I have a dancer on my senior competition team who is dealing with a severe knee injury. She is currently doing physical therapy but will not know until 2 weeks before the first competition if she will be able to compete. She is currently walking through routines. I have been very open with her and the rest of the team that we may have to make changes or find an understudy in case she is unable to perform. When I told her this week that I would not allow her to compete with a knee brace (this is a huge brace that keeps her kneecap in place, not a wrap or bandage) she starting crying. She then displayed a very bad attitude and asked if I was going to let her dance at competition or not. I repeated that she would not be able to dance in the brace as it restricts her movement. She then preceded to slam her hands on the floor, get up and walk out of my class, slamming the door behind her. Our waiting room is adjacent to this classroom so of course her mother witnessed it all. For the next 20 minutes her mother preceded to yell at me, accuse me of saying things I didn't, and say that I and the other girls on the team were treating her daughter like crap. She said her daughter felt like she was being replaced because I talked about bringing in an understudy and I wasn't giving her a chance to get better. I tried my best to stay patient and not argue back but there were moments where I felt like I had to defend myself, my studio, and the other girls on the team. Of course this happened while I was suppossed to be teaching (I am the competition director as well as their teacher) so the other 5 team members witnessed the whole exchange. Her mother continued to yell and then she told her daughter to come back and finish class and then they would make a decision whether or not she wanted to stay a part of the compay. I have to admit I kind of stood there in shock because I couldn't believe this woman was behaving the way she was. When the student returned, she still had a terrible attitude. I tried talking to her about why I made the decision I did (she kept her back to me the entire time) and then she said it wasn't fair because she had been working so hard for the injury to get better and she could do the competition in March no matter what. I again repeated that even if you work hard towards a goal, you may not achieve it. I told the other girls that they could go for the night because class was over. I expected the mother and daughter to come to me after class to discuss her dance future. They both left immediately without a word. I have not recieved any phone call or email from them. This is the second time I have had a "situation" with this mother. The last time was several years ago when she showed up at my house on a Sunday morning because she thought her child was treated unfairly at an awards ceremony. I'm really at a loss on how to handle this situation. I feel like I'm at least owed an apology for the way they both talked to me if she plans on returning. At this point, I don't even know if I want her to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!

Can you adjust her part? It's her senior year and she is probably so frustrated. I know, usually, that attitude is not acceptable, but hers sounds like it's just frustration and not her normal way, yes? We have had injured students and we made changes, so they could still do it.

Now the mom, on the other hand, that is way off base. It's one thing for a teen to do that, but the mom, no, that's bad.

I would take them to the office, when no one is around, and have a long talk with them, again.

Tell them that it's not so much about the knee, now, as it is the attitude and bullying, by the mom, that can not only keep her out of dances, even IF she can dance, but out of the school.

I have to agree. Is it completely impossible to adjust her part and allow her to wear the knee brace? I know it doesn't look great but she is a senior.

Plus, her doctors are probably going to require that she wear it. I know after I had knee surgery, it was required for me to wear one. Big, black, mangy affair. :/ Neoprene rubber. I eventually begged my way down to a white ace bandage one that was slim enough to fit under my tights, and then eventually worked my way out of that one.

If it were me: I would call the mom. I would tell her that the daughter will not be dancing in the first competition. She would not be competing until after she is given the go ahead from the doctor with a simple knee brace and at least two weeks of full out dancing. This isnt recital, its competition. She needs total range of movement and be conditioned for it. Can't risk re-injury. Also, her attitude and the way she spoke to you was not appreciated. The teenagers reaction is understandable, as she is young, having to deal with an injury and noy doing something she loves, and is frustrated.

In the future, don't let anyone talk to you when they are upset. I have always taken them away from others and said "you can lower your voice and talk to me like an adult or we can try again later when you have calmed down.". Works every time

If the doctor says it's okay I would try (if it is possible) to adjust her part so she could dance with the knee brace. The girl's attitude is not appreciated obviously, but it is probably out of frustration of dealing with her injury. I would talk to her and explain where you're coming from and let her know that, even though she's hurt/frusrated, she still needs to be respectful towards you.

The mother's behaviour, however, is unacceptable. It's one thing for a teenager to act like that, but an adult? I would have a serious conversation with the mom and explain to her that you do not accept this kind of behaviour.

In future, I would handle sensitive situations like this outside the classroom in private. Set up a meeting with parent and student and your SO and lay it all on the line, in private to avoid the classroom drama. I wouldn't allow a student to dance without the doctor's okay as well. If she cannot dance full out, I would not have her in a competition number. Recital number is another matter and being that it is her senior year.

The dancer is actually not a senior, but a sophomore. She is in my senior dance company and she's the youngest. I was considering before the "blow up" telling her she might have to sit out this competiion year and let her knee heal fully. I am still trying to figure out the best solution. I know if I call the Mom on the phone she will not be able to have a civil conversation. Should I email?

I think an email is a good idea. I would explain to her you are thinking of her daughters well being when it comes to this injury, you deffinately can't let her compete until the dr. says (with a note) she is able to compete at full capacity. And remind the mother that you have to think of the WHOLE competitive team as this affects the other kids as well as her own. This isn't the last competition she is still young. Also, I would explain to the mother your feelings on her flying off the handle and this isn't the first time, if they are not happy with the way things are ran there than maybe they should find another place. We don't like to lose kids, however you are worth more than being talked down to, and you do have everyone's best interest in mind and you can walk away feeling good about that.

The girl behaved very inappropriately, slamming her hands on the floor and walking out would mean that in the professional world she would never walk back in.

This girls long term health is more important than her dance season. If she has been injured this long then dancing seriously in these competitions may damage her knee beyond repair. I would require a full medical clearance from her doctor before she even dance at the studio let alone compete.

It seems like you could go out of your way to redesign the dance to make it work for her but it also seems that you would get no appreciation for it from either the dancer or the mother.

This mother is dangling her daughters participation in front of you in order to get you to do it her way. It is your company and you set the rules and expectations, if they don't like it they can me invited to leave. She is threatening to take her daughter out to hold this power over you. You need to show that you can not be manipulated in such a way.

The fact that she showed up at your house one Sunday morning to discuss an award ceremony, shows that she has issue's seeing outside of her own needs.

I guess I'm a hard-a**. I would dismiss the family. I have zero tolerance for such disrespect.