I just started dancing again after a four year break. I had to quit dancing in 2007 because I had an eating disorder and various other health issues. I've fully recovered and been doing really well for those four years.

But when I'm in ballet class now I start to get this old feeling back that I'm too fat. I start to think about slimming down and I'm just not in a healthy mindset.

It's not as bad in modern class because then I can wear black jazz pants and don't really have to show off my whole body. But I don't really feel thin there either.

How can I change this ? I feel fat, frumpy and ungraceful compared to all the other girls and I can't stand it. I want to be a beautiful happy dancer.

I know the feeling I have this horrible habit of eating junk food, and then working it off when I exercise. But I've found that eating healthy stuff makes me feel better all around, even if I don't lose 5 pounds. Just try eating as healthy as you can; let that be your goal, not losing weight.

Are you happy? Like, as a person, as an individual? Are you happy?

Because if you're not happy as a person, than nothing else is going to be able to fill that hole in your heart.

Keep reminding yourself that other people do not matter. What matters is that your doctor is happy with your health.

A thought process I use that motivates me is as follows:

If dance is triggering then I will eventually get myself into a situation where I can't dance. I want to dance. Therefore, I absolutely cannot let dance be triggering to me.

It's not perfect, and unfortunately there's no miracle cure, but it has helped me be able to stay with dance despite everything.

Theresa wrote:

Are you happy? Like, as a person, as an individual? Are you happy?

Because if you're not happy as a person, than nothing else is going to be able to fill that hole in your heart.

Theresa hit the nail on the head. I had similar issues and for a long time, I believed "happy" and "thin" were synonymous. I thought that if I was "just five pounds thinner" I'd suddenly become this cheerful person I aspired to be. Once I reached my weight goal, or looked a certain way, my mental state would shift and I'd be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's a vicious cycle.

Life doesn't begin five pounds from now. Nothing is for certain, nothing is a guarantee. You only get the moment you're in. Please don't waste it. Enjoy every moment you can lose yourself in dance. They are truly priceless. Live your life. Those moments mean more than your weight ever will.