Well it is has finally happened - have gone through this a few times got very disillusioned with the freestyle world and everything that comes along with it - but have always managed to get myself back into the swing of things BUT

over the xmas hols had 5 weeks off and LOVED it - no rushing round at weekends, spending every moment thinking and worrying about costumes, money, lessons, thought it was a nice break and usually after a weekend or two without comps I am itching to get back to them but we just had our first comp of the year and I hated it - nothing at all to do with comp itself just hated all the prep that had go into it, worrying and trying to sort out pairs costumes at last minute, then when i got there thought to myself the music and excitement will get me interested again but it didnt I could have happily laid down and gone to sleep halfway through

Was really hoping when asked my daughter if she had missed dance over the hols she would say no - but instead she couldnt wait to get back - now I dont know what to do - she is not old enought to go to the comps on her own and would not ask any parents in school to take her on regular basis as dont think this would be fair

Have already decided regardless am cutting back on comps as used to do everyone but even then I simply cannot get any enthusiasm at all for even taking her to lessons as it is too far for me leave her and come back home so have to sit there waiting

Any advice would be appreciated

Susan

Hi there sorry your feeling this way and im also sorry i dont have any advice for you but didnt want to read and run.
Im feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole thing myself at the moment but i think thats more to do with me that the dancing world.
Hope you come to some sort of arrangement that both you and your daughter are happy with xx

Can I just ask how long you've been doing it? My daughters have only just started and love every minute but I didn't realise when they started how much it takes over your life. Was kind of hoping that it wouldn't be so stressful after I get used to it but after reading your post im not convinced

Hi it will be 5 years now - but must admit as Tara is only child I have at home and no hubby or other kids to worry about we have dont it full on - in the 5 years have probably only missed one comp that our school has done and we do quite a lot

We have had our ups and downs before Tara has been through amazing and not so amazing periods with her dancing but I dont think its anything to do with that as I sat and thought about it and thought ok what if someone else takes her but that dosent take away all the prep work that goes into each comp before hand or really save that much money

Am just really disillusioned too with the whole freestyle world - have got used the fact now that there will be good and bad comps, good and and bad judging lol, but it just seems more and more thats its who you know that really counts and that on its own I could cope with but put together with other things that have happened recently (within the dancing world)which I dont really want to go into I am just so fed up and feel that the stress and hassle is really not worth it any more as we have given up so much

We havent had a holiday in years (apart from one that my dad paid for), would love to have a dog but know its not fair with the amount of time we spend away, seem to spend every month juggling money to pay for comps etc (and my mum helps out with lesson costs)badly need new household appliances but cant afford it - i could go on and on but I wont lol

The stress never goes Im afraid but I would suggest you try and balance it as best as possible with other family life - I remember at the start saying I would never pay more than £200 fr a costume but now am paying nearly £1000 for one costume which when I think about it realistically is ridiculous



I wouldnt want to put a downer on it for anyone else as I have absolutely loved it for the first few years and it was amazing watching Tara progess from beginner to prem champ- and hopefully if we stop doing as many comps this may get that fanatstic buzz back but only time will tell

Susan

Have you ever thought of maybe your daughter trying something different ... to try get that excitment and buzz back.
My daughter danced ballroom since she was 3 and I felt little fed up of it, then she moved to freestyle just over a year ago and loves it. But once she climbs that ladder from beg to prems I suppose sometimes you kind of lose the thrill of it all.
Most of all with it costing so much money you kind of feel what now. At the moment I really enjoy it all but after 5yrs who knows. I would probably like my little one to try drama one day there seems to be good opportunities for a career and all this freestyle training will def come in handy xxx

Hope you feel better about it all soon xx

hi I have felt like this for about a year now after been going to comps for neally 4 yrs. my eldest daughter has just retired and gone into musical theatre which is great, for her, but my youngest just loves it still I did try and sway her towards musical theatre as it is less financhally stressful, but no she didnt want to. my youngest has not reached many finals last year, and I know its not all about that, but many comps I have been to I feel were totally biast and fixed. sometimes I got the feeling that they already knew who winners were, hopefully im wrong but thats what it felt like. however against all the negatives in freestyle my daughter has a new teacher and is now starting to do well and its great for her fitness, so im now starting to feel a little more positive I think lol, if anything for her sake, but I do know how you feel, its tireing, expensive and time consuming. but you cant beat the smile you get on your childs face when thier enjoying it. hope it works out for you x x x

Hi
We have only been doing comps since April but I think the problem with me is I have let it consume me. I constantly find myself looking at costumes or talking about dancing or spending time with my daughter stretching etc. I have stopped socialising with friends as my usual excuse is "i cant jojo has a comp" Its more me than the Freestyle world so I need to make changes to how I apply myself to it. I also need to spend more time with my 3 other children and as I am my husbands full time carer its kind of my escape so my little free time I tend to go onto costumes for sale or looking to see when the nest comps are .

