Earlier back I wrote about my mum having IBC (inflammatory Breast Cancer). She is 66. Basically it started out as a rash on her breast. Thankfully her GP told her to get a mamo. The mamo revealed a lump in her breast and one lymph node. That was October. She started Chemo in November and has had 4 rounds. We found out last week her mastectomy is scheduled for 2/21/12. This is 5 days before her 67th birthday. She is scared. She refuses to read anything on her type of cancer. She wont educate herself on anything. I asked why, and she stated that she does'nt want to know.

Yesterday her dear friend passed away from cancer. She had a non-operable tumor and the cancer had spread throughout her body. My mum's friend has been helping her along the way with chemo and just little chit-chat's here and there as they both talked about chemo, hair loss, etc. It is really sad and my mum is really, really depressed. They have been through a lot together.

I have been trying to help mum by cheering her up, and telling her it will be over soon. I wonder what else I can do for her. I wish someone told me chemo makes women crazy!!

Thanks for reading this far. If anyone has any tips on how to take care of my mum after her mastectomy, that would be great too. I know there will be drain tubes, etc.

Po

She refuses to read anything on her type of cancer. She wont educate herself on anything. I asked why, and she stated that she does'nt want to know.

She might not be that far off. My FIL just went through his second round of chemo for leukemia*, and he was specifically instructed NOT to read anything.

My mom was very open and frank as she was going through all of her treatment and all that. We saw all the scars, we saw her falsies, we were all in the car when she went to pick up the special bra to hold the falsies. So just straight up openness and honesty has never hurt anything.

*For leukemia, they do, or at least in his case did, chemo a little different. My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and for her, she spent one day every two weeks getting chemo. In my FILs case, he spent a straight ten days getting chemo around the clock (It's called the "7+3" plan. They do 7 straight days of one med, and then switch it to a different one for three days). He did that in November, went back in January, and did another ten days getting chemo every other day. They just discharged him from that one.

Thanks T My mum's protocol is different in the way they treat breast cancer. Usually if you have regular breast cancer, they do the lumpectomy or mastectomy, then you have chemo. In my mum's case, she has IBC, they do chemo, then the mastectomy, then chemo and radiation. Thus far she has been lucky with chemo and it giving her a few side effects (fatigue and depression).

She has been pretty open to people who ask her about this and that, but she really doesnt like to talk about it. She really relies on my sister and I to educate her.

Po

Yeah, that was my mom too. She pretty much knew what the doctors told her, and that was it. Of course, the internet wasn't as prevalent then as it is now, but even still.

My aunt (my moms sister) went the other way when she was sick. If it said the word "cancer" at any point, she bought it and read it. She collects things with breast cancer ribbons on them, for years was the captain of the most profitable Relay For Life team in town, the whole bit. My mom has always kind of scoffed at that approach, to her mind, you shouldn't "wallow" in being sick. Handle your business, get right, and move along. So that's probably your moms thinking too, if that helps at all, lol...

I know leukemia patients and cancer patients don't go through chemo the same way, but since I mentioned him, I had to explain the process, LOL!

Just keep being there for her. I'm sure she appreciates it all! You're such a good daughter, Po. I hope I could be so good to my mom!

Sometimes you are better off not to read about things as you can tend to play dr internet, and obsess about things.

My cousin is going though treatment for breast cancer (she's 21) and they are doing the chemo first and than doing the surgery.

All you can do is be supportive and try to stay as positive as possible.

A friend of ours had both breasts removed at 2 different times and both times she recovered super fast, both times she had a great attitude towards things, in fact she was looking forward to having the second breast removed so she wasn't lop sided.

A lot of recovery is in the attitude.

Do you have anything like this in your area? www.wellspring.ca they offer reiki and a few other things that might help with recovery.

Hello everyone I thought I would update you all on mum. She had her mastectomy yesterday and was sent home today. She did very well! Her tumor shrunk considerably and the spot they found in her lymph node a while back was not even there. The surgeon removed some and are sending those to a pathologist to see if any C is in there. Praise God!

Mum went home with drainage tubes that look like little granades. They are so fun to drain- hahah. Hopefully by next week they will be removed. After 4 weeks- she will have her last two chemo treatments, the six weeks of radiation.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. It really means a lot to me and my family!!

po

hyehokis wrote:

Mum went home with drainage tubes that look like little granades. They are so fun to drain- hahah.

lol must be Jackson Pratt drains They really are fun to drain!

I'm so glad to hear she's doing well and that the tumor shrank considerably. I pray her depression subsides and she starts feeling more empowered - a positive attitude is sometimes the best medicine

Keep us updated! xoxo

I agree that sometimes reading up on something too much by the patient or the family can be a negative, because you start getting into all the "what ifs", distrust in the doctors, etc. Of course you want to be educated, but sometimes it's better to just be the family member. Awhile ago there was a CNN story about a mom and baby both battling two different type of cancers at the same time. The mom is in remission, but sadly the baby didn't make it. Both the parents have blogs and they completely beat themselves up about not doing certain treatments or not consulting with a certain hospital or whatever and it's really heartbreaking to read. newmomnewcancer.blogspot.com and myfamilyhascancerX2.blogspot.com I've never been in this situation but, if your mom doesn't want to know and just wants to charge ahead with her doctors advice, I think thats OK, especially for someone who didn't grow up with the internet. But no matter what happens, I hope you don't feel the need to play doctor using the internet, I think it can in some cases be detrimental to the well being of the patient and the family. I will keep your family in my prayers. You have had an incredibly tough year and I admire your strength to get through it all.

Glad to hear that it was positive news all around! Good luck these next few months! Hoping for a best case scenario for your family!

Glad to hear you got good news! Will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers!