My mum told me a couple of months ago that she was pregnant again. I was VERY unhappy at first, but I realised that I couldn't do anything about it. But that's not really the point of this post.

The thing is, there's going to be a 14 year age gap between me and this baby. That's the biggest I've ever heard of (excluding those who's parents divorced and essentially started again). I can't get my head around the fact that when this baby is my age, I'll be 28. WOW.

I don't see how I'm going to be able to have any connection with my future brother/sister. At ALL. There's a good chance that I'll have moved out when (s)he is four or five. I have the feeling that we'll relate to each other as distant cousins...It's sad, but I honestly can't see it working out any other way.

I WANT to be close to my future sibling, I really do. But I just don't see HOW.

So, any of you out there in DDN land, do you have any sibling gaps of around 12 years+? Are you close with your sibling? Any tips?

If it matters at all, my other brothers are 11 and 5.

My mom's eldest brother was 14 years older than her. She was the youngest of three, with 7 years in between each. She and the middle brother fought like cat and dog - he was used to being the baby and was jealous of her. Her elder brother absolutely doted on her and she worshipped him. You're actually going to have a very special place in this kid's life. S/he will be in awe of you and you can help him/her to grow up. That's so cool!

My brother was born when I was 4 months off turning 15. Now i'm 25 and he's 10 - yes I did get the "oh my - when he's 10 i'll be 25 and that's SO OLD" but it doesn't feel so bad now that i'm here.

I think i've got a good relationship with my brother, but I don't think it's a traditional sibling relationship. We've never lived under the same roof, but all I've done is spend as much time with him as possible, right from when he was a baby, and make myself available to him whenever I can. I took him bowling over the christmas break, that was pretty fun. And now unfortunately he's being bullied at school and I'm the one who is helping him because my mum is repeating all the stuff she said to me when I got bullied - it's good advice, great advice in fact, but it's impossible for a 10 year old to comprehend.

If you say that you won't have any connection with your new sibling, then you're pretty much defeated before you start. You CAN have a relationship with your sibling, but you've got to adjust your mentality to think outside the boundaries of what you consider to be a sibling relationship. The relationship you have with your sibling isn't going to be the same as one where the siblings are only a year or so apart, that much is certain, but if you put the work in to maintain close ties you will find that you are an invaluable resource to your sibling because everything they go through, chances are you will have been through a lot more recently than your parents.

I used to think of myself as more of an aunty to my brother, I too wasn't very happy about having a sibling and I think that helped me. But the most important advice I can give you is not to defeat yourself before the baby has even been born, and to always make time to be there for him/her. If you do that, there is no automatic reason why the baby should grow up to think of you as a distant cousin. It's obviously not going to be the same kind of relationship you have with your 11 year old brother, but it's 100% possible for you and the new baby to have a relationship that brings positive outcomes for you both.

My sister is 20 years older than me and my brother, but she's from my dad's first marriage, so it's not really the same.

I am close to my sister after a fashion, more nowadays than when I was younger. I think a large part of it is because we've never lived together and therefore not shared a life together. I guess when I was younger I was about as close to her as I am to some of my cousins, if that's any comparison.

But it's not impossible. Be there often, if you can, call often, just make yourself part of your sibling's life and it'll be a lot easier And remember that every relationship is different. I have a very different relationship to my brother and my younger sister, because we've had different experiences together and are different people.

I am the oldest in my family and there is a little over 14 years between my brother and me - we also have 2 sisters in between who are 2 years and 4 years younger than me. If it helps, I was also not at all happy when mum broke that news! However, the reality is that my son is closer in age to my brother than I am.

We are now 45 (me) and 31 (him). We did not live together when he was a child as my sisters and I all went to boarding school and I was already there when he was born so he did grow up pretty much as an only child.

I wouldn't say that we were ever really close because the age difference was just too much for us to have a lot in common although he did live with me for a couple of years to finish high school (he didn't get sent to boarding school like we did). We do get on very well now but just don't have a lot in common, he also now lives about 1400km away from where I do which may play a part too. My children are now all left school and at university and he is about to have his first baby so we are just at very different stages of life. However, my brother has always been very confident in himself (not cocky, just sure of himself) and has been able to relate well to people of all ages - in fact, I can never remember him ever having a problem in holding a conversation with older people.

You can't force any relationship but you can have a really good relationship if you just keep your expectations real. Your new sibling will always look up to you and (at least until they are a teenager) you will probably be the coolest person in his/her life so enjoy that while it lasts! The connection that you have will really depend a bit on your personalities but also on how much you are willing and able to just be there for important things in his/her life. My brother has only recently told us just how much he looked forward to any of us being there for his birthday or other occasion and how much it meant to him that we took the time to be there for him even though we all had other things in our lives as well. You probably won't have the same relationship as with your other siblings but you will be a very important person in his/her life and you will probbaly be their source of guidance and wisdom (and a shoulder to cry on) particulalry as they get a bit older. Your advice and listengin will have more impact than you will realise - even if you are not aware of it.

