For several years my mother received large quantities of child support money for me. However, she spent it on herself, and I saw none of it. My grandparents were left to support me financially when I could not. This started when I was 15, and I'm now almost 22. I moved out at age 18 where according to divorce papers I was to receive my portion of 260 dollars a month directly once I started college, along with a 400 dollar clothing allowance twice a year. Obviously, I never saw that. My granparents have supported me almost completely since the divorce, yet she also continues to claim me on her taxes. Anyone know where I may stand legally? I'm sure there is more information I can provide if anyone knows anything on these matters.

I'm going to PM you because I don't feel comfortable disclosing this information with the world.

AnnaLauren1 wrote:

I moved out at age 18 where according to divorce papers I was to receive my portion of 260 dollars a month directly once I started college, along with a 400 dollar clothing allowance twice a year. Obviously, I never saw that.

It's not obvious why though. You state that you're supposed to receive that money directly, yet you imply that you don't. Therefore you need to address your case directly to the source of the funds to ensure you start to receive them directly.

As for recouping lost payments of the past, well, as they say, posession is nine-tenths of the law ... not going to be easy if your mother refuses after you ask. You'd then have to take her to court to enforce this, and prove definitively that she didn't spend this money to your benefit - the burden of proof would lie with you.

I just re-read your post and she SHOULD NOT claim you as a dependent on her taxes even you are not living with her. She could and should get in major trouble for that. Her claiming you on her taxes gives her an extra chunk of money and it affects how much money you will receive back.

Do you live with your grandparents? It isn't really clear from your post. You say they are supporting you finacially. Does that mean that you are living there or that they buy you things like clothing and food when you need it?

As for now, you should talk to whoever disperses the funds to get them sent to you directly, since that is what the agreement said. For the payments when you were younger, you are probably out of luck. Child support can be used for anything really, as long as it benefits you. You mom could just say that she used it for rent/mortgage or food.

If you are in college now, where is your official permanant address? If it is still with you mom, she may legally be able to claim you as a dependent. I don't know where you live, or what the laws are there, but here, if you have a child over 18 that is a full time student, they can still be claimed as a dependent. If your address is listed as somewhere else, then, no she shouldn't be claiming you and can get in trouble for it.

Why has it taken 4 years for you to do anything about it? If you were supposed to receive the money directly at age 18, why didn't you talk to your father directly and ask for the money to go directly to you?

I don't know much about US taxes (I assume that's where you are), but if you contacted the IRS to tell them that she's claiming you as a dependent, they could look into it. But you'll need to weigh that against the fact that your relationship with your mother will probably never be the same after that.

Yes, she does owe it to you. But it may not be worth pursuing. Sounds like she is self-centered and selfish. Demanding or suing, etc, may not work with her. And if she already spent it, does she have it to give you? Probably not. Save yourself a big headache and move on.

Actually, she owes your grandparents child support. It is up to them to insist that she meet her responsibilities to you.

Realistically, there isn't really much you can do about it now. If the payments made on your behalf (I assume from your father?)were supposed to go directly to you, why didn't they?

If you believe there is something owed to you, perhaps you should have a business meeting with your grandparents and then your mother to see what the "real numbers" are. Often children think "child support" means they should have this money spent directly on them, where simply maintaining a residence where your children are able to live, whether they choose to or not, is all that is required.

When my nephew was 15 he moved in with my parents. He didn't like his mother's smoking or her temper tantrums or her boyfriend. Of course my parents took care of him. My brother, who lived out of state, was still required to pay full child support to his ex wife because she still maintained a home for their son. In the end, my nephew was still supported, my brother still met his legal responsibilities and my parents had the financial and logistical burden of a teenager. If anyone is owed anything for those years it is my parents, not my nephew.

Keep On Dancing*

Actually, she owes your grandparents child support. It is up to them to insist that she meet her responsibilities to you.

I'm going to agree with that. Your grandparents paid for your raising. Any reimbursement should go to them.

That part about you receiving a portion directly is odd as child support in the US ends when the child turns 18. Are you in the US?

kk~

Why would you still be receiving support after you are 18? I think once you are 18 your parents are no longer expected to pay (or be owed) child support, weather or not they claim you on their taxes. You can request that they don't claim you as that may get you a bit more finantial aid for college (if you need that) but I think that's about the most you can expect.

Christine wrote:

Actually, she owes your grandparents child support. It is up to them to insist that she meet her responsibilities to you.

Christine is right; your grandparents have been supporting you and if there is reimbursement it should go to them.

kandykane wrote:

That part about you receiving a portion directly is odd as child support in the US ends when the child turns 18. Are you in the US?

That is not the norm where I live. Child support ends when the child leaves college or university. If the child does not pursue higher education, child support ends when they turn 18 or graduate high school, whichever comes second. I've never gotten any child support whatsoever for my kids, but normally this is how it works here when there is child support.

EDIT: Since I knew my ex-husband would do whatever it took to weasel out of paying his child support, I asked my attorneys if I could waive it in exchange for him relinquishing any claim on our home (which I alone owned). I was told that Massachusetts law views child support as the children's money and therefore the custodial parent cannot waive it. So, depending on where the OP resides, perhaps she does have a legal claim on it.

My living conditions have been, since age 18, pretty meager. My rent now is $150/month. I babysit sometimes, go to school on scholarship And financial aid, and then I live off loans. Ive basically lived on my own or with friends since 17/18. many people have helped me out. My grandparents, my boyfriend (him, probably the most this past year, but not a huge amount), and occasionally my sister. But my mom has claimed me on her taxes every year, and I have no income to file taxes. I get paid cash for babysitting. This year she has even threatened not to claim me just out of spite, because according to her if noone claims me as a dependent, and I have no taxable income, I'll be SOL on paying for school.

Where I live and the conditions of the divorce papers clearly do state I will
receive the money until my education stops. However, I never saw anything.

Also, about going to my dad, I did. A long time ago and many times thereafter. He refused to confront her because she was already causing enough drama
over the divorce to the point that my dad couldn't find a woman in our entire
town who my mom had not threatened. We're talking about a woman who
threatened to kill my 2 year old brother by smothering him with a pillow, as me
and my sister, then 11 and 12, watched screaming, because my dad would not
drive three hours home from a business trip. My dad has also been an alcoholic most of my life, so we dont have the best relationship. Since the dicorce, he hasn't been willing to help me out at all. But my mom's ruthless. Our relationship is
already done for anyways.

Actually, if you have no taxable income and you can file the FAFSA independently, (which, if your grandparents had legal custody of you, you CAN at 19, in the US or if you've had a change of status, like a loss of a support that you can prove. Or at age 23 you can file independently anyway, no matter what your parents' income is. Found all this out with my latest cause.) then you should be eligible for a lot of money, grants and loans. Talk to your financial aid office about your status and tell them what's going on, you don't have to get into the gorey details, but do let them know the bare bones of your financial situation.

Obviously, this applies to the US but it would still be worth your time to chat with the financial aid people.

I'm sorry about your mom. You should not have to deal with that type of abusive relationship. It sounds like you were better off at your grandparents.

If you are in the US, call your state's attorney general office and ask about your options. You may be able to get some money from her.

kk~

^ That was very helpful, kandykane. Thank you. Another question, though. How could I prove they haven't supported me, since her taxes state otherwise? I won't be 23, so I hope there is a way to prove I can file independently.

I've been a bit worried about talking to financial aid, but I was worried this might turn around on me and I might have to pay grants back because my mom has been wrongly claiming me.I also thought it would be hard to prove that i was on my own yet still had no taxable income. But that will most likely be what I do now.

I'm not sure how you would prove that, you'll have to ask them. For the young man I have been helping, he had to provide a copy of a court document stating his custody arrangement. But nothing is official with financial aid til you file the papers, so asking questions should not hurt you.

It's sounding like you are in the states, so I'm going to repeat what I said about calling the state attorney general office about your child support issues.

kk~

You shouldn't have to pay back grants that your mother has claimed, if she has fraudulently applied for grants then she will have to pay back the money.

Would your grandparents vouch for your address or your landlord, do you have old rental agreements?