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Forum: Arts / Diaries
  Diaries This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Sun Jan 08, 2012 07:28 PM
Go through my old diaries and you'll see that I'm awful at keeping current with diaries. I don't care to mess with the mods to have them bump any of them though; I'll just try YET AGAIN.
Reading through my old ones, I feel like I've made little-to-no progress in my life over 2011. Hubby lost his job last year, so we've been pretty much just treading water trying to stay afloat. We're now starting to get the hang of things, so I'm going to try to FINALLY get back on track with being healthier/happier and I'm going to KEEP AT IT!
This year's theme is all about FOCUS. First and foremost, I'm going to get back to focusing on myself. My health, my fitness, my happiness, my marriage, my home. I'm hoping I can use this diary to just jam stuff in here (pictures and the like I find on the web, I hate tumblr's layout), to refer back to them when I feel I need the reminder and motivation. I love DDN so much and I hope that this will help keep all my thoughts in one place, and also remind me about how much I love dance and want to get back to it once my body is stronger and we are better off financially.
Here we go... 20 Replies to This time, maybe I'll do it right. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. (karma: 1)
en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Sun Jan 08, 2012 07:37 PM
Edited by sjerose (158555) on 2012-01-08 19:37:58 Ok maybe one more...
Edited by oz_helen (35388) on 2012-01-13 14:37:07 removed broken hotlinks
Edited by oz_helen (35388) on 2012-01-13 14:38:08 one more
| re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Tue Jan 10, 2012 08:48 PM
 Today was a horrible depression low day. I didn't do any exercise. I triggered an episode after the radio show where my brain shut down and I literally could not stay awake anymore. I fell asleep on the couch and missed playing at our jam session.
Long story short, as of this point we can't make next month's rent.
Going to try to do better tomorrow. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Wed Jan 11, 2012 07:37 PM
 Today WAS better! Got lots of housework done, ate healthily, put in 3 job applications, and did my 15min calisthenics and a 20min walk around our neighborhood (2 laps around our big block). It felt good.
Now hubby is at work till 9 and I'm slowly winding down. I kinda want to go to sleep early.
This is one of my favorite motivational pics.
Oh, and I did break down and start a tumblr. I'm a dork. I figured out the awesomeness of reblogging all the pics onto one page. But I'd downloaded last week a whole bunch of different pics onto my computer, so it'll be worth it to put them up here too.  So, if you read this and care to check out what I reblog, head to sjerose.tumblr.com. But I still love my DDN family, so I still want to share some here as well. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Thu Jan 12, 2012 09:47 PM
 Today was another 'off' day. I'm starting to see a pattern where I'll have one day where I'm super energetic/upbeat, and I'll get all my exercise and housework done AND have energy to spare! Then the next day, I'll have a hard time getting out of bed, I'll loaf around the house even with a ton of chores to do (and jobs to apply for), and just feel overall like a lump. Now I've gotta figure out how to push through those down days, and see if I can help find the root cause and try to adjust and account for it.
Even so today was an off day, I still ate pretty healthy! I actually broke down and had a 100cal bag of Whoppers candy leftover from the holidays, and I even opened a can of ginger ale but after a few sips I just couldn't handle it anymore. Too sweet! Chocolate will always be a trouble point for me though. Anyways, supper was zucchini chips (about 1.5 zuke's worth since some got burned), and a yummy homemade fruit smoothie. Dessert for both lunch and supper was Grandma's homemade applesauce with cinnamon.
Gonna try again tomorrow with the exercise. I gotta remember that it will HELP with my downswings, if only I just can push myself to doing them. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:30 AM
 An awesome article about awareness:
zenhabits.net . . .
Spoiler: Show
Life as a Conscious Practice
from zenhabits by Leo
‘Everything is practice.’ ~Pele
Post written by Leo Babauta.
When we learn a martial art, or ballet, or gymnastics, or soccer … we consciously practice movements in a deliberate way, repeatedly. By conscious, repeated practice, we become good at those movements.
Our entire lives are like this, but we’re often less conscious of the practice.
Each day, we repeat movements, thought patterns, ways of interacting with others … and in this repeated practice, we are becoming (or have already become) good at these things. If you constantly check Facebook or Twitter, that is practice, and you are forming that habit, though it’s usually not with too much awareness.
When you smoke, or eat junk food, or speak rudely to others, or put yourself down internally, this is something you are practicing to be good at. You may already be good at these things.
What if, instead, we practiced consciously, deliberately, and became good at the things we really want to be good at?