I hope you find a happy place soon lol x

Hi Susan,

Oh I know exactly how you feel.
My eldest daughter Olivia finally gave up Freestyle a few months ago and to be honest it was a massive relief as we just weren't enjoying it anymore. Olivia had been dancing for 8 years and to say we have seen many changes is a massive understatement! The cost has spiralled out of control! The desire to 'look the best' on the dance floor has pushed the cost of costume way beyond alot of peoples means and the cost of comps themselves has trebled!
But my younger daughter Eve still loves it. So what to do?
I talked to her when Olivia finished and tried to persuade her to pack it in too, but she wouldnt hear any of it!
And I know what you mean about comps. We were at a very big comp last summer and to be honest it was one of my lowest points of Freestyle. It was just awful. The judging was questionable, no-one could hear properly, there was nowhere to sit......I could go on. And I sat there at 2am watching my eldest daughter trying to stay awake and have some enthusiasm to dance wondering 'What the hell am I doing?!'
For me, i've tried to take a step back from it and have cut back on comps and festivals. And i've definitely stopped listening to all the 'tittle tattle' that goes with Freestyle! It can be very consuming and to be honest, got me down.
I'll support Eve as much as I can, but there has to be a limit!
There are times when you simply cant justify the cost of a 1 day comp, especially if you have to travel and lets face it, sometimes we just want to stay in bed on a Sunday morning! Lol!
Why dont you just try cutting back a bit and see how you feel again in a few months?
Who knows, you may learn to love Freestyle again?
Wishing you lots of love and happiness for the future, whatever you decide,
Sandra xxx

hi hun i know were ur coming from ,i can take it or leave it these days but know dione loves it ,it would break her heart to take her away from freestyle its her life .
the struggle with cost is getting well out of hand im very lucky that dione is sponsered and to be totaly honest if she wasnt i couldnt see me been able to aford it
we go without alot and diones dad is working 2 jobs and were still skint week in week out i work too !
realy feeling the strain more than ever at min catching up from christmas jan birthdays car trouble the list goes on and on
freestyle took over my life 5 years ago.. empty purse, nights out with friends ,even seeing friends all disapears cos its constant pay out for dance
ive said to myself tho this year cuting back on comps ect
dione goes to high school next year and maybe her interests may change as she gets older but at the min ive got no chance off taking her away from it even tho i could walk away from it all tommorrow ..lets hope things get better for us all but wont hold my breath lol xx kim x

My advice? Enjoy it while you can!
Yes, Freestyle is expensive, but once it stops it's fine for a few months then you will miss it.
My middle child left Freetyle just under 2 years ago when she was expecting her daughter and nade the decision then to retire.
It was ok as I still had 2 dancing, then our dance teacher moved and we were left with no school. That was about a year ago and we miss it like crazy! We've not done a comp in 17 months and we all miss it. even getting up at 6am to tan!!
My eldest is expecting a baby but wants to go back and my youngest keeps asking when are we going back.

Queenie xx

Thanks everyone for your sympathy lol and understanding I guess there will be no easy answer - Tara has on occasion said to me if its really that bad mam I will give it up but cant justify giving it up just because Im fed up with it when she is still enjoying it - but i think definately a cut back is needed to give a fresh perspective - will cut all the smaller comps and just do two festivals that have already paid deposits for and see where we go from there

Again lovely of you all to let me know Im not on my own and yes Queen Jojo if it wasnt available your probably right would miss it like crazy so hope you find a school soon

x x xSusanx x x

Hiya Sue well as you know weve not been to dance since before xmas, I can say that I know exactaly how you feel as I went through the same a while ago to the point when we did go to a comp I hated it, the buzz just didnt seem to be there for me as it once used to be and obviously now unfortunately our Laura has injuries to the point here she can no longer compete nor really even do class and Danielle seems to have lost interest in it altogether, its annoying as Ive pulled out for Cayton(will lose deposit if cant find someone to fill caravan) and also reg fees for them to no longer attend/compete and yet I sometimes miss it too, personally I sat the girls down and told them that I couldnt realistically afford what I used to as with having 2 dancers and at least 100 miles in travel per week it was an expensive do and the girls were great about it, I would just explain to Tara that you really need to cut down she may be a little mad at first but than thats Tara anyways lol, Im just going to play it by ear with my 2 lol, Im sure whatever happens or you decide Sue it will turn out ok, so on that note you may see us on Sat at dance and may not either ay Laura wont be dancing xx

Cya soon

Nikki xx

Hi Suasan
I know exactly how you feel.. my 2 daughters are still loving it, breathing it, and I feel totally against it... the money, the time, the competitiveness of it all... but we just cant take it away from our kids.
I am really trying to get back into it for their sakes but I do know how you feel.
If my girls turned round tomorrow and said they wanted to try something else I would be over the moon but it wont happen. All I can say is keep with it for now and try cut back where you can, then hopefully you will get the excitement back.. that is what we are doing and fingers crossed I will love it as much as the girls again.

