yeah, but there's a pretty distinct undercurrent of hope in that, I think...

I also can't justify cutting him off when he's acting like this, and especially with his entire family being as warm and friendly to me as they are. I know it's harder to get over him when I'm staying friends with him, but I'd rather be his friend than not talk to him at all, and I am getting stronger all the time. The fact that I managed not to cry when I first learned of his possible new girlfriend says a lot! I can still be his friend, no matter what, as long as he still seems to care about us being friends.

Yeah, actually you can't justify cutting him off because you want to leave the door open when he suddenly trips, falls, hits his head and realizes you are the girl of his dreams. If you want to continue to torture yourself go for it, many of us think its a bad idea because we've been there...though you are saying in your head, "Yeah but you don't understand. You don't know me and you don't know him." yadda yadda yadda. You can convince yourself of anything.

You are able to get over him. By keeping this friendship open you are prolonging the amount of time it will take to come to terms with the fact that you are not his girlfriend. This is actually taking up a lot of your brain space, and it sounds pretty wasted.

There is someone out there who you will love just as much, who will treat your feelings with so much respect then this guy is.

Dancin_til_death - thank you, I hope I'll find someone soon!

Imadanseur - trust me, I'm pessimistic enough to have lost ALL hope for him a long time ago. I'm not his "type" and that will never change.

The good news is that I'm leaving this studio after the recital, so I'll never see him again after that.