What if you first, above all skills, learned to be more aware of what you are practicing? What if constant conscious action is the skill you became good at?
If you could learn to take conscious action, you could learn to practice other things you want to be good at, rather than the ones you don’t.
What Are You Practicing?
Ask yourself these things throughout the day, to practice conscious action:
Do I want to practice rushing through my morning, or can I wake a little earlier and simplify my morning routine so that I practice a slow, enjoyable morning ritual?
Do I want to practice leaving dirty dishes out, or can I practice washing my bowl when I’m done with it?
Do I want to practice leaving clothes strewn about, or papers lying on the counter, or can I take a few seconds to put them where they belong?
Do I want to speak angrily to my kids or spouse, or can I speak to them with kindness and compassion?
Do I want to practice complaining and self-pity, or can I practice gratitude?
Do I want to practice rushing and being busy, or can I practice simplifying and going slowly?
Do I want to practice eating fried foods, sugary foods, salty junk food snacks, fast foods … or can I practice eating whole foods, vegetables and fruits, nuts and beans and seeds?
Do I want to practice surfing time-wasting sites, or can I practice clearing away distractions and creating?
Do I want to practice watching mindless entertainment, or can I practice moving my body and exerting myself in activity?
Do I want to practice smoking, or can I learn a healthier way to deal with stress?
Do I want to practice shopping, or can I practice giving?
These are only examples … your life will show you what you’ve been practicing, and you can decide what you might rather practice instead. Or you might be completely happy with what you’ve been practicing.
How to Practice
The first step is always awareness. When you are conscious of what you are doing, you can decide whether this is an action or thought pattern you want to practice, or if there’s an alternative you’d rather be good at.
As you go through your day, practice this awareness. It’s the first skill, and it’s the most important one. Be aware, without feeling guilty or angry at yourself, of what you’re doing and thinking. You will forget to to this, but remind yourself. You might wear a rubber band around your wrist, or carry a talisman, or make tally marks on a slip of paper each time you remember.
As you get good at conscious action, start to practice those actions and thought patterns you want to be good at. Start to notice the ones you’d really rather not be good at, and see if you can deliberately practice other actions and thought patterns.
As you consciously, deliberately repeat these things, you’ll get better at them. It takes a lot of repetition to get good at a skill, but you’ve got time.
Important Conclusions
You won’t be able to change all your habits at once, and I’m not implying that you should try. The habit you’re really changing is consciousness, and practice. Other habits will be difficult to change, especially if you’re trying to change all of them, but it’s OK if you mess up. Give yourself permission to make mistakes without guilt, and instead just deliberately practice again, and again.
If something is too hard, and you can’t get it right no matter how many times you practice, you can try it in smaller steps. If you can’t quit smoking, try not smoking once, and instead relieving stress through walking or doing some pushups or meditation or self-massage. If you can’t quit junk food, just replace one snack with a fruit, or add a tasty veggie to your dinner.
I’d like to emphasize that this isn’t about perfection. There is no perfect way of life, and you don’t need to strive to be perfect every moment of the day. I believe you’re already perfect. This is just about conscious action, which is a useful skill to have.
Remember that we become good at what we repeatedly do, and what we do repeatedly can be done consciously. It’s when we’re conscious that we are truly alive.
‘If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.’ ~Dalai Lama
Hopefully by tonight I'll be able to post I did my exercise for today! I've already applied for 5 jobs, yay me! | |
re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Fri Jan 13, 2012 05:56 PM
 And I did my exercise, and then some! 20min on treadmill, my 15min plyos, then later on I wanted to watch the Simpsons so I went back downstairs, strapped on my ankle weights, grabbed my 2lb dumbbells (all I have), and walked for 30min, doing punches, bicep curls, and butterflies throughout the walk. I'm walking a 20min mile pace, so I wanted to kick my heart rate up a bit, and that definitely did the trick!
Let's hope that I can do at least something again tomorrow, and push through what is bound to be the low swing. *crosses fingers*
Oh, and I have a gig tomorrow night too! Super exciting, since one of my minor goals (I've prioritized them so I don't feel too overwhelmed) was to play one gig a month this year. Didn't know if I'd be able to do that, but this one just came up and so here we are! I already have one scheduled for March, so what shall I do about February?
Oh, and I also found a way to make my own yogurt (and GREEK YOGURT) at home in the crock pot! I can hardly wait to try it out... | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Mon Jan 16, 2012 07:39 PM
 Naughty Susan! Didn't post for 3 days!