Good luck for 2012.

xxxxx

i have to say i thought i was the only one who was feeling like you are - everything you wrote hun is exactly how i have been feeling for about two years now, its always had its ups and downs but lately there has been way too many downs for my liking

like you i am a single parent but i also have a son, every single penny i bring in goes on dancing to the point i will pay dancing infront of all bills and the only time i ever do a proper food shop is when the holidays are here and dancing is off thats not normal and rediculous when you put it into perspective

i think it has become a money hobbie and if you have none you might as well not bother! i feel if you dont have the money you cant keep up with the ones that do with constant private lessons and going to every class possible, i cant provide that for ami so she is already at a disadvantage before she has even stepped on the floor. then there is the whole one up man ship, i have this now everyone wants it.. ive always tried to guide ami to be her own person since she was really tiny, she always has a suit thats her not one that high in fashion but when 90% of the kids at dance have the latest gadget or clothing its hard to say no because they feel left out, like those headphones they all wanted at xmas seriously who spends £200+ or whatever they are on headphones for KIDS?!?! maybe if i did have money iw ould feel differently but it always seems to be the parents that struggle that feel this way i think

like kim im so so lucky that ami is sponsored because without sandras help we would have been out a long time ago!

ive decided to give ami until the end of the summer, if shes not improved and wanting it more, working harder at home and getting better results etc etc then we will be quitting and she can then try something new as i just think it consumes you and until you are out your child wont know what else there is... so we will see how it pans out for us

i really hope you come to some happy arrangement for you both x

Hi Susan, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a miserable time. My daughter lost her interest in freestyle a couple of years ago and I have to say I was so relieved for many of the reasons you and others have mentioned. She did however study other forms of dance alongside freestyle which she has continued with to a high level so financially I'm not that much better off! However I do enjoy the fact that my weekends are not completely comsumed with all the preparation, travelling and the very tiring competition days. She does sometimes say she misses freestyle but i think that is more about the dressing up than the dancing!
I do not know how old your daughter is but often as pressures with school work kick in and the desire to socialise with their friends (and boys!) then hobbies often start to dwindle off.
I hope the two of you can reach a compromise that you both feel happy with.
Best wishes

Hi Susan
I like yourself have felt like this over the years.
My daughter Ellie has danced since she was 4 (nearly 18 now) I personelly can't wait for the day she gives up.

Unfortunately for me it looks as though I have a long wait LOL...as she is loving everyhing about it again & has been making some fab finals of late.

I have noticed the price increase over 200% & how competitive it has become on & off the dance floor.

After a 4 month break Ellie came back & has had a new lease of life so maybe a long break from the scene may be just what you both need.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Louise X

Thanks again for your wonderful replies - some really constructive advice and cant beleive from the replies and PMs Ive received how many are feeling the same

Have for the first time this weekend put the 'family' first and am giving dancing a miss - we spent tonight making cakes and tomorrow are going to get some things Tara needs for science project at school and then she going to her dads on Sat night to make it while I go to pictures - and I dont feel guilty - no dancing -

We have decided to cut right back on comps - may do one before Diva as it is in venue that I really like but thats all - and think I will look into her taking some other typw of hobbie too

She is 12 and just started senior school so it prob wont be long before she does start wanting to do more things with her friends so that might cut down dancing time too - we will see

Wont see you this weekend Nikki but will miss you - hope Laura gets over injuries soon x x

But happy dancing to everyone else and keep smiling and if you see me at a comp come and say hello and we can put the dancing world to rights together lol

Susan x x x

Hi Susan, I can totally relate to everything you have said on here I have felt like this for a while now too, I have 2 girls that dance Brittany is u16 prem & Ebony is u10 inter I also have a little girl Destiny whos 2, she would follow their footsteps if she could :/ I have found that with prices going up in the dance world & money at home being very tight, that im constantly trying to figure out where the money is gonna come from week in week out! I decided to pull out of DK about a month before because it just wasnt affordable my little one was gutted but older one more understandable, they had to leave dancing couple of weeks before hols due to me not having money for xmas pressies let alone dancing My daughter Brittany keeps asking for a new costume which I would love to get her but we have no spare money £700 just doesnt come over night although I think they believe it can! Ive told my girls that we wont be doing as many comps this yr due to the high cost for us all to go, im letting them go alone for a few comps, maybe after me having a break away from it I might actually begin to enjoy it again. I hope that things do work out for you & your daughter, all the best to you love Terri x