My oldest brother is 15 years older than me, my other brother is 12 years older than me. We all have the same parents, and we were all planned babies (so no.... I wasn't an 'oops'!)

I'm close with both of them, though I did live with them both to an extent when I was younger. It's just us 3 though, so I don't really have a 'typical' sibling relationship to compare them to. I'm closer to my oldest brother, I think the last time we lived together was when I was about 13 (so he was 28) and I was about 16 when the other brother moved out for the last time. My brothers were both 'boomerang kids' and moved out and back home heaps of times before finally leaving for good. I stay with my oldest brother regularly when I go back home (interstate) as he lives closer to the city. He has a four year old son and is divorced, but living with his current girlfriend. Like someone else said, having a sibling who's a lot older is good because theyve gone through whatever youre going through a lot more recently than your parents. My oldest brother in particular has helped me through bullying, buying cars, drinking mishaps, dating issues, breakups, you name it. My other brother and I go out to bars and hang out and go fishing or camping. There's really no reason to be distant and not have a close relationship with your new sibling... Just while theyre little you need to put in the effort to be present!

If you have exceptionally sane and aware parents, this will work out very, very well.

If not, then what are the dangers?

As Louise and Lauretta explained, you should be fine, but my concern lies with the 5 year old.

It is more than possible that you dominated the 11 year old.

It is more than possible that the 11 year old attempted to dominate the 5 year old against your protecting him, with the 5 year old's often playing the bully's proxy - trying to get the 11 year old's goat.

So it is more than possible that the 5 year old will attempt to dominate the newborn against protection from both you and the 11 year old, with the newborn's being bully's proxy for both you and the 11 year old.

I just hope that all of you are sufficiently watchful to prevent this from happening. The 5 year old cannot be expected to absorb all of the gaff from the entire family and insulate it from the world.

My own experience was in the middle, with one sister three years ahead of me and the other six years behind. My parents saw no danger in this setup.

I was 14 when my brother was born and we have a pretty neat relationship.

I helped my Mom out a lot when he was younger. I was like his second mom. I changed a lot of diapers, carried him around for hours as he cried (he was very colicky), played with him, loved him. I couldn't help but build a relationship with him. He was 6 when I moved away for University. I still talked to him frequently like I did my other siblings. I don't think our relationship suffered any from my time away. If anything, it grew stronger. He was just learning to print and write letters, so I would get the best mail ever! Nothing better than a hand drawn picture stating "I love you" on it from a 6 year old during exam time!!

Now that he is almost 12, our relationship has grown more into a friendship. We have a very similar sense of humour and a lot of silly inside jokes that confuses our family... I have had him stay with me for the weekend on several occasions, and I take him out and do fun things. I shared my favorite books and movies and tv shows with him from when I was his age. He is really in to youTube right now, so we send links to favorite channels and bloggers back and forth to each other.

It really isn't going to be as bad as you think. Your new sibling is going to look up to you simply because you are their older sibling. Take advantage of that! Be a positive role model, be a friend, and give lots of love. It's not going to be easy for the first couple of years, but it will turn into something that you won't be able to imagine being without.

I was 14, three months off turning 15 when my brother was born. I actually love the big age gap! I have three other siblings in between, but as I'm the oldest I get to spend time taking him out to the zoo/swimming and other activities that make us close, I love having a brother a lot younger

I'm 11 years older than my youngest sibling (there's 6 if us total). I lived away from home in high school and graduated at 16 then went off with my dance career. It didn't affect our ability to be close at all. Attachment happens in the beginning and because you are do much older you will be able to help care for and nurture the baby, this can bring you a very close bond if that is what you want.

The age gap is no reason to not have a close relationship, you are in control of that. If you want to be close spend time with the baby: feed the baby, hold, cuddle, play go for walks...be a big sister!

I'm 10 years older than my brother, and we are REALLY close. We did live together for a good long while, but even now when I've graduated college and moved to another part of the country with my partner, we still maintain a close relationship. It can be possible, and I think you'll end up loving this baby more than maybe you think right now, and once you do leave for college you'll make a big effort to be in their life.

I'm 15 years and 2 months older than my youngest brother. I think I was pretty stoked about having a very little brother from the get go. Granted, I didn't live in the same house as him, and still don't. He's 8 years old now and super cool. While it's a huge adjustment, especially if you're living with the baby full time, it's also a cool experience. You get to teach the little one all the things you wish someone taught you when you were younger. I bought my brother a pair of Converse shoes when he was two years old. I taught him how to ice skate, tie his shoes, play Monopoly, card games, and a whole bunch of other things. We listen to "cool" music and watch football together. I think he likes having a much older sibling more than I like having a much younger sibling, if that's even possible. He tells all his friends that he has a sister who's a doctor (even though I'm not, lol, just work in a hospital) and that having a 23 year old sister is much cooler than having a 10 year old sister. I'm sure behind closed doors he tells kids he doesn't like that he's got an older sister and brother who'll beat them up if they bother him, cause little kids are goofy and like to brag like that.

But anyway, it's not half as bad as it sounds. I'm sure you'll actually really appreciate your new role.

Loving all the stories right now

I admit, lots of 'nawww...' out loud moments.

Ok, maybe not as hopeless as I thought. Right now, honestly, I resent this baby a little-not so much of the baby itself, but because I have to move to a bigger house in a suburb I don't like very much which is a lot further away from the beach, also a further commute to my school, my friends, blah blah blah.

But after I settle in (we move in about 2 weeks), and I realise that it maybe isn't SO AWFULLY TERRIBLE I might even be...excited.

I'm also kinda looking forward to seeing the Lion King with him/her for the first time

You can't resent the baby because you have to move. That's not his/her fault.

My older brother is 8 years older than me, which is nothing compared to your gap but I feel we spent very little time together as kids. By the time I have any real memories, he was always off doing other things. By the time I was 9 he was living away at college. We we're not very close growing up but I have some great memories of us playing and having a good time. He was always like a protector to me. I saw him as a heroic, brave, wiser big brother/superhero.
Now, we are super close. He is best friends with my fiance, drops by with coffee all the time, helps me with all sorts of things, can joke with me like no one else because we both find the same things funny. We have an amazing relationship and bond and I love him dearly. I think you can have whatever kind of relationship you want with this new baby.

I'm 24 and my brother is about to turn 42. That's 18 years.

We're SUPER close. But it wasn't until I was a teenager and older that we got to talk on a more even level.

It'll be ok, but again, you're going to have DECADES with this kid. It'll all work out. =) It's just something that happens over time.

My sister is 12 years older than me with no siblings in between. As a child, I idolised her. When I was a young adult, our relationship was a bit strained because she still treated me like a kid. But now we are both adults with our own families, we are close again.

Helen

My husband is 15 years older then his little brother. It actually took the little guy a while to figure out his relationship to my husband, who moved out of home when he was 2. When he was about 4 or 5, he said to his mum "Who is Angus's mum?" and his mum said "I am... Angus is your brother" and was just like "Oh..." and then carried on, lol.

They are a very close family, and his little brother so wants to be like his big brothers (Angus's other brother is 5 years younger then him). It's a different relationship to that of siblings who are close in age, Angus disciplines him and teaches him stuff, but they are very close.

I'm also 15 years older then my little sister, though she is my half sister. We adore each other, though I don't get to see her that often.

My sister (well, half sister, but we really don't think of ourselves as half siblings as my dad was more of a dad to her than her own dad when she was a teenager) is 15 and a half years older than me. When I was growing up I definitely idolised her and wanted to be like my big sissy and despite her getting married when I was 3 and having her first child when I was 5. Her kids, I suppose were more like brothers and sisters to me, but she never treated me like one of her own and we were always equals and we were always big sister and little sister. I moved 2000km away from her when I was 11 and I suppose we weren't as close during my teen years but now I'm grown up we've become a lot closer again. We had the best girly chats when we were together a couple of weeks ago, and though we still don't live near each other we're always only a phone call or email away! I love having a sister who's so much older than me. She was the one I could complain to when I fought with my parents or chat to when I couldn't (or still can't!) talk to mum and because of the age gap we never really fought. I'm developing a similar relationship with her kids now they're almost all grown up, it's like having lots more brothers and sisters

I don't, but have many people in my life with such large gaps. They are wonderful, loving and happy families. The dynamics all depend on the parents. Congratulations to your family for the newest blessing.

As an only child (well hardly a child anymore) I'm not personally affected but my wife is the eldest of four. Number 2 sister is deceased and she's not particularly close to number 3, but now as an adult (and old enough to be a grandmother (as are the two surviving sisters, she is quite close to her youngest sister who was some ten years younger. Their childhood years were not really close because my wife left for college when the youngest sister was 7 or 8. And then my wife and I married and we were 1000 miles away when her kid sister was 12. She did spend part of two summers with us and the #3 sister spent a whole summer with us watching our two kids when my wife went to summer school for her teaching certification. The youngest sister though had almost a parallel career to my wife's. Both were Special Education teachers, both married professionals, both had two kids, a boy and a girl each, and both retired as educational administrators, my wife as a principal my sister in law as the deputy superintendent of schools for special education in a large Iowa city. Despite the distance between us, the sisters often went to teachers conventions together and both her daughter and my daughter are now school teachers. This commonality has kept them close. Her sister, sadly is now a widow at a comparatively young age (mid-50's), and they are even closer now.

Now my daughter has a somewhat different situation. She acquired a step-daughter upon marriage and her husband had custody of the girl. She was 14 when my daughter got married and lived with my daughter and her father until she graduated from high school. So she is now 22 and has opted to be with her real mother. She does come around for her half-brothers' birthdays, They are 6 and 3 but that is about it. She is nice to the boys but not particularly close to them. The older one is aware she is his sister, but she is not really a part of his life. The younger one doesn't yet grasp this.

Jon