Anyways, not much has happened since then anyway. I should've worked out, didn't as much as I should. But today I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes with ankle weights and 2lb dumbbells. I watched the Simpsons, and during commercial breaks I'd get my heart rate pumping high by doing punches or chest butterflies or tricep raises to the back nice and fast. It felt good, all sweaty and sore and nice. Didn't do my plyos tonight, but ah well.
Applying for jobs SUCKS! It just sucks. I'm not too worried beyond this next month though, since with the PT job Hubby has now we can squeak by, and then come March if nothing shows up I'll head back up to South Dakota for the temp job with my best friend Sandra, then come back to the wheat crew position at the university again in May. I may be great at admin stuff in an office setting, but I just LOVE working with crops. Especially in a lab setting. It blends the farmer girl in me and the geek in me perfectly (and the pay is better than straight up farmer, too).
Had some fantastic sessions of hanging out with my friends C & R this weekend. We haven't hung out in such a long time, and this felt so good to have friend time again. Hopefully I'll head over to R's house on Wednesday to practice some dance, which I haven't done in a while. Eep.
Oh, also I did a last minute gig with fellow musician Josh! It was a total-crap, fly by the seat of our pants set, but totally awesome nonetheless. At least we got the first one under our belts now!
And the picture for today is what I need to keep reminding myself over and over again. People are so mean in our local dance group; they hate me for no reason than the little paranoias they create in their minds, then apparently are too chickensh*t to talk to me directly about their concerns. I just gotta remember that They. Do. Not. Matter. I can't let their hate get me down. It's all on their shoulders, it's all their problem, if they choose not to address it and choose not to try to get along with me. 2012 is all about learning to love myself, and this is just part of it. A really hard part. I hate not being able to make everyone happy, not to make everyone like me. But I have to love myself enough to say "No. I will not let you bring me down with your hate & shallow paranoia and low self-esteem. I love myself too much to let YOU rule my life."
So I dance. But I'm going to have to find others who want to share the dance too. Cause these clearly don't want to.
Ok enough of the bummer crap. Something happy to finish on!
I lost 3 pounds in the past 2 weeks. It has begun.  | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:17 AM
 I hate feeling like a failure, and a jerk. I hate feeling like I'm wrong about everything. Like *I'm* the Drama Queen. I hate crying about being hated by the dance group. I hate feeling unwelcome by them. I hate not being welcome to share my skills. I hate feeling like the bad person. I just want to dance, why is that so hard for people to understand? Why is that so hard for people to deal with? What is wrong with me?? | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Tue Jan 17, 2012 09:20 PM
Edited by sjerose (158555) on 2012-01-17 21:20:54
 I totally needed the jam session tonight at the pub. My bandmate and I jammed solid for an hour and a half, and then had a good 20min bitch session at the bar. He made me feel so much better about myself, and how we want to get to where we each want to go in life by working together to help each other achieve those goals. He and I have different music goals, but he can help me with mine and I can help him with his, and together we'll make (for lack of a better cliche) "beautiful music together" (literally, not figuratively).
No workout today, naughty Susan, but sometimes music therapy is more necessary than 30 minutes on a treadmill. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Thu Jan 19, 2012 07:43 AM
 Last night, I had a dream where I had that part right below my lip pierced, with a stud, on the left side of center of my face. In my dream I liked it, too. Huh; wouldn't THAT torque my dad off if I visited the farm with that on my face! Well, now I can't say "I'd never even dream of piercing my face," because I actually have...
Did my treadmill walk and plyos yesterday. Put the treadmill on an incline, while I did it with my ankle weights and dumbbells. Doing plyos afterwards - oh, LORD could I feel the difference! I was breathing so heavy. Hopefully I'll stay kicked in gear and do it today, too.
We're going to give plasma, Hubby and I, this afternoon when he gets off work. I haven't done that in a while, and probably wouldn't, but dang we need the money and all my job applying hasn't really gone very far yet. Nice to have a backup plan at least; if I don't have anything by St. Patrick's Day, I'll head up after to SD again to work at the research lab for Sandra till May, then back to wheat crew at the University. Gotta keep clinging to whatever hope I've got, ya know? | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Thu Jan 19, 2012 09:40 AM
Have to post the cute so I don't forget!
Guinea pig yawning. Awwww..... | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Fri Jan 20, 2012 05:44 PM
Still hanging in there. Having no money is scary, and frustrating. This will likely be the last time in a while we'll have fresh fruit in the house. I'm applying for jobs, and have an interview with a temp agency on Tuesday afternoon. Let's hope something shows up! My dream would be to be able to continue the radio show, but I know that's sadly going to be a long shot... Which makes me REALLY sad.
I know I didn't gain 1.5lbs from yesterday to today, but it was still a bit of a bummer to see it when I weighed in today. I can see why people recommend that you don't weigh in daily; it an be very demoralizing. However, I told myself that I was going to do it for the sake of statistics and curiosity, so I'm going to keep doing it, dang it! As part of that mini-experiment, I find the psychological reactions I'm having to that number going up randomly in one day very... surprisingly predictable.
But I suppose I shouldn't be too extremely surprised. We DID pig out on homemade sushi last night. I tried to calculate on my food tracking app correctly, but even if I underestimated some, I still didn't binge.
That's been the hardest part of changing my diet for the healthier, I've noticed. I used to eat and eat and eat until I was stuffed; now I eat the amount I'm supposed to and I stop. I feel sated, but not *full*. Emotionally, it kinda frustrates and bums me out at the time, but after a few minutes I'm ok. Also, I have trouble not snacking throughout the day randomly. It doesn't help that right now I don't have a job and I'm stressed about finding a job and stress was also an eating trigger for me. I packed on a solid 10lbs last October when our guinea pig died; pretty sure most of that was a combination of Hagen Daas and Ben & Jerry's.
But anyways, I'm still plugging along... | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Sun Jan 29, 2012 04:00 PM
 Ach, I'm bad at this...
Keeping up with posting regularly, that is. I loves me some Groundskeeper Willie quotes.
So since starting my lifestyle revolution at the beginning of January, I've lost 7 pounds! I'm very proud of my progress, since it's been only 3 weeks, but at the same time I'm aware that a lot of times weight will drop off very quickly at first and then become a lot harder to lose later on. So I'm just enjoying the journey and finding fun new exercises to try to keep things interesting. I'm starting to look forward to walking on my treadmill; the worst part is getting started since our basement is so COLD!! But once I get going, it's so liberating.
Hubby and I are now addicted to Dr. Who. We have the first three seasons of the new series, and are halfway through season 2. While David Tennant is FINE, I liked Billie Piper and Christopher Eccleston's chemistry on screen better. But no matter; it's still a great show!
I had two interviews last week! The first was with Manpower, a temp agency, and even during the interview they already had a job opportunity they wanted to pitch to me to start the negotiation process w/ that company for me to get it. But Friday's interview was the absolute best. It's an executive assistant with a great company downtown that provides client/patient feedback services for the heath care industry, to help improve the overall patient experience and through that improve overall healthcare across the nation. I'd be responsible for two executives, and I chatted with both of them separately, with a bit of overlap in between. The last one I talked with said I may know as early as Monday (TOMORROW) with their decision, and she also sounded like they liked me best. I'm so nervous and I REALLY want this job (and we really NEED me to take this job, too). The greatest part of it all, is that if they hire me they'll let me keep doing the radio show on Tuesday afternoons! AHHH!!! So I can keep doing my radio show schedule, work for a great company doing great work helping great people, help get our finances back in order, AND get back into dance class!! Oh, if any one of you who lurks my page has gotten this far, PLEASE cross your fingers for me.
Speaking of radio show & the like, I set up a Tumblr page for the Project to slowly fill with fun facts, quotes, band info, event happenings, and dance info. thunderontheplains.tumblr.com. Check it out! I love feedback, and love having more info to add to it, so if anyone knows of any great Celtic bands, or great Highland/Irish online resources, do send 'em my way!
Well, off to radio show! My life is slowly coming back into focus. And I like it. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Wed Feb 01, 2012 06:10 PM
 Still waiting for the phone call...
But on the plus side, I've started participating in Fitness February. Goals for this month:
- No binging
- No alcohol
- Exercise EVERY DAY (that's right! even if it's just a little, I need to get in the habit of moving)
- Achieve all the push-up/sit-up/jumping jack challenges in beginner mode for the month
Here's hoping it'll work!
sjerose.tumblr.com
thunderontheplains.tumblr.com | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:08 AM
 Still waiting for the phone call... Gonna email them Monday if I don't hear anything by then. I'm very bummed they didn't call this week like the one gal said they would.
Also I've been sick with a horrible headache the past two/three days. I think I may finally be getting better today, and now it's decided to rain/snow. Bah.
Fit February has only been going for two days, but so far I have 100% challenge completion to-date. I have a wall of progress in the basement where I hung up the calendars for each challenge along with my weekly workouts (a different set of plyos each day; I got everything from Tumblr), and after I've completed each challenge for that day I get to stick a gem on it. By the end of the month that wall is going to be SPARKLY!!
Just taking it all one day at a time. My goal is 25lbs down by the end of the year, and I'm already down 8. I can do this! I wonder what I should do to celebrate if I achieve my goal by the end of June, in half my self-allotted time? | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Mon Feb 06, 2012 07:41 PM
The scale may not like me today, but my body sure does! Here are my stats from the Super Bowl Workout Game:
Jumping Jacks – 100
Single-leg hops – 20
Dips on chair or sofa – 80
Reverse Crunches – 60
Push-ups – 110
Bicycle crunches – 720
Bridges – 20
30-sec jog in place
Chicken dance – 3x
Squats – 150
Burpees – 10
30-sec high knee jog
Stairs – 3 flights up/down
60-sec plank – 2
30-sec plank – 6
Yep, that's 720 bicycle crunches, 110 kneeling push-ups, and 150 squats. In one evening. I'm very proud I did that and I hope to do it again next Super Bowl!
I worked out again today, and it just felt so GOOD to be on the treadmill, weights in my hands, jamming to a workout podcast, stepping the incline up and down as the podcast instructed, all with sweat dripping down my face. I realized that I'm buying in to all the "hype" phrases that exercise junkies always repeat - It IS good for you. It's an investment in your whole LIFE. You DO have time to fit in exercise. It needs to be a priority in your life. It can actually BE FUN!!
I have definitely found a good set of exercises I'm doing right now, that are both enjoyable and challenging. I'm holding off on practicing my Irish dancing for a while, though; I want to see how healthy I can get before I absolutely can't stand being away from dance anymore. Then when I get that point, and step back into class, it'll be like I'm a new person - strong, confident, with a cardiovascular system that won't need an inhaler before every single practice just to eke through. I want to make my new instructor proud to have me in his classes. I know as an older, overweight Irish dancer who started as an adult, I've got an uphill battle to prove to this former Riverdance captain that I've got what it takes, even though I didn't start as a wee lass. Maybe I'll never convince him, but damned if I'm not going to give it my best. And this focus on me is what will make it happen. I'm not focusing on that, I'm focusing on ME.
I know that sounds really selfish, but I've also learned the past couple of months that prior to this whole new life shift of "Focus: 2012", I've grown into a very self-centered person. I'm ready to listen to others now and just be part of the group, not the center of attention of the group. It didn't dawn on me till last week, when we were hanging out at a friend's house and I would just randomly blurt stuff out that happened about me that week while other people were talking. No one minded; no one really noticed but me. It would just pop out of my mouth amidst the chaotic conversation, and then my brain would slowly sink in with "What you have to say has nothing to do with the current conversation and is way less interesting than what they're all talking/laughing about. Why try to change the subject?" So I've started to sit back and try to listen. The hard thing is that my blessed friends (truly I'm blessed, they are amazing) still humor me with attention it feels, so I feel drawn to try to email them about my day and my job quests, etc. It's going to be hard to find a balance between sharing what really matters and what is just attention-grabbing unnecessary bull-plop. Here's hoping that typing all this out will help get the ME-ME-ME-ness out of my system, so I can focus on serving better my husband, friends, and family.
Oh, and STILL no phone call, so I emailed first thing this morning, and have yet to get a reply from them. BUT, I have an in-person interview first thing tomorrow morning with the place the temp agency found for me, AND a phone interview for a job I applied a while back for a different position on Wednesday. Funny how my efforts towards one location generate fruits/opportunities from others. Crazy Monday. | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Mon Feb 06, 2012 07:44 PM
I forgot to put a picture up on that post! So here is my contribution, plus another one since I had to post this one to post one for the last one. (Make sense?) | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Tue Feb 07, 2012 09:13 AM
 I GOT A JOB!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!! I start on Monday, and they'll still let me do the radio show on Tuesdays! AND, it's NOT the job I was waiting for that phone call for all last week. They called me while I was accepting THIS job just this morning! That's what they get for not being on the ball. Anyways, I think I'm going to like this one much better anyway. It's in the agricultural industry, supporting a business solutions/IT team, and I'll be helping with developing metrics for their troubleshooting ticket system, among other things. Oh, I'm so excited! We're going to make RENT this month!!!
Who's having an awesome day, and it's only 10:00am? ME!! | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:06 AM
 I can't remember now what I wanted to post about... | re: This time, maybe I'll do it right. en>fr fr>en By sjerose  Comments: 994, member since Thu May 11, 2006On Mon Mar 05, 2012 07:51 PM
 Tonight I feel like a horrible person.  | ReplySendWatch
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