Freestyle is a bit like chocolate or alcohol really lol! We all love it but too much of it makes you feel like you never want to go there again lol!
Like others have said I tthink the key to it all is to cut back a bit .There can be too many comps nowadays and so the pressure is then on to do more classes and privates and costumes need renewing more often.
Parents need to put their foot down ( they are the "consumer" after all!) and say no to ridiculously highly priced costumes and going to comps every week. It can't be good for the younger kids to be so busy all the time. They need some rest and relaxation as well or else their school work becomes affected.
Just talk to your teachers and tell them how you are feeling and I am sure they will understand and do their best to help you. x

Who's the one that's dancing, you or your daughter?

Are you doing it for her or you?

As a dance teacher the dance mums who try and live their own dreams of being able to dance through their kids really annoy me, it should be the children who want to dance, not the mums.

On the other hand there is nothing more annoying than seeing a talented dancer give up because their parents just can't be bothered any more.

Dance is always competitive and has background politics whatever the style, this is the bit that could seriously cut from all forms of dance.

You can't choose you children's likes and dislikes for them, they are their own people with their own interests.

If this is what your child wants to do you have to just suck it up princess and be the taxi, that's what being a parent entails. I know I have four kids.

think thats abit harsh humming bird ....think us parents lose interest because its constant payout like others have said we go as far as paying dance money out before filling the cuboards paying bills ect
i would of loved to do what my daughter did as i kid but my mum didnt have the money to do so she hardly had the money for everyday living
but that dont mean im living my dream threw my kid im sure it dont mean alot of others are who feel like this are either
yes its tara thats dancing and not susan but susan is the one one prob working day in day out to pay for it all for past 5 years just like me
and im afraid it happens it just gets to much some times and turns it into felling like losing interest but we push on and try for them for the things they love
i supose the answer to susan is ..cut down plod on let tara enjoy while you can they grow up so fast and im sure in another 5 years you would look back and think i realy miss them days we had some fab times and good memorys (if tara isnt still dancing )
i no i get down with it but we have had an amazing 5 years, years of ups and down and if i had the choice to go back and decide would i like my child start this hobbie yes i would is made dione into the child she is today HEALTHY ACTIVE POLITE AND VERY OUTGOING confident ..LIST GOES ON
JUST MY OPINION JUST FOUND YOUR REPLY A BIT SHARP NOT HAVING A GO !!! BEFORE IM SHOT DOWN X
kim xx

Hi Susan
Ime a supporting Gran and i see exactly where you are coming from.
I love to watch and support my grandaughter but i have also become very disillusioned with the freestyle world.
Comps and festivals are becoming longer and longer,sometimes not even having 1st round till late in day,Judges decisions appear to be a bit dubious at times.
It certainly isnt a "nice " pastime to have .
It hurts when your child seems to have been treat unfairly but unfortunately there doesnt appear to be anything we can do about it.
We just have to keep encouraging and supporting them.
Hope you get back into the swing of it soon.
Jenn.

Humming bird that was just rude ! Its not a case of cant be bothered if you read her post you will see that.

Well Hummingbird we are all entitled to our opinions - just glad the majority on here can offer constructive opinions and not just unjustified critisism lol

I am certainly not trying to fulfill my dreams through my daughter because for a start this type of thing was not even around or if it was I didnt know about it when I was a child - and its my daughter I love to see out there on the dance floor and feel proud of not myself wishing I was there (some times I am actually wishing I was in a lovely warm bed lol not on a dance floor)- and if was a case of just not being bothered would have given it up countless times before

Could go on and repeat everything Ive already said but wont as not much point really - most people seemed to get where I was coming from - would never dream of trying to push my daughter into something she was not happy with just thinking of giving her options and a more balanced lifestyle - again thanks to everyone who offered opinions it has certainly helped me clarify what to do

Happy dancing to everyone and much luck for 2012 x x x

Susan

Thought anitas didnt have a comp this weekend sue any way !!
Youve felt like this few times before sure another passing phrase think all us parents have them sue does get tiring week in week out have a break send tara on her own for a while will cut the costs too be ashame when you just bought her 2 new janine suits taras doing well and is enjoying it that what counts she is getting good fair results !!!! And old enough at 12 to go